posted October 17, 2022 11:40 PM            

Yes this is mostly all old news but today I feel like my world is falling into the deep abyss of dismal despair even more and coping is taxing me nigh onto beyond my physical and psychological and emotional limits👽

The new bomb on things to my great shock and sorrow, is what
I just learned😭😭😭
that my sister 9 years younger than myself is dying😭👽
She had in the past year survived a double radical mastectomy for breast cancers but it returned and has spread to her bones👽😭
She does not have long to live😭😭😭😭👽

Whilst my family is not close she and I just lost contact and that was okay as I am impoverished and have been disabled since 1989, and she very fit and active
and was/is rather wealthy and being a college professor with a PhD and she is an archaeologist and more😎❤️
I was and am very proud of her accomplishments😎
Her life has been full and busy and I was happy for her❤️🥰😎
We lived//live in totally different worlds so it is a-okay that we grew apart😎
That is the reality of living and nothing wrong with that😎

quote:

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But now she is dying😭😭😭

---

She has two teen sons💙

I feel so damn lost and can barely hold on with all the horrors going on in my life and my beloved husband afflicted with a Heriditary incurable liver disease and who is also disabled😭

There is nothing I can do for my sister nor she for me😭

Even though we have not spoken since about 1988
she is still my sister and this saddens me greatly😭

I Just want to say folks
Appreciate and enjoy your lives to the fullest😎❤️
Do not waste a moment of any of it💙

Love, blessings, good health and fortune to all of you🥰❤️🌈

------------------
Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography
Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
♥ LexAgramming
Lexperience!🔠✍️

posted October 18, 2022 09:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I still beLIeVE you'll pull through. The lesson I have learned this past year is to tell everyone you Love them if you do, and take every chance to spend time with those you Love.

---

I intend to survive
I just have to take it one
day at a time😎

posted October 19, 2022 11:06 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Few would be able to endure your life, but your whole life has been preparing you for this.

---

I would rather be normal but cannot so might as well get what I can and embrace the siffering and the learning experiences😎

Am I happy⁉️
No😭
However I do my best to find at least some small joy every day and I still savor life despite all the pain and agony and terrible things going on🌈💙

Am I depressed⁉️
Not really, more like resigned to my lot in life and doing my best to keep going and hoping that I shall recover from at least part of all these terrible illnesses plaguing me💙🌈

The partial paralysis today is bad😭👽 and yes terrifying😭 because no idea when it will abaye at least some👽
Seriously as bad as severe pain is it is better than paralysis 💙❤️

Ok been at hospital again so going to try and rest up for the next two days nore hospital doings and chemotherapy 💙
Virtually every week is anywhere from 2 to 5 damn s having the be at medical appointments👽😭
Very exhausting and stressful to say the he least😭👽

posted October 19, 2022 06:53 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
Sweet Lexxigrammer, that is a lot to endure and I wish there was something I could say to make it easier for you but I don’t know how. I think you’re very brave for fighting this battle. I don’t know why, but I can imagine you as a fierce warrior who knows it’s a losing battle but still standing tall because you’re fighting for what you believe is right. There is no other option than looking the enemy right in the eye, it’s not going away when we close our eyes.

---

A warrior😳⁉️👽
Well I am not a quitter and refuse to give up after all the nightmarish hardships I have had to endure in my life to date😎

People keep telling me I should give up and
even doctors say they could not go on if they were in my shoes👽😳

Death shall come eventually but no way am I jumping out of the this life unless it becomes blatantly necessary💙

I have many good memories of when I had over come my childhood illnesses and diseases or at least found ways to adapt and live despite them all😎
I became amazingly strong, stronger than most men even though I am female😎
I was in advertisements for Gold's Gym and GNC the General Nutrition Company health food etcetera store😎
I could easily lift 600 pounds and curl 120 pounds with one forearm😎
I did hanging by my knees abdominal crunches whilst clutching a 90 pound plate to my chest😎
Sigh💙
Many bad memories 😳👽😭
but many good ones too😎🥰

I am not done yet with this life😎🥰
Just have to hold on one day at a time as best as possible 😎

My biggest thing is that I hate being a burden to my beloved husband who is disabled also and afflicted with an incurable liver disease that is Heriditary and requires periodic surgeries to keep it under control
for as long as possible😭
He also suffers from a rare type of migraine condition for which the only cure is a temporal lobotomy, brain surgery that could
kill him for r leave him a vegetable 👽
I hate being a burden to him😭

I appreciate and still enjoy the little le joys this life still allows me to have😎💞🥰

posted October 19, 2022 09:00 PM            

Well at least my 4 and a 1/2
feet of long hair fell out
mysteriously in 2020👽🤪
The rest fell out in the past
few months from chemotherapy 😳
Radiation burns I have had before
as a child at ages 2 and 4 so
not too freaked out👽😳

Ain't life a freaking scream⁉️👽🤪😜😳

posted October 20, 2022 05:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I'm sending you good thoughts, Lexx. Life has been hard here too. I'm lost in alcoholism and drug addiction and I hate life so much that I can't even be sober anymore. I never drank or smoked weed really until a few years ago. I suffered through years of loneliness and poor treatment sober, but after a certain point I lost the ability to feel any good emotions without being sober. It's hard to feel good when nobody cares about you in your day to day life. ❤️❤️❤️

---

My mother is an alcohol and my father
was one until he almost died from it 😭

I know you might not try again but
please go to someone about the
alcoholism💙
Two of my brothers were
alcoholics and we're able
to conquer it with the right
medications and counseling💙

In fact my baby brother is like
you and I and is afflicted
with being on the
Autism/Asperger's Spectrum😭
So was my father😭

So yeah I am intimately famillar with alcoholism and folks on the
Autism Asperger's Spectrum
including myself with because ng
on the Autism
Asperger's Spectrum 👽

I am going to say it again in hopes
that some deeper part of you hears
me and
knows that I sincerely do mean
it when I say;

quote:

---

aquaguy91
I DO CARE ABOUT YOU🥰💞🥰💋🌈

---

Yes I care sincerely
about you aquaguy91
and I again am taking
my precious time to try and help you💙💙💙
despite the fact that I am struggling
with cancers that few survive😭
I care deeply about you and all
who suffer 💙😭

Please give it all some
thought please
as to if you can
hibk of anything I could do
to help you💙💙💙

Hope today is better for you🥰🌈💙

------------------
Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography
Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
♥ LexAgramming
Lexperience!🔠✍️

posted October 20, 2022 05:06 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
Thank you for your reply, Lexxigrammer. It’s good to see there is still perspective on improvement. And your words have only proven to me that you are indeed a warrior, like a Valkyrie. 😁

https://youtu.be/GGU1P6lBW6Q

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posted October 20, 2022 05:32 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by saronna:
I'm so sorry lexx you are going through a hard time and sadness is overwhelming.sending you hugs and love ❤️ I will pray that you get better. I don't know if there's a God but I do prayer and meditation and it helps me find a happy place when I was going through some really tough times and it help me cope and with the sadness.

---

posted October 20, 2022 10:42 PM            

Question for all here,
Why do folks feel it is okay
to thrust their beliefs on
others ⁉️👽
without taking into
consideration
that it is very thoughtless
and rude and disrespectful
to assume that everyone believes
in the same God or not as them👽
I value sincere caring from
a fellow human being 🥰as real
and sincere 🥰
but want nothing to do with religion
and prayer ever👽
My apologies 💙
if I have offended you or
anyone here but
frankly the entire prayer concept
freaks me out and gives
me bad vibes👽👽👽
SHUDDER👽👽👽👽
I have received too much
bloody physical abuse and
emotional abuse from
Christians and do not want
prayers inflicted upon me👽👽👽

Bless you muchly for caring
💙🥰
But drop the prayers and
religious business please👽💙

Yes I meditate every day
and that helps💙🥰🧘

Edit to add comments👽

Today one of the chemothetapy nurses
again
would not stop singing about her
god and Jesus and preaching
at me again👽
I am stressed out enough with
chemotherapy and exhaustion and do
not appreciated having a
Christian religious looney invading my personal space again🤬
She prays out loud in public at
chemothetapy
and sings loudly about
Jesus etcetera and
thanks her god evey time
she does anything
loudly praising Jesus and such👽
Absolutely no respect from her
for the non Christiane
getting chemothetapy
and other intravenous treatments👽🤬

So yeah I am rather disgusted
with the whole Christian thing
of shoving their
religious crap at me🤬

It happens too often in the medical
settings🤬👽
Usually when rabid religious nurses
and doctors
find out one is not of their religion,
they become nasty and rude and
even abusive🤬👽

I could tell you many
horror stories about the literally
100s of times Christians and
some of other religions have been
nasty or worse towards me 🤬👽
Okay rant over💙
I hope you and others understand 💙
why I am upset again over the religious
invasions👽

posted October 21, 2022 02:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
Hi Lexxigrammer, religion can be a wonderful support but it’s a very personal matter so I agree with you that people should not push their beliefs unto others. Unfortunately, there is a strong connection between religion and authority and power. Historically, religion has been used to control the masses so they will accept certain things without questions. People grow up with certain religious dogmas that only come from the desire to control people and they forget what true spirituality is actually about: compassion.

From what I’ve read, I can see Saronna is a very compassionate person. Your nurse on the other hand should have known better, especially because she works with vulnerable people. I can understand it upsets you. I still hope that people will learn about being truly selfless and compassionate, unfortunately some (religious or otherwise strongly dogmatic) groups are becoming more and more self obsessed and aggressive towards people with different views.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
Hi Lexxigrammer, religion can be a wonderful support but it’s a very personal matter so I agree with you that people should not push their beliefs unto others. Unfortunately, there is a strong connection between religion and authority and power. Historically, religion has been used to control the masses so they will accept certain things without questions. People grow up with certain religious dogmas that only come from the desire to control people and they forget what true spirituality is actually about: compassion.

From what I’ve read, I can see Saronna is a very compassionate person. Your nurse on the other hand should have known better, especially because she works with vulnerable people. I can understand it upsets you. I still hope that people will learn about being truly selfless and compassionate, unfortunately some (religious or otherwise strongly dogmatic) groups are becoming more and more self obsessed and aggressive towards people with different views.

---

Other nurses are now acting like I am
evil or something after the he rabid Christian has talks with them in barely veiled whispers🤬👽
She calls me beautiful and
young lady and other fake
inappropriate things in a
blatantly sarcastic nasty mouth
tone of voice👽🤬👽👽👽

More religious and patronizing
rude crap today but trying to
let it go 👽💙

Thank you for caring and
understanding💙🥰

As far as my objecting to prayers
folks here already know my views
and Saronna has been informed of
this many times since she joined
under at least 3 names👽
some several years ago👽

I guess she forgot💙👽
I had a very bad bout with 3 religious fanatics here at LindaLand several
years ago and most of my FB friends and LindaLand friends dumped me
because of them, and one person
in particular 👽😭🤬

So yeah I want no Christian crap shoved at me in any way shape or form 🤬

Rant over👽

posted October 22, 2022 10:17 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by saronna:
Sorry lexx what you are going through. I don't mean to offend you or upset you. I'm not religious. I don't remember my posts years ago.

---

Most of the Christians here at
LindaLand have been polite
and understanding🥰😎

I do my best to avoid the
one worse one here👽
The others have left or
changed their names👽

I am extra touchy with
have to deal with religious crap
wholst being in severe pain and misery getting cancer infusions and so snap at anything preachyorptaying crap🤬

I mean seriously why must the
stupid nurse pray loudly each time she.
injects me and hangs nother intravenious
bag and loudly prays repeatedly 🤬👽
thanking God and tjen toy utter disgust
she stars singing Christian songs 👽🤬
So yeah at this time I want to not
hear any prayerorchostian drivel 👽

posted October 22, 2022 11:25 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by saronna:
Lexx I don't mind you objecting to prayers. I should have asked you if you wanted me to pray for you. I have no affiliation with any religion and personally I believe in God within in the third eye or pineal as energy universal love and prayers as energy as love. I have no problem not saying any prayers for you. Sending you love and light.

---

Just to many people my trying
to push prayers and religion
me especially since becoming
afflicted with stage 3 cancer
on top all fmu over a dozem
other rare illness😭🤬

Life is difficult for
me without having to
fight off religious nutters🤬.

Whilst not exactly my take on
any god thing,
Your view is somewhat
like mine😎

For thing is s that the entity
most call evil
Lucifer, is also known as
the bringer of truth and light😎
Hence his and many others
saying such things as;
To paraphrase
(I shall find the exact quotes)
Do ye not know that ye are gods?😎
There are other quotes by Jesus
and many others alluding to that
we are gods😎
I will post you a link to my god
Meya soul posts that might be of
interest to you🥰😎

Thank you for your caring and
understanding🥰💞❤️💋😎
It is greatly appreciated 😎🥰

------------------
Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography
Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
♥ LexAgramming
Lexperience!🔠✍️

posted October 22, 2022 10:31 PM            

Freaking ugh ugh ugh ☢️👽😭

I already feel like I am glowing
in the dark from oral and beam
radiation and radioactive meds 👽😳☢️
🤢🤢
The creepy thing about this is that
this has nothing to do
with the cancers😳👽
This involves a partial
paralysis issue👽😳
Ugh ugh ugh👽😭

Thank you all for your
caring and kindness 😎❤️💞💋💙

------------------
Take a look at my
LexIgramming/LexAgramming Biography
Nearly 2/3 of a century to date of
♥ LexAgramming
Lexperience!🔠✍️