posted February 08, 2013 10:34 PM
Was checking my medical asteroid transits, and did not like a couple things I saw. Here's the chart, then the lowdown:
Hygeia is currently transiting my natal IC. Why would that be a big deal? Well, a concern is the fact Mercury is about to go retrograde later this month, and stations retrograde on 2/23/2013 at 19 Pis 51-52' ... all but on my IC. Also, Saturn's about to go retrograde, and that's currently transiting my natal Uranus 12th house Scorpio.
This is with transit Neptune opposite Sun/Saturn and square Ascendant/Descendant. I should also note that during this Mercury shadow period transit Hygeia will square my natal Hygeia.
So why is this concerning me? Well, I'll sum it up: for the last several months, maybe the past year, possibly longer than that, I've had a slightly small lump on my mid-left abdominal area, and not in the general "definitely a hernia" areas (not by the navel, and not by the groin). Now, I've done some heavy training at the gym since noticing this (by my standards), like 265 lb. smith-machine squats, 225 lb bench press at 5 sets of 5 reps, and it hadn't gotten any bigger or noticeable than normal. Kinda bothering me today but probably because I've been rubbing at it too (plus pressing on it several times to see if it does go in like a hernia might). It doesn't feel large enough to be a hernia unless I'm misunderstanding how this works (plus the aforementioned heavy weights not making it worse), and I've thought of that lipoma-thing (the fatty benign little tumors that usually don't amount to much), but also wondered about what else it could be... and yes I have lost a friend to cancer in the last year (leukemia actually). And me having cheated on my diet the last... well... few months give or take (yeah, I've slacked, checked the one place's nutritional info tonight and... decided I'm eating waaaaaay too much sodium lately), been thinking about seeing my family doctor about this.
The problem with THAT is... he'd likely refer me to the local hospital. And let me put it this way: That place was just featured on 60 Minutes a month or two ago (Carlisle RMC... and admittedly I didn't watch). Also, the last time my dad was in there for a few days (end of June 2012), one of the biggest questions they had off the bat was "so how will you be paying for this?" ...did I mention I hate for-profit medical BS? Brutally honest? I'd rather die than wind up needing to go there. (Yes, that possibility has occurred to me).
The next nearest hospital is 15-20 miles away at best. Oh, that and right now with the payroll tax cut expiration, I'm slightly in the red per month on bills, payments and paychecks now and thus the copay isn't a cost I'd like to add right now... yet the "Pay now or pay later" thing is not lost on me.
Plus I wanted to relose the weight I regained in the last few years before getting this checked... among other things (like even a standard physical. Matter of personal honor for me, and idiotic or not I'm likely not to be swayed on this).
And this is coming after:
- A plug for a fluorescent light ballast that's 40+ years old failing in the kitchen a month or two ago. The internal wires of the original plug had fried and it's a wonder nothing ever happened other than the light not coming on when it failed.
- Alternator in my car dying a couple weeks ago. Yep, it was emitting smoke during the battery test at the local auto parts store.
- Circuit breaker tripping and knocking out power to half my house... tripping and frying and emitting acrid, electrical smoke (but no fire thankfully!)
I'm dodging too many d***ed bullets lately. And as I remember from the Matrix, Neo dodged bullets but eventually got grazed (to say nothing of point-blanked... but rising like a phoenix). The timing of this medical concern plus these transits plus retrograde periods plus the already-averted disasters... Let's just say I'm on high alert. Plus the factor of dad's latest checkup and him getting PO'd about the VA calling him 6 times after 9PM on a Friday night...
so is it even me this is referring to, is it family in general, or is this more concerning my dad now that I think of it?
Bah... I need a vacation. then I need another vacation after that... then I need a vacation during that vacation. Oh yeah, may as well add that I did a few questionnaires on burnout online and got 9 out of 10 signs confirmed on one, 62 / 75 on another (with 60 being low bound for extreme burnout), and the others I didn't bother tracking but most of the signs were there.
So there you have it. Transits I'm not liking, several dodged bullets in the last month or so, dad having problems, and me apparently having the indications of being about to go supernova (if not hypernova). I'm strangely calm at the moment though, yet the nagging feeling of some sort of overall... "auto-destruct counting down" feeling is in the back of my mind.
This also explains a little why I haven't been around lately. Thoughts? (apart from "screw it and go to the doctor!" I'm already trying to figure out how to best-case this with the variables at hand!)