posted July 08, 2014 11:09 AM            

Now for the issue:

I have been sexually abused in past, by family members (incl Dad) and while this is NOT an issue for me at all (I don't hold grudges and I deal with things and move on) the guy I am seeing is less tolerant and have told me point blank he will not be able to face my Dad, at any point in future.

I could have kept my past to myself (should I have??) but decided to lay all cards on table. Seemed like the logic thing to do.

Now what?

Anyone else had this situation?

Poor guy felt SO bad bringing it up because he thought it put pressure on me thinking things were moving way too fast too soon but he just had to talk about it.

I wouldn't have any problems him never seeing any of my parents because we probably have the most UNtraditional family union ever but questions will come up, that is a fact.

He is 43 and very set in his ways so I doubt he will change his mind even if it were to appease my pleading. He has a daughter that is 7 and should something even remotely similar happen to her he WOULD go vigilante..

If for some reason you would like to look at a synastry chart it is posted on Interpersonals. It has already been deemed good by members that are knowledgable so I guess this issue won't apply to any charts.

posted July 08, 2014 02:35 PM            

If it happened before and YOU are emotionally healed, have forgiven, etc. Then what's the problem? I mean if the person that it happened TO is over it, then just move on.
To me it seems like drudging up emotions that were let go of - moving backwards in a way. If anyone has a right to hang on to hurt, it's you. You're not, so why not just focus on the future? Right?

I mean, if at some future point the dad or anyone made inappropriate remarks etc, then they are dealing with me as well (if it's a very serious, loving relationship - not light dating)

In my view, he may have good intent to have the protective response and hurt feelings, but honestly, they only throw up roadblocks to your future together.

I would try to convince him to move past it as you did. I mean, that's between you and your dad (or anyone else directly involved)). I would always let you lead in that and just be supportive. That's the role that I feel is appropriate for him.

posted July 08, 2014 03:24 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DeepFreeze:
I've always taken this stance

If it happened before and YOU are emotionally healed, have forgiven, etc. Then what's the problem? I mean if the person that it happened TO is over it, then just move on.
To me it seems like drudging up emotions that were let go of - moving backwards in a way. If anyone has a right to hang on to hurt, it's you. You're not, so why not just focus on the future? Right?

I mean, if at some future point the dad or anyone made inappropriate remarks etc, then they are dealing with me as well (if it's a very serious, loving relationship - not light dating)

In my view, he may have good intent to have the protective response and hurt feelings, but honestly, they only throw up roadblocks to your future together.

I would try to convince him to move past it as you did. I mean, that's between you and your dad (or anyone else). I would always let you lead in that and just be supportive. That's the role that I feel is appropriate for him.

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Hmmm right. I think I need to think about this. I COULD have NOT told him but I know what would have happened in future should he for some reason already have met my Dad and then found out about my past. He would have felt "dirty". I don't know, perhaps he has some bad memories himself that makes it an extra sensitive subject? Time will tell

posted August 07, 2014 07:22 AM            

In fact, I don't have one.

Time is the only thing that will tell here.

It sounds like it is early days for your relationship.
I understand your need to be honest about your past, and his need to be honest about how feels about it.

I would leave it there for now.

But, you do have to consider that they may not ever be able to be in the same room,
and consider if this is something you can manage whist staying true to yourself.