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Author Topic:   Question about karma. Or whatever it is...
charlie
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posted January 07, 2018 06:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Through my own marriage, and through my husband's relationship with his daughter, I have come to realize just how much of an a s s hole my dad was to my mom.
I always came first and she was ignored. I could do no wrong and if I did-which I ALWAYS did ( I was a sly little *******)-it was promptly smoothed over by dad whereas mom wanted to teach me a lesson. She got **** for it later.

That's pretty much all I have to say.

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Randall
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posted January 08, 2018 01:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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Randall
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posted January 30, 2018 06:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I had similar experiences.

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Randall
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posted February 25, 2018 01:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump!

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Randall
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posted February 26, 2018 12:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
My dad was the same way.

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Randall
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posted March 01, 2018 10:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We carry the imprint of our parents, and that impression is undeniable.

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charlie
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posted March 04, 2018 07:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
My dad was the same way.

What to do?

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Randall
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posted March 04, 2018 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Rise above.

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Ayelet
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posted March 04, 2018 06:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ayelet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Do you feel your husband treats you the same way your dad treated your mom? If so, does your husband know how you feel?

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Randall
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posted March 05, 2018 09:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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charlie
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posted March 05, 2018 04:12 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ayelet:
Do you feel your husband treats you the same way your dad treated your mom? If so, does your husband know how you feel?

Yes and yes. Some things he has changed because it struck a chord with him but other things not so much.

The problem with my husband is that he knows I don't lie to him and this is a personal choice I made based on his personality. Even a white lie would cause huge problems between us so what puzzles me is that when I tell him the truth the way I see it, he thinks I am lying. But certain behaviors are blatantly obvious. I would NEVER have noticed them had it not been for the fact that I lived with them when I was a child.

My mom near enough couldn't stand me because I got so much attention from my dad and she drank a lot and she said some REALLY mean things to me. It's all forgiven now and she's sober and I think she's just happy that I am not around anymore. Now that I am in the same situation I actually feel even more sorry for what she went through-NOT saying it was my fault. It was my Dad's.

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Randall
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posted March 06, 2018 10:29 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Forgiveness erases Karma.

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Ayelet
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posted March 07, 2018 08:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ayelet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Now that you understand the way your mother felt, what would you advise her? Whatever you would say to her, is it applicable to you?

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Randall
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posted March 08, 2018 10:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Great questions.

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Ayelet
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posted March 08, 2018 01:03 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ayelet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Needless to say, I'm sorry you go through this. It sounds painful. What I meant was for you to try and use the new understanding you gained as a guide for you to cope with it all.

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charlie
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posted March 09, 2018 01:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for charlie     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ayelet:
Needless to say, I'm sorry you go through this. It sounds painful. What I meant was for you to try and use the new understanding you gained as a guide for you to cope with it all.

She was economically "stuck" with my dad which is something that won't happen to me and this is something that I am suppose to learn; to be economically independant. Can't recall which placement/s I have that indicate this but I've read it quite a few times.

I am free to leave when I want I suppose but I am still pondering on the irony of it all..

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Ayelet
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posted March 12, 2018 09:11 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ayelet     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
She was economically "stuck" with my dad which is something that won't happen to me and this is something that I am suppose to learn; to be economically independant. Can't recall which placement/s I have that indicate this but I've read it quite a few times.

I am free to leave when I want I suppose but I am still pondering on the irony of it all..


Perhaps you don't leave yet, love to your partner aside, because through this dynamics you re-live your childhood in a way you didn't guess before you would. Maybe it is a surprise, a shock, and even though it's painful, you are mesmerised to the experience. By what you wrote it seems you are planning on leaving, not putting up with this or being unkind to the daughter, the way your mom did.

I wish for you the least hurt feelings when you do what you feel you have to do, whatever it is...

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