posted June 22, 2020 12:24 PM            

This is my chart: http://imgur.com/wMNc3kW

Could anyone offer me guidance? I read online that this is the worst, most painful aspect. However I have not experienced any form of sexual abuse in my life and I am 23. Does this hint at potential abuse in the future though?

Please lmk if you see anything in my chart that might be protecting me against this terrible aspect so I can hopefully feel better and offer me some guidance in handling this. If possible, please offer some possible ramifications of this aspect on me so I can understand it better.

posted June 25, 2020 02:01 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
Remove the 's' from http, and link can click open.

---

posted June 26, 2020 12:02 PM            

Just asking...
Did you ever see or witness your Father hit or abuse your mother?

How about the other males in your family?
Were they abusive to their partners?

If so, then you'd need to get counsel from professionals to help you process what you experienced.

When we have wounds, we can either process them in therapy {self-therapy or outside help}, or unfortunately sometimes, we UNCONSCIOUSLY choose partners who present us with the 'same' suffering dynamic we saw or experienced, in order to "play" either part in that relationship, until the energy "running that program" is able to EXPIRE.

_______________
This post was much longer.
I had comments for your chart.
You were born during a period of time that had a rare alignment.
I saved what I was going to say.

But first, want to know more about what went on in your home-- between your parents.

posted June 26, 2020 01:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by mirage29:
"However I have not experienced any form of sexual abuse in my life and I am 23."

Just asking...
[b]Did you ever see or witness your Father hit or abuse your mother?

How about the other males in your family?
Were they abusive to their partners?

If so, then you'd need to get counsel from professionals to help you process what you experienced.

When we have wounds, we can either process them in therapy {self-therapy or outside help}, or unfortunately sometimes, we UNCONSCIOUSLY choose partners who present us with the 'same' suffering dynamic we saw or experienced, in order to "play" either part in that relationship, until the energy "running that program" is able to EXPIRE.

_______________
This post was much longer.
I had comments for your chart.
You were born during a period of time that had a rare alignment.
I saved what I was going to say.

But first, want to know more about what went on in your home-- between your parents.

Was your Father strong and supportive of you, his daughter?[/B]

---

I AM ACTUALLY SHOCKED. My heart is actually pounding because your question. Which of my aspects showed that?

I will be honest with you, I never saw my father hitting my mother but I saw them fight all the time and police had to be called. My childhood was extremely turbulent because of it and I always wished they would just divorce.

My father was physically abusive to me although the lines are kind of blurred because I am asian and we get hit by our parents a lot. He is a pianist so he taught me piano and would cane my fingers whenever I played the wrong notes. He also tutored me briefly and would hit me whenever I answered a question wrongly, throw books at me, telling me I'm useless, stupid etc. Wow I am actually crying. I guess the trauma remained. I am not close to him though. I interacted with him for a year (7 years old) before he went overseas for work, he came back for a few months (10/11 years old) and interacted with me in that abusive manner again. I lived with my grandparents all along and to me, my grandfather would be my father figure.

I always felt suicidal or depressed, since I was 10 years old but have grown used to it. At my worst, when I was dying from Anorexia at 15, I pushed all of the blame for my Anorexia, suicidal urges and despondence onto my father and he apologised regretfully while crying. We never interacted the same ever since, I think he purposefully avoids me in fear of more inflicting trauma or pain but he gives me money very often through my aunt (his sister) whom I live with as a way to show that he cares and I am in his thoughts.

I have recovered since, in all honesty the honesty inflicted on me by others were during my childhood (from my father and then getting bullied for a year in middle school)but the abuse I have inflicted on myself which stole away my teenage years (14-19)is the main crux. My Anorexia and self harm tendencies was never my father's fault as well. They were all a sick form of control. I.e I wanted to hurt myself so damn bad that the pain people inflict on me would never come close. I wanted to be the only person allowed to hurt myself but I accidentally took it way way too far (I actually had PTSD from myself LOL. So weird isn't it? But it was only during the first 1-2 years post recovery. I am alright now ^^") At 16/17 I realised that I have been safe for a few years now and the only person hurting me was myself and I wanted out from my Anorexia.

If I have to say something, I think I am happy now, because it feels like I have went through my entire lifetime worth of abuse and sufferings during my childhood so I have nothing to fear. And even though it is selfish of me, if given the choice, I will still pick developing Anorexia over and over again because it has taught me resilience and showed me how far I am capable of pushing myself and my cruelty. Towards the end of my anorexia where I seeked help and relinquished control, the single most painful moment was when I finally realised how great of a danger I am to myself and needed to be taken away from myself immediately or "I don't know what else I will do to myself". Context: I was vomiting a lot of blood back then because I had a bunch of ulcers down my esophagus and even then, I continued shoving my fingers down my throat (':

I don't deny that I have been abused, but the abuse I received from people does not come even 1% close to the abuse I did to myself. Perhaps the only thing that may have stuck to me from those years of abuse is the fear of happiness. My dad used to make me happy one second then hit me the next so I began to equate being happy with getting hit. If I allowed myself to be happy, then I will get hit/have that happiness stolen away from me within seconds. Therefore I stopped allowing myself to feel happy, because I can't lose what I don't have hence my depression started really early. It worsened into complete apathy and just a huge void when I turned 13/14 from the bullying then I began to grow used to it~

HOWEVER, I no longer fear, much thanks to my anorexia, I don't think anyone can ever hurt me even anywhere close to what I did to myself. So... Silver lining?

posted June 26, 2020 04:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by AQUACap88:
I AM ACTUALLY SHOCKED. My heart is actually pounding because your question. Which of my aspects showed that?

I will be honest with you, I never saw my father hitting my mother but I saw them fight all the time and police had to be called. My childhood was extremely turbulent because of it and I always wished they would just divorce.

- - -
Thanks for taking the time to help me out and read this long ass paragraph though!

---

Long ass paragraph? awww..
Sometimes, those are the BEST kind! *hug*

Thank YOU so much for sharing these important details about your life. So sorry about what happened.

I've known some people who have had life-threatening cases of anorexia. I recall the deep baseline 'anger' that remained in the background of what they did. I've known cutters, it was their way of 'crying' when they hadn't found a way to release bottled-up tears.

Your parents..
I saw how "afflicted" your Moon is. The Moon represents your mother. Your chart is an imprint of a day in your mother's life, and of the 'mood' of your house/home. Struggle {as you mentioned the constant bickering and anger you were exposed to}.

Pluto, top of your chart, conjunct your MC and in the 9th, speaks of domineering kinds of energy. The authority figures in your life. 9th house, and the 10th, is father.

With Saturn at the end of your 1st house, may represent that you weren't really able to feel like you could 'be yourself'.

When I read about your chart placements as far as potentials go, you'd have 'the wind at your back' were you to set your sails to enter into work that would be connected to the humanitarian fields.

..
You have a Cradle Aspect.
That's a really sensitive configuration-- when you 'learn' energetically how to use it, you'll have the power of all those planets working for you.
..
About the Cradle Aspect, your creative self is enhanced with this-- frustration would come with the opposition.
"This is often found in charts of those with a particular message for society."-G.deMonfort, Sep 1999.
{that website had some difficulty for my computer safeties, so I'll leave you another URL} http://www.lunarliving.org/astrology/grandsextile-cradle-aspects.html
- http://blog.starwheelastrology.com/aspect-shapes-in-the-astrology-birth-chart/

Let me say right now, that your strong placements in the 12th House show that your soul came into this incarnation to be of Service to Humankind. Whatever you 'choose' to do, the Universe will especially back you if it's towards assisting earthlings. {You're still young.. you have plenty of time.}

Everything you've been through so far .. regard it as training. Inner training. You have gained self-discipline as a result of it. Your chart shows that. This can be utilized in making you Successful at what you choose to focus your attention on.. Make it about others {NN 7th House}. Feeding Others, Caring about Others. Nurturing Others..

Using the formidable power and intuitive grid in your chart, you could help Make A Difference. 12th house.. Ceres 0+Aquarius on cusp of 12th.. the centerpiece of your 8 planets {plus Vesta and Ceres}.
Vesta helps you with that strong self-discipline you have. Aquarius? .."works best through humanitarian, social, or political motivations." Jupiter cusp of 12th, would help draw the Right people towards you, with luck and funding.

Ceres in the 12th House .. p.70
"This position may symbolize experiences.. such as loss, illness, rejection, and denial of one's parents.. The key to relieving one's own grief, is to extend love and assistance to those in pain or need.
This position of Ceres denotes the potential for nurturing the entire universe,
and connection to Higher reality through Unconditional Love."

You have Pallas in your 11th house of networks, p.108
"..can conceive and birth new social visions.
Working with the group format,
one can implement new concepts in societal organizations.
One's creative ideals can be enhanced through working with fraternal and sororal organizations.
There also exists a strong political nature that ardently works for social change.
Creative wisdom is expressed through becoming an advocate or spokesperson."
endquote
pg.110
Pallas sextile your Moon .. "may become involved with the protection and defense of 'minority' groups."

You have Hidalgo ON your MC, with your Pluto Sag. 944 Hidalgo.. "gives the capacity for self-assertion in defense of principles." Pluto would add power on that?

Anyway... {gosh, gotta wrap up. Bombarded by neighbor's audio system beats. argghghghghgh} *sad*

The 'special' rare alignment you have {is similar to what we have had recently}.. Harkens back to the days of Renaissance, the 'dark' ages. There were advances in Mathematics and Architecture during the specific era.

Curious.. Do you have computer talents?
looking at your Uranus-Jupiter Aquarius.

Story---
When I had my FIRST astrology reading by a professional astrologer, it was by phone. We started with hellos. There was a silent pause.. then he said to me, with a gentle empathic faraway voice.. "WHAT went on in your house between you and your Mother"..

I had that SHOCKED feeling that you mentioned.
I myself am a Survivor of Abuse.
I was near my 2nd Saturn Return.

He went on about my chart...
It's amazing what it can reveal..
It felt validating...

(music) Killing Me Softly (Roberta Flack, lyrics)
[4:46] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgl-VRdXr7I

---

You're a Survivor.

I want to say--
THANK YOU for Living.
THANK YOU for STILL Being Alive.
The BEST revenge .. is to LIVE.
..
And on the way, to help Others.

You are still quite young.
You've got your WHOLE Life ahead of you.

REF book
Demetra George, Douglas Bloch.
Asteroid Goddesses
- http://www.amazon.com/Asteroid-Goddesses-Mythology-Psychology-Re-Emerging/dp/0892540826

___________________________________
Added June 27, 2020 at 1:18pm

Thinking about you...
That was a tremendous-SHARE you gave.

If one of your concerns IS whether you could find a good partner in life---

It 'is' possible to find a 'good' mate.
Make sure you get *feedback* from your closest friends, or people who know him.

A woman NEEDS to protect her self.
Her friends need to step up to help with life-changing decisions you could make.

I know that I-myself had fallen into the trap of being in love, … despite little clues, I ignored them--- wanting to 'believe the BEST' in another human being who would 'say' they loved me .. What woman doesn't want to feel loved and accepted and cared-for by someone you'd become a LIFE PARTNER with? Trust. Trust!

I had been part of women's groups. We were survivors. I recall the counselor advising ALL of us, saying that when you've been abused, sometimes your 'antenae' or 'radar' can be faulty. That's WHY good friends can help you from making costly mistakes.

If you still see a counselor during those times, then that counselor can help pull-apart the reasons 'why' you attracted whatever-person into your life. Help you see pitfalls. (Hopefully.)

So, I've been thinking about you.
Wishing you Recovery.

Some of my own pitfalls come in with my Ceres in square to Neptune, with an opp to Uranus. Part of what Ceres is involved with has to do with {my} ability to trust my intuition?
{Charts are different}
… It's really quite haunting.
Having people in your life who know you, and can help you look at your decisions, might make a difference?

Sending you so much love!

This is a song by Kelly Clarkson.
She had 'father' issues.

The song talks about a man who came into her life, and was involved in helping her heal her father wound.

I dedicate this for your Hurt Child within.
You're Worthy of so much respect, and Love.

(music) Piece by Piece (Kelly Clarkson, American Idol) [4:58] http://www.youtube.com/watch?10&v=wARNsHodqg0

posted June 28, 2020 12:58 PM            

One of the wonderful POWERS of astrology,
is its use in uncovering what some of our patterns are. The ones that are weaker, and the ones that are a gift.

You can't change.. what you might-not-yet see?

And I DO know how shocking it is to see it all at once? .. Key is to be able to take a step back, KNOW that You ARE Beautiful and Okay-- That you don't need to define self by what you've been through, NOR let it deter you from reaching a healing, and finding a balance.... and living your Best life.

This was going on BEFORE you were born.
It was NOT your fault.

Now.. like Chiron wound, what created HURT in you, you can 'use' to advance-you in your life.

This morning, I found a youtube suggested to me {by the computer}, which I'll pass along to you.

This is a younger astrologer.
She is Asian .. {I think I've heard her talk about her conflicts with her father whom she still loves, respects, and interacts with}.

You started this thread June 22.
Asked me in another thread to come respond here, June 26.
This astrologer posted her youtube this morning,
.. Sunday, June 28.

Either she is reading, OR, Spirit gave her a nudge.
I attend online church services, and the preacher made a point of supporting the Survivors.

Saw another astro vid yesterday evening,
also speaking about HEALING wounds of the past.

It's a 'set-up', AQUA!! A GOOD kind.
"WE" are Loved by the Invisible Benefic Forces.
"HEALING" is our Right.
{And I pass that along to ANY other Survivor reading this conversation.}

I'm 65yrs old.
My earliest beginnings had crippled me in terms of the things I had to go through. I still have a haunting of not-being-wanted in this world. Feel 'too unique'? .. And YET, the pain that I've gone through in my life, is 'what' helped me to be able to feel and respond to another person's pain.
.. I don't always feel like I "have the right words" to say, but know that my intention is to Care, and for 'good' and for a purpose that you not to feel alone in this.

The astrologer makes suggestions on HOW to heal.
Echoes some of what I've said here.

Some people DON'T have others to talk to {that's me}.
I have to process things 'by myself'.
Have had lots of experience at it.
And I'm GLAD my belief system gives me some of the strength I need. {Christian} I've held on to God's Hand through sooooooo much pain.
. . .
I have no real-people in my touchable material life..
The person I've lived with 13 years here is so cold. Not able to relate in a personal way to another human being {not just me, but others.. I've watched him.}
It's been a 'hollow' relationship.
My being here at first helped HIM go through some very harsh times in his life-- bankruptcy, stroke, and operations he needed home-help for. I've been 'his' companion. It is not reciprocated.
… now, at this late stage in life, I'm stuck.
Potential homelessness {streets} when something happens to him {or most-of-all me}.
. . .
I'm *alone* in life.
No family. Never found any friends to relate to in this locale.
It's also terrifying.. to be in this position at 65 years old,
{there are other complications, I'll skip}.

YOU, dear AquaCap, have your WHOLE entire life ahead of you now.
YOU are incredibly lucky to have run into astrology at such a young age.
You can USE your astrology, .. haha, check that Birth Manual, and make whatever inner changes indicated.. ;
it's STILL hard work, but at least you 'see' and are not working blind!!

REWRITE,
transmute.

Before you listen--
haha, I'm assigning you homework?

Get a good copy of your chart. {no asteroids}
Make sure you check box for even minor aspects-- full.

Look at your aspects... {including semi-squares, semi-sextiles, quincunx}.
Get the overall details.
Make a point at looking at the planets involved...
.. including your MC.

Now, get ready to take some notes?
You can pause the vid, go back and listen again.

(topic) Indicators of Trauma and Abuse in the Natal Chart & How to Heal // Childhood Trauma in Birth Chart (Tan Astrology, posted June 28, 2020) [26:12] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M_A6CoKZKo

So anyways...
You Can Do This!!

posted June 28, 2020 07:04 PM            

I like Chiron the same way I love Saturn. I love the concept of Chiron, "healing others when he is unable to heal himself." I also love how he is a "teacher" and "wise" the same way I love Saturn. My two favourite planets are Saturn and Jupiter~ I guess I do have some "father" issues haha. It is a little strange but I always felt protected (blessed) by Jupiter and guided by Saturn. This was before I knew of Astrology. Even though the two planets only sextile each other in my chart, I always feel that they are guiding me together. Even during my recovery from anorexia, the first time I had an epiphany and "snapped out". Referring back to when I was vomiting blood and as I was crying because I was unable to stop shoving my fingers in my throat thinking "just one more time", I had a sudden moment of epiphany (like a jolt in my brain) and the sickest feeling going all the way down to my gut. I believe the epiphany was from Saturn, telling me "stop" and the sick feeling was from Jupiter telling me "get out get out get help." So I called a friend, she brought me to the hospital and the doctor revealed that had I just shoved my fingers down my throat one more time, one of the ulcers would have pierced a hole through my esophagus and I would have died right there and then. I was admitted to the ICU for 2 weeks after that. In that sense I feel very blessed and very loved by these two planets. Strange isn't it!?

(Oh I think I am so weird for referring to my planets as if they were people i.e saying my Moon hates me and is mean to me.)

I am quite alright with computers, I hate technology but I seem to have a knack for coding.

I feel kind of sad and a little guilty for always feeling suicidal at such a young age when you are 65 and telling me that I have my entire life ahead of me. This was especially painful, "I'm *alone* in life. No family. Never found any friends to relate to in this locale. It's also terrifying.. to be in this position at 65 years old". When I imagine how you feel, it makes me really sad and ungrateful. I don't know how to respond to it because it all feels a little superficial. But I wish you well, that worser things would not happen to you and may the light appear in your life soon. I will try my best to live harder. I am sorry it must have been painful for you to see someone like me talking about wanting to die and feeling despondent. So I promise I will try harder so you can feel better.

posted June 28, 2020 09:26 PM            

I know how vulnerable that feels-- since you took such a risk, I shared one back with you.
No need for empathy. It's okay.

In fact, I'd like to remove that.
This thread is about 'you'.
I was merely trying to make you more comfortable that you had shared.

*~
It's creative to call to the planets as though they were human.

There are some astrologers who do astro-counseling. A form of psycho-drama. They meet in a small group and 'act out' planets and charts.

You're in UK?..
There are some fabulous astrologers there.
There's even a college level school where they train Counselors who are adept at astrology.

Frank Clifford
Mark Jones
are two astrologers you could look up in UK, and ask if they might know what's around, that could be interesting-- like the planets dramatic approach.

At University..
You're studying two fields?
One is Public Service? .. ~there you go. That's related to humanitarian energy.

What field is your other degree going to be in?

=============================
Do me a favor?

I didn't *whole-quote* your entire posts, out of respecting your private share.

* Did you know you can "REPLY to a post" without whole-quoting them?

Yeh, a New LL-Member we had once didn't realize you can Reply without "Quote."

To whole quote, you clicked 'quote' at the end of the line where the RED date is listed, .. next to 'profile' and 'edit' then 'quote.

No need to hit 'quote' ..
Scroll DOWN to bottom of screen.
Use the Reply.

It opens a window for you, without whole quote the post before.

Use 'quote' when you want to quote the WHOLE thing they wrote.

*~
Since this has been a "sensitive" sharing --
I'd appreciate if you would please 'edit' and UN-Quote me?

That's what
*No whole quote* ------ means.
There are some LL members who prefer not to be whole-quoted when they share. Usually it's because there's something personal there. Gives the posting member more control over the material they share.

posted June 28, 2020 10:54 PM            

My first degree is in Finance (second major in Banking) and my other degree is in Economics. I am thinking of taking Public Administration for my Masters degree but that is still under consideration. I am very interested in policies and economics so I hope to make a difference in my country through monetary policies. My professors have been advising me against it as they think I should join the private sector so lately I have been wavering. I will be completing both degrees this year and graduating early next year.

I know it is a bit creepy to study so excessively and I seem to be "chasing paper" but in my case I really think I am overcompensating haha. I wasn't given a proper "schooling" experience and didn't have any chance to properly study and reach my potential for most of my life due to anorexia so for some reasons I am obsessed. Also maybe also because my Mercury is kind of unaspected? http://imgur.com/e94sPHw

I don't live in UK but in Asia actually, just that I went to UK for an exchange before Covid and have some plans to return~

posted June 29, 2020 02:52 PM            

{{Just to let you know,
the environment I live in is not very conducive to my paying the closest attention to communications.
I try to do the best I can.
Sorry if I 'miss' things.
And sorry for any potential absences that come, in any thread I participate in.}}

Unaspected Mercury {traditionally unaspected}
Another way to see this aspect.. is that it can actually free-up the energies of that planet. Doesn't have to be bound to rules or direction from other planets. It's unaccompanied.
.. You have minor aspects with Mercury. Sometimes with traditionally unaspected planets, the 'minor' aspects can be "louder".
You have 'stress' aspects. The semi-square creates a 'stress and alert state'-- like in sports*, when a runner has their feet against push-off blocks and waits to hear the 'GO' signal. State of readiness, with a "calm" to it.

{ref. astrologers RL & JJ* conversation}

You have that semi-square between Mercury and Pluto; also Mercury and Ascendant.

Ascendant.. feeling comfortable in your experience of being 'you' and accepted {by own self} for what you say & think {Mercury}?

Ha!!! Declare yourself free of being a debtor, of punishing self, for any imagined errors in the past? Clean slate.

Adolescence is SO 'unfair' to some.
Hormones are flooding the body and the emotions {as a result} are sensitive in a state of Change.

Thank God for Grandparents!

I re-read the paragraphs you wrote about your father...
He was a musician/pianist. {Your own chart shows possible talent with music. Moon-Chiron is sometimes evidence of that.}

While I read some of the harsh ways he'd discipline you, as his pupil AND his daughter, what I thought of was that he was training YOU the way he-himself learned.
.. {Not exactly a 'kind' way..
reinforcement through causing 'physical pain'?? .. yuk. Oh no.}

I think 10 years old is a VERY sensitive and impressionable year.

Sounds like he was truly sorry and apologizing to you. That must have immensely helped your psyche that he admitted, and that he helps you financially now.

You have a Saturn sextile Ceres natal,
while Saturn sextiles Saturn at this point of your life. This is good for 'where' you are in your studies right now. Good for repatterning, {and any inner re-parenting you need}.
What would a good inner father say to your inner self, in the most supportive, encouraging, and 'healing' of ways? {transiting Chiron has been running in a conjunction to your Saturn Aries}. Chiron entered your House of Self-Esteem {H2}. Good time to help heal that arena.
..
Yes, you say your education was impacted by needing to approach your schooling in a different way? .. You 'have' the self-discipline. What you missed?.. those 'bullies' you talked about. And, being frustrated with being in room with others who weren't too committed to learning?
Trust that you 'learned' whatever it was you needed.

You studied Finances {H8} libra {govt} ruled by your Venus Capricorn {Cap=govt, establishment}, with Mars Libra H8 .. Mars ruling your Aries H2.
You have Jupiter, Uranus, Sun, Vesta in Aquarius! {politics.. which is Govt!! again. Also 'Law'}.
Pluto Sag ON MC sextile Mars H8..
Pluto sextile Jupiter Aquarius.
So Powerful, taking on the Systems! H9. H12 would give you those good instincts on knowing 'how'..
Your placements in H11 .. Has Venus there.. She's a benefic, and persons with that placement have great Supporters for their lives-- friends. It's the house of friendships and networks. .. It's also involved with 'persons' in political govt. {Here in the USA we have House of Representative, and the Senate.. those fall into H11/H5 axis}.

Public Administration .. has to DO with implementing in actual-way, the policies that politicians have created.

~Ho boy. I get carried away!!! haha

I absolutely LOVE it when people {not knowing their chart, nor potentials), 'somehow' wind up involved DOING the very thing their charts show patterns for!!
.. And sometimes the asteroids give the actual name of the field...
13956 Banks

I wanted to say this earlier--- I feel sooo PROUD of you! {haha, is it okay for me to say that?? *heart*}. You are graduating soon, with two degrees!! woot woot, and starting your MASTER's Degree program??
.. Wow, gurl!!!

Pay attention to what your vocational counselors advise. .. Working for private sector {I've heard, even in the USA} make more money, .. using same talents as Public Admin?

That a decision you'd have to make.
I've done volunteer work for individuals who would make WAY more money in the private sectors-- They chose lesser money because they felt called to help the kind of clients they serve, to find justice in a system that is unfair to them.
They made that decision based on satisfaction more than how much money they could get.

Of course as a private sector person, you'd have other ways to add to other people's lives in humanitarian ways.

Good luck on making whatever decisions you need.

posted June 30, 2020 12:40 AM            

I checked out Banks and I have it conjunct my Mercury at 3 degrees in my 11th house! That is so cool. I think the most interesting thing about my unaspected Mercury is that I have ADHD. I read that unaspected planets are somewhat a "lost" child without direction so it is up to it's owner to provide a direction and until then the energies would be "scattered". In my ADHD terms I think it refers to how I am distracted and scattered all the time, until I discover a passion (direction) and am able to hyperfocus (dedicate 100% of the planet's energy into what I am doing, without any interferences from other planets) hence I also become oblivious to everything else around me. I do have to take my medication though! But my passion controls my every waking thought (feels like Mercury in full force).

I wasn't given a proper schooling experience because of my anorexia. It is my fault haha. I developed it when I was 13 so start of middle school, and started missing school half way through the year. By 14 I was diagnosed and I missed 90-95% of school because when I am not inpatient, I am outpatient (they have a program where I have to go 10am to 6pm everyday) but even so I was inpatient most of the time because of my weight and severity. I "recovered" at 17 so all I had was just a remaining 1.5 year of proper studying as a "regular" person. It is this regular lifestyle that I miss so much. Studying, stressing over exams, even simple things like doing/rushing homework. That is why it looks like I am overcompensating by trying to studying excessively and "chasing paper". I just miss these regular everyday stuffs so much 😢

My professors are advising me against the public sector/govt because they think it is a waste! They believe I can excel in either public or private therefore I should go for the route which "makes the most money". Aside from my 12th house "serve or suffer" placements, I am also leaning towards public work because of "security". My earlier life was mostly turbulent so I want an "iron rice bowl". I would also like to do meaningful work. Maybe it is because of my Jupiter and especially in 12th house, it always feels like there will always be a way out for me so I never have to worry about money (at least for day to day necessities). Oooh does my Mars in 8th house ruling Aries in 2nd house mean I might be rich!? Haha

My Saturn sextiles transit Saturn? Strange. I've been feeling less than motivated lately 😭
From the placements you said, it sounds like my life's mission is to be serve and be as impersonal as possible and selfless. Maybe that is why my Moon is so afflicted 😞. Dejanira is probably a warning.

posted June 30, 2020 12:42 AM            

Thank you so much!! I appreciate all of your responses and I love and feel grateful talking to you. It might be due to you being a lot older than me (pls no offense >.< ) but I like hearing/reading the things you say because it is all very wise and new to me!! ❤️

posted June 30, 2020 12:38 PM            

{I hope you listen to the astrology vid on trauma-- May give you added 'perspective' about your chart, and ALL of what you've been through at an EARLY time of your existence.}

Some folks have their otherwise-together 'purpose' de-railed because of REAL life circumstances. We don't live in a perfect vacuum bubble. We are HERE with other-people who have pieces of THEIR lives de-railed too.

In the ideal world, there will be other folks who can step up and help get the de-railed one back on GOOD track, and down the way, their lives are straightened once again.

You have a wonderful sense of humor!
You are maybe just a wee-bit too self-deprecating at this point? *grin*
You need to take CREDIT for how much you've learned about yourself. Some adults never get the kind of clear insights into their lives, their patterns, that YOU have!! *pat on the back*

CLEAR yourself totally of guilt. A 'tiny' bit has helped you realize some things-- that again, OTHER people wouldn't understand about themselves through their whole life, even though it stares them in the face!!

You've gone the Course of School of Hard Knocks. Like I mentioned before, the Universe gives EXTRA points for that!

Because you are too-close to it, you haven't realized yet that the door to THAT age-corridor of Jupiter and Saturn is done. You are setting up new things for your life. Saturn sextile Saturn is 'not' a breezy walk in the park. Saturn usually represents hard work to do. You will reap its rewards.

I laughed at loud when you wrote that MARS in the 8th will make you Rich! … hahahahahah. I LOVE that. .. And maybe?, it WILL. You have those flowing trines, to work FOR you. .. mmm. Rather, as YOU work and power it, the planet (as part of your engine of life) adds its lubrications to Locomotive on the Tracks.
You're GOING somewhere, gurl!!!

EVEN if your life is not in same-comparing a others, CONTINUE down the course given, WITH allowing professionals in the fields giving you good grounded advice. Liking what you like is good. AND, listen to vocational counselors, and personal counselors. They can ASSIST getting your locomotive working 'for' you.

You'll have some other challenges along the way. That's part of life. By the time you reach Saturn-Return at the end of your 20s, you'll have some good results. Work hard now. At Saturn Return some people find themselves 'where' they aimed for, earlier. Sometimes there are wobbles along the way, but "persist."

Like I was saying, you have reached a point of a kind of 'clearing' place {at your age bracket}. You can let-go of things in your adolescence. It's a maturing place. You can DROP what you don't want following you into your future. Keep close to you, the things that have you feeling healthy about yourself. Begin to work on that self-esteem. DROP guilt feelings. Just 'let it drop' .. no effort. Walk 'out' of that darker garment. No need for it anymore. Like a prisoner of the Past, no need to wear the garments that identified' you.. in a sick role.
.. Ponder that. …
You can have some ADHD, AND, don't have to accept that it makes you a behavior-cripple. {If that makes sense??? oh my..... haha}
.. You STILL have time to work that out.

Through the marvel of brain science now, they 'say' there are ways to train ADHD impediments. Drug side-effects for that can be quite harsh? Maybe make a compromise? haha.

That's interesting what you said about Unaspected Mercuries. Thanks for teaching me, AquaCap. {Hope you watch that astrologer video??? *smile*}

You have Banks conjunct Mercury??? haha
Did you know that Mercury is involved with Commerce, and money trading?

It's excellent that your teachers have pointed out talents that you have. *hug* Allow them to TEACH you 'how' to use your talents, to gain money.

People are there to SUPPORT you.
You don't 'owe' anything except the gladness in your Heart, and Loving your self because they Love you!!

posted July 02, 2020 04:15 PM            

Take your time, please.
And I understand about being involved in multiple forums, in several threads at the same time here at LL. I partake in multiple threads too. I like to try to do a good job answering people, and it takes me a LONG time. Maybe longer than other folks need for 'time' to form an answer?, but, that's the way it is for me. I'm glad you understand.

Thanks for mentioning {'if you see me post elsewhere'}. I VERY much agree and do the same! If you see me posting in other threads, it does not mean I have ignored you either!

I'm "Learning" astrology, and it takes time to research the charts-- I spend much time 'thinking' about charts, all throughout my days.

Take things Slowly, Beautifully, and Easily.
Even if you need to give a rest to your thread, that is fine.

posted July 11, 2020 08:16 PM            

1.I have Pluto conjunct MC (I actually thought this was good T_T)

2.Pluto conjunct/hard aspects with personal planets- I have none 🥳🥳🥳

4. Neptune conjunct Sun: THANK GOODNESS I DON'T HAVE IT.

5. Moon square Neptune
Out of balanced intuition. (Resort to using your mind - I feel attacked, incomplete nurturing)

8. Mars opposite Saturn (what I want to do is restricted- physical punishments. :OOO)

9. Moon square Uranus (Unstable nurturing, somebody there then not there - oh my)

11. In the 12th house T.T

(To edit later. I missed you so much so I wanted to get this post out first!)

posted July 23, 2020 05:50 PM            

I see you listened to the vid.
~Wonderful.

I'll need to re-listen (AND, take notes).
Will have to review your thread again.

Can't do it right away...
but I WANTED to acknowledge your warm message!

Hugs for you
So glad you're here.