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Author
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Topic: Regrets
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 07, 2015 10:18 PM
  
So, today I visited my friend in her new apartment, and it's absolutely lovely. She lives alone with her cat. Her own paintings are on the walls, her plants are healthy, her spiritual library is impressive. The light from the windows is perfect.This is where I wanted to be at age 19. This is the life I wanted and never had. I wanted to support myself on a small income from minimum wage jobs (well, that's all I could have done at that point; though my friend is a counselor and lives better.) I wanted to live alone in an efficiency apartment with some plants and a huge bookcase full of interesting, New Age books. I wanted to paint and maybe do some drugs.  Instead, I felt forced to remain at a college I hated, learn things I didn't care about, be with people I couldn't relate to. It had always been my dream to go to a good school, but I hated it (9H Chiron) and wanted to drop out. My main regret in life is not doing so. I usually followed my heart, but I fought my heart tooth and nail to stay in school. How about you? Any big regrets? IP: Logged |
DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 521
From: <--------- over there.
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 07, 2015 11:02 PM
I have a few but I'll share one.
It'll be short though. I chose a career field that interested me and that I have skills to learn. My chart supports "ability" in this field, big time. However, it's not what's in my heart.
My heart (used to be into police work but with all that's going on, no thanks) or firefighter.
But also physical therapy or counselor. Even one day when I'm in a better place in life (which I'm getting there) I'd like to be in the "Big Brother" program or things of that nature. Help some children. That's where my heart is and sometimes it makes me sad.
Sometimes I think it's cruel karma to not be in a position to do things like that because there have also been times that I've hurt people that I love. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 07, 2015 11:16 PM
Wow  I feel bad, my regret is kinda petty and selfish compared to yours.  But I also want to help people. IP: Logged |
DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 521
From: <--------- over there.
Registered: Jun 2015
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posted August 08, 2015 12:10 AM
Nah.
I don't look at it that way.
I do remember going to a young woman's apt for a service call. She was probably 20-22 years old. Watching an old black white movie, some jazz musician pictures up. Very clean place!
I'm not really into that stuff but she really caught my attention. I just couldn't help but to think, "wow! What a cool chick!"
But I was there to do a job, not to find a date. LOL
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 12:47 AM
^ That's what I meant...I think independent young women are cool, and I missed my chance to be one. I could have done it after college except the student loans, business wardrobe concerns and other business expenses had me strapped. *shrug* Not going to bellyache all night, just wanted to say...that is one thing I wish I did, that I didn't do. IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 11876
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 01:07 AM
What a great topic Faith  ....so much to say...Being in a similar boat as your friend, I'm thankful for my life...but, it's not easy and I think it's still often one of those "the grass is always greener" scenarios. . Hang in there.  IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 11876
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 01:16 AM
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 01:17 AM
T!!!!!!!I've missed you! Thanks for writing...I am finally off to bed but will reply tomorrow when my mind comes back. Hope you feel better soon! IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 01:21 AM
Aw damn I just lost a post.  Anyway T, I was saying we live on Big Rock Candy Mountain where no one ever takes anything the wrong way. It's always chill.
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 01:35 AM
Oh crap I just read what you wrote more carefully (my mind is really shot at the moment) and need to hug you before I go! Cannot just leave like I did.  Very true, my friend is supported! Her family is alive and well. She is lucky. I guess at 19 I was thinking I would be supported, too.... Living alone as alone does not seem easy, even with all the beauty and freedom of it. Your situation looks almost impossible to me...not sure I could do it all by myself, and cope with uncertainties. And I was gushing to my friend about her apartment and she was reminding me how lonely it gets. Super clean place..but that's not a friend. That's not always enough. Yes, thank you for reminding me to be mindful and keep it all in perspective. Love you too! (Am I overdoing it with just one more heart?  No? Okay ---> )
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teasel
Knowflake Posts: 7251
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 02:05 AM
...........................IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 11876
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 02:06 AM
...
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teasel
Knowflake Posts: 7251
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 02:07 AM
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T
Knowflake Posts: 11876
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 02:14 AM
hugs teasel. thanks.more to write.......bbiab IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 11876
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 02:32 AM
Faith, how could i forget about Big Rock Candy Mtn.? The place to be.  Thanks for taking the time to write something before heading off to bed and give me a hug. I feel like I'm inadvertently changing the subject now and I don't want to do that. Reminding myself now that this is not my therapy thread. Thanks for letting me spill some stuff out here. Now, I'm going to think about the regrets I might have in my life and come back to share them..... Thanks for listening  IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 11876
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 08, 2015 02:35 AM
teasel, I'm sad your post went away. I read it, but don't want to respond now that it's gone. You have my email address if you want to talk. Even though we are in different boats, some similarities still remain. you. IP: Logged |
MillyX
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From: canada
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted August 08, 2015 02:50 AM
It's not a big regret but it still is a regret. Mines was leaving my first boyfriend...It was so difficult because despite him being addicted to drugs, he was a good person, he was always looking out for me & he genuinely cared about me compared to the other ******** I dated after him. I had to leave him because he was in a bad place in life...I left him when he was depressed, jobless & I was basically the only thing that was going right in his life. It was so hard...He hated me after I left him but I loved him unconditionally, and to this day I pray that he will snap out of all the chaos currently going in his life. I also pray that someday he will forgive me...There are nights where I can't sleep, where I feel guilty for leaving him at his worse. I just feel really sad because he knows that I will always be there for him, if he needs help I will be there but I just couldnt be his girlfriend anymore...He refuses to acknowledge that I exist, in his eyes I am dead. I did everything to lend a helping hand...and everytime I get pushed away IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 11582
From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 08, 2015 03:11 AM
Things I did and didn't do during my teenage years. IP: Logged |
bansheequeen
Knowflake Posts: 1143
From: Beachville, USA
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 08, 2015 07:11 AM
I dont really think about the past but wow, I regret the opposite from you. I regret dropping out of college to support myself on a minimum wage! It's so much work trying to go back! After a while I got into a rut and I couldnt stand it anymore. I had to go back to school to pursue a job that will make me happy because i was dying inside working hard jobs for little pay and hating every minute of it.It's just silly how our versions of following our heart is so different! IP: Logged |
ikja
Knowflake Posts: 1784
From: The Valley of Restoration
Registered: Oct 2014
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posted August 08, 2015 09:15 AM
I don't have many regrets in life, tbh.A lot of the things that have made me unhappy were things that I could not control e.g. Absence of siblings. Therefore, although I look back on those things with sadness... I'm not regretful because I couldn't have changed them. Those things were greater than me. However, I think I am most regretful about the way I conducted my romantic relationships in my early teens. Tbh, I put a lot of my behaviour down to being really naive and expecting the world to be what it's not. Again, I can't say that I really regret those things, because they have taught me so much about myself and also what I value in a partner. IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 09:32 AM
quote:
Originally posted by T:
I just miss having real roots and the love that only your real family can give.
I so earnestly wish you had that. quote:
Originally posted by T:
I watch in fascination, families on TV and think.....'That's what life is really all about......" or what it's supposed to be about. They have their problems but love always prevails. They are always there for one another. I wish my family 'got that'. Maybe next lifetime.
Wish you didn't have to wait that long! That's way too long! I don't know how to communicate how much I feel for your situation...but I want you to know I understand the magnitude of the problem. And wish I could adopt you. quote:
Originally posted by T:
Faith, how could i forget about Big Rock Candy Mtn.? The place to be.
There's this cute animated version now! Where's my pipe... IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 09:34 AM
Aw I guess we all have regrets about romantic things in our teen years?Which is why I won't let my kids date at all. Problem solved. I'm sorta kidding...
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Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 09:41 AM
quote:
Originally posted by bansheequeen:
I dont really think about the past but wow, I regret the opposite from you. I regret dropping out of college to support myself on a minimum wage! It's so much work trying to go back! After a while I got into a rut and I couldnt stand it anymore. I had to go back to school to pursue a job that will make me happy because i was dying inside working hard jobs for little pay and hating every minute of it.It's just silly how our versions of following our heart is so different!
I guess the devil is in the details. If only we could live life both ways, with and without college, see how each choice plays out, and THEN choose which way to go. At the very least I should have switched schools, but I didn't want to burden my (aging) father with all that he would've had to do to help me.
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 12216
From: Bella's Hair Salon
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 08, 2015 09:50 AM
quote:
Originally posted by MillyX:
He refuses to acknowledge that I exist, in his eyes I am dead. I did everything to lend a helping hand...and everytime I get pushed away
It might be the lesser of two evils though ... If he's cold like that and can't even see how he pushed you away, he might still drag you down all the same. I find it really hard when I get attached to the best in people but they hurt me repeatedly and let me down. The emotional push and pull is too much. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 63827
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 08, 2015 08:53 PM
I was a very smart kid, a together kid and had a good sense of self. If I could go back, I would have gone to boarding school at 14, so I could have retained this. ------------------
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