posted March 13, 2019 12:45 AM            

Guilt does nothing,
it's what we do and be
now that matters...

posted March 13, 2019 11:42 PM            

I feel our relationship is over for good. I feel she moved on a while ago from me. I deep down feel a crippling sense of guilt that we did not move to our own apartment and kept thinking I needed a different job so we lived in my parents house for 4 months. I didn't realize the importance of moving out, that she became resentful and stopped communicating with me. It's like I just kept staying in my routine here, going to work, coming home and doing the same thing even though she moved here. I guess changes are hard for me and even though I wasn't happy here either, the routine was familiar and all I knew at the time.

She had a change and was growing being in a new area, meeting new people and I wasn't. It was what I always knew so I was not growing. She said we weren't growing together anymore but it's because I needed a change before she even moved here. This is my fault for not taking initiative and the pain of what I didn't do is ruining my life.

I don't know when or how I should contact her but based on what she wrote to me in an email I feel she made this decision a while ago.

The fact that it was my fault that things happened the way they did is eating me alive. I feel like I lost the person I am supposed to be with and it wasn't even that difficult, I just was blind to changes I need to make to advance my future and this impacted my relationship. I don't know why I did this but have a terrible feeling I will always regret what happened.

We never had a conversation about things in the last two months of being together and then she ended things through an email. I just didn't take daily action toward moving out and finding a new job and it cost me the person I have the deepest connection with. I don't feel I can ever forgive myself for this and wonder if things will ever be ok again.

We were together 9 years. I feel like my confidence and personality is gone. I can't sleep and just feel anxious all the time now. I didn't even see that she had moved on while she was staying here. I keep wondering if we just got our own apartment to begin with she would still be in my life.

No matter what I do or who I talk to, nothing will replace the sweet world we had. It meant everything to me. I truly miss her and feel awful that I did this to us. I know logically it's not entirely my fault but most of it is. I just wasn't being realistic and taking action and I loved her unconditionally but she probably thought of me as someone who wouldn't change so she left. I did make a change by leaving my job to find other employment (which she supported and we discussed in advance) at the end of last year but then had bronchitis for a month and she ended things 3 weeks after I left my job.

I didn't take charge and grow up enough while we were together. I don't know why that is. I didn't grow enough. Now I feel completely lost and have been crying, panic attacks, unable to sleep every night.

posted March 14, 2019 10:00 AM            

First, a big hug of Love
to you...
As you mentioned, she was
already moving on before
you realized it...everything
happens for a reason..there's
a lot that has been left un-
resolved...we don't know what
we had til we lose it..
If she is the Other Half of
you, she'll be back..
In the meantime, find you, love
yourSelf, be yourSelf, you did
nothing wrong..
In the forum Universal Codes,
I have a topic, The 3 Principles..
About how our Thoughts create
our reality...I think this might
help you see things in a different
Light..
I wish you Love and Healing,
The Light is within you. ...

posted April 10, 2019 02:31 AM            

Thanks so much for your reply. i checked out your writings and find them fascinating. The sense of interconnectedness and how you're able to piece together pieces to form a sense of cohesion. It's all how you perceive things. Reading your thread where you mention Horus reminded me of how I met her, she liked this plastic goat I had in my backpack as a joke (I named him Horace).'

I've mentally been in the worst space of my life lately. I feel drained and like I'm barely holding it together. But, your thoughts determine your behavior and the outcome of events.
I need to keep reminding myself of this as I struggle with negative ruminating and dwelling.

posted April 10, 2019 02:31 AM            

Thanks so much for your reply. i checked out your writings and find them fascinating. The sense of interconnectedness and how you're able to piece together pieces to form a sense of cohesion. It's all how you perceive things. Reading your thread where you mention Horus reminded me of how I met her, she liked this plastic goat I had in my backpack as a joke (I named him Horace).'

I've mentally been in the worst space of my life lately. I feel drained and like I'm barely holding it together. But, your thoughts determine your behavior and the outcome of events.
I need to keep reminding myself of this as I struggle with negative ruminating and dwelling.

posted April 10, 2019 11:18 AM            

Your reply has truly
warmed my heart...

Once we realize we are
choosing pain and suffering,
jealousy and anger, etc..
We can then work on
choosing positive thoughts
to replace negative ones..
It truly is our choice, we
are choosing our thoughts!

This is the secret that
has been kept from us
for a very long time...

Positive Thoughts =
Higher Consciousness

..remember, we have never
been seperated, an illusion
of our Body Temple in this
World of Matter...

As above
So below