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  "Once a cheater, always a cheater"

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Author Topic:   "Once a cheater, always a cheater"

Posts: 749
Registered: Jan 2015

posted August 29, 2017 04:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Astrologers describe venus in Taurus as a loyal/devoted partner, it takes 1st place among other venus signs.

Mars in Cancer, I've read a lot of people who have this placement say that they can't cheat on their partner due to the attachment and hard to let go.

The person I'm with has this two placement and while in a relationship with me, he gets caught numerous times trying to hit another women, especially his co-workers. He has a history developing romantic relationship with his co-worker, including me, what I know he had two previous relationship with his co-workers while on-off with his longtime gf at the time.

I have tried to tell him that after years I have enough of his wandering eyes and I want that he and I move on with new relationship with new person, but he always comes back and keep getting caught with the same pattern (hitting his co-workers) although little by little he shows me that he wants me and the relationship.

I am torn between keeping this relationship longer and how longer I need to patiently wait him to make up his mind? I can't even have the same amount of time with my friends as him. I feel like being lock-in while he has his freedom. And his inconsistency gives me nerves, he still has wondering eyes tendency behind my back and still denying it.

I am torn between a philosophy of "once a cheater, always a cheater" and the theory of his two placements that known to be a faithful partner.

I am in a dilemma. What's wiser choice?

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Posts: 2536
From: Sound
Registered: Aug 2011

posted August 29, 2017 04:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Voix_de_la_Mer     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Dear Hearttreasure,

Perhaps these areas of the chart or personality are underdeveloped. It is *their* job to solve that.

So, in these circumstances, I always feel it is wise to assess not the astrology, nor the words, but the *behaviour* of the person in question. Ultimately, what one does says far more about who they are than what they say or what their chart implies.

I would make my choice based on whether that behaviour violates my boundaries or values, personally.

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posted August 29, 2017 05:37 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for your feedback Voix_de_la_Mer.

Yes, I feel that he violates my values so many times and that so many times I have tried to tell him how his behavior disrespectful our relationship and me as a partner and why should we keep it longer?

He always resist to answer it.

It's hard to assess his behavior as he can be so inconsistent and moody. He tend to change his mind quickly too.

I feel confused so I run to read and find a lot of resources. Do you think he play mind games?

It's hard to not believe theories though as some may apply in real life.

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Posts: 9067
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010

posted August 29, 2017 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for PixieJane     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I'm not sure about "once a cheater, always a cheater." But I am sure that someone showing a pattern is not going to change. This isn't a one time thing based on extraordinary circumstances or whatever. This is something that happens again and again, and allowing him to come back tells him that it's tolerable to you so he's going to keep doing it. Whether he's carelessly manipulating you and playing games or if he's sincerely conflicted and guilt-ridden over it shouldn't matter. He does it over and over again and he'll keep doing it. It's a fundamental part of his adult personality, and that doesn't change. (It can, but it won't be by anything you do.)

And experience has taught me to rely a lot less on astrology than I used to determine someone's behavior. At best, there are just too many other factors (astrological and otherwise) involved.

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posted August 30, 2017 04:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for hearttreasure     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you for your feedback too PixieJane.

The problem is I have a hard time to break the relationship with him.

The last time I asked him for a final done of our relationship, two weeks ago, he didn't say anything, usually he said "okay" or using threatening words. I really thought he finally could understand. But the next day, someone was knocking my door while I did sewing, I thought it was a mail man (I was waiting for delivery package too) so I opened the door, no, it was him ready to take his shoes off and came in like yesterday break up statement was nothing. Usually he would not ever try to come at my place after a break up or an argument for a week or more. He had done this sudden visit several times if we argued lately.

Another major change from him was when we had dinner and, I didn't know how, he started bring the past and blamed me. I was really really angry at the time (but still trying to talk with low voices as we were in public area) so I put every facts I had in the table and said, "you know what? I am the stupid one, I know all of it but still choosing to stay with your sh**s because I am so stupid to believe what you're saying that you can change!" I threw my face off from him and tried to hold my tears (because if I did other gestures like leaving, it could attract drama because I knew he would run after me and people would look, I didn't want it).. After I said it, he didn't say anything (usually he would say something to defense himself to avoid responsibility of his actions = excuses, the more people there the louder he could be).. He tried to hold my hands, I refused it.. I could see him keep checking me and where I looked, like he was afraid I was leaving.. He tried to hold my hands again and tightly hold it when he got it. He didn't say anything but still kept looking at me or where I looked but I still threw my face off from him. After awhile I felt awkward so I said I wanted to go home, he said he wanted to see another place with me, I said I was too tired, he said he wouldn't drive me home so I should come with him. He then started being silly and goofy tried to cheer me up. When he drove me, he held my hand along the way like trying to comfort or trying to say "it's okay, I am here, don't worry". He usually did the opposite: hanging me nowhere with mixed signals or defend himself like he never did anything wrong and the truth is bulls*.

I don't know if this is my own problem because of the less trust I have to him so it makes me over thinking everything?

Or he really is having his own problems, having a difficulty to commit?

His developing pattern of habit quite scare me if thinking about the future. He may changes his mind a lot, but if he has developed some patterns, I know it's going to be very sloooowwww to change or probably won't. Time will tell, but for how long I wait for the change?

Neither of us want to publicly say that we are in relationship. In the past I was asking him a lot of time for a solid foundation so I knew where I stand with him, but he was like changing his mind a lot and creating drama. I didn't want to attract a lot of other people's attention because of our on-off relationship, so I stopped asking and told him that I considered his indecisive mind as a solid answer for the relationship and in the future if he's asking for a solid foundation, I have my right to say "I am confused" and have the same indecisive mind.

Here I am getting attacked by my own confusion thoughts.

I really don't know what to do anymore in this relationship. My feeling is like a mudslide right now. Are we switching the side, where I am the indecisive one at this moment? I don't want to hurt him by ghosting.

What to do?

Should I find peace for myself to find the answer? He really gets on my nerve with those inconsistencies.

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