posted July 10, 2014 09:14 PM            

The man expects the woman to cater to him at all times, even when the woman is busy with something, and he gets mad when she doesn't.

That is different from the **modern** dynamics of today, me and my boyfriend are more neutral on the sides as I have observed.

So do my parents.

posted July 10, 2014 09:19 PM            

You realize what happened last time we had a gender thread!?!?!?!?

But you know what I will stan you like always and contribute to this post.

posted July 10, 2014 09:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
GIRL,

You realize what happened last time we had a gender thread!?!?!?!?

But you know what I will stan you like always and contribute to this post.

Answer: No. Every relationship was 50/50 in all aspects, no defined roles.

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OH YEAH. I forgot.. smh..

I agree, 50/50 is the best and both on mutual terms.

posted July 10, 2014 10:15 PM            

I think it is possible that my role in my relationship is "traditional" in some way. He has traditional views too although he doesn't impose them on me. Flexible.
We help n support each other.

For example, he assumes the "provider" role and gives me the choice of being a stay at home mother, if that's what I want. I appreciate that n feel that it's very thoughtful of him to give me that option.

Most of the time, I cook n clean, make the place look neat n smell nice. Take care of little mundane things.

Decision making... hmm most of the time we discuss things, but yeah there are instances where we make decisions without consulting each other. We have similar views anyway so we're cool with that.

posted July 10, 2014 11:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
The man expects the woman to cater to him at all times, even when the woman is busy with something, and he gets mad when she doesn't.

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I'd define this as being a jerk rather than traditional. However, a jerk can still be traditional as well, but I expect you'll learn soon enough that they can be also be modern, too.

The bare basics of traditional gender roles is that the man provides from outside the home (which he may do so generously or stingily as befits his circumstances and nature and sometimes as apology or punishment) while the woman provides a stable home. By taking care of the domestic chores and generally handling the children the man is free to go out and earn a living (or hunt, if you want to get really primitive) though in some cases a traditional woman can still hold the purse strings despite that the man is the one to make it. In short, he brings home the bacon for both of them and she fries it for both of them, and her taking care of him at home helps him to take care of her from outside the home.

Though Disney shouldn't be mistaken for real life, when I was growing up (and even more from before I was born) they had traditional gender roles of the heroic man who goes out into the world and gets things done while the woman seeks domestic happiness and/or is very helpful to a man. Even when women went out into the world for some other reason than to get (or save) a man (or possibly save her father in which she gets a man) it was often to get a male to adopt their rightful position while the female played backup (such as the Lion King). Exceptions exist of course, and the standards are changing, but the further back you go the fewer you'll find.

That said, even traditional women were not submissive. Queen Victoria was not, plenty of feminine women helped in WW2 as spies and resistance (though they avoided any combat), and matriarchs with femininity (not to be mistaken for submissiveness) no one would question were prominent in many social causes even a hundred years ago. I'm not including the women who did reject feminine roles (from Emma Goldman to Joan of Arc), either.

As for me, I've only been in one serious "traditional role" and the irony was it was with a masculine lesbian, so there were some shades of gray there. I did explore my feminine side, but I was not submissive. And I was also treated as an adult that people trusted more so that I got more business than when I was an androgynous tomboy.

posted July 10, 2014 11:33 PM            

I don't think "it's the way it should be" but it works for us.

posted July 12, 2014 03:14 AM            

Its like that with my boyfriend. He provides for me. I make money too but we save that for a rainy day. He does expect me to cater to him but i don't mind it he's my sweetheart. I prefer him to make all the decisions but when I want something he always does it for me. I do most of the house stuff. I make sure he's fed and his cuts and scrapes are mended. He does the heavy lifting.

posted July 12, 2014 05:09 AM            

quote:

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Have you ever dated a man/woman with traditional views regarding gender roles?

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LOL

I'm an Aries with Capricorn Mars.

Need I say more?

posted July 12, 2014 05:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
LOL

I'm an Aries with Capricorn Mars.

Need I say more?

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Is that a "hell no"??

posted July 12, 2014 01:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:

The bare basics of traditional gender roles is that the man provides from outside the home (which he may do so generously or stingily as befits his circumstances and nature and sometimes as apology or punishment) while the woman provides a stable home.

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Yeah my relationship works a bit like this. Now I don't work as many hours as before n can spend more time on other stuff. He eats better (coz I cook well lol) and has packed on some weight.

posted July 13, 2014 02:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sagical:
I don't buy into the traditional gender roles, though my boyfriend is very traditional in that respect and it's an uphill battle dealing with him. I told him that I would hire a maid to 100% clean up after him cause he doesn't clean after himself and that child care is strictly for the female.....I don't let him wimp out and he does half of the care.

Bye bye gender roles........

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LOL, that reminds of a when this guy my friend was dating told her that the kitchen is women's favorite room.

posted July 13, 2014 05:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Yin:
Hell no!
I expect relationships between equals where both individuals can exist alone and be self-sufficient but choose to live in a partnership.

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THIS.

I'm a very independent person. For me to get into a relationship she would have to be independent too. We will have our separate lives, and we choose to come together not because we expect the other to do this and that, but rather because we want to. Without any preconceived notion of how the other is supposed/expected to act.

posted July 14, 2014 03:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
LOL, that reminds of a when this guy my friend was dating told her that the kitchen is women's favorite room.

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posted August 01, 2014 04:07 PM            

This is the issue I am having with my boyfriend - I read some interesting post here on the subject -

Pixie Jane's post. I loved it and her beautiful way of writing

Bansheequeen - another post I enjoyed - I want what she's got! lucky lady to have found a man like that and vise versa I am sure

I was raised by my Capricorn Mother, Leo Father and watched my mother being very submissive and at times it kind of upset me that Dad always got his way. Many times I thought he was was being a jerk but my Mother would shut her mouth, let him have his way and she'd never say another word about it. I wondered - why is he the boss? When I got older I told her that she kissed his a--? She replied "I don't kiss his a--, I enjoy taking care of Daddy".

It worked for them though, at least for 38 years until she left him.

I have turned into my Mother in sooo many ways. I cater, I like to take care of a man, his needs, the house, laundry, shopping cooking etc. and I also like to work and make money. Although there is one area I differ from my Mom big time. I am not one to keep my mouth shut when I don't agree... I may if we are in public or have guests but when we are alone I would speak my mind and if he was a jerk about it I will tell him he's a jerk.

And here is what I have found during my 41 years of relationships -

#1 Guys that I end up totally supporting, including financially, and once I loose that respect for them, I run.

#2 guys like the one I have now - Hard working, smart, responsible, somewhat traditional views and very narcissistic.
Doesn't treat me as an equal even though I work, I make money and take care of all the what I consider "womanly responsibilities" He doesn't appreciate it. He talks down to me, treats me like a child, tells me what to do and has said things like I am just using him until I find somebody better to take care of me. Which, really ****** me off...

I don't need someone to take care of me, I want someone who does and someone I can take care of in return. He doesn't get it I fear another one bites the dust. Time for me to fly..........