|
Author
|
Topic: How do you know if you've actually forgiven a lie
|
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 2915
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
|
posted March 11, 2015 06:00 PM
  
or just not thinking about it ie suppressed it? Someone close lied to me a while back, numerous times, despite being asked for truth. I was lied straight to my face from an equally straight face. Even when I presented truth backed with 100% proof, I was lied to UNTIL, I promised I wouldn't get upset. I didn't get upset but tonight made me think, thanks to apparent changes in my behavior towards this person, that maybe I actually haven't forgotten at all and just retaliate through passive aggressive crap. How does forgiving a lie feel like? Just to clarify: a lie is a lie is a lie with me. There are no big or smaller ones. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 6100
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
|
posted March 11, 2015 07:46 PM
Do you forgive anything? If so then become introspective long enough to examine your feelings until realize what that's like and contrast it with this "change of attitude" (and the feelings that motivate it) you have now. That's the difference. ETA: And I've interpreted "don't get upset" meaning actions, not feelings. We have little control over our feelings, it's our actions that we have the choice over, whether to act on our feelings or not. As far as I'm concerned you kept your promise by not having a meltdown but are still within your rights to freeze that person out, at least until you forgive (if ever, and if not, it's kinder to both of you to end it and it will probably end later anyway with even more bitterness on both sides if not done sooner rather than later). IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 2915
From:
Registered: Jun 2012
|
posted March 12, 2015 01:01 AM
quote:
Originally posted by PixieJane:
Do you forgive anything? If so then become introspective long enough to examine your feelings until realize what that's like and contrast it with this "change of attitude" (and the feelings that motivate it) you have now. That's the difference. ETA: And I've interpreted "don't get upset" meaning actions, not feelings. We have little control over our feelings, it's our actions that we have the choice over, whether to act on our feelings or not. As far as I'm concerned you kept your promise by not having a meltdown but are still within your rights to freeze that person out, at least until you forgive (if ever, and if not, it's kinder to both of you to end it and it will probably end later anyway with even more bitterness on both sides if not done sooner rather than later).
I will forgive less than perfect actions when presented to me in the form of honesty. If that makes sense? I accept that all humans are imperfect and we do things for various reasons and I have never judged based on this! I just can't seem to tolerate lies. Some can forgive easily and just brush it off and I admire that! Perhaps it's something I need to learn?
An example is: I have a friend that is married since long to a woman. They just had a child. He had the courage to tell me things that many would just probably knock him dead for but I found it so refreshing that he gave me the trust not to judge him!! It was almost like he peeled his skin off and revealed himself. In return I told him a few things that has made our bond very strong. We know that at least there is ONE human out there that will tell the truth no matter how ugly it is. IP: Logged |
ikja
Knowflake Posts: 969
From: London, UK
Registered: Oct 2014
|
posted March 12, 2015 04:49 AM
I honestly believe forgiving people is one of the things I'm supoosed to learn in this lifetime.For me, the true test if forgivenenes is not being able to recall what the person did/lied about. If I haven't forgotten, or can still remember in great detail... I haven't forgiven you. IP: Logged |
Swanlake
Knowflake Posts: 63
From:
Registered: Aug 2014
|
posted March 12, 2015 08:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
or just not thinking about it ie suppressed it? Someone close lied to me a while back, numerous times, despite being asked for truth. I was lied straight to my face from an equally straight face. Even when I presented truth backed with 100% proof, I was lied to UNTIL, I promised I wouldn't get upset. I didn't get upset but tonight made me think, thanks to apparent changes in my behavior towards this person, that maybe I actually haven't forgotten at all and just retaliate through passive aggressive crap. How does forgiving a lie feel like? Just to clarify: a lie is a lie is a lie with me. There are no big or smaller ones.
The way to tell you've forgiven s.o. for lying, is when the thought of it no longer triggers any emotion whatsoever. It can take a very long time depending on the circumstances, and impact it had.. BUT, being lied to erodes or destroys Trust, and that can't easily be restored.
You can forgive s.o. , but you might never fully trust them again.. IP: Logged |
hannaramaa
Moderator Posts: 9576
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
|
posted March 13, 2015 03:03 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ikja:
I honestly believe forgiving people is one of the things I'm supoosed to learn in this lifetime.For me, the true test if forgivenenes is not being able to recall what the person did/lied about. If I haven't forgotten, or can still remember in great detail... I haven't forgiven you.
This and once you can believe what they say again. Friedriech (however you spell him) Nietzche once said "I'm not upset you lied to me, I'm upset I can't believe you anymore." which I thought was very profound.
IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
