posted June 08, 2014 04:54 PM            

How did it make you feel?
Did you do anything about it?
Either as the accused parent, the child accused of being favored, or as the child who felt others were favored.
Or anything else related that you'd like to share.

posted June 08, 2014 05:33 PM            

Guess they made Lemonade with it, though.

I always liked this one best.

posted June 09, 2014 10:14 AM            

This limited-time commentary has expired.

posted June 09, 2014 10:26 AM            

I am as fair as I know how to be (and it's easy when my kids are all so loveable! )

posted June 09, 2014 06:23 PM            

Faith, what sign was your dad?
Or either one's moon sign? If you are okay with sharing that.

In my situation...
My mom and dad divorced while I was still pooping myself.
My dad was remarried and for my life at least, that's how I remember things.
My dad's wife (step-mom I'll call her although I never lived with her)

He was a Sag - she's a Pisces.
All of these 30-some years I could never warm up to her. The most simple way to put it is that she looked down her nose at everyone. She would try to make you feel tiny.
When we were kids, among us three (I'm the youngest of three - two older sisters) if we wanted respect from each other, we fought for it. You had to be tougher than your sibling if you expected to survive. My single mom was just overwhelmed. We all caused trouble in our own ways.
As adults... the last 20-25 years. My s-mom and dad have always heavily favored my oldest sister, and her kids. They share a property line, so my sister was always right there to do little favors and etc.
I don't know... I don't want to go on about it. But for example, my dad had money. He bought new things frequently, like computers. He would ask my oldest sister if she wanted his old things. If she did not, my other sister and I were never asked at all. It was tossed out.
Edit: it was almost a pastime of theirs too talk crap about other people including the middle sister and her kids.
Or, years ago I wanted to go to college. I asked him about it and he gave me this big speech about, "You don't need college. Just start applying at places and keep calling them." because that's what he did in like... the 60's.
Yet, my niece, (oldest sister's daughter) goes to college. They buy her a laptop before she even starts and would brag about her. Despite me having a 3.98GPA... they never acted like it was a big deal at all.
I should be clear, it's not the material things themselves. If you are going to treat one, one way, treat them all that way for the most part.
Example when I have children. They will all be loved equally. If I have a problem child, I'll do what I have to but they will ALWAYS know that the love is there and my support is there if they do right. The love won't be conditional, but my support of their actions will of course be as I'm not supporting crimes, freeloading, etc. They'll know that if they "straighten up", dad will be right there.

So now, after all these years. I really haven't said anything, even still. My dad passed away last Dec. and it kind of freed me up a bit. I let him slide more because he was my dad and I did actually connect with him.
But now I still see it and it just angers me as years of it go by.
Recently, there was some confusion about our wedding. I invited my s-mom, but not some aunts. I wanted it simple. Well, my s-mom and a couple aunts are very close and all look down their noses at people if they are not like them. Leaving out other aunts and etc. They drove 4 hours to nearby where we had out wedding, never came, never said congrats, and made sure to "check in" all over FB to let it be known they weren't there and were having a good time.
I sat on it a couple days and then sent a nasty message. Basically, they didn't come... fine. NO problem. They didn't say congrats...ok... Even WHAT they did, didn't honestly hurt my feelings. It's the fact that they would TRY to hurt my feelings, "show me up" or anything of the sort. So I tore them a new one and told them all they had to do was just ask, get clarification, etc. Instead they chose to act like kids about it.
as
Anyway, I can be very very VERY harsh and cold.
I am extremely intent on leaving it at that. Never talking to her again, or probably the other two. From years of BS... I'm done.
I'm told by multiple family members that it's a bit harsh. Especially when I say things like if she sends me a B-day card, I'll mail that crap right back to her. LOL Certainly, I'm at least not cashing any checks for my b-day or anything. I'll least shred it up and that's that. No Christmas.. .no contact. In my heart I'm ready for that. I am just completely done.
My oldest sister cried because she's not done grieving over my dad and there's problems in the family. I feel bad about that, I honestly do. I don't have a problem with her and I don't want to upset her. At the same time, I have my principles. This is how I intend things to be and she'll heal. As for my dad... I loved him. It's just in my nature I guess that I grieved for a short period and now I'm done. It's a part of life, he lived a long time. It is what it is... it can't be changed. So I move on.
It causes me a little... Hmmmm.. Uneasiness I guess from not fully understanding still grieving.

posted June 09, 2014 07:24 PM            

But when Granny started leaving me (at 14) in charge of him (at 17) when she left for town (typically 2-3 hours and even longer before she got back) that caused some major friction. I think the first time he yelled about me being left in charge and Granny simply said "she has more sense than you." (Even he admits that was correct today.)

After Granny was gone he grabbed his air gun and shot me in the back with a plastic pellet. He wouldn't stop it and made it clear he did not respect my authority.

But I knew where there was another air gun and grabbed it. Soon we were shooting painful pellets at each other from behind partial cover. They stung when they hit, but we were both too mad to stop.

And then he fired where he guessed correctly on where I'd pop my head out next...the pellet he fired grazed my eye, and unlike the other hits I was bleeding. At that point the game/fight ended and it was obvious he regretted it...and then got scared as my eye, even after being treated, was darkening and swelling up. Not for my sake, for HIS.

He was right to be afraid, Granny tanned his hide when she got home. He never argued with her again about me being in charge but he found ways to assert his independence. (He did nearly cost me a hand with some homemade dynamite once, but that's another story.)

posted June 09, 2014 08:38 PM            

Not letting go does not have to mean that it is unhealthy or overwhelming to the person.

posted June 10, 2014 07:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Faith, what sign was your dad?
Or either one's moon sign? If you are okay with sharing that.

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My dad was a Libra. His moon was either in Cancer or Leo...I'm inclined to think Cancer, square his sun, because of his sensitivity and the difficulties he had with his mother.

My mom's moon was either in Virgo or Libra, but my guess is Virgo, because she was a health nut, bought us carob bunny rabbits for easter, OMG.

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Or, years ago I wanted to go to college. I asked him about it and he gave me this big speech about, "You don't need college. Just start applying at places and keep calling them." because that's what he did in like... the 60's.
Yet, my niece, (oldest sister's daughter) goes to college. They buy her a laptop before she even starts and would brag about her. Despite me having a 3.98GPA... they never acted like it was a big deal at all.
I should be clear, it's not the material things themselves. If you are going to treat one, one way, treat them all that way for the most part.

---

This is just...WRONG. All wrong! I'm sorry to hear you were on the receiving end of such unfair treatment, it actually made me clench my jaw just to listen.

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
He was a Sag - she's a Pisces.
All of these 30-some years I could never warm up to her. The most simple way to put it is that she looked down her nose at everyone.

---

In my experience, a Pisces superiority complex is the most exasperating one of all. Not saying all the Pisces people get that way! But when they do, it's the worst. It's like, they of all people should know better. It's like they are violating their own soul.

ETA: It occurs to me in retrospect that this applies to my own Pisces moon and how I may have appeared condescending at times, throughout my life. Oh well... hopefully I'm getting better.

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Edit: it was almost a pastime of theirs too talk crap about other people including the middle sister and her kids.

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Barf.

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Example when I have children. They will all be loved equally. If I have a problem child, I'll do what I have to but they will ALWAYS know that the love is there and my support is there if they do right.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
They drove 4 hours to nearby where we had out wedding, never came, never said congrats, and made sure to "check in" all over FB to let it be known they weren't there and were having a good time.

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^ There's something wrong with those people.

I don't know if it's a Leo loyalty thing or what, but I have never been good at cutting people out of my life (I'm Leo rising.) No matter how wretched my relationship got with my sister, I couldn't cut her off. Last thing I ever said to her (before she stopped replying to my emails or answering the phone) was, "Let me know if you need anything." But I am sooooooooo relieved that she cut me off! Things are so much better now!

I'm saying this in case you feel like you can't just cut off your stepmom. (?) I can relate, I don't cut people off either. But if you do, I can relate to that as well...it can be a wonderful feeling, to step away from someone else's toxicity.

posted June 10, 2014 07:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
That's awesome, Faith. I am too Venusian for violence against anyone. I feel sad for the people who experience it regardless of why and wish no one ever had to go through anything awful. That's my idealist Utopian streak talking. Love for all people.

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posted June 10, 2014 07:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
(He did nearly cost me a hand with some homemade dynamite once, but that's another story.)

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posted June 10, 2014 06:34 PM            

You know now I'm sure but yes we did tie the knot. lol
We run into a few bumps, anyone does. She called me out on a wrong the other day. It was so funny, even at the time I thought it was because I sat there silent for a while, looking at her thinking, "damn. She's right" and I did confess that.
Overall things are just the best!

I don't know if all Leos are this way. I am fiercely loyal. It's like it's in my DNA which is why I'd jump in so often on this site when Barbie had a slight confrontation. We both just really don't want to fight any more, honest, and I'm letting that go. All of it.
But yes, fierce loyalty. The flip side is that it's expected back.
If it's not, depending on the circumstances and/or frequency/duration...
Oh... Easy as pie to cut someone out.

There's just a code I live by, for spouse, family, friends. I don't think it's overly demanding.
Loyalty, honesty, support, etc. Just don't betray in any fashion is what it boils down to. If I get a wiff of any kind of serious betrayal...done.
You know, someone's wedding day is one of the most significant days of their life.
To even TRY to taint it in any way... Especially family. That's just a major no no.
I'd at least communicate and even then if I'm angry I'll at least just show it later.
I was more hurt by their efforts than what it was. But I didn't let it ruin my day.

posted June 11, 2014 02:17 AM            

That's terrible...

One thing that I'm sure of is that no matter how much money I have, I will NEVER EVER look down on someone who doesn't have it so long as they are trying. Actually some of these low paying jobs... I really respect those people. I'm not sure I could do it.
That all being said obviously with not knowing a thing about your situation.

posted June 12, 2014 03:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I was the Favourite, and I never really understood why.

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Surely you jest.

You are obviously the Moon and the Sun.

posted June 12, 2014 03:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
Yeah, I've never said anything to my favored sister because I don't think she really has a clue about it. Plus she's a worry wart... It'll bug her to no end. So I just leave it.

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posted June 12, 2014 04:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
Surely you jest.

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Only child maybe...?

posted July 13, 2014 02:34 PM            

My sister (the "unfavored" one) just blew this **** up all over! Whoa...

House divided now.
Some of the family doesn't understand us and is telling us how ridiculous we are or this or that. Well you know, they're not into astrology and I don't think they know Leo's. (Which both me and my sister are)
Calling us ridiculous and "jealous brats" is not going to make it go away.