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Author
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Topic: How long would you wait before having sex in a new relationship?
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Leo-Cancer98
Knowflake Posts: 98
From: Toronto,Ontario,Canada
Registered: Nov 2014
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posted May 16, 2015 02:33 PM
  
I've always wanted a purity ring (Christian), but I'm not sure I'm strong willed enough to wait until marriage to have sex. I think being a Virgo with another Virgo placement (Mercury) made waiting a little easier for my older sister. I feel like I'm one of girls who would become head-over-heels obsessed with a guy once I feel a strong emotional connection with him. In addition, if I weren't waiting till marriage, I would wait at least three years cause some of these guys be going with women just cause they want sex. I would not be able to keep my sanity if he broke up with me after taking my virginity; especially if I ended up pregnant with his baby  Not to mention, I feel like guys aren't mature until they're 21-22 years old. Or is it just me? ------------------
Leo Sun/Mercury
Sagittarius Moon
Cancer Venus/Mars/Rising You haven't seen the best of me, I'm still working on my masterpiece 👊😏 IP: Logged |
midnightvenus
Knowflake Posts: 517
From: outerspace
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted May 16, 2015 02:51 PM
Most guys won't wait 3 years in a relationship to have sex.
Or they might pretend to wait, while cheating in the "background"IP: Logged |
starr33
Moderator Posts: 546
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2015 02:52 PM
Three years! I've heard of the 90 day rule, but three years? Personally, I would wait 3-6 months to see if we pass the friend test. Of course, I'd have to take a look at the merchandise.  I think a courtship is VERY important, and if the person can't wait a few months, than they're not really looking for a serious relationship. Then again this is coming from a Capricorn 5th house cusp. IP: Logged |
confusedaseff
Knowflake Posts: 404
From: somewhere between saturn and pluto
Registered: Feb 2015
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posted May 16, 2015 02:57 PM
cap stellium here with venus scorpio and mars in virgo = i go by the 90 day rule as well.. but 90 days as in 24 hours/90 days = 2, 160 hours. yup i have to have spent that much time with the man to shag him oxytocin is a hell of a drug and i'm not going to let myself catch feelings for any ol' boy. i have things to do. ------------------
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PLEASE DON'T QUOTE ME IP: Logged |
starr33
Moderator Posts: 546
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2015 03:04 PM
I mean you'll want your mate to be the whole package,right? And it takes time because you don't just want to be Moon/Wife material and leave him desiring the Venus/Girlfriend relationship. Same thing with the Jupiter/Sun/Husband and Mars/Boyfriend dichotomy. I want my mate to be reliable and responsible, but also fun and attractive, at least to me. Someone I LIKE to be with. IP: Logged |
the89freespirit
Knowflake Posts: 603
From:
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 16, 2015 03:06 PM
OP, three years is very excessive. How do you even know the relationship will last three years?Personally, I don't like "rules" when it comes to when you first have sex in a relationship. Do it when it feels right. Some people wait for a few dates or a little while. But, many people have hooked up on the first night/date and then reported having a very long, successful relationship. Whatever works. Specific rules regarding when you'll have sex is an attempt to control another person and that's not possible. Who's to say that, even after waiting that allotted amount of time, that they won't just leave then? You never know what can happen and can't try to determine how it all will unfold. You can't let fears about the other person possibly using you or leaving you control how you have your relationship with them. Btw, this isn't very astrology related unless placements are discussed, as well. I have Venus and Mars in Virgo but in the 8th. I would not want to wait more than a few dates. Not because I'm just after sex but because sex is such an important part of the connection for me that it'd just make me feel like I was dying if I had to wait that long. It'd feel way too sterile and devoid of passion to me. ------------------
Check out My Astrology Blog:
http://astroarena12.blogspot.com IP: Logged |
Aquarian Moon
Knowflake Posts: 128
From: USA
Registered: Jan 2015
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posted May 16, 2015 03:09 PM
If we're just dating, maybe the third date.A relationship where we have established we are together, immediately. IP: Logged |
midnightvenus
Knowflake Posts: 517
From: outerspace
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted May 16, 2015 03:16 PM
Please, everyone, keep in mind that OP is still a teenager >98<
She's in the phase where she's teached by society about how girls who "give it all away" are ***** , but if they don't, they're "prudes"
This makes it easier to understand where she's coming from.IP: Logged |
starr33
Moderator Posts: 546
From: Does it matter?
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2015 03:32 PM
Teenager? Then it's very important to know what your values are. It's never too early for that, although they'll probably change over time. Your main value is always yourself. Establish a friendship first, don't EVER be anyone's plaything. Is there someone specific you have in mind? Do you trust him? IP: Logged |
next to neptune
Knowflake Posts: 2593
From: The Moon
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted May 16, 2015 04:36 PM
Even though I wanted to be with someone on the first date, I would never go all the way, except for kissing a little... but I would never have sex on the first couple dates. But when I feel like I know the guy and I want him, then why should I wait? I don't get why someone would wait 90 days or 3 years? That is just really unnecessary in my opinion.. if you like the guy and he likes you, then theres no need to hold yourself back that much:P speaking from a virgo sun, with scorp venus lol
IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 62617
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted May 16, 2015 04:51 PM
Don't be cheap. Don't be easy.------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Einfühlung
Knowflake Posts: 213
From: Lily of The Valley
Registered: Feb 2015
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posted May 16, 2015 06:26 PM
It's nice to know someone your age knows how some guys think. For me, I would do it when it feels right. But it will take me awhile to actually open up to someone. I wouldn't give it away too quick and easy. I want to be secure first and make sure he likes me for me. Have a heart to heart moment. Then I will make love. I like to call it "making love" and not having sex just for the sake of having sex. It's just too.. Primal. But if course I'd consider having fun with my sweetie after making love, because I'd be comfortable with him.
Are you willing to wait 3 years because you want to be sure he's the one? To test him? I notice you have a lot of cancer placements.IP: Logged |
starmoon
Knowflake Posts: 1677
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted May 16, 2015 07:08 PM
i don't think her age really matters cuz men at all ages will chase women in the hopes of getting sex. this is something all woman deal with regardless of age. but, the longer you wait the longer you give yourself to see who the person is as an individual and whether you like their qualities or not. you should at least be at the point where you know their time of birth to do a proper synastry chart!IP: Logged |
Astra
Knowflake Posts: 669
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 16, 2015 07:27 PM
It's important to set your boundaries when you are in a relationship. Whether you are comfortable sleeping with someone on the first date or you want to wait until marriage or something in between, then you need to make this known. The other person will also have their own boundaries. If the person you are dating wants to have sex on the fifth date, but you want to wait three years, then make it clear. If neither one of you wants to compromise, then the relationship will end. If this happens, treat it as a blessing. That just means you two were not meant to be.In my personal experience, a man who truly wants to be with you, will do whatever it takes to be with you. If he has to wait 3 months, 3 years or until marriage, then he will wait. The caveat is if he truly wants you. If he just wants to have sex, then you are merely interchangeable with any other woman. He will promptly leave and find a woman who is "easier." Sex should always be your choice. If a man doesn't like it, then he can find someone else. Never have sex with someone because you are afraid that they will leave you if you don't put out. IP: Logged |
joandreamer
Knowflake Posts: 191
From:
Registered: Apr 2015
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posted May 16, 2015 07:58 PM
Teenager here
My ex boyfriend and I waited 8 months to have sex.
Although on the first date, we did get pretty physical and touchy feely, he was okay with waiting until I was completely comfortable. I don't think I will wait that long next time. I dont have an exact time frame of when I'm expecting to have sex with my next boyfriend, however, I do want to get to know him and feel comfortable before we dive right in. Cap sun, Cap Mars, Aqua Venus  IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 3078
From: Neptune with PisceanDream, Faith, and Meissieri
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted May 16, 2015 08:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Astra:
It's important to set your boundaries when you are in a relationship. Whether you are comfortable sleeping with someone on the first date or you want to wait until marriage or something in between, then you need to make this known. The other person will also have their own boundaries. If the person you are dating wants to have sex on the fifth date, but you want to wait three years, then make it clear. If neither one of you wants to compromise, then the relationship will end. If this happens, treat it as a blessing. That just means you two were not meant to be.In my personal experience, a man who truly wants to be with you, will do whatever it takes to be with you. If he has to wait 3 months, 3 years or until marriage, then he will wait. The caveat is if he truly wants you. If he just wants to have sex, then you are merely interchangeable with any other woman. He will promptly leave and find a woman who is "easier." Sex should always be your choice. If a man doesn't like it, then he can find someone else. Never have sex with someone because you are afraid that they will leave you if you don't put out.
BOOM! Could not have put it any better. There is no right or wrong time to decide to have sex, it is all a matter of what you and your partner are comfortable with. IP: Logged |
BellaFenice
Knowflake Posts: 3078
From: Neptune with PisceanDream, Faith, and Meissieri
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted May 16, 2015 08:10 PM
quote:
Originally posted by the89freespirit:
Personally, I don't like "rules" when it comes to when you first have sex in a relationship. Do it when it feels right. Some people wait for a few dates or a little while. But, many people have hooked up on the first night/date and then reported having a very long, successful relationship. Whatever works. Specific rules regarding when you'll have sex is an attempt to control another person and that's not possible. Who's to say that, even after waiting that allotted amount of time, that they won't just leave then? You never know what can happen and can't try to determine how it all will unfold. You can't let fears about the other person possibly using you or leaving you control how you have your relationship with them.
This is great too, and deserves a quote as well! IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 6438
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted May 16, 2015 08:34 PM
Whatever works for you, though be aware that's going to be a dealbreaker for some guys, but if that being a deal breaker for them is a deal breaker for you then full steam ahead...you should make your terms known at some point early on though (and they need to be honest, not some dishonest "I'm not into sex, hey why aren't you trying to get it so you can take full responsibility for it as we have it, do I need to break up with you?"--and yes, I've seen that and heard about it from others which is a terrible thing to do not only to men but also to many women who are victimized). There's pros and cons to all sorts of approaches and personal policies. As for me it varies...and I mean it really varies. Perhaps it's the philosophy and history I've read and encountered, perhaps it's my 5H Sag stellium (with Eros, too), but I see love and sex as two separate things...they go great together but more often than not people don't love those they have sex with (they may think they do--and I say otherwise based on their actions and being able to distinguish between lust and selfish obsession which typically fades over actual love) and don't have sex with those they do love (I'm not including just passionate love, though there's a surprising amount of sexual restraint even there for a variety of reasons, sometimes temporary like yours and other times it will never happen and one or both may know and regret it, though there may be good reasons involved all the same). And I think that's okay as long as those involved are honest and fairly responsible. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 5501
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted May 16, 2015 11:05 PM
I don't normally 'wait' for sex, since I'm demisexual. I just don't actually care about sex at all most of the time.
But the guys I did have sex with in my life.. I did already know for years.. not because I "waited".. but because we were in each others lives anyway and were either close friends, or in a relationship.
(Aries Sun/Capricorn Moon&Mars/Pisces Merc/Taurus Venus)But I don't think you should wait for three years... simply because you don't trust the guy!
If you feel like you don't trust someone within the first year of knowing them - that's a pretty big *problem* between you... whether it is due to their own personality and their issues, or due to a personality clash between the two of you, or whatever else.
There would be no point in 'waiting' for sex for so many years.. if the guy in question makes you feel unsafe, uncomfortable and like you cannot trust him. You should simply leave him! And conversely, if you do feel like he has always been reliable and emotionally -real- with you... then it's ok to instill trust in that. Waiting three years, when all signs point to "he's pretty damn awesome!".. is a bit excessive. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 3113
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted May 17, 2015 09:32 AM
For me personally, I have Sag Mars and moon in the 8th so sex is both very important to my emotional health as well as being something I get impatient for and just don't see the big deal about (in terms of needing to be with "the one" to have it... sex for sport is a Mars in Sag thing). I would normally wait 2-3 dates but with my current S.O. whom I am happier with than I've ever been in my life, we waited until our fourth. But having said this, we had also spent at a good 40-50 hours just talking to each other (both in person and not) before we did it. I would say waiting is good if you're really young because at that age guys really ARE just looking for piece... and if they're a lot older and pursuing you this is even more likely. But by about age 26 to your late 20's they tend to start craving stability and something more substantial... they're also likely to have developed a conscience by this age and are not that likely to be trying to just use you for sex. Early 20's or teens, absolutely, take your time. The longer the wait, the better.Just my experience and the experience of most of the people I know. IP: Logged |
Leo-Cancer98
Knowflake Posts: 98
From: Toronto,Ontario,Canada
Registered: Nov 2014
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posted May 18, 2015 07:22 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Einfühlung:
It's nice to know someone your age knows how some guys think. For me, I would do it when it feels right. But it will take me awhile to actually open up to someone. I wouldn't give it away too quick and easy. I want to be secure first and make sure he likes me for me. Have a heart to heart moment. Then I will make love. I like to call it "making love" and not having sex just for the sake of having sex. It's just too.. Primal. But if course I'd consider having fun with my sweetie after making love, because I'd be comfortable with him.
Are you willing to wait 3 years because you want to be sure he's the one? To test him? I notice you have a lot of cancer placements.
I edited my original post IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11250
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted May 18, 2015 08:44 AM
OK here's my opinion as a guy.
I don't mind if a girl wants to wait for sex. However, I want her to be sure about what she wants and not be constantly sending me mixed signals. I've had experiences with those types before and it drives me crazy. One minute they are open to sex and one minute they are waiting. They are constantly flip flopping on their attitudes towards sex. I think that would drive any guy crazy. IP: Logged |
Jo B
Knowflake Posts: 622
From: London, UK
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted May 19, 2015 08:38 PM
I live like Mother Theresa currently, but in the past I didn't usually wait that long (European here, we're a bit more relaxed about these things. )I think with my long term actual relationships I waited maybe a few dates, or we started as friends briefly and then things turned romantic so it happened then. This is not to suggest I'm a nymphomaniac however. I have plenty of guy friends/colleagues who I wouldn't dream of jumping into bed with. I suppose I go with the flow, if it's going to work out, choosing to have sex sooner or later in a romance won't really affect that. Although having sex too soon may make your partner think twice about you, and they might well wonder if you jump into bed quickly with all the guys you meet. IP: Logged |
Stawr
Moderator Posts: 3394
From: N. America
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted May 24, 2015 08:53 PM
quote:
Originally posted by midnightvenus:
Please, everyone, keep in mind that OP is still a teenager >98<
She's in the phase where she's teached by society about how girls who "give it all away" are ***** , but if they don't, they're "prudes"
This makes it easier to understand where she's coming from.
I felt that way when I was a teenager. The best advice I could give someone is that if you want a relationship. Be upfront about that before having sex. A lot of people set themselves up for disappointment if they have sex first before expressing wanting a relationship. IP: Logged |
MoonWitch
Moderator Posts: 1877
From: The Beach
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted May 24, 2015 10:38 PM
I waited three whole dates one time.IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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