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Author Topic:   I Will be dead long before Pluto is done with me

Posts: 35
From: Montrťal, Quebec, Canada
Registered: Jan 2017

posted February 26, 2018 11:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Davina98     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I donít like myself and anyone that reminds me of me. Thatís why I have so much hate in my heart but crave love. I donít have a symmetrical face or body. I am severely bowlegged. I have a severe mental illness that I caused myself because I am stupid too. People notice now, because itís gotten worst (the stupid). Everyday I tell myself that I want to die. But Iím so nuts..cause Iím tugged between that and feeling that thatís not what the bottom of my heart wants. The bottom of my heart is convinced that I am going to be able to love and to be loved one day. The bottom of my heart knows that it can express itself creatively. I do not want a daughter with the same hair, legs, body and big nose as me. I need to get with someone with good genes to make my children look good. My natural hair is so ugly because Iíve permed it too much eversince I was little. Because I did not think I was pretty enough with that short nappy hair. Everytime I stare in the mirror I donít feel anything. Like I am looking at nothing. (Transit Neptune Opposing Ascendant) I am rotten at the core. I understand why white people used to think black people were an errror. (NOT THAT WE DESERVED ANY OF THE TREATMENT EVEN HAD WE BEEN AN ERROR). (yeah I am hard on myself, Moon in Cappy square Saturn in 8th) We donít have good hair, our breasts arenít healthy. This is just the truth for most of us. But all I want is to express myself creatively, from the bottom of my heart. For things to get better. To be chosen first with reason. To have strength to bear the meaning of my life when I find out what it is. I am scared sometimes that I will look in the mirror during the night and see a demon instead of my reflection. Because thatís whatís impeaching me to speak. Write, think, dance, sing, learn, remember, laugh. I have felt it.

It is trying to end me, kill me by making me kill myself (Transiting Pluto Opposing Sun + Transiting Pluto Contra-Parallel Sun & Venus). I am not a good person. I have stolen a lot of things from people (Saturn in Taurus 8th House). I know that I have good aspects in my chart, (ex. Saturn Sextile Mars in Cancer just makes me an extra stubborn coward. I do NOT want to go at war, ever. Iíll die in my bedsheets first) but every good aspect just makes a badly aspected planet better at being bad. I am obsessed, all the time. Not even in love because I am not able to love. I can only hate, envy, crave and be negatively attached. (Transiting Pluto Inconjunct & Contra-Parallel Venus). I know it all starts within my own heart. But what to do when this very heart is possessed? I canít even pray. I just forget what Iím praying about because of the stupid!! (Remember?)

Youíre life isnít that bad.

Plus it runs in the family. My motherís been single for 17 years. And sheís not very smart either to me. Sheís dedicated to the church like no one Iíve ever seen. Eversince before I was born. But weíre poor and have no one in our lives. Everyone talks **** about us. Guess what happened last year. She met someone and was about to finally get married when he died of a throat cancer.

Long story short all the women in my family are possessed with a spirit of failure that makes men run away or die. and I canít pray to god because he hasenít done anything for my mother who I can attest is his most faithful servent.

All I wanted was to express myself. Sorry about all the ugliness on your screen now. All I want is to express something beautiful but I have nothing beautiful in my life. No talent, inspiration or brains. So all I can do is make your timeline ugly too.

July 10 1998
10:16 AM
Montrťal, Canada

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