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Author
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Topic: When friends are flat out annoying about your ex moving on
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Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3345
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 19, 2015 11:41 PM
  
I thought I would share my story and start an entire new topic. I know I'm not the only one who has experienced "well meaning" friends being annoying about your ex moving on. So here I go... As many of you know my well meaning friend w/ issues. Informed me that my ex moved on with a girl that looks exactly like me so I'm told. She thinks it's funny but also messed up. She is more fascinated by it than I am. She seriously shows the picture to of the new girl to everyone. She wants me to see it so bad, and I keep telling her no. I finally snapped at her last night. I came over to her house with a friend last night. She had a friend over too. Ugh my friend gets SO NASTY when she drinks vodka, it's all fun until she takes more and more shots. She made my friend that came over look at it, I walked away. When I came back she was like "look at it"
I had enough, and said "if you were my friend you would not make me look at it." then she tried to be like "I wont" and tried to act like I was overreacting.
I firmly said "you try to get me to look at it every single time I see you"
She will never admit when she is in the wrong. So she will go on a speel about how she is such a good friend to me and how ungrateful I am.
At one point she called me an ******* . I told my friend I brought over, lets get out of here. And my vodka drinking **** starting friend was like "bye, go!" So that is that!
I think most people looking at this situation would say she is in the wrong. I told her no multiple times calmly, and finally lost it. Cause unfortunately that must be the only way to get it through her head that when I say no, I actually mean it! What a concept! IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 52493
From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 19, 2015 11:46 PM
You were right. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3345
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 20, 2015 01:11 AM
I feel bad for her. She grew up in a abusive home. Was dumped a month ago. Her relationship was longer than mine(4 years) She is still holding on to hope that she will get back with him. She still has pictures of him up. Everything in her house reminds her of him. Before we got in a fight, she asked all of us, if it would be a good idea to call him right now. We all told her no.
I really want to be there for her, but I have to do what's best for me.
As someone who quit smoking less than a year ago, and got dumped two months ago. I don't need to be around people that bring me down.We usually move past things when we get in fights, but I feel like I need to set boundaries with her, and I don't want to be around her for a long time. She is four years older than me, so when I stick up for myself she never takes it well. I just don't see the point right now. I have a busy week. And I am happy now, because I completely cut my ex out of my life, and don't have to know anything about him anymore. As my friend drove me home I started to break cry. Not because of my ex, but because my good friend is not being a good friend to me right now, and I can't be there for her anymore. I'm seeing a new guy actually, she knew I was going to see him later that night. And for her to upset me like that...**** her. It was very hard for what happened to not affect me when I saw the guy I'm seeing last night. Luckily I could talk to him about it. He was like "why are you friends with this person?" He has been though similar stuff he had his heart broken years ago, and had to deal with annoying co workers give him details about his ex girl friend cheating on him, even after he said no.
Not sure if we will take it to that next level, but I'm glad we are still getting to know each other right now, cause I would sure hate to tell someone about this drama I'm going through if they were my boyfriend. Just cause drama is ex related. My friend might not realize this, but she is not being my friend if she is trying to keep me from moving on by her behavior. So I guess I need to move on from her for a bit. Maybe we can move past this, and hopefully she learned the hard way that when someone says that they don't want to see a picture of their exes new girlfriend. They actually mean it, drop it and let it go. She is making a total jackass out herself being more obsessed about it than me. My friend that met her, cares about her, but he advised me that I might not want to spend time with her anytime soon. Since she doesn't know how to be supportive of me right now. I'm just glad she is seeing a counselor right now. Maybe that will help with her deep issues. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3345
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 20, 2015 01:48 AM
There was a lot going on when this happened, Aries new Moon and Pluto going rx. Any one that's curious,
my friend with issues is a
Aries Asc
Taurus Sun
Gemini Moon
Taurus Mercury
Gemini Venus
Capricorn Mars I'm a
Gemini Asc
Aries Sun
Scorpio Moon
Taurus Mercury
Pisces Venus
Aquarius Mars IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 6332
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted April 20, 2015 03:07 AM
I think you're handling it about as well as anyone could. I hope your friend snaps out of it. If she was recently dumped after a 4 year relationship I can see why she's not being rational right now (especially when she mixes vodka with it) but understanding her pain and behavior right now doesn't mean you have to endure such crap and when she comes to her senses she'll realize why you put some distance between the two of you and may even be grateful as it would minimize the reasons she has to cringe when she remembers her recovery time.IP: Logged |
DeepFreeze
unregistered
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posted April 20, 2015 07:33 AM
I've had similar experiences, though much less dramatic.
In my case, I just told them, politely, "I've moved on and I don't really care anymore."
I may or may not add, "it's time that we all move on. There's no point. It's all done and dead now." But I know your feeling.
I don't understand why people do that. Maybe to show that they identify with your pain. It's annoying though when there's no pain to identify with.
Or that you're supposed to feel angry... or, SOMETHING.
IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3345
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 20, 2015 10:55 AM
Thanks everybody!
I'm glad she told me my ex moved on. Cause that honestly helped me move on a hell of a lot.
But being compared to someone else, no thanks. What's the point of subjecting myself to that?
My friend is seriously trying to shove it down my throat, I don't need to see the picture to believe that she looks like me. I'll take her word and my sisters word, and that is all. I trust their word I don't need to see the evidence.
I'll let fate decide if I am suppose to see. It's possible that we could run into each other somewhere. Since we don't live far away from each other at all.Nothing I want to happen, but it's possible. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3345
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 20, 2015 10:59 AM
My friend who I brought over told me that he got mad at his friend by him just letting him know his ex moved on 6 months later. Cause he moved on and he doesn't care.My friend is a Cancer Sun, Leo moon. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3345
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted April 28, 2015 09:02 PM
I found out this friend might have breast Cancer. That and getting out of a four year relationship. Both of those things are too much to go though. I feel really bad for her.
But I still cannot have her in my life right now. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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