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Author
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Topic: I've lost my mojo!
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Dali
Knowflake Posts: 73
From: New York, New York, US
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 23, 2002 10:33 PM
 
I am a 27 year old male who's sun sign is Pisces. I have recently ended a relationship with a 23 year old Female whose sun sign is Gemini. My birthday is 3/07/75, her's is 5/22/78.
We had quite an interesting relatinship that happened two seperate times.
The first was about a year and a half ago and was strange to say the least. Me and her hit it off like no other, but she had a prior boyfriend who formed into quite the stalker, I tolerated alot of situations that were less then ideal, it started to drain me so we went our seperate ways. I had hoped she would take the time to be alone and heal whatever scars she had. Come to find out the reality is she went back to him for whatever reason and spent over a year in a relationship that had been described to me as abusive (not physically, although i wonder), and very unfullfilling. She said she had lived heartless for the past year and in regret for hurting me.
So, after all was said and done, we started to talk again, and although we tried... things moved along rather quickly. Soon enough, Bob... her X, catches wind we are seeing eachother again and starts to harrass her.... again! This was not good, but at the same time, I wanted to see how she handles the situation to see if things truly were different. She did not take an active role of shutting him out, stating that it would stop after awhile, well 2 months past and I wanted to move the realtionship to more of a commitment. Of course she was content with us being "friends" as she could not handle a title. This culminated to the end when, back on New Year's eve we had to leave the club we were at because she spotted "him". This agitated me, but I know how she reacts to conflict so I let it slide. 3 days later, when I went to the same cllub with my friends, she stated she was probably gonna hang low due to illness. She ended up showing up there and that did it for me. I finally approached her and asked where this was going because I did not wanna play games. This set-off a chain reaction of her leaving my side, her best friend sitting me down explaining her emotional ties to Bob and that she needs space. And then it getting thrown in my face that I cause a scene and I am no better than what she has known! This confused me and actually made me upset because all I ever wanted was for her to be away from all that.
So, at work... during all this, I was handling a huge account as I am an Art Director for a world-wide ad agency, my attitude went down the tubes and I went to see a counselor. Eventually, I wrote a not to my "other" stating that I felt used and was honest and even blunt with all that happened. It hurt 'cause I was truly over this girl and she approached me!
Anyways, after the note was written, I got laid off. I tried to contact her, but she had written me off and left me to battle my depression. I was scared that she may end up back with Bob. I was also a little angry that she did go back to him after our first time. She kept the relationship a secret from her family cause they HATED him. SO, I went to them to let them know he is still in the mix and that their daughter maybe in a tough spot.
Her father hugged me and wished me the best. I knew this was not gonna sit well with her but I felt it was more important that this crap was out of her life for good.
So, now she is with another man and we don't have any communication. I feel doown because after all of this, I don't even have her as a friend. I have recently moved to nyc for a new job and thought maybe we could try and talk things thorug. I know that is idealistic... but I deeply care about her. yet, she has moved on in every sense of the word and may even resent me. It just makes me feel bad because I almost have guilt...
on one side i know I did it because I cared
on the other hand... I understand that it may not have been my place.
She doesn't even understand that the nototrious note that was written was under instruction of my counselor at work. Not my own doing. I regret it terribly. Our LAST conversation she told me her parents think I am weird for approaching them, I think they approached her and she isn't mature enough to see I was stepping in to end something that had gone on long enough. She says it was over anyways... well, I heard that one before and was not gonna walk away with nothing to show for all the heartache. I don't believe her family holds me in that regard, I am a pretty well put together individual for the most part. We will not talk again. I promise you that.
What does one do?
Sincerely,
One confused guy IP: Logged |
Avatar
Knowflake Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 24, 2002 12:13 AM
Hi there DaliYou sound a lot like me,and I only read about a half of your post It gets better when you get past caring Welcome to the site  ------------------
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gooberlily
Knowflake Posts: 2296
From: Brooklyn, (and Norwich) NY, USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted April 24, 2002 12:21 AM
Wow, Dali.First let me say, Welcome   Fellow New Yorker here  Second let me say, I feel so bad that happened! I don't know quite the right words to say about the situation. Man, it just reminds me of some of the things I've gone through and close friends of mine have gone through. How hurtful. What a stinky situation, so sorry you had to go through it and are still dealing with it to some extent  IP: Logged |
Avatar
Knowflake Posts: 24
From:
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 24, 2002 12:47 AM
My life StoryDali
From an Astrological perspective I see you and this girl had quite a lot of Planetary opposition,and not too many harmonious links It certanly wasn`t ever meant to be a Match made in Heaven going by this Interpretation at a glance Your Moon`s in Taurus and hers in Aquarius
Moon denotes emotional rapport and this one`s just a square aspect,not too good for harmonious bonding Otherwise you each seem fairly well rounded respectively,but maybe not together Hmmmmmm...
Another one with Venus in Scorpio !! This girl was probably passionate,but looking through your charts again it does seem there was a lack of Water passing back and forth between you both also
Water heals and binds and may have overcome other aspects here,but all in all this one looked to be a bit of a Dead fish. Time to move on Welcome Again  ------------------
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SOUTHSIDEHAMO
Knowflake Posts: 166
From: COLUMBASA
Registered: Aug 2001
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posted April 24, 2002 09:10 AM
Hey there Dali! I am so sorry that u had to go through so much drama. Just realize that u are the better person and that u did your best and if she can't see it then its her loss. She'll realize later that u were truly a caring person. Sendin Much ALofas your way! Keep ya head up and remember that "No life is so hard that u can't make it any easier by the way u take it!" HG.------------------
"Sometimes ya gotta get knocked down to get on up. " - Mystikal Much ALofas!!! IP: Logged |
Gooberzlostlovefound
Knowflake Posts: 433
From: and the embers never fade in your city by the lake
Registered: Jan 2002
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posted April 24, 2002 03:55 PM
Dali~ Don't you hate how relationships (and their endings ) are never simple? Everything is always so messy and complicated.  You'll get through it. Much luck, GLLF  ------------------
but you heard me anyway, and murmered "don't cry, sad druid
I always understand -- everything you do
and thank you for loving me too" IP: Logged |
Caileah
Knowflake Posts: 924
From: The Milky Way
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 24, 2002 05:12 PM
Dali~ It's probably not much comfort to you to know that anyone who has fallen in love with another has been thru the same or similar - but I promise you they have. The good news is that you have the smarts and self esteem to move forward and not get sucked into her negative life patterns.What I would do *now* in your shoes is to look for the lesson I had agreed to learn thru this experience - I think when you find it, you will also find that silver lining that only *appears* to be a dark cloud right now Now, just where did you leave that mojo? I think you should go get it back You sound like a great guy to me, and surely some sweet thing is gonna notice that one day - you wouldn't want her to walk away wondering, "Geee, I wonder where that guys mojo is?" Oops! Almost forgot....  !!! WELCOME !!! ------------------
. * + . + * . Caileah . * + . + * . The Knowflake formerly known as Princess IP: Logged |
Dali
Knowflake Posts: 73
From: New York, New York, US
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 24, 2002 06:53 PM
you are right, and my mojo will be restored. Too bad for her, cause while she still keeps on with negativity, she will want some good vibes again, this boy will not give her anymore of my goodvibes, I realize just how valuable they are.
I don't want any potential cutie out there being like.. that boy should have more mojo than that! Cause... I actually do.
And... I treat people right, isn't that nifty!IP: Logged |
Caileah
Knowflake Posts: 924
From: The Milky Way
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 25, 2002 02:52 PM
Hmmmmm... me thinks I sense someone's mojo comin' on swift and sure  ------------------
. * + . + * . Caileah . * + . + * . The Knowflake formerly known as Princess IP: Logged |
Infinity
Knowflake Posts: 369
From:
Registered: Oct 2001
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posted April 26, 2002 09:10 AM
Dali, Welcome!
Caileah is 110% right about everyone having gone through something very similar to what you have gone through, and I wish you the very best! I am sure that there is a special someone out there who will apreciate your mojo! For now, I would say BE, and LOVE yourself, and all else will follow! You share a birthday with my oldest child, so you have to be very special!Love and Light,
Infinity...  IP: Logged |
Spiritua
Knowflake Posts: 1474
From: Toronto
Registered: Dec 2001
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posted April 27, 2002 02:19 PM
Show me a person on the third dimensional level of concsiousness who has NEVER been hurt by ANYBODY and I'll show you an orange mouse with purple polka dots. IP: Logged |
moondancer
Knowflake Posts: 61
From:
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 28, 2002 07:38 AM
Dali, I had tears in my eyes when I read your story. I thought only us girls get treated this way by men. i can relate to your story so well. Do you know how may times I've gone through similar episodes? But I must say you are a pretty strong guy. My reactions to this kind of heartbreak are usually more dramatic. I salute you for your strength and i can see that you are a pretty sensitive guy because your a pisces.  IP: Logged |
Dali
Knowflake Posts: 73
From: New York, New York, US
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 28, 2002 04:37 PM
Hey moondancer,
so the story goes, I gave my heart to her, scared ****less of the ghosts I carried from the first time around. Her world seemed much more peaceful at first, and the words coming out of her reassured me that we were safe this time.
This guy did make her feel safe, changed her locks, cut her christmas tree down. And had alot of good times. I try to carry those with me instead. Makes me not shell up as much.
A good christmas story...
she teaches in an inner-city school, very tuff kids, 8th graders. They had a contest for a mural. The winners would get gift certificates to the movies, not a huge prize... but for them it meant the world.
Well, Sheila (her name), approached me for help with the idea. The kids were having a hard time pulling it off. Well, seeing I work in advertising, ideas seem to be a natural thing for me to come up with. I went there late that night and me and her spent quite awhile turning her kids dream into a reality. The next morning, they came in to see all their ideas formed into a most beautiful mural that caught the attention of the entire school. The kids won their prize, but more importantly... felt pride in what everyone thought was "there" work .
These moments were all I ever wanted Sheila to experience. Not all the other ******** . Unfortunately, we have moved on... and she doesn't carry the good, she is dwelling on my human mistakes... although most of them won't be "mistakes" in the long-run.
Do i love her?? I think I always will. There is an angel deep inside her, she needs to realize it... and have the confidence to protect it. I tried, and it does not work that way. All it does is strip you of everything.
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moondancer
Knowflake Posts: 61
From:
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted April 29, 2002 04:04 AM
Keep it up Dali, and I'm sure you'll soon move on.  IP: Logged |
RatanK
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: Cambridge, MA, USA
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 05, 2002 09:52 PM
Dear Dali,
What I am writing here is my own understanding of your problem. Please forgive me if I am being rude or harsh. I am just trying to look at your problem in a different ANGLE (remember Angel lexigram?) I do not want to feel sorry for what happened to you, nor do I want to say what you have done is the right thing, and neither do I want to feel pity for you, the moment I let these feelings into my mind
I will be prejudiced in my message here. Please understand me, and put aside any feelings you have at this moment, and let us go over this problem objectively. Do you really love that woman? From your message I can only see that you are trying to control her... you want her... you want to possess her... and is that fair? Only you want to possess her and not the other guy and that could be because of our ego... "Why should he have her?" I think that is what is bothering you the most, and I wouldnt be surprised if you asked yourself "Is there something wrong with me? Am I not a better person than the other guy?" Dali all of us are perfect and special, there is no definition for perfection... other than our thinking "Perfection is something not what I am... " that thought always seem to bother me. You met her parents to inform them of her relationship with that other guy, because they should know about it .. and that because just like you, they too dislike and hate him, so maybe they will force their
daughter into breaking her relationship with that other guy, don't you think this is another approach of your trying to control her life? It is true you said, you wanted her to be happy but you wanted to make her happy by trying to break her relationship with that other person and possessing her... in-fact in a subtle way trying to take that other guy's role. Can you really make her happy by trying to control her life and do what you feel is right for her? Don't you feel that she should learn her lessons
in this life? She has to learn it herself and "maybe" if you didnt force her, she wouldn't have left you. It could be that she felt you were trying to control her... Dali this is my understanding of your problem, I maybe right or may not be. Anything I say can never make a difference to you, only you can make the difference to yourself. If you still want to be her
friend it is never too late... you can always ask for her forgiveness and forgive her... and this shouldnt be a hard thing to do if you truly love her. You can always say to her that you want to be a good friend and will always love and respect her, even though she will not be with you... let her go
Dali.... she too has to learn her lessons... you can always love her the way she is. All that has happened is the past, it is said "Past is the dead....", all you have is the "eternal NOW", do not let that incident make your heart cold... You are a nice person... it is your ego that has been
broken, and so you are hurt, let it go. Please look at it as a lesson to learn in this wonderful life... do not let this incident close your heart to others... you can always love if you open your heart and
do not be afraid to be hurt... it is the true nature of our heart to love.... The truth is, only you can help yourself.... I hope you will move on... and love everyone, and you never know the person for you is waiting for you to open your heart to them... Finally, once again Dali, if I have been harsh in my message please forgive me... I am your friend and I am only trying to show your problem from a different "Angle"... Now you have one less lesson to learn in life... and trust me, you can never be hurt by another person again in your life. I hope I too can learn from this message. I wish you luck.... Hope to see a happy person in you soon, With ,
Ratan "Seek, and you shall find it;
Ask, and it shall be given unto you;
Knock, and the door shall be opened unto you." - Lord Jesus
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Dali
Knowflake Posts: 73
From: New York, New York, US
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted May 06, 2002 10:43 AM
Dear Ratan,
First off, I am not in the least offended by your angle.
Actually, it is what was one of the major hang-ups I have been struggling with.
Because I did not feel it was my place to approach her parents almost instantly after the moment I did.
I was so deep in a depression my judgement was very far off.
This was not what pushed me away from her though. We had already been apart for a spell and had no communication. Yes, I do know my ego was hurt.... and that played a big role in it.
Do I truly love her, I have to say yes... I have "let her go" to live her life and make her mistakes.... the same way I did after our first realtionship. I do believe my intentions were to protect someone I love.
I have learned that is not the way people learn.
I am not a controlling person, unfortunately... I was told i gave her too much freedom and that was partially the problem. SImply put, the girl is going to mature into a beautiful woman, but at the moment she is too wishy-washy in any of her commitments.
My self-esteem was quite good going into the situation, it did go down after seeing this man still able to do what he had done for so long. Made me wonder what my true role was. These lessons have been truly hard... but they have been learned.
As for forgiveness, I have tried on numerous occasions to mend fences. But, it only made me look even worse in her eyes. I wish she knew how I understand what I did wrong, but... at the time, something did drive me to do it. And I cannot take it back, everything does happen for a reason. Perhaps she can take this into her next relationship and learn from it. I do wish happiness for her. As noone deserves to smile more than she does.
Would I like for it to be with me?? Of course, is that a control thing? Am I with her, I even decided to relocate to make it easier on the both of us... especially me, as I don't wanna see whatever she is doing to "grow".
SImply put, she came into this thinking she was ready, she realized she wasn't, I was... and it made it hard.
Talking about this is still difficult. Don't you think I wish every day that I could have sat back and played calm, cool and collective. That was my role for awhile, and it was killing me softly...
Has my heart shut down?? Absolutely not, I would like nothing more than to be with someone who is ready. I am at such a crossroad in my life though that I don't see it happening.
One more thig to know about me, I grew up with 3 sisters, I would hope someone would let my family know that my sister has gotten into a situation that is at the least extremely unhealthy and even more... dangerous for her. I will never apologize for ending something she couldn't.
So Ratan, or anyone for that matter.
To ask a question of you. I would love to be able to offer my friendship to her. I have forgiven her, she won't even think about it. I did this... I know it. I regret it. I wish I could fix it!IP: Logged |
Dali
Knowflake Posts: 73
From: New York, New York, US
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted May 06, 2002 11:00 AM
This is one of the letters I wrote her, before she completely ignored me...
and after we broke up... i think it was after this, when she said she needed to be alone, then went out on a date the next night... that triggered everything else we are discussing!Sheila... I sometimes find myself living in a dreamy state of mind.
It is a place that I would love to make reality..... in this place I am able to express my truest feelings.... it is here where I discover every nuance that makes her the beautiful person she is.... it is here where I know I can hold her and let her feel the warmth that fills my heart when she is there... this dream allows me to kiss her with no restraints... releasing her body in ways she has never felt... in this world she will feel safe... in this world neither person ever second guesses themselves because they will receive support from the other, even if they disagree... it is here that she doesn't seem to be drifting away a little more each day... I never have to miss her in this place because all I have to do is close my eyes and I see her... I see her when she is happy, when she is sad, when she is angry, every **** emotion possible, but, whenever she looks at my eyes, she can see that everything will be alright... it is here where she will rediscover the meaning of the word "always"... and it will make her smile... I never have to worry about waking up and being back in reality...
It is here where i want to stay >>this dream I hold close to me, as close as I hold my friendship with this special person, sometimes I feel she just needs to be reminded of how special of a person she is to me. And how I truly miss spending "time" with eachother. Sheila... she is you Joe >> why am I opening all this up to everybody?? Because I am trying to learn the lessons I obviously need to.
Usually, I am a very private person. But, this environment makes it alot easier to bear all.
by the way... my smile has returned..
Just not 100%
IP: Logged |
Infinity
Knowflake Posts: 369
From:
Registered: Oct 2001
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posted May 06, 2002 11:44 AM
Dali,  My heart truly goes out to you! You are indeed a special person, and you have found a very special place to be -- Here! I will keep you in my thoughts, and send you Love and White Light, until your smile blooms wide open  !!!!! Peace and LOve,
Infinity...  ------------------
"The Light within me acknowledges the Light within you" IP: Logged |
RatanK
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: Cambridge, MA, USA
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 06, 2002 11:48 AM
Dali,
You tried everything to make-up to her, and also tried to be a good friend of her, that is all you can do. You did good Dali, and please leave it there. Expecting back from her is the cause of your problem.... just do it, and don't expect anything back, and that will set you free. If you ask how? then you really dont want to let her go. To let her go just doesnt mean physically Dali, let her go completely in your thoughts too, you know you love her, and you have forgiven her, and you believe you are her friend and that's it, just be true to yourself and that everything you did is in good faith... don't expect her to be your friend or for that matter expect anything... and you will be completely happy, not tied up. To expect is not to give freely, it is still selfishness on our part... we give to gain... this is not your problem Dali, it is mine too and everyone's. Dali, I never posted anything like this on message boards... but here I am doing it, because I feel like I am a part of a family, I feel that warm and comfortable feeling on this message board (family is what I would rather prefer to say), and that is what encouraged me to post my thoughts here. Good Luck, With
Ratan IP: Logged |
YIVY
Knowflake Posts: 4747
From: Louisiana
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted May 06, 2002 11:51 PM
Dali....I think maybe she has some lessons to work on. You seem to have gotten your's down.OH, and by the by.....WELCOME to the site..... I'm sorry I hadn't welcomed you sooner. Glad to see you are getting your  back!  ------------------
@~>~~
YIVY
"Witchy Woman" IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 16464
From: Columbus, GA USA
Registered: Nov 2000
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posted May 07, 2002 01:09 AM
Give her time. ------------------
"It is never too late to become what you might have been." George Eliot IP: Logged |
moondancer
Knowflake Posts: 61
From:
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted May 07, 2002 04:16 AM
Dali, I am so glad to see that your smile has returned. What a beautifully written letter. Obviously you are enlightened to the path of forgiveness. I wish I had the kind of strength you have. Heartbreak is for me the worst kind of pain anyone can possibly feel. It's as if someone stuck a knife into your heart and moved it around. There have been several incidents where I have felt as if life has no meaning and that I would rather not be alive on the physical plain. Everytime I will think negative thoughts like these I will read that beautiful letter and renew hope all over again. Thank you Dali for making me believe that there still are beautiful men with pure hearts out there. P.S. Ratank I wish there were more wise people like you around to make things better when the going gets tough. IP: Logged |
Dali
Knowflake Posts: 73
From: New York, New York, US
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted May 07, 2002 10:07 AM
awww moondancer. I am glad to renew your hope.
I do have to admit that as beautiful as that letter was, the honest and open one was quite to the point. But, never demeaning or hurtful in any way... more of a "wake-up" call that will obviously take quite a while to digest. Sheila thought I assumed alot about her that I knew nothing about. All i had to go on were the half truths and the stories circulating like wildfire about their past. Perhaps I did assume, but I am a man that will admit I am wrong... it takes a chance to discuss for that to happen.
Nothing in this world is so dramatic that it cannot be worked through. But, the key to it all is being there for eachother. Especially, when a situation arises that can be "touchy"!
Thankyou for welcoming me... my strength is returning and my lessons are still being learned.IP: Logged |
RatanK
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: Cambridge, MA, USA
Registered: May 2002
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posted May 07, 2002 12:16 PM
Dali,
I am posting some topics from a book "Commentaries on Living by Krishnamurti". I have few posts in the "Free-for-section" of this message board. When you get a chance please go through those posts. In one post I listed all the topics from the book, if there is anything in particular of interest to you, I will post it first. I feel you need some diversion from this topic, so you can again look at this incident afresh... come on bud... relax.. you are going to be fine.With
Ratan IP: Logged |
moondancer
Knowflake Posts: 61
From:
Registered: Apr 2002
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posted May 08, 2002 04:00 AM
Hi Dali, I'm sure that your open and honest letter was also beautiful because there is nothing more beautiful than open and honest feelings revealed and if she was blind to this beauty then it was her loss and someday she will realize this. Please keep smiling It always makes me sad to know that someone out there has lost his smile because of a broken heart. IP: Logged | |
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