posted January 04, 2015 05:35 PM            

Posted on September 24, 2013 by Linda Martinez-Lewi, PhD

Narcissistic mothers fool most people who are living outside the home, even their close relatives and friends. I hear very sad, tragic life stories from daughters and sons of narcissistic mothers recounting in detail the horrors of their childhoods. In some cases the fathers of the abused children were kept in the dark about the full extent of the chronic abuse. Some dads simply turned the child raising over to his wife and became completely caught up in his career. In some cases the father was suspicious but turned a blind eye to the mental and psychological abuse perpetrated by his narcissistic wife. Like Pontius Pilate, he washed his hands of the whole matter.

No one knew that the NM was highly disturbed, chronically abusive and severely neglectful. Close relatives didn’t see through the attractive convincing masks that the narcissistic mother wore. For her this was “Show and Tell” time—an opportunity to brag about her perfect children. The phony act was presented as a direct reflection of her love and devotion to her kids.

Some adult children subjected to this treatment describe their terror state as that of a prisoner in a far off gulag. No matter how they repeatedly tried to deal with mother–begging her that they would do everything to live up to her expectations, asking her for forgiveness for crying or politely requesting that their basic needs for regular meals and sleep be fulfilled. Screaming, even raising your voice was responded to with multiple slaps in the face, out of control spanking and repeated threats of abandonment. This horrid torture treatment began when these children were very small. Victims recollect to me that by the age of three they lived in constant terror–some fearful that they could not tolerate another second.

Outside the house these mothers are worthy of Oscar winning performances. As a career woman the narcissistic mother takes advantage of every kudo she can get from her fellow business associates. She shows photographs of her children, chirping about them with great enthusiasm and pride. Everyone believes her–why not? NM is a consummate actress who will not be denied playing her star role to the hilt.

I want to express my respect, warmth, affection and gratitude for those who contact me and others who have not who lived through this nightmare every young day of their lives. You deserve great credit. You survived with your integrity and your true self. I am not for a moment disregarding your suffering. It was insurmountable.

I celebrate the unique human being that you are and will always be. May you continue to heal, to create, to feel peace inside and know that you are deeply loved.

posted January 04, 2015 05:52 PM            

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posted January 04, 2015 08:12 PM            

So I looked into and found this, for anyone interested:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201311/the-narcissistic- mother

quote:

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As a child, you don’t immediately realize your mother’s confidence is brittle. She’s always right because she needs to be right. Everything she says goes without question—that’s the way it is with parents when you’re a child.

You please because you are trained to do so. As a nine year old, you don’t take your mother on because, like most school age kids, you want whatever nurturance you can get. Still, she may get mad at you for forgetting your homework, making a mess or annoying her in some random way. You think it’s you and find yourself anxious in her presence.

Then you get a little older, your consciousness continues to evolve, and you realize your mother’s actions and behavior lacks normal maternal nurturing. You see other kids and their parents.

Psychology Today blogger, Karyl McBride, Ph.D. puts it this way:

"Narcissists are not in touch with their own feelings. They project those feelings on to others and are not capable of empathy. They cannot put themselves into your shoes and feel or understand how something might affect you. They can only see how it affects them. They are hypersensitive to criticism and judgment, but constantly criticize and judge others."

Your mom comes home and demands attention. If you hold back, she takes offense and attacks. She’s tired. She’s irritated. She just wants it her way, and your feelings better align with hers. If you have to hear the word “ungrateful” one more time you’ll scream. But, most times you don’t.

It pays to wait for the rage to abate. If you fight, she fights to win. Many normal parents get into power struggles with their kids, but a narcissistic parent truly needs to win. It is both desperate and scary.

So, you grow up with everyone tiptoeing around mom, hoping that she’s in a good mood, and anxious not to trigger a rage attack.

All it takes is a little frustration, so you better be good.

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I put the part in bold lettering as I wanted to point it out and say it made me think a lot more people are narcissist than I thought as I've known so many like that!

posted January 04, 2015 08:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by elixir:
In some cases the fathers of the abused children were kept in the dark about the full extent of the chronic abuse. Some dads simply turned the child raising over to his wife and became completely caught up in his career. In some cases the father was suspicious but turned a blind eye to the mental and psychological abuse perpetrated by his narcissistic wife. Like Pontius Pilate, he washed his hands of the whole matter.

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One of the worst I heard of was from a guy who described how his father (all I recall is that he was a Cancer sun) beat him on the lies of his mother (she was Aries sun, Scorpio moon, and therefore he won't have anything to do with anyone having those placements to this day even if he realizes that's not completely fair--he just can't help it, his stomach gets twisted up). These were literal beatings that left him bloody and sometimes unable to move or even breathe right at times and from a very young age.

As an older teen his mother attacked him with a large stick that he took from her so she couldn't but she lied saying he'd beat her with it so that his dad beat him to a pulp, and as his dad asked if he had anything to say to his mother he looked into his mother's smiling face and asked, "If I beat you with a stick, how come you don't even have a bruise?"

His mom walked out furious as the beating resumed. And then his dad told him that HE KNEW the mother was lying but it was easier to pretend it was true and urged his son to do the same, just go along with it.

This said as his son was mopping blood off his face and knowing it wouldn't be long before it was happening again.

posted January 05, 2015 04:01 AM            

It is because they themselves have been damaged by the kind of parenting they received, EXCEPT they have never thought about it, nor addressed it. So they just act out how it was acted out towards them when they were young.
This is how terrible parenting continues.. is passed on..UNTIL someone in the ongoing generation wakes up, and realises.
Gets therapy... And breaks the cycle.

So called "narcissism" is really just another form of dysfunction that has been passed on.

A "narcisstic" parent has NO awareness of themselves as being such. They might NEVER realise it..(unless there is some intrinsic part of their make-up that gives them the ability, or capacity to want to analyse their behavior, from the other party's experience.)

All this is really just a part of the Human condition today.
Humans , esp in Western Society just do not realise what is really required to ensure a balanced and healthy Society..

Parenting is
***THE*** Most*** Important*** Job*** in the WHOLE WORLD!!!

posted January 05, 2015 05:44 PM            

Yes, one reason I've been able to forgive many older relatives is because I know their wyrd/fate/karma is so twisted by the past, and even if they're strong enough to rise above and change it they often have no idea that they need to. I consider lucidity a gift that not many have (or accept).

That guy I mentioned above, he also told me I was lucky to have a grandmother I could be close to...he described the grandparents on both sides of his family and the insanity was strong on both ends, all flowing down into him.

posted January 05, 2015 08:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swanlake:
Horrible horrible!
I have come to realise that ALL of this kind of horrible stuff, really happens for only ONE reason...
People /parents who are completely UNCONSCIOUS of their behavior...
.. meaning - Without any CONSCIOUS AWARENESS of the long term psychological damage they are afflicting on their children.

It is because they themselves have been damaged by the kind of parenting they received, EXCEPT they have never thought about it, nor addressed it. So they just act out how it was acted out towards them when they were young.
This is how terrible parenting continues.. is passed on..UNTIL someone in the ongoing generation wakes up, and realises.
Gets therapy... And breaks the cycle.

So called "narcissism" is really just another form of dysfunction that has been passed on.

A "narcisstic" parent has NO awareness of themselves as being such. They might NEVER realise it..(unless there is some intrinsic part of their make-up that gives them the ability, or capacity to want to analyse their behavior, from the other party's experience.)

All this is really just a part of the Human condition today.
Humans , esp in Western Society just do not realise what is really required to ensure a balanced and healthy Society..

Parenting is
***THE*** Most*** Important*** Job*** in the WHOLE WORLD!!!

But social conditions today , only undermine
this , more than ever!

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posted January 05, 2015 09:22 PM            

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posted January 06, 2015 02:35 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
^^

Yes, one reason I've been able to forgive many older relatives is because I know their wyrd/fate/karma is so twisted by the past, and even if they're strong enough to rise above and change it they often have no idea that they need to. I consider lucidity a gift that not many have (or accept).

That guy I mentioned above, he also told me I was lucky to have a grandmother I could be close to...he described the grandparents on both sides of his family and the insanity was strong on both ends, all flowing down into him.

Unfortunately, many therapists are also suffering, which is what drew many of them into psychology in the first place as they tried to understand and heal themselves and/or those who hurt them. Having failed to heal themselves they instead project their issues into all who come to them, some being very vulnerable to that unintended malpractice (the therapist needs therapy as well but believes that's not the case), though I understand more and more now REQUIRE therapists to get therapy before being licensed "whether you need it or not" (hope that helps in the future). And then there are the bad apples you'll find everywhere else on top of that. Plus, here in the States it's not something many who need it can afford.

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posted January 06, 2015 02:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mercuranian:
unconscious breeding is an epidemic

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