posted January 19, 2014 12:32 PM            

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posted January 19, 2014 01:32 PM            

Hope that helps.

I'll add that while I was pregnant with my son, I had to seriously weigh whether or not I wanted to continue any sort of relationship with many of my family members, and a few of my very close friends.

I ended up coming to my own conclusions and I was fortunate to have my family demonstrate that they do care, and was able to repair some damage with all of my family members.

Had that not been the case, I would have essentially disengaged from them.

posted January 19, 2014 01:40 PM            

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posted January 19, 2014 02:41 PM            

I had issues with my mother...a few years before she died I realized that I didn't want to be estranged when she did go (she had a terminal condition by then). I decided I would have a good relationship with her whether she wanted it or not. Tho I never said this out loud to anyone,

posted January 19, 2014 02:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
They do care. They just don't have the TRAIT of empathy.

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Hmm. Then I think it would depend greatly on the individual scenario.

posted January 19, 2014 02:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Catalina:
How old are the parents? Do you expect them to change in their dotage? Ami your parents must ne in their late 70s if not older. You might want to consider if it is you who have no empathy for them? Soon they will be gone ans leave you with all that unresolved baggage.

I had issues with my mother...a few years before she died I realized that I didn't want to be estranged when she did go (she had a terminal condition by then). I decided I would have a good relationship with her whether she wanted it or not. Tho I never said this out loud to anyone,

Never had another minute of problem with her, which inspired me to realize thata lot of the peoblems had been comung from me, not her.

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posted January 19, 2014 02:50 PM            

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posted January 19, 2014 02:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Thanks Violet. It is mine. The thing is I am better than I ever was. They really messed with my reality and I was not right in my thinking.
I am getting right thinking back so want to make sure I don't lose my progress because it can be subtle in that you want a family so much you give up your reality.

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Ami, I have not experienced what you've experienced but I had a very, very close and dear friend who did.

I lived with her for quite a while, and she did not speak to her mother for many years. It took her many years to even start to develop a relationship with her sister, as there was a lot of denial and outright "gaslighting" that took place in her family.

posted January 19, 2014 02:56 PM            

That is sweet. I am having such a weird day but your sweet comment helped a lot.

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posted January 19, 2014 02:59 PM            

I think that this is something that your true inner self and soul will tell you.

posted January 19, 2014 03:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Catalina:
I hear you Violets and I am not judging anyone but suggesting that living in the past when your parents are old is counterproductive. Often a period of separation is necessary but as grownups we must acknowledge that relationships take more than one party and we are contributing to the dynamic.

I might add that you know nothing at all of my childhood.

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Lets no fight in here, Cata. I am shell shocked after GU. Give a kid a break

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posted January 19, 2014 03:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Catalina:
I hear you Violets and I am not judging anyone but suggesting that living in the past when your parents are old is counterproductive. Often a period of separation is necessary but as grownups we must acknowledge that relationships take more than one party and we are contributing to the dynamic.

I might add that you know nothing at all of my childhood.

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I made absolutely no claims to know anything about your childhood, so yep. You're right about that, I don't. Congratulations on pointing out the obvious there (I believe that might have been covered with my statement of "I don't know you").

If you were able to forgive and move on, past trauma, then that's wonderful. Not everyone is able to do that, and not everyone should be expected to do so with parents who have caused irrevocable damage that will take a lifetime to recover from.

posted January 19, 2014 03:40 PM            

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