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Author Topic:   when someone you love is completely self destructive
aquaguy91
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Posts: 10948
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted March 25, 2015 02:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It f*cking sucks.
It's even worse when their bad decisions and carelessness affect the whole family, but especially you. My mom is terrible with money and she is a burden on me, my brother, and my extended family. I won't go into details, so don't ask. But I will say that her problem affects the family's quality of life drastically. The bad thing is she makes well above the national average but is still always broke and in debt. I'm just tired.... So beyond tired of all of the stress I have to live with on a daily basis because of this sh*t. When I get out of school in a few years I'm going to cut all financial ties with her and let her sink or swim. Even though it will be hard to do it's what I have to do. I deserve to have a life..... I haven't been able to live because of her immaturity and carelessness.

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 60958
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted March 25, 2015 04:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 10948
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted March 25, 2015 05:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Ami

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 60958
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted March 25, 2015 05:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Ami


You know, AG. your post kind of jarred me out of some thinking I needed to let go.


It was not about this particular kind of situation, something different in kind, but the same tone, one could say.

I am not making much sense but you know I love you and God loves you, too.

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Charmaine
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Posts: 334
From: Venus Next To Randall
Registered: Dec 2014

posted March 26, 2015 09:37 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Charmaine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
When it comes to family, it's harder to set boundries at times due to those ties. We feel guilty if we do set boundries because we fear being seen as selfish.

You do have the right to live your life and you should not feel bad (easier said than done, hey?).

I kind of get where you're coming from since I'm having probs with a family member too.

Best wishes. Hope things get better for you.

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Valentine
Knowflake

Posts: 100
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2014

posted March 26, 2015 03:16 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Valentine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Is anyone enabling your mom to keep being this way?
Does someone always bail her out of her financial messes? Some tough love is needed here.

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aquaguy91
Moderator

Posts: 10948
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted March 26, 2015 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for aquaguy91     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Valentine:
Is anyone enabling your mom to keep being this way?
Does someone always bail her out of her financial messes? Some tough love is needed here.

Pretty much.

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Valentine
Knowflake

Posts: 100
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2014

posted March 26, 2015 08:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Valentine     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
In that case she isn't going to change.

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teasel
Knowflake

Posts: 6782
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted March 26, 2015 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for teasel     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I don't think I could ever cut ties with Mum. I kept waiting for things to get better, but our relationship was severely damaged, and this was after being really close my whole life.

same with my sister, who, ironically, hurt me when she couldn't ignore the fact that I was living. I wasn't supposed to be alive - I'm sure she would have been fine with my dying, although she grimaced at the suggestion, at the same time as trying to physically hurt me. I will never get past my life - and my right to live it - being ignored in favour of hers.

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Ami Anne
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Posts: 60958
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted March 26, 2015 09:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am sorry, teasel

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Padre35
Knowflake

Posts: 3947
From: Asheville, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012

posted April 01, 2015 10:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Padre35     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

AG..not being glib, will say one of the impossiblities in life is saving someone..from themselves.

That is not about enabling, rather one can see the problems plain as day..they refuse to see them or the chaos they create for themselves and then ask others to help them deal with their issues..for them

Directly..or indirectly ask

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