posted January 25, 2014 10:00 PM            

First of all, if anyone wants to talk to someone about a fight or something or that nature that is troubling them, they can e mail me.

They can e mail Randall or any Mod to whom they feel an affinity.

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posted January 25, 2014 10:02 PM            

She said that there were fights in her home, so fights make her sick to her stomach.

I can relate, totally. For me, it was fear of anger or disapproval.

I have been at LL for 6 years, five of them as a Mod.

My point is really that one must learn to deal with fights because they will be everywhere.

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posted January 25, 2014 10:05 PM            

There was a medium level of Moderation.

There were fights but the guy stepped in when they got bad.

Then, I joined a Forum for people who had BPD family members because I was not sure what I was dealing with.

In this Forum, you could not SNEEZE without Moderation.

You could not look cross eyed at a person.

There was no free expression, so I left after a month.

Then, I found LL. I think it is good that there is not super high Moderation. It really gets stilted.

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posted January 25, 2014 10:07 PM            

One needs to clear the air, at times. One gets angry. One gets frustrated.

If a Mod was on your back all the time, it would feel terrible.

However, I offer myself to anyone who is dealing with fights and doesn't know what to do.

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posted January 25, 2014 10:12 PM            

Randall taught me to ignore and I learned to do that.

Now, I can usually see humor in the situation or just say a word or two and walk away.

However, the important point is that there is really NO getting away from fights in life.

You may as well try to learn how to deal with them here where it is much safer than real life.

I have learned real skills of diplomacy. I am not perfect and I can lash out, too. I make a lot of mistakes but try to own them.

Randall allows for mistakes. One does not have to be perfect.

However, the point of all this is that I hope you don't run away when there is a fight.

Let someone help you. You can e mail me, any of the Mods or Randall.

I hope you do not leave

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posted January 25, 2014 10:29 PM            

I wanted to learn about people with no empathy because I grew up with someone with low empathy.

That Board taught me a lot. If you were authentic people would respect you. If you did not have a fake mask, you could earn respect, even from very tough people.

By they time I left, I was respected which was a pretty great feat for that place.

I stayed for a year.

On that Board, I really did learn a great deal and made friends, too.

However, I say that just to say that it taught me skills.

I have my own website. I get called names. Someone called me a ho. I get attacked but I have to learn to deal with it calmly and I do, for the most part.

I learned all that from LL and that is the point of this thread.

Stay and learn how to cope with fights. I am here to help anyone the way people helped me

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posted January 26, 2014 12:11 AM            

I too, grew up with fights, both at home and at school. Along with some drug abuse and alcoholism (not me, never in my life).
Certainly, I'm no stranger to fights online. I've been on many forums. Car forums and an Ice Hockey forum come to mind, though there may have been others. Man, I tell you, there was very VERY little moderation on any of them. Well, one car forum had decent I suppose.
Sometimes, I feel that the mod intervention here is very weak and should have much more involvement. However, once in a while, I've seen threads begin with fights, or have them later, and then I see them clear up. As happened recently. In those moments, then I see Randall's strategy and it makes sense.

I think one important thing is be careful of what you share about yourself online. It WILL be used to judge you AND used against you very likely, if you fight.
Something that I keep in mind. Is for me personally, one here knows me in person, one other knows me via email, and a couple know me just a little bit via email.
Basically though, people don't know me here so why do their insults of me matter? I've never been perfect about this attitude, for sure, sometimes not really at all. But I do strive to remember that.
Then, I also take into account of, what's the value of the fight. Like, what REALLY is the point? It's one thing to argue with someone near you about some kind of decision that affects you or that you feel is bad for someone that you care about. It's a completely different thing to toss about insults and try to force your opinions about someone else.
Of course I'm not covering all of the bases here about fights, causes of them, etc. etc. and I don't really care to analyze and debate that. They happen.

posted January 26, 2014 07:00 AM            

I think Randall really has a well balanced way of moderating as does Lalalinda.

You can't shut down the thread when there is heated discussion. That is like a family that sweeps everything under the rug.

Some people live like that and it makes for very sick people.

You have to be free for self expression. However, Randall seems to close it when it just gets vicious.

At that point, it is just body blows and serves no point.

Too much moderation is worse than too little, in my opinion, because it makes for a sicky sweet environment.

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posted January 26, 2014 05:02 PM            

Ellyn, you should be a cheerleader lol. Bring the positivity.

Reading this, I guess I'd like a little more moderation than you guys, though definitely not too much. Yuck, getting restricted like that. Hope you had tissues with you, there!

Being on message boards does teach you a thing or two, yup. I'm glad it did for you both. Oh boy, a bad rap online does get held against you. Sadly I know what that's like, both been through that myself and seen it happen to others in the community.

posted January 26, 2014 05:05 PM            

In real life, the family. Then this jerk teacher who knew I was getting bullied by nearly the whole class, but didn't like me and so told me to just "toughen up". He refused to help me unless it happened right under his nose - where he had no other choice but to step in. He even joined in with the namecalling (in front of the whole class no less!) sometimes. Pretty much whenever he was sick of me, I guess. I came to him for help often, wishing he would try to protect me. Then again, neither did my dad. I've been hearing things like "go figure it out yourself" all my life.

Then finally a group of girlfriends who were extremely abusive verbally and emotionally. Two ex's, too, but not to the extend as these girls. Always fighting with someone - they had the WORST temper, everything made them mad. Some fights got physical. They vandalized my stuff a few times. But what hurt me the most was how they would threaten to kill themselves if it went on too long.
I was told by adults to just ignore it, that they were just talking. But do you want to take the risk, knowing they may do it because of you? So whenever someone seems afraid or upset over something, even if it's minor, I take it seriously. Can't even imagine what would've happened if I hadn't taken these girls seriously. They were so manipulative. Ugh, I hate them.

My self esteem was so low by then, I genuinely thought I should be happy these girls even wanted to talk to me. That I was such a horrible, evil person who hurt her own friends all the time.

So... here's why I'm so sensitive, even online. For me it's hard to think of it as just a message. It's a really big problem, but I want to accept this is part of who I am.

Astro-wise, I have Chiron and Jupiter on my Cancer MC, which highlight the Cancer. Then a Moon-Neptune conjunction on the IC, chart ruler Venus in the 12th. As much as I'm trying hard to be tougher, I hope that people who like me will accept that I easily get hurt. The way of saying things can make such a difference.

posted January 26, 2014 05:29 PM            

I agree, that when people are consistently badgering each other in the forums, it creates a very unpleasant atmosphere that most people would prefer not to participate in.

It doesn't have to be a "fight". It's just that there's only so much negativity that many of us can deal with when we come here to learn in a positive way.

And being passive-aggressive is very negative, if a person is throwing jabs and digs at another person, or pointing out every little flaw in their posts, or consistently responding to a person's thread when they don't like the other person. It's annoying and disruptive.

I mean, we all have moments when we're a little bit more negative or abrupt with others, or quicker to disagree, but seriously. If two (or three or four) people have problems with each other or the beliefs of the other people, I wish they would stay out of each other's threads, and not post threads that are designed to fit their agenda against someone else.

posted January 26, 2014 05:38 PM            

Where is yout Dejanira asteroid. It is 157.

Have you ever looked? It sounds like it may be prominent.

I think that when I see bullying.

You can write me any time you need to talk and it can be about anything. I really want you to.

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posted January 26, 2014 06:48 PM            

People here seem to know each other pretty well, and at the end of the day there don't seem to be too many hard feelings. I like that.

posted January 26, 2014 06:52 PM            

Makes me wish we were aliens lol

posted January 26, 2014 07:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
I have to say though, Sweet Peas doesn't bother me too much. The bickering, disagreeing, and general debating isn't at all upsetting to me, unless it becomes outright hostile (which I haven't found all that often).

People here seem to know each other pretty well, and at the end of the day there don't seem to be too many hard feelings. I like that.

But that's just my perspective from peeping in here very recently.

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posted January 26, 2014 09:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:

Makes me wish we were aliens lol

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I never said I wasn't an alien...

posted January 28, 2014 05:27 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You made me cry, Meis.

Where is yout Dejanira asteroid. It is 157.

Have you ever looked? It sounds like it may be prominent.

I think that when I see bullying.

You can write me any time you need to talk and it can be about anything. I really want you to.

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Ahh. I didn't mean to make you cry.

posted January 28, 2014 05:38 PM            

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posted January 28, 2014 05:42 PM            

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posted January 29, 2014 10:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
"When there are no enemies within
the enemies outside cease to exist."

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