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Author
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Topic: Why do people get uncomfortable when you compliment their looks?
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KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 3653
From: Uranus
Registered: May 2011
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posted May 27, 2014 04:04 PM
  
I swear I have complimented people's looks and told them they were handsome or pretty (with no sexual intention or romantic, thank you) but they always seem uncomfortable or ignore my response. 
Either that or they give you a back-handed compliment. Very rarely do they sincerely mean thank you!IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 2214
From: Zanguin :3
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 04:31 PM
I meant to thank you for complimenting me in my aura topic in PR, but it got away from me at that moment and I went on to other things. Thanks for the compliment  .Before, I used to hate compliments because I didn't feel that they accurately reflected me. I didn't start feeling pretty until maybe the beginning of this year. LOOK OUT WORLD, I'm starting to blossom! D: Edit: Here's the most recent pic of me. I feel really happy with and in this picture.  IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 287
From: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted May 27, 2014 04:40 PM
^ I think MA hit the nail on the head. We are far too critical of ourselves, which makes it hard to accept compliments. If we can't fully accept ourselves, then how can we accept compliments. Karka- people really respond with backhanded compliments? Damn. You must be coming on too strong....just kidding! MA, by the way you look gorgeous in your photo. I'm liking the flower too! IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 55074
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 27, 2014 05:37 PM
You are a cutie MAKarka, I think people who feel badly about themselves don't know how to handle compliments  ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1633
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 27, 2014 05:44 PM
I am much better than I used to be with compliments. Now I am thankful for them unless I don't trust the motives of the person giving them.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9463
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 05:58 PM
I think it is a self esteem thing more often then not. Some people may not be used to hearing compliments and when someone gives them a compliment it throws them off and they doubt the sincerity of the person giving it. I have done this before.IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 840
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 27, 2014 05:59 PM
I don't really like compliments about appearances. Mostly I just feel it is empty flattery. If someone tells me I'm pretty it kind of makes me go... So what? How does that matter? Okay. Whatever. I've also lost a little weight recently and people comment on it sometimes, type "you've lost weight, haven't you?". And I have to tell them that yes, I guess... It's like they expect me to thank them for having noticed, but I honestly don't see the big deal. Do they mean that I was fat before? That I didn't look good then? I just find the whole thing completely unnecessary. I mean... So what's your point? What I do appreciate compliments on however are whatever I put effort into. Like my cooking, my endurance (not the weight loss associated with working out), my intelligence, friendship, etc. Those compliments I can truly appreciate and be thankful for. Edit. Of course if it is obvious you have made an effort on appearances that day, ie. put up your hair or have a new dress it is nice to be complimented on IT. Ie. Your hair is beautiful this way, that is a great color for you, you look beautiful in that dress. IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 840
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 27, 2014 06:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I think it is a self esteem thing more often then not. Some people may not be used to hearing compliments and when someone gives them a compliment it throws them off and they doubt the sincerity of the person giving it. I have done this before.
Or the other way around. Allot of very attractive people ONLY get compliments on their looks and it can make you question whether that is really the only thing others appreciate about you. It simply gets old. I see it all the time. I never, ever tell an attractive guy he is good looking lol. You have to get to know them and compliment their personality or they will just totally brush you off as either 1) uninteresting or 2) a casual acquaintance/ casual partner. I think going deeper works that much better.
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Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 840
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 27, 2014 06:07 PM
Well. This is obviously manipulation on my part. May not be for everyone. Then again, I think it's important to be smart about these things. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9463
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 06:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sibyl:
Or the other way around. Allot of very attractive people ONLY get compliments on their looks and it can make you question whether that is really the only thing others appreciate about you. It simply gets old. I see it all the time. I never, ever tell an attractive guy he is good looking lol. You have to get to know them and compliment their personality or they will just totally brush you off as either 1) uninteresting or 2) a casual acquaintance/ casual partner. I think going deeper works that much better.
Well I guess everyone has different problems. Lol I always assume a girl isn't interested if she doesn't compliment my looks.
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KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 3653
From: Uranus
Registered: May 2011
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posted May 27, 2014 06:18 PM
quote:
Originally posted by MetalAphrodite:
I meant to thank you for complimenting me in my aura topic in PR, but it got away from me at that moment and I went on to other things. Thanks for the compliment .Before, I used to hate compliments because I didn't feel that they accurately reflected me. I didn't start feeling pretty until maybe the beginning of this year. LOOK OUT WORLD, I'm starting to blossom! D: Edit: Here's the most recent pic of me. I feel really happy with and in this picture.
Omg I hope I didnt sound like a ***** , it just reminded me of other instances and I wondered if I was creepy. :blush:
im a idiot Also i like it, You have a very soft vibe to you but private too Have you tried makeup? im very insecure and I look prettier with it on since i always look tired most of the time! thanks Ami  good advice like always IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9463
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 06:19 PM
Sibyl,
I have heard other women say similar things and it always leaves me scratching my head. If a woman wants a man who doesn't go ga ga over her appearance she will be looking for a long time. The fact is we (men) are very visual and we don't keep it a secret. We own it! And just because we think a woman is sexy it doesnt mean we wont appreciate her personality, heart, or, brain.IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 287
From: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted May 27, 2014 06:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Sibyl:
Or the other way around. Allot of very attractive people ONLY get compliments on their looks and it can make you question whether that is really the only thing others appreciate about you. It simply gets old. I see it all the time. I never, ever tell an attractive guy he is good looking lol. You have to get to know them and compliment their personality or they will just totally brush you off as either 1) uninteresting or 2) a casual acquaintance/ casual partner. I think going deeper works that much better.
Well said. Good point! IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 2214
From: Zanguin :3
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 06:37 PM
Makeup and clothes are armor for us . We go to war in how we dress ourselves.I haven't worn makeup in a while because I've felt blah, but I'm considering switching to contacts. I love wearing makeup and certain clothes as an expression. I wear glasses so people don't stare directly into my eyes. How insecure does that sound? It masks part of my vibe, in my opinion. IP: Logged |
Chiemi
Moderator Posts: 1705
From: Michigan
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 06:46 PM
@MetalAphrodite you're beautiful  your vibe comes off really gentle and kind in this picture.IP: Logged |
Chiemi
Moderator Posts: 1705
From: Michigan
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 07:01 PM
Hmm, well I used to be uncomfortable mainly because when I was younger some of my family would always compliment my sister on her looks while I always got praised on how well I did in school. My grandma used to always talk about how "large" my nose was and even though I was young at the time, I had made my mind up to get nose surgery. I felt self conscious about my nose for years and thought that I wasn't attractive so when I got older and started to get more compliments it was a little weird at first.
But.. in the past 2 years my confidence slowly but surely did a 180 and now this year I can confidently say I feel secure in the way I look and, I've gotten more compliments than I used to before. It probably does help that I smile alot more now lol (or at least I'm told I do).
I don't really like it when people single me out in a group of friends to compliment me though, now THAT makes me uncomfortable lol. Maybe it's my Sun/Chiron Venus/Chiron?
I love complimenting other people though, some of my friends tease me because I compliment people in the most random situations though. Like if someone walks by me on an elevator and smells good, I WILL compliment them (if it's relatively empty) or if I'm talking to someone and I like their eyes I'm never afraid to tell them although it might be random. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9463
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 07:15 PM
Oh and another thing.. Sometimes people may not know how to respond to a compliment.. I remember one time I was standing outside of work smoking and this random girl came up to me and sheepishly asked "do ya have a girl?" And I said "nope" and she paused, looked at me and said "well that's hard to believe". I didn't know how to respond to that because the whole thing was so random, so I didn't say anything. She quickly walked away and probably thought I was a jerk. I was flattered! But I honestly didn't know what to say. IP: Logged |
ariestaurus
Knowflake Posts: 252
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted May 27, 2014 07:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Oh and another thing.. Sometimes people may not know how to respond to a compliment.. I remember one time I was standing outside of work smoking and this random girl came up to me and sheepishly asked "do ya have a girl?" And I said "nope" and she paused, looked at me and said "well that's hard to believe". I didn't know how to respond to that because the whole thing was so random, so I didn't say anything. She quickly walked away and probably thought I was a jerk. I was flattered! But I honestly didn't know what to say.
She was totally hitting on Say 'thanks! My name is xxxxxx what's yours?' If you are interested in her too of course IP: Logged |
Sibyl
Knowflake Posts: 840
From: Uranus
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted May 27, 2014 07:27 PM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Sibyl,
I have heard other women say similar things and it always leaves me scratching my head. If a woman wants a man who doesn't go ga ga over her appearance she will be looking for a long time. The fact is we (men) are very visual and we don't keep it a secret. We own it! And just because we think a woman is sexy it doesnt mean we wont appreciate her personality, heart, or, brain.
Well... That might be true. I suppose getting a compliment from a man is a good indication he is interested (I find men usually don't bother unless they are trying to signal something). Then again I wouldn't really appreciate it beyond the knowledge that he was keen. I usually take more note of other things, like whether he is touching me, sitting close to me, or holding eye contact. Being complimented too much over my looks does make me suspicious though. Once is nice. Twice not so much. A good amount of time will have to pass. Too much of it makes me think it is either insincere, easily given (and therefore irrelevant) or only superficial. I know there are allot of girls who fall for flattery though. I'm not one of them, I don't really need the validation. I never compliment guys' looks lol. There are so many other ways to signal interest, and I really don't want to inflate anyone's ego. IP: Logged |
ariestaurus
Knowflake Posts: 252
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted May 27, 2014 07:28 PM
I used to be very overweight and unattractive and i was called nothing but ugly and fat. I lost all the weight and improved my looks when I was 19. I'm 29 now. I get tons of compliments now and I never get uncomfortable. I have confidence in my looks now so I find it unsurprising that people compliment me. I actually expect it now. I also have a big ego (sun conj ascendant in sag, Aries moon). IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 55074
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 27, 2014 07:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Chiemi:
@MetalAphrodite you're beautiful your vibe comes off really gentle and kind in this picture.
------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3567
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 08:52 PM
Depends on the whole circumstances surrounding the compliment.IP: Logged |
MetalAphrodite
Moderator Posts: 2214
From: Zanguin :3
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted May 27, 2014 09:02 PM
Thanks everyone for the compliments ^__^.and please post your pic as well, so I'm not the only one here receiving compliments. I think if we were to give and receive compliments often as children give them, it would be nice. I remember tutoring a kid when I was in fifth grade. At the end of the year, our buddies had to draw pictures of us. I was curious how my pal saw me and when he presented his picture of me, he had drawn me with long brown hair and very thick black eyelashes, telling everyone I was beautiful. It was given in heartfelt honesty. I'm the oldest of six kids and I remember my youngest siblings often telling me what they liked about me and me being somewhat embarrassed they had the bold faced honesty to say such things to me. I know as adults, we've experienced at one time or another when a person may underhandedly say things to take away our comfort in self. Idk, a lot of times, I still wish I could grab my younger self and say do you know how beautiful you are? Why would you listen to them? I was so used to being called ugly and fat that it never left my head, even when I became less ugly and less fat. Still, I find the humor to approach my Libra mother at times, give her a look, and ask her if she gave thanks to God that day that she was blessed with a good looking daughter lol. All in good stride . IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 287
From: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted May 27, 2014 09:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ariestaurus:
I used to be very overweight and unattractive and i was called nothing but ugly and fat. I lost all the weight and improved my looks when I was 19. I'm 29 now. I get tons of compliments now and I never get uncomfortable. I have confidence in my looks now so I find it unsurprising that people compliment me. I actually expect it now. I also have a big ego (sun conj ascendant in sag, Aries moon).
I could have told this story word for word! I will add that my experiences have made me more intent on complimenting people on things other than looks. Yes, I will still say someone is attractive, but it's never the first thing that comes to mind. My experiences as being perceived as "unattractive" made me see the shallowness and ugly within some people. I never want to be like that. IP: Logged |
ariestaurus
Knowflake Posts: 252
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted May 27, 2014 09:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by BellaFenice:
I could have told this story word for word! I will add that my experiences have made me more intent on complimenting people on things other than looks. Yes, I will still say someone is attractive, but it's never the first thing that comes to mind.My experiences as being perceived as "unattractive" made me see the shallowness and ugly within some people. I never want to be like that.
Lol now you're reading MY mind!! I think going through an unattractive phase has made us better people overall, don't you think? And yes I agree people are shallow. The hunky guys who hit on me now would have laughed at me 10+ years ago!!!
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Lindaland
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