Posts: 3465
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014

posted January 30, 2016 03:22 PM            

---

I've been feeling like that for about 2-3 weeks, but not very constant. I don't know if it's part of the mourning process or it's something else. I feel like nothing satisfies me anymore. I don't feel like talking or hanging out with people. I am disappointed in myself, after my mom's death I said I will turn my life around and I'm still twiddling my thumbs. I said I won't take relationships seriously and it saddens me when one doesn't seem to pan out. My ex's attitude bothers me, he seems to be taking our break up very lightly, sleeping around and partying, now that he's healthier. I wanted to party too when we were together, but he was sick all the time, so we never could do anything. Now he's partying and I'm sitting alone in my kitchen wondering when the hell my life went by and where it's going from here. I read an article today criticizing women in their 40s that put their career first and ended up alone and sad and it's quite likely that's gonna be me and there's nothing I can do about it. I just feel like life is so hard sometimes and there's no comfort. You go through it alone and then there's more trouble and heartache. Well, my life at least. And I don't understand what's the point of living anyway. I don't think about suicide, haven't done it in a while, but ultimately why go through all this drama? What for? Some will say evolution, but to what end? Why must I evolve if my soul is perfect as it is? Makes no sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. It's just an absurd passing of hours and days and years. I don't know why I'd keep trying. I don't understand ambitious people sometimes. Nothing is real, they take it so seriously though. Maybe they have it better. Perhaps. I don't know what's good and what's bad anymore. I don't even think they exist.

I am not making sense much. I'm in a crisis.

IP: Logged

Posts: 432
From: Canada
Registered: Dec 2014

posted January 30, 2016 05:40 PM            

---

It sounds as though you have depression. I hope that you have someone to talk to, I really wish there was a pm function here, i would have more to tell you privately. i can say there is meaning and purpose for all of our lives, and most times there's a light at the end of the tunnel, try to change your thoughts, don't be so hard on yourself, you do matter.

IP: Logged

Posts: 7761
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 01, 2016 02:00 PM            

---

It's understandable, what you're feeling. I hope nobody has made you feel that you should be fine. I can't imagine losing either parent. I almost lost one, two years ago, and I was terrified.

IP: Logged