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Author
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Topic: When a friend hits rock bottom
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aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9966
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted September 30, 2014 03:39 AM
  
Some of you may have seen my thread in astro 2.0 about my cancer moon friend. For those of you who haven't seen it I will fill you in. He recently had a nasty break-up with his girlfriend and has been heartsick ever since. He has been drinking... Alot.... But I have been tolerant of him because I know he is going through alot. Well here recently he has been drinking and driving and I have strongly condemned it and told him he had better cut that sh*t out. I have told him if he keeps it up he will get caught and will go to jail. Well it has mostly gone in one ear and out the other... Anyways, earlier tonight he called and told me that I needed to come get him from the gas station up the road. So I hopped in the truck and went up there to get him and when I get there a cop car was parked behind his car. The cop approached my truck and told me I needed to give him a ride home because he is "having trouble seeing the road". So my friend hopped in the truck and as we pulled away he was laughing and telling me how he had fooled the cop into believing he wasn't drunk. The reality of the situation was my friend reeked of beer and was obviously drunk out of his f*cking mind but the cop was feeling generous and let him off for whatever reason. My friend got extremely lucky... He should be sitting in a jail cell right now but he doesn't seem to understand that fact no matter how much I try to explain it to him. IMO you would have a better chance of winning the lottery than getting off like my friend did tonight! But he just doesn't seem to get it at all. It is obvious to me that he has made the transition from a heavy drinker to a hardcore alcoholic after seeing his behavior tonight. He is at that point where he is consumed by his own pain and doesn't give a f*ck about anything or anyone. It breaks my heart, but I know there is nothing I can do to help him now. If tonight was not a wake-up call for him nothing is going to wake him up until it is too late. IP: Logged |
Swift Freeze
Moderator Posts: 671
From: One World
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted September 30, 2014 06:04 AM
Next time he's out drinking, call the cops and give them his license plate.What's worse, finding out in the morning that there was an accident and he is now decorating a telephone pole?
Finding out that there were fatalaties involving a few cars, or some pedestrians or families and children?
Or knowing that you can at least do something to protect others from his behaviour? ------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 57544
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 30, 2014 07:27 AM
Next time he's out drinking, call the cops and give them his license plate.
Never get the police involved in your life, The police are not your friends, now, as they were in the old days.
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Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
juniperb
Moderator Posts: 8552
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 30, 2014 07:50 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Next time he's out drinking, call the cops and give them his license plate.What's worse, finding out in the morning that there was an accident and he is now decorating a telephone pole?
Finding out that there were fatalaties involving a few cars, or some pedestrians or families and children?
Or knowing that you can at least do something to protect others from his behaviour?
Precisley. The oncomming car could be your Mother , sister or Grandmother. Save a life.
Including his
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Christian, Jew, Muslim, Shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the Mystery, unique and not to be judged.
Rumi
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juniperb
Moderator Posts: 8552
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 30, 2014 07:58 AM
AG, help prevent him from becomming just another statistic.Every 53 minutes on average, someone is killed in a drunk driving crash (9,878 people in total in 2011). Every 90 seconds, someone is injured because of this entirely preventable crime.
Drunk Driving In 2012, 10,322 people were killed and approximately 345,000 were injured. Each crash, each death, each injury impacts not only the person in the crash, but family, friends, classmates, coworkers and more. Even those who have not been directly touched help pay the $132 billion yearly price tag of drunk driving. But together we can eliminate drunk driving. - See more at: http://www.madd.org/drunk-driving/#sthash.MBoitdwe.dpuf
MADD
http://www.madd.org/drunk-driving/ IP: Logged |
KarkaQueen
Knowflake Posts: 6352
From: In my 1st house Uranus and Neptune
Registered: May 2011
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posted September 30, 2014 08:35 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
[b]Next time he's out drinking, call the cops and give them his license plate.
Never get the police involved in your life, The police are not your friends, now, as they were in the old days.
[/B]
really Ami? You forgot about the ethnic groups with their problems with the police officers in America? No.. people of high authority are almost never your friends.. it's been like that always. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 57544
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted September 30, 2014 08:43 AM
really Ami? You forgot about the ethnic groups with their problems with the police officers in America?I understand, Karka  ------------------
Want To Ask Any Question About Bible Prophecy? Go For it. It is Free, of course.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 45602
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 03, 2014 09:20 PM
 IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 4609
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted October 03, 2014 09:27 PM
AG - I learnt the hard way that you cannot help someone who won't help themselves.
It's ok to advise him.. but if you see there is no change - it might be better to distance yourself. You don't want this situation to end up affecting you more than it already has.
The fact that people do not change unless they hit rock bottom and make a decision to truly better themselves - is true. It's not "just something people say".
And "rock bottom" has to happen from their own perspective, not from yours. In his mind, right now - he doesn't see this as rock bottom. He has still gotten away with everything, so he thinks he'll be fine. He needs to wake up to himself. You are now close to being in the position of all those women you criticise for staying with deadbeat boyfriends. As I told you before, many stay because they care about the person, feel truly sorry for them and ongoingly try to "fix" them.
As a friend - you are doing the same thing. You feel bad for him.. you want to look out for him..
But if it gets to a point where this starts to take its toll on you - it's ok to disengage. Every person has the responsibility to look after themselves ultimately. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9966
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 04, 2014 12:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
AG - I learnt the hard way that you cannot help someone who won't help themselves.
It's ok to advise him.. but if you see there is no change - it might be better to distance yourself. You don't want this situation to end up affecting you more than it already has.
The fact that people do not change unless they hit rock bottom and make a decision to truly better themselves - is true. It's not "just something people say".
And "rock bottom" has to happen from their own perspective, not from yours. In his mind, right now - he doesn't see this as rock bottom. He has still gotten away with everything, so he thinks he'll be fine. He needs to wake up to himself. You are now close to being in the position of all those women you criticise for staying with deadbeat boyfriends. As I told you before, many stay because they care about the person, feel truly sorry for them and ongoingly try to "fix" them.
As a friend - you are doing the same thing. You feel bad for him.. you want to look out for him..
But if it gets to a point where this starts to take its toll on you - it's ok to disengage. Every person has the responsibility to look after themselves ultimately.
Huh? I don't even see how you can compare my relationship with my friend to a girl who stays with a dead-beat and/or abusive boyfriend. First of all, me and my friend "Are Not" in a sexual/romantic relationship. And his actions are not directly hurting or affecting me. They are only hurting me in the sense that I hate seeing a friend being that down in the dumps. And most importantly, I have been friends with this guy for over a decade and he has had my back more than a few times. So you better believe i'm gonna try to support him to the best of my ability while he is going through rough times. Good friends are so much more important than some gf or bf... Gfs/bfs are a dime a dozen but good friends are rare.
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Odette
Moderator Posts: 4609
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted October 04, 2014 01:23 AM
Oh wow.. So this isn't affecting you directly.. at all?If you're ok for now.. that's fine. This seems like it's only the beginning.
I was saying, if things get worse - please don't get sucked into helping time and time again - if it is not going anywhere, and his behaviour continues.
I would give the same advice to anyone dealing with a drug addict. quote:
I don't even see how you can compare my relationship with my friend to a girl who stays with a dead-beat and/or abusive boyfriend.
The fact that it isn't sexual/romantic is entirely meaningless.
You often ask on LL how or why it is that women stay with deadbeat men. This is your answer - or at least one possible answer... i.e. - they know the guy well (maybe for years, like you've known your friend for years), the guy was not "bad news" in the beginning but changed as time went on, they feel a duty to help him - heal him - be there for him - support him through good and bad times (no matter what).. and so on. quote:
Gfs/bfs are a dime a dozen but good friends are rare.
Many - maybe most - people in serious relationships would classify their partner as a best friend. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9966
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 04, 2014 01:33 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
Oh wow.. So this isn't affecting you directly.. at all?If you're ok for now.. that's fine. This seems like it's only the beginning.
I was saying, if things get worse - please don't get sucked into helping time and time again - if it is not going anywhere, and his behaviour continues.
I would give the same advice to anyone dealing with a drug addict. Many - maybe most - people in serious relationships would classify their partner as a best friend.
Eh. I still don't see a connection. Lol
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Ellynlvx
Knowflake Posts: 10239
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted October 04, 2014 11:28 AM
I was going to suggest that you introduce him to a nice grandma lady who lost a family member to drink in one way or another.That might touch the Heart of a Moon in Cancer. Don't guess you would find someone like that just growing on trees, though. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9966
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 04, 2014 11:49 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ellynlvx:
I was going to suggest that you introduce him to a nice grandma lady who lost a family member to drink in one way or another.That might touch the Heart of a Moon in Cancer. Don't guess you would find someone like that just growing on trees, though.
But he might want to wife her up. A capricorn sun cancer moon man likes older women, go figure. Lol
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Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 3841
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted October 04, 2014 12:41 PM
Madness, drinking heavily, drinking and driving, are signs of someone who is not dealing with their problems but trying to escape them. The danger in that it becomes a coping mechanism and that will be the only way they will deal with those problems. I USED to be a heavy drinker and USED to drive, a nice 3 yr suspension and thousands of dollars in upfront costs and opportunity costs showed me the error of my ways Hope your buddy does not learn the hard way AG IP: Logged |
Ellynlvx
Knowflake Posts: 10239
From: the Point of Light within the Mind of God
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted October 04, 2014 01:33 PM
I was thinking the same thing. I've seen it happen and it just ruins lives. Everyone loses but the county. I suppose you can ask that Spirit be with him, that might be the best solution. IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 45602
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted October 17, 2014 10:55 PM
How's your friend?IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 9966
From: Uranus
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 18, 2014 12:53 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
How's your friend?
He's doing much better now. It was rocky there for awhile but he appears to be ok now. IP: Logged |
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