posted February 23, 2015 08:33 PM            

The thing is, due to my years of avid research into alternative health, I can quite clearly see that her immune system is shot, and like most elderly people, her body is seriously depleted in vital nutrients, without which she's just going to go down hill.
(Plus of course she's on tons of unecessary drugs)
She has blind faith in her Dr. who, like most dr.s - totally ignorant about the body's nutritional needs to function properly.

I feel despair and powerless, knowing this and that nobody is addressing it.
It's not just a matter of sending down a bottle of supplements, but what she really needs is someone to take charge and make her meals for her (her diet is woefully inadequate) and put her on various supplements or tonics etc, and I know that over time it would really improve her energy levels and thus quality of life.

It would be great if I could involve my sister and get her on board to help, but we have a toxic relationship (another story).
She does a few things for our mother but everything always has to be on her terms and when it suits her, she lacks true empathy, and is very self absorbed.

So, my dilemma -whether I should I move in with my mother to improve the quality of her remaining life? I know that she feels lonely too and needs companionship..

It would involve major upheaval on my part..ie getting rid of most of my household possessions, leaving my 18 year old daughter behind, etc. (although no job as I haven't been able to find one)

I have been living in a small town past 3 years (due to a chain of events - another story)and have never really felt that good here. Isolated and stuck.
My mother lives in the city where I grew up(about 8 hours drive from here) and I've been away for decades.

It would be a sacrifice but I worry that if I don't, I'll always regret it. Due to financial circumstances I only see her about twice a year.
( I'm predicting we have about 18mths left with her, as Saturn will be conjunct my Moon, plus other transits)

On the other hand, what if it turns out to be a big mistake and things don't work out..eg... stress from my sister.

She has caused me a lot of pain in the past,(long story)... and there is my one big reservation- my mother has always automatically taken my sisters side.

Whereas I choose not to involve my mother, my sister always tells her everything, for years painting me as the "villain", when the truth is the opposite.
As a result of a very nasty occurrence last year when my mother was in hospital and I was staying in the house, I avoid my sister and choose not to talk to her.

When I visited after Christmas, my mother noticed this, and let me know it upsets her that things are this way between us.

She believes that it is me being hard hearted, holding on to a grudge,(which makes me feel upset & resentful) but she has no idea of the nasty uncalled for things my sister has said to me. (I use logic and reasoning and don't believe in personal attacks). My sister has the ability to make me feel quite ill and shattered.

Anyway, this is all a bit long winded and I've gone off on a tangent now..lol. (always happens when I start on my sister..)

Thanks for reading..and although I'm not expecting anyone to resolve my dilemma for me, it's been good to get this off my chest and... any comments will be appreciated.

posted February 23, 2015 10:11 PM            

Secondly, is it possible for your mother to move to your house for sometime say a few months?

Thirdly, Has it occurred to you that you could move to her place for sometime and then back to where you are?

posted February 24, 2015 05:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Love&Light:
The first thought that came to my mind was what about your daughter? Who will be taking care of her/supporting her? Does she have somebody around?

Secondly, is it possible for your mother to move to your house for sometime say a few months?

Thirdly, Has it occurred to you that you could move to her place for sometime and then back to where you are?

Just some practical suggestions........

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posted February 24, 2015 06:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Valentine:
Could you just take a few weeks to go spend time with your mom and see how it goes? before you burn your bridges where you are now. If you don't make an attempt to see her and try to help, you'll have regrets later. If it doesn't work out at least you tried. If it does go well then you could make the move there.

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Thanks V...unfortunately due to certain constraints I'm not free to spend weeks away. "Burning my bridges" is exactly the fear, - as is that of the regret I'll have if I do nothing. Between a rock and a hard place..with the pressure building..
If I was living in my own home I could get a couple of people in and then take off for a while, but I'm paying rent here..

posted March 10, 2015 07:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swanlake:
I had to put it on the back burner for a while to ease the tension.

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Tension with your mother or with your sister?

My mother has a toxic relationship with her sister, so I can definitely see how this complicates your situation. But your relationship with your mother is yours alone. You not only have a say, but have absolute right to take care of your mother's health.

Easier said than done, I know. But if I was you, at such a critical point, I would only consider my mother, my child and myself. If you can leave your daughter for 2 weeks and go spend the time with your mother, I think you'll at the very least gain crystal clarity on what your next step should be.

Good luck!!!

posted March 10, 2015 07:03 PM            

I must admit when I'm down there I'm aware of the feeling that it would be SO easy to just carry on staying. It feels like being home. (I grew up in that house)...
But the reality of knowing what that would entail (ie uproot myself, dissolve my household, leave my daughter)= GULP.
On the other hand, I'm just stagnating where I am (4 years gone by).

Maybe this is what's at the core >>>

Material possessions & "comfort" (=false security)...

VERSUS
Caring for my mother =spiritual value)