posted July 22, 2002 12:30 AM         

I will share with you something that I have learned, and it took me many many years to realize this. When I was a child I lost my mom to cancer - I was 10 at the time - and I also suffered abuse at the hands of two separate adults, some sexual abuse, a lot of verbal abuse. I was told on a regular basis that I was ugly, stupid, no good, would never amount to anything...this started even before I can remember, and continued on until I was almost an adult. Then I married a man who cheated on me repeatedly for our entire time together, until we finally divorced. After that I entered a period of my life where I was a single mom with a low-income job, life was terribly tough, and I was too scared and lacking in self-confidence to even consider another relationship. Life overall was one big disappointment and hurt after another.

Then one day I finally realized something; I was living my life angry, upset with those who had hurt me, and using it all as an excuse not to *grow*. Looking back now I can see that the people who hurt me did not do so intentionally, they had problems with themselves and I was the outlet for them. My mom did not choose to die, at least her physical self didn't; and yet I blamed her for abandoning us. My husband didn't have affairs because he wanted to hurt me; he did this because of his own insecurities...he was looking for validation that he was worthy of being loved, and yet he was never finding it. When I did come to this realization I finally stopped blaming everyone else for my unhappiness and decided that in order to be happy, I had to want it, and I had to create it on my own. So I threw away all of the pain, hurt, blaming of others, and feelings of worthlessness within myself, and I began to take responsibility for my life. It took me a long time to be able to do this, and I did it one step at a time, but I did do it. And after that my life changed. I began to smile and enjoy myself, I even discovered that I was a pretty neat person.

And as to what lessons I was learning from all of this...well, I have learned to become strong within myself, take control of my life, and to love those who have hurt me in the past, despite their actions. I think that the pain inflicted on us by others is never really intentional in the sense that the person simply wants to hurt you; it occurs to teach us whatever lesson is put out there for us to learn. Compassion, understanding, unconditional love, forgiveness, tolerance, love of our selves, all of these are lessons that can come of these trials within our lives. And I do believe that some experience more of these painful events in our lives than others because we may have more life lessons to learn than others who may be further along the path to ascendancy.

posted July 23, 2002 04:21 AM         

Mellemel, I believe we have problems in our lives to help us grow. We are always wiser after having overcome a problem. Try this: Think back to a specific problem you had. Try to recall what kind of person you were before you encountered the problem. Then, try to recall the person you had become after having overcome the problem. I feel you will find that in all such cases, you emerged stronger and wiser.

I have found that *being* with our problems (i.e., accepting their existence) and earnestly trying to solve them (instead of feeling bad about the problem being present) is very effective. This is from my own experiences. Once we accept the fact that we will have to encounter and work through problems, the situation becomes easier (possibly because we stop resenting it, and start healing it).

All the best to you in your growth!

And yes, welcome to Lindaland!

posted July 27, 2002 09:52 AM         

When we are kind to people and look after their interest, most of them come to believe that they would get the kindness and care come what may and this in turn makes them demand more from us. As our love and care remains same as ever they feel that they are not getting enough which makes them hurt us. One thus sould never make anyone believe that we will we be there come what may.
This is my personal experience and I have felt the hurt from people I never expected to hurt me.

posted July 27, 2002 01:58 PM         

What you have said is true for some people, but not all. There are many wise and mature people too.

However, these people were not always like this. We all evolve into higher levels of wisdom with time, and those that seem be mature right now must have been 'less mature' too, at some time in their souls journey.

In our present state of existence (on Earth), most of us are out of contact with our divinity, and so we behave in undesirable ways. However, through trial and error, and through experiences of joy & sadness, winning and losing, clasping and letting go ~ we slowly but surely begin to understand the 'Tao' of living. Sooner or later, even the most lost of souls finds their way back to 'The Path'. This magic has always worked in the ages before us, and will continue to work as long as we need it.

One day, even those who have hurt you will come to a place where they are in harmony with the way things were 'meant to be'.

Our only obligation is to be true to ours-elves, and to 'follow our bliss' wherever it takes us.