Lindaland
  Sweet Peas In The Rain
  How do you handle jealousy from a friend

Post New Topic  Post A Reply
profile | register | preferences | faq

UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! next newest topic | next oldest topic
Author Topic:   How do you handle jealousy from a friend
Lonake
Knowflake

Posts: 9511
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 11, 2014 01:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lonake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Mammoth post about simple topic, below
I'll not be bothered if you just comment in general, I know I have problems sometimes reading long posts so I give disclaimer^

........


So I was catching up tonight with this woman whom I've been friends with for a while, she has her own lil group from way back, and people shes buddies with at her work etc. so she's good. Plus she has family living nearby (same city as her). Her and her sisters are relatively close. She's pretty social and connected from my pov.

Anyway I was talking to her and she asked what I've been up to since we hadnt seen each other in a few weeks (pretty standard for us now, but there was a point before where we'd see each other every wknd).. So I casually mentioned different things, been sick, had an argument with my partner, things I had been up to, what was going on with work, and then I mentioned this new lady I met last year that I keep seeing around town that i get along with so now she and I go out sometimes. Btw I don't really mention other people in my life to a great extent when I'm with someone, I just make it mostly about what were doing or thinking about, or I ask about them.

And her reaction was indirect and then direct,
Indirect: Oh so you have forgotten about me
Direct: I'm jealous. It's a big problem and I don't know how to get rid of it once and for all.

Soo, we talked about it, she admitted it was something that she thinks is a problem for her, she talked about her jealousy towards some people at work, other situations, and was thinking of getting counseling for, among some other things (attraction to unavailable men, tendency to isolate and be a loner).

So we kept going on and she said "Im not saying dont have other friends that's crazy. I'm just saying I want to be liked the best that's all."

Sooo.....

She sounds legit on the fact that she's interested in and possibly will seeking counseling in the coming months. She said herself that her jealousy is "sick." She took the conversation there after I asked her if she had talked to anyone in her church about it (shes religious).

Ok so I'm not dealing with someone who is unaware of the problem but what else can you do in such a situation?

Is there a point where you'd leave? Just for the record I'm not leaving over this (and yeah her jealousy has presented itself at other times but this is the first time she's said it outright). We're almost like sisters, spending most holidays together, etc.

I dunno, just thinking about the matter and putting this out there.

Or is this a thing to handle at all? Do you just accept this about the other person as one of their idiosyncrasies and just look past it. Which is pretty much what I've been doing but tonight she brought it up pretty clearly so now I'm having a think on the whole thing.

IP: Logged

hannaramaa
Knowflake

Posts: 7482
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted July 11, 2014 02:08 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I sense this isn't entirely astrologically driven, buuuuutttt I have Moon opposition Pluto, and while I haven't experienced outright jealousy, possessiveness like that from women, I feel they have been indirectly competitive with me. It's just a vibe I get.

I have a friend I'm still close to who, looking back, would constantly set me up for failure in romantic situations. Several times I was interested in someone she had to go and prove they liked her better. I've never been one who's going to "fight to the death" for someone's attention (please.) so every time it happened I shrugged it off. Then it happened one too many times and I snapped on her for it very suddenly. I told her I was never introducing her to my boyfriends in the future and I don't discuss my dating life with her. Funny enough she is going through the same thing with one of her friends now, except the tables are turned. She's perfectly confident in her 4-year relationship and the other girl is desperately seeking some kind of weird reaction or lust after the relationship she has.

When do you leave - when the person becomes driven by their jealousy and doesn't seem to care to maintain or work on it. Most of the time I think rational people are embarrassed once called out on their jealousy. jmho. The friendship I have with the girl above is as close as you describe your friendship, so despite her interference I look past it, mainly because there hasn't been much the past few years. In a way it's kind of flattering because I never see myself as a threat to anyone, ever.

IP: Logged

Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 56039
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted July 11, 2014 04:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The first thing I wonder about is her chart. Did you check it, Lonake?

------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

IP: Logged

Randall
Webmaster

Posts: 42694
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 12, 2014 08:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hope it resolves.

IP: Logged

Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 56039
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted July 14, 2014 07:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yes, what happened Lonake dear?

IP: Logged

sugarflapjacks
Knowflake

Posts: 117
From: southeasternseaboard
Registered: Sep 2013

posted July 15, 2014 05:03 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sugarflapjacks     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I may have misinterpreted the topic title and posted my own scenario, but maybe this post is more about helping the OP, so I'll delete mine. My apologies. I'm looking for advice, too, but don't want to hijack the thread. If I come up with any solutions, I'll be sure to post here. <3 Lonake.

IP: Logged

Lonake
Knowflake

Posts: 9511
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted July 18, 2014 05:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lonake     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey sugarflapjacks, post away! No problem there if it kinda relates to OP. I'll offer whatever advice I can.

...

Hi Hanna
"I've never been one who's going to "fight to the death" for someone's attention (please.)"
---Good on you! I think that kind of behavior is ridiculous.
"I snapped on her for it very suddenly."
---Lol I know the Moon/Pluto sudden snap quite well. I approve! j/k
"the other girl is desperately seeking some kind of weird reaction or lust after the relationship she has."
---Aww man this is similar kind of issue with my friend: she's been single for WAY too long. I know that her being partnered would get her off my back, and the backs of other people too (she's close to her sisters, but has major issues with one of them). SO I've been pushing her (starting, maybe 6 months ago, something like that) to get out of her shell and get out there and get with someone already. It's like, you're in your mid-30s, you can't play shy/traditional anymore, you have to woman up and go for it. So anyway, her new roommate must be my soulmate or something because she's been pushing my friend to get out there too, and she's VERY blunt about it. (Inside I'm thinking "Yesss!" when I hear what the roommate's been saying.)
"When do you leave - when the person becomes driven by their jealousy and doesn't seem to care to maintain or work on it."
--- Makes complete good sense. I'll keep this in mind.

...

So rewind to last Saturday evening when we agreed to hang out at a comedy club, and /all I hear/ is about this new guy she went out with Friday night. I'm thinking "thank you Lord, now will you please make sure she gets laid?!" I didn't even bring up the jealousy thing because getting her partnered is one of my goals. I even trained her in giving her number out, and yes she needed training. I was just at my end about "relationship this/relationship that" with her. I'm like "find someone, date/get laid/get married/whatever, and shut up about it." This woman is incessant with her relationship obsession.

But it's not looking good cos she texted me on Sunday "he didn't call/he went out with his guy friend this morning and didn't come home (they're neighbors)/i think he's with some other girl in a hotel room cos once i heard his guy friend talking about..." on and on.

Just..weird paranoid clinging mindset she has. She gets way insecure about things that I think grown women should have long outgrown. And btw everything I write here is what I've told her, so she knows my thoughts on the matter. I don't have the patience to keep my trap shut.

So I haven't heard back since. /Hopefully/ there's still something clicking with them.
And I haven't approached the jealousy thing /directly/ since the last convo but I did it kind of indirectly Saturday. Example, she was talking to me about a conversation she had with her roommate and I made fun of it (teasing tone) saying "I'm kinda jealous, why were you talking to her about him instead of me?" Just to basically throw it in her face how dumb she sounds. And she got the joke and laughed at herself, it made her look at the situation in a different way. I think I might do more of that annoying crap if she starts in on it again. Right now I think we're good. Sometimes I can't even text someone without her seeing green and grilling me about it though, so if she starts in on that again I'll make another comment. We'll see how rough I have to be to put her in line. It's a balancing act.

And Lord help me, she caressed my ******* cheek. She talks about my skin every so often and how I have nice skin and she doesn't and what products do I use. So on Saturday she said "he has nice skin just like yours" when talking about what he looks like and with that she caressed my cheek with her finger. Yeah.

/Not/ the first time she's come on to me in a subtle way. BUT she's not liking the gays/lesbians /at all/ due to her religion and she thinks "it's wrong." I choose to ignore this part of her even though my half-brother is gay. But I'm serious if she does a weird come-on like that again I'm going to bring it up. I didn't then cos I was just, in my head thinking, WTF? Even if I were to have a sexual encounter with a woman it for sure wouldn't be her. And I haven't told her that, cos we've never talked about that topic. But part of me thinks that if I told her that, just outright blunt about it, she wouldn't want to be friends anymore. And I don't even know what to think about that. Maybe I'm just overreacting and in reality she'd forget about it.

So basically the situation calmed down, maybe, in one way, but then got even more complicated in another. I'm still crossing my fingers that she finds someone, if not this neighbor guy then someone else.

...

Ami, Hi, her chart has Moon opp Pluto t-square to Venus. She can't figure out wth she wants, and how to go about it from my pov. Libra Mars doesn't help. My chart is Moon conj Venus, both square Pluto, I have Libra Mars too but it's conj Saturn/Pluto so it's a whole different breed. I'm pretty decisive. Mutually we have a DW Mars conj Pluto in synastry. Also a DW Mars square Venus. Also a DW Moon/Mars, except her Mars is square my Moon with a tighter orb (which I do feel), and my Mars is more loosely opp her Moon. <--- So you can see why we end up talking about relationships a lot.

IP: Logged

hannaramaa
Knowflake

Posts: 7482
From:
Registered: Nov 2011

posted July 18, 2014 11:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hannaramaa     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow...sounds like a hot mess. Kudos to you for being her friend and being open-minded, wanting to help her. She reminds me of this Leo coworker I used to have. She had chaotic relationships with bad men and was easily insecure. She even forbade her girlfriend (yep) from being my friend because she was convinced her gf wanted me (she did...but I'm not gay or remotely curious and she knew that too.) She believes we have some sort of friendship to this day even though I keep her at arm's length. More than arm's length really. She is in her 30's also and I think "Wow, isn't all this supposed to be worked out by now?".

IP: Logged

All times are Eastern Standard Time

next newest topic | next oldest topic

Administrative Options: Close Topic | Archive/Move | Delete Topic
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
Hop to:

Contact Us | Linda-Goodman.com

Copyright 2000-2014

Powered by Infopop www.infopop.com © 2000
Ultimate Bulletin Board 5.46a