posted May 11, 2016 02:48 AM            

To me, the person put me in a "position of power", asking for things I can "give" and "allow". That made my skin crawl. It was like hearing nails on chalkboard.

Some months ago, someone asked me for "a chance". I was like UGH.

Anyone knows what I mean?

posted May 11, 2016 11:19 PM            

I experience such things differently. It's not so much about being in a position of power as it is about having an uninvited responsibility. In fact, it feels more disempowering than anything else. There's a difference between "offering" an apology and "asking" for forgiveness. One is done freely and without obligation. It acknowledges your feelings and establishes healthy boundaries. The other creates a moral imperative where you feel obliged to concede in order to maintain your moral or ethical standards. That puts you at a disadvantage. You know this is the case if it involves a moral dilemma. Would you feel unduly vilified if you were to deny forgiveness even knowing you have right to? Asking for forgiveness is usually done out of selfishness or a need for approval, which is highly insincere and you can feel it. Instead of taking responsibility for whatever it is (s)he did, (s)he transferred that burden unto you. I hate that. It's defeating. Either the person doesn't know how to apologize, or you're being manipulated. I've learned that there's a reason for feeling repulsed by such requests and you should pay attention as to why. I don't like feeling imposed upon and I most definitely don't like people making a martyr of themselves at my expense.

posted May 12, 2016 05:30 AM            

If it's severe enough to warrant such a response, I've likely moved on from associating with that person entirely. There's been a few times when I've made it clear that the relationship is over, only to be asked this shortly after. It's like, really? How can I genuinely forgive you when I'm still upset about it? It's a way too personal to me, and maybe even a little inconsiderate, like asking me to hurry up and stop crying. And it puts me in a weird position because the truth (which is likely no) is not what they want to hear and not something I really want to say. To me, it's asking me to lie - not that I don't forgive anyone, ever, but I do it at my own pace.

If it's anything less than severe (like an argument or perceived slight) than I promptly get over it within the span of about 3 seconds, and I likely won't remember it. There's nothing to forgive because I've pretty much wiped it from my brain - but some people still persist and ask for it. And that just feels awkward. It makes me wonder if they feel guilty about something else, since they're overcompensating for things that don't really matter.