posted September 27, 2023 12:42 PM            

Since about 2016-17 I've been going through alot, and when I say alot, I mean alot. It's been one emotional roller coaster after. From reconnecting with my ex and trying to find peace with that, to losing my father and oldest sister in the span of 6 months of each other, to falling out with a few of my siblings, to moving from job to job and place to place because my gypsy soul won't settle down. - and so many others.

I'm assuming that the backdrop of my 'problem' is that I've been a loner, a serious loner for most of my adult life, from about my 30s on. It's an intense loneliness I feel only I can understand. I'll have moments of where I am totally content to times of where I truly, truly, truly feel alone, to the point where I have to venture out to the mall on a whim just be around people and not feel like a recluse.

It seems like my years of solitude are starting to rust and burst at the seems. I believe it's beginning to manifest into me going into quiet rages because I have SO MANY pent up feelings and emotions. I've gotten angry at my family over the tiniest things and stopped speaking to them. Now, it seems like they want nothing to do with me, or to even include me in things.

I've let so called "friends" walk all over me and bounce in and out of my life just to leave me in yet another rage spewing venom in text messages and emails. Then the next day, I'm apologizing, hoping they will accept my apology, I want to ask if they can spend some time with me, but my pride won't let me.

My ex and I reconnected a few years ago. It was unexpected and I had my walls up. Throughout that time, he has confided in me about his troubles, and I was there for him. But when I confided with him, he seemed to not care. I then sent him a text airing out my grievances about feeling taken advantage of. I've sent him and apology, but he has yet to respond.

Yesterday, I spent time with my mother and told her I was moving into a new place and her response was lukewarm, I tried my hardest to hid my distain. I just felt horrible.

I didn't even feel like coming to work today. I'm staying to myself because I feel like I going to either cry or scream if something goes awry.

Not gonna lie, I feel alone, tired, depressed and all around sad, every day. I feel like a prisoner of my own mind. I'm holding steady, but barely.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

I'm hoping for better days...soon.

posted September 28, 2023 05:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I can relate to some of this. I just wanted to respond.

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Much love to you, Teasel ❤️

posted September 29, 2023 08:28 AM            

Do you think it's the dark night of the soul?
For nearly the past year I began to go through it and a lot of your op resonates.
Have you looked at your tr and prog lilith energies? Eris too. We are under a lot of challenges via the retrograde energies and eclipse season coming on too.

posted October 06, 2023 11:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MoonMystic:
Sending warm, high frequency energy to you.

Do you think it's the dark night of the soul?
For nearly the past year I began to go through it and a lot of your op resonates.
Have you looked at your tr and prog lilith energies? Eris too. We are under a lot of challenges via the retrograde energies and eclipse season coming on too.

*hug*

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Hello Moon Mystic,

I have not really looked at my transits in depth, but I would presume I have a lot of Pluto going on. I'm not sure. Just a lot going on right now. I swear, it's with my family, my job, my health, my love life, everything. I literally want to hop on a plane to bail and just rejuvenate myself. I'm trying so hard not to snap, it's becoming a task each day to just stay sane. I just want to be left alone with my thoughts and be able to sort things out.