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Author
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Topic: The puzzling reaction abusers have
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Dancing Maenad
Knowflake Posts: 534
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted March 30, 2014 01:32 AM
  
It mystifies me how abusers think they can expect your complicity with them. Like they're so sure you're going to keep quiet about the abuse. That you're so ashamed to have been humiliated and defiled that you're going to pretend it never happened and crawl in some hole. 
WRONG, You SOBs!
I had to deal with some bullying at my workplace from the "cool" kids that never grew up from high school (we're all over 30). And they were so shocked and angered by the fact that I told -everyone- including our boss, about it, then I publicly confronted them about it. Like they could just not believe they were outed. They tried to get to me saying that telling the "parents" is so 4th grade  Oh yeah? I wonder what grade bullying is!
If you mess with me, all gloves are off and you better friggin' expect there will be consequences! Abusers need to feel the shame of the abuse, not their victims!!! ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 1602
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted March 30, 2014 01:41 AM
Good on you for doing that. They always try to put the blame on the victim, saying that it's "just a minor disagreement, you don't have to make it more complicated".
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Dancing Maenad
Knowflake Posts: 534
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted March 30, 2014 01:44 AM
Hahaha, yeah, let's complicate things! Let's tell the whole world! Let them be the judge. Seriously, I don't understand how these people just assume they are getting away with it. What the hell were they thinking?! ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 9839
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted March 30, 2014 01:46 AM
Yah good for you!But what I love doing is rounding up all the non plastics and overthrow them because the only reason they have power is because people are afraid of them. That's pretty much what I did in HS and my internship.. No one dared say anything to me because and I just to pranced around doing my thing few of them vs all of us.. IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Knowflake Posts: 534
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted March 30, 2014 01:57 AM
You know Kero, I took the high road all my life. I walked away, like I didn't care. Mostly because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control my anger. And I don't think it was the right thing to do. These people need to understand it's wrong to abuse someone in any way and that you get punished for doing the wrong thing. ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
23
Knowflake Posts: 706
From: The Strand
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 30, 2014 02:14 AM
quote:
Originally posted by 12muddy:
Good on you for doing that. They always try to put the blame on the victim, saying that it's "just a minor disagreement, you don't have to make it more complicated".
That's spot on. Same thing happened to me DM. Three teenagers tried to rob me in broad daylight in the middle of the city and I was on to them. We all crossed the street after their pathetic attempts and they proceeded to abuse me in front of patrons at a pub. I regret not telling them in front of the patrons that I would get the cops on them for trying to rob me.
They try to minimise their blame and try to shift the blame to you, that you are an idiot. Good onya DM!! Top stuff!!
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 9839
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted March 30, 2014 02:15 AM
The highroad is the easyroad imo.
But yeah it's good you called them out, in away we do the same things but I take it to the next level. Honestly teachers don't really care unless it's serious bullying.. because that's how our society is like.yeah it's easier to ignore but if they want to exclude themselves they can go ahead but they have no right to make me or others feel bad for not being like them.. So I think it's my social responsibility to pop their bubble and steal their personal power and throw it around for everyone else. Bullying is so basic.. You can be next level and not a massive snob to everyone. That scene from bugs life where all the ants stood up to the grasshoppers really stuck with me when I was a kid. I blame that on BML conjunct dsc and lilith conjunct asc for being the controversial outsider that stirs **** up. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 8215
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted March 30, 2014 10:39 AM
You should put them all in their place and show them who's boss! That's what I do.IP: Logged |
dadoo
Knowflake Posts: 357
From: Mercury
Registered: Nov 2013
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posted March 30, 2014 02:59 PM
Well done, Dancing!! IP: Logged |
teasel
Knowflake Posts: 6069
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted March 30, 2014 03:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
You know Kero, I took the high road all my life. I walked away, like I didn't care. Mostly because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to control my anger. And I don't think it was the right thing to do. These people need to understand it's wrong to abuse someone in any way and that you get punished for doing the wrong thing.
You sound just like me. Although now the arguing is constant, but it's because certain people won't take responsibility for the way they've treated me - they keep trying to blame me for everything. I won't stand for it.
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CatMote
Knowflake Posts: 709
From: Fighting Neptune for his trident
Registered: Apr 2013
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posted March 30, 2014 07:53 PM
well done Dancing (and others)!
i was recently put into a situation like this as well. i and other students had a huge problem with a sociopathic director at my university. i dont feel like getting into what he would do at rehearsals/ make our cast do to each other, but it made us super uncomfortable etc. after the show ended, i had to go to another faculty member and tell him what happened. so i did, and i would tell everybody NOT in the cast what happened. i wanted to have a talk with the sociopathic director first, but he was nowhere to be found. i recently had a talk with him this week, he tried exactly what you guys are talking about. he tried making a student, ME feel stupid for feeling this way. i just went on and said "hey, you did this to yourself." that was the end of that. and then he was puzzled and quite frankly ****** at me for "doing this to him". ugh, people disgust me sometimes. and this guy has been reported of sexual mishaps with students before, the school just kept him because of tenure. disgusting. ------------------
"Perhaps there are new plateaus to reach, even greater heights to which I must ascend." IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 3929
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted March 31, 2014 10:53 PM
Well done for uncovering their abuse!! quote:
The puzzling reaction abusers have
About the thread title ^^.. My experience with bullies and people who are abusive has been different. They seldom think about the victim's perspective at all. Often adult abusers are family members, parents or partners, sometimes work colleagues or more commonly authority figures - like bosses. Some are actual sociopaths or narcissists and hence are unable to empathise with the victim at all. Others are not necessarily psychologically ill... but they are extremely self-centred and either do not realise that their behaviour amounts to abuse - or simply don't care.
What abusers think about is the 'high' that being in control puts them on..
If they were openly confronted their reaction would be: huh?? what in the world are you talking about??
Because they don't comprehend the perspective of the victim.. The thought process you described: "They're so sure you're going to keep quiet about the abuse. That you're so ashamed to have been humiliated" - involves being able to empathise and understand how the victim of their abuse feels.
But 90% of them don't. quote:
you're going to pretend it never happened and crawl in some hole.
quote:
I don't understand how these people just assume they are getting away with it. What the hell were they thinking?!
But they think they didn't do anything wrong to you in the first place. They feel entitled to behave the way they do - as though it is a God given right to treat others badly - and often because they were abused themselves they think being abusive is 'normal'... Why do you think they would imagine that you are so hurt, humiliated and won't speak up?
What they imagine is that they didn't do anything that bad... and that you don't have a thick enough skin (if you believe otherwise) - and their behaviour is *just* fine. IP: Logged |
mirage29
Knowflake Posts: 2529
From: us
Registered: May 2012
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posted April 05, 2014 01:47 AM
 IP: Logged |
teasel
Knowflake Posts: 6069
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 05, 2014 02:08 AM
I have Lilith in my 5th house (Black Moon Lilith) and the asteroid in my 4th, conjunct my Mars.IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Knowflake Posts: 534
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted April 05, 2014 04:43 AM
Odette, they're not all sociopaths. Some of them do realize they are hurting someone, but they do it anyway - yes, because of the high it gives them. Having been there myself (I am not so innocent, in fact I would be surprised if an abuse victim never ever ever said or done anything mean to another just to see what it's like, after all abusers were victims initially, it's how the circle starts and the temptation to do it to someone else is overwhelming), I know the feeling but I cannot justify it - whether it's mine or someone else's.
Actually *my* experience with them is that some actually warn you or try to protect you from themselves by rejecting you. They do realize that they're going to hurt you, on some level, but they just cannot stop. That's even more skewed and it's what my father did to me to prevent himself from actually raping me instead of just fondling me. It left me with some very complex daddy issues that I might never completely heal. He knows he's done wrong, even then and especially now that we haven't talked for 1.5 years AT ALL. His behavior is very telling, even if it's not direct, he's trying to send me things and jumps at every occasion to do something for me, but the only thing that will give me peace of mind - admit he's done wrong - he will never do.
He's not the only one who's done this. I've had crushes warn me about themselves or simply walk away to prevent hurting me in a really bad way. I am grateful for that. But I still think all abusers need to understand they should take responsibility for their actions. It had a HUGE impact one me and pretty much guarantees that I will never willingly hurt someone, because I understand what I did, what I can do and that it's wrong on so many levels. For this reason I am afraid of my own rage sometimes, as it makes me think I might, even for a tiny second, become them. ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Knowflake Posts: 534
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted April 05, 2014 04:53 AM
Teasel, Aries people are usually Protectors and champions for the underdog!  I love our sign for that - and a whole lot more! I LOVED your post and your fire shining through!  I have Lilith in the 1st square Mars, square Pluto, square Saturn - all the meanies! No tolerance for bullies and abusers! ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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