posted April 13, 2015 12:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Interesting!
I think that article is pretty accurate because it backs up what i've seen. People do seem to value extroversion and seek out extroverted friends and partners. Introversion seems to have a negative stigma attached to it and that is silly to me. There is nothing wrong with being introverted in my opinion. I do not need to be "fixed" or become more outgoing, I like the way I am. And honestly, I wouldn't want to be extroverted even if I could magically change myself. Extroverts get on my nerves.

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posted April 13, 2015 01:13 AM            

Just to be clear, I don't mean to talk about the ends of the spectrum as if that's the only possibility, only choice A or B, that is I'm not saying an introvert never smiles or makes friends, for example. I really dislike the "only two sides of the coin" that's set here (or at least implied) as that's just inaccurate, the world is more complicated than that...easier to understand, I suppose but I'd like to think that people who did professional research would take a more complex view (and maybe they did, a scientist I know endlessly complains about how the media dumbs down reports to make it easy for their readers to understand, or maybe that's the best the reporter can understand it, which in turn makes it inaccurate).

posted April 13, 2015 01:13 AM            

Of course it's not that bad for everyone but a great many people assume the worst possible interpretation just as they do online, constantly wondering what they did wrong when a person just wants to be alone for awhile, or is tired and wants to go home, because they think the person is reacting to him or her personally and thus take it personally. And that pressures people to put on a show for the others so that they don't get a bad reputation or, ironically, so they can be left alone more. People don't see it as someone being introverted, they instead take it personally and think the introvert is stuck up or whatever, and plenty of introverted leaning people don't want that reputation, nor do they really mean to hurt the feelings of others. Or that someone who is introverted is depressed or otherwise suffering and so bother them a lot more (and may even mean well). And so it's faked, a smile plastered on, and one goes through the motions, both for selfish and/or considerate (one can be both at the same time) reasons.

posted April 13, 2015 02:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Just to be clear, I don't mean to talk about the ends of the spectrum as if that's the only possibility, only choice A or B, that is I'm not saying an introvert never smiles or makes friends, for example. I really dislike the "only two sides of the coin" that's set here (or at least implied) as that's just inaccurate, the world is more complicated than that...easier to understand, I suppose but I'd like to think that people who did professional research would take a more complex view

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I agree! I think it's important to understand that introversion and extraversion exists as polar ends of the same spectrum. It doesn't range from 0% extraversion to 100%. It's more like:

introversion------50------extraversion

All it measures is a preference towards one end over the other. This is why no two introverts or extraverts are identical. This article does account for this as is reflected in these quotes:

“The skew gets really extreme **the more extraverted** you are,”

"According to Feiler and Kleinbaum’s research, only **the most introverted** people—just 1 percent of the population— can be expected to have networks that are representative of the population in terms of extraversion."

On the MBTI, my "NTJ" functions are pretty balanced, but the "I" is off the chart, so I guess I relate to the distinction more strongly. Someone like you may not be as discouraged by the divide as someone like me.

Edit: about this,

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
And then there are ambiverts like myself, and I wonder how true that is of a lot of people?

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Here something from the article to consider:

“If you’re more extraverted, you may really have a skewed view of how extraverted other people are in general,” Feiler says. “If you’re very introverted you might actually have a pretty accurate idea.”

I think for the most part, a preference exists - no matter how subtle. I know you said you don't want to do an A/B comparison, but it seems beneficial to examine the ends of the spectrum.

posted April 13, 2015 02:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
People have many reasons to fake extroversion, especially here in the USA where our culture considers it essential to success defined as leadership and being the one to go to in order to get something done (and people also like friends who are useful, and it's easier to see--or believe anyway--that an extrovert is more useful or at least more willing to help) or otherwise make lots of money (whereas in countries like Vietnam people can feel guilty if they assert themselves so the sitch is reverse, many fake introversion as there extroversion is more likely to be rude rather than introversion). But more importantly than that it's raging insecurity. People tend to think if people don't talk then they're getting the silent treatment, if someone doesn't smile that person is mad (or needs help).

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I think this is an addressable issue. I see value in both models of behavior, so feeling pressured to be one way over the other is just stupid and counterproductive. Forgive what may seem like simple utopian views, but we should be using our time learning how to relate and work with one another rather than stuffing ourselves into some made up version of what we think people want to see.

posted April 13, 2015 05:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Interesting!
I think that article is pretty accurate because it backs up what i've seen. People do seem to value extroversion and seek out extroverted friends and partners. Introversion seems to have a negative stigma attached to it and that is silly to me. There is nothing wrong with being introverted in my opinion. I do not need to be "fixed" or become more outgoing, I like the way I am. And honestly, I wouldn't want to be extroverted even if I could magically change myself. Extroverts get on my nerves.

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posted April 13, 2015 01:17 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
I'm an extrovert (ENFJ), and I don't like other extroverts. They get on my nerves. I prefer the company of introverts.

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posted April 13, 2015 08:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
A lot of people think introversion and shyness are things that can be fixed, it's annoying. My older brother and his extroverted 1st house Leo stellium self keeps telling me going to clubs with him would solve my problems. I keep trying to tell him that I just don't have a desire to go to clubs nor would I be comfortable if I went. But he insists otherwise. The fact is loud noisy places where you have to yell to be heard are not my thing and they won't ever be no matter how much I try to force it. I'm in my element when i'm one on one or in small groups of people in laidback/quiet environments where it's possible to have deeper and more meaningful conversations. What's wrong with that?

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I hear ya! I grew up with those same messages... Been told things like, "why can't you be more like so and so (the extrovert)." I think I'm only friends with so many extroverts because they think I'm extroverted too. That's why I found this article so interesting. The truth is though, I'll literally have to mentally prepare myself to be with them. When I'm at my most genuine they think something's wrong with me like I'm sad or something. I always feel this pressure to perform... Be more engaging, energetic, funny... Otherwise I'm being called lazy because I don't want to go out to bars and parties, socially inept because I don't want to be bombarded with new faces, antisocial when I get defensive, emotionally troubled because they haven't seen me for a while... Most recently, I've been accused of being depressed because I went to a party and didn't socialize with as many people as someone thought I should have. I thought "Seriously?!" They were like "I would've thought you'd be in the middle of the room." OMG! What did you think?!!! They don't realize that the captivating (Ok! Maybe that's an exaggeration) person I am in a one on one isn't who I am around loud music and strange faces. These misconceptions have followed me around my entire life making me question and second-guess myself. In her speech on introversion, Susan Cain says, "all the times that I got the message that somehow my quiet and introverted style of being was not necessarily the right way to go, that I should be trying to pass as more of an extrovert. And I always sensed deep down that this was wrong and that introverts were pretty excellent just as they were. But for years I denied this intuition..." I relate to that and I think a lot of introverts will. I KNOW I'm not antisocial, socially inept, emotionally unstable, and something is seriously wrong with the perception that I am. I know all too well the truth in this statement from the article, "The rest of us view our social world through a distorted lens—a kind of carnival mirror that could create the impression that others are more social than we are. This could have profound effects on our job performance, relationships, and self-esteem. Having biased social perceptions could also hurt leaders or product developers." Living in this ^ world sucks, but I think we are on to finding what really needs to be "fixed."

posted April 14, 2015 02:14 PM              

As the law of attractions states, like attracts like. We naturally attract people similar to us. I'm an extrovert and while most of my friends are the same I have many that aren't. I don't see either one as wrong but see how introversion could be portrayed as negative. Doesn't mean that portrayal is indeed correct. So why waste the energy getting worked up about it?

posted April 14, 2015 04:49 PM            

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I'm in the middle with the article. It does include "may be" which signifies that there's a possibility that they may be wrong in their assumptions. I think it's impossible to know just how many extroverts and introverts are out there in the world. There are billions of people out there, many not even accounted for.

As the law of attractions states, like attracts like. We naturally attract people similar to us. I'm an extrovert and while most of my friends are the same I have many that aren't. I don't see either one as wrong but see how introversion could be portrayed as negative. Doesn't mean that portrayal is indeed correct. So why waste the energy getting worked up about it?

I don't hold that much value to either being that as human beings we are a lot more complex then two single words. I don't go around parading that I'm this and anybody who isn't can't sit with me LOL. I married an introverted Leo after all! I don't judge or presume a person to be a certain way because they're ____ or ____, I think it's wrong and creates unwarranted prejudice. If a person is extroverted good for him/her, if a person is introverted good for her/him. We are a lot deeper than our skin.

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Hey Barbie!

I won't dismiss any "maybes" The more something can be questioned, the more it can be improved. I would love to see more research on the topic.

Yes! Like does attract like. JIC you're interested, it's called homophily. The theory that opposites attract is much less verifiable. Some even call it a myth. And I agree, no type is better than the other, but the sad truth is there are lots of negative associations with introversion. It may not be correct, yet it seems to be the presiding and generally accepted view. When this is true, how else do you create change without first making a fuss. Introverts aren't worked up enough over it. I'm a passive introvert. A lot of us probably are. It may be partly why these misunderstands have existed for so long. Speaking out against these misconceptions is exhausting for me.

When I was young, my mom (an extroverted 1st house sun and Leo moon) took me to see psychologists and other professionals because I wasn't as interested in having sleepovers or slumber parties as she thought I should have been. I avoided phone calls fm friends and invitations to parties... When I would be forced into these things is when I actually got depressed which then validated their concern that something was wrong with me. Its defeating and counterproductive. It's like trying to fix a gay person by forcing the opposite sex on them. This probably happens more than we know and it's a problem. Introverted children grow up believing that something is wrong with them. Some people are afraid to speak up because they still believe something may be wrong with them. There are many differences in the world; labels helps us differentiate; prejudice comes from a willful lack of understanding by clinging to to questionable beliefs and narrow-mindedness. Please have a little more understanding for the subject.

posted April 15, 2015 01:27 AM            

Really never saying anything, to me it is just noise.

Now, when I feel the time is correct the Saggie comes up and off it goes away from banality and into fun and laughs and insights.

Just talking abt some film I've never seen and do not plan to see, or "Hey! How ya doin buddy!" to me is a waste of time unless I know them..even then "hey, did that work out for you?" is more my style