Posts: 122
From: USA
Registered: Sep 2015

posted October 10, 2015 09:07 AM            

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Do you find that statement true?

Some say after your first love, you never quite love someone as deep as you did with your first. Do you believe that?

So far, it has been true for me. After breaking it off with my first love, I got into another relationship. We were even engaged but I know love (my feelings) was supposed to be deeper than that.

For some reason, I just don't "feel" things easily for people anymore. I can like someone, but have no deep feelings for them, and get over them just as quick as the liking feel comes along.

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From: The land of WP
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posted October 10, 2015 09:57 AM            

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I know this to not be true for me.

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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted October 10, 2015 10:00 AM            

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Great Thread!

------------------
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http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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posted October 10, 2015 02:04 PM            

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I've been in love many times but so far only one person means more to me than the others.

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posted October 10, 2015 04:21 PM            

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I believe the first love is actually the one who might cause deeper scars because of inexperience. That might make the person defensive in the future.
But when a great love comes along it can overcome any barriers suffering has created.

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From: USA
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posted October 10, 2015 09:46 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Soltze:
I believe the first love is actually the one who might cause deeper scars because of inexperience. That might make the person defensive in the future.
But when a great love comes along it can overcome any barriers suffering has created.

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This is such a nice perspective! I think you may be onto something. My first love was quite painful so I am a bit defensive this time around.

Hopefully I can love like that again. But that's what I meant by this post...

Can anyone ever truly love and be as vulnerable the way we were the first time around?

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From: Wankety Wankerson
Registered: Jan 2012

posted October 10, 2015 11:24 PM            

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It's been true for me thus far but I haven't really dated much since then. So I guess I won't really know until I get seriously involved with someone else.

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From: Saturn next to Charmaine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted October 11, 2015 10:16 AM            

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Disagree.

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posted October 11, 2015 01:46 PM            

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@Wondering: I think you can have a better more mature love, so the first love isn't the only one or the most special.

Yeah, you won't be so vulnerable. But it can be advisable to open up to the other person slowly. It's a lot better if trust is built over time. Too much, too fast can be a récipe for disaster

I've been there. Just believe ;-) You will find someone even better I'm sure.

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From: Canada
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posted October 13, 2015 04:12 PM            

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I think this also depends on your natal (to bring it back to astrology) and your own coping mechanisms for such hurts.

I have a Cancer Sun/Taurus Moon male friend who was "devastated" by his first true love in his early 20's when she a) moved to another country for school but they still "tried to make it work" and then b) found another man and then up and left overnight citing this as the reason.

Not fun when it ends so abruptly and you're thousands of miles away, when he thought they had a chance.

I honestly think that over a decade later he still carries this hurt with him because he never really got closure on what "could have been" between them - a case of looking at a relationship through rose coloured glasses and forgetting all the faults. I think he distrusts women in general now too, thinking they will all end up hurting him as she did.

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posted October 16, 2015 07:32 AM            

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Not true for me. I've been in love twice in very different ways, since the guys in question are very different people

But I don't count my first (teenage) love as "love" - although it lasted a long time and we had a karmic bond. I just don't feel like things were "affectionate" enough between us... so "love" isn't the best way to describe it.

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posted October 16, 2015 08:27 AM            

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Totally agree, Odette. I didn't count my teenage infatuations as love either :-D

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posted October 16, 2015 01:04 PM            

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[.]

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From: The Valley of Restoration
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posted October 16, 2015 04:01 PM            

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I think that I'll only ever be in love twice in my life tbh.

The first person I loved hurt me and made me reevaluate myself and how I understand intimacy. As a result, I'm so much more closed off when meeting new people and I feel like a man would have to pass several of my "internal" tests before I could consider him 'a love'

I'm certain that if I love again... It won't be in the same way again. I doubt it will be as deep as the first time because I think a part of me is dead.

When I fall in love again, it's going to be a mature mutual love.

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From: Saturn next to Charmaine
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posted November 18, 2015 03:19 PM            

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The capacity to Love increases with each loss of Love and failure of Love.

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posted November 18, 2015 03:41 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wondering:
Can anyone ever truly love and be as vulnerable the way we were the first time around?

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That's the question, indeed.

I've wondered about this for a long time as well.

Soltze

I'm a hopeless idealist so I believe anything is possible.

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The capacity to Love increases with each loss of Love and failure of Love.

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Sweet way of seeing it. Takes some strength for that to happen though, in my opinion.

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posted November 18, 2015 05:23 PM            

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Edit:
Changed my mind. Sowwy

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From:
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posted November 18, 2015 07:02 PM            

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Are you gonna be the same and love someone the same as your first love? No. But this brings to mind a saying I really lile which is essentially that we shpuld celebrate our second love more than the first because they healed what the first love broke. People change us when we become that vulnerable with each other. Nothing is ever the same, change is constant *goes into existential crisis*

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From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013

posted November 18, 2015 10:28 PM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The capacity to Love increases with each loss of Love and failure of Love.

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Agree. It has gotten more intense every time, with me..

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From: Canada
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posted November 19, 2015 02:53 PM            

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This is a very complex question because I think age, maturity and where we are in life have a lot to do with the answer.

It's impossible to love someone the same at 21 as 31. The 21 year old has the world at their feet with a decade of exploration ahead of them. Love to them might still be the dreamy, carefree "hearts and flowers" type of love. Someone at 31 has probably been through many tough and potentially life changing experiences, has grown substantially and may have a firm hold on who they are and what they want out of life. Love to them might be having a solid and dependable partner with similar life goals who they can build a future with. The person you dated at 21 may not grow with you and you may want more, so the person you fall in love with at 31 will reflect your "new" self. Of course these are generalizations and everyone walks a different path but you get the idea.

I think this questions pertains more or less to that naivete someone mentioned before, where feelings of falling in love for the first time are so new and exciting and life changing that the heartbreak is equally devastating. Once you experience that hurt it's very hard to forget. You can fall in love with someone again with all of the same hopes and expectations but there will always be that memory. That's why the concept of "baggage" exists because I think we all carry forward our memories of past hurts and we can't help but be weary in our new encounters.

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posted November 19, 2015 02:56 PM            

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Very true. Last night I found out my ex started a relationship with another girl while she was with me.
LOL - my loving habilities are a bit stunted right now. We broke up a year ago, but still it was all a lie.

I just hope I find someone really kind who can make me believe again.

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From: Uranus
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posted November 29, 2015 08:29 PM            

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I don't think the statement "you only fall in love once" is a general truism. We are all wired differently, which is reflected in how we are in love. Some do truly only love once, but some also have the capacity to love many times in life. Some love many at once, and some none at all.

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From: san diego, ca, USA
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posted December 08, 2015 02:30 AM            

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quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
The capacity to Love increases with each loss of Love and failure of Love.

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Oh thank you for saying this. You give me hope.

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From: The land of WP
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posted December 08, 2015 06:50 AM            

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^^
I think it can be true. It is for me.
Some may come out of heartbreak thinking, "I'm never doing that again. I'm putting up a bigger wall for the next person."

For others (me), I think, "Wow! I survived! It didn't kill me. There's no reason to be scared. I'll be fine! I wanna do it again!"

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posted December 24, 2015 08:23 PM            

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^ Yes... That's a good way to describe it. I have no walls
I just feel like - we're all "people", not monsters... you know.

So there is no reason to be scared. It's not like you can avoid pain in life either way. It's completely impossible to do this on both a physical and psychological level. If you are alive - you will be in pain at one stage or another - and you need coping skills.
Running away won't always be helpful, and it won't always be possible.

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