posted February 03, 2016 12:27 PM
I went on a date with someone this past Sunday. We've never met before but know the same people. I met him online. He had been contacting me for weeks but I ignored him as I wasn't interested in meeting him.Then, Saturday, he told me how sad he was and how he was super depressed. I guess this tugged on my emotional strings and I decided to meet him the next day.
I was nervous when we met, he on the other hand, was warm and welcoming. He told me a lot about himself. Then he took me to an area to smoke weed. I didn't want to and said no several times. On the last no, he gave me an attitude and said "Really? Wow.. just do it, it's easy" Then pushed the pipe towards my mouth and I reluctantly inhaled once.
After coughing my lungs out, he said we should go back to my place. I said no and we kept walking around. After walking about 5 blocks and 2 avenues, he was getting annoyed realizing that I wasn't taking him home. He started getting mad saying this was basically a waste of time then and he was freezing. I felt bad and brought him home. Thankfully, I had guests in my house so I was being careful.
He came over and we ate dinner. (Him, my roommate, and I). Things were fine. We ended up cuddling and watching tv after but he began getting very aggressive. He kept kissing me even after I no longer wanted to. I could barely breathe and when I stopped, he said I was blowing him off, just like everyone else does and he's sick of it. I told him I'm clearly not blowing him off since he's here and I've been more than nice to him.
It got to the point he kept trying to rub me sexually to the point where I would push him off but his hands were too strong. Long story short, we wound up hooking up but not having sex. I'm a clean girl... I don't ever do this, honestly. I've only been sexual with one other person and he was a long term boyfriend.
This guy and I are still talking. Not frequently but I don't want to anyway. I've been ignoring him.
I feel so disgusted with myself. I'm so embarrassed. I feel dirty and contaminated. I don't know why I did this with him especially since we have no connection. I don't know how to feel, but I mostly feel empty, gross, and like I am no longer pure