posted October 24, 2005 08:05 PM         

why does it seem so minimized in
this culture?

how should one work through it in
a healthy, cathartic way?

i'm baffled by the concept of grief,
and its mechanism. earlier this year
i was in need of chiropractic care for
some injuries, and the chiropractor
questioned me about some personal things.

as i began to tell her, a string of related
events rose to the surface, and i went
into emotional meltdown.

she was shocked, and said that i had
numerous experiences hidden away inside,
and that i seriously needed to allow
myself to grieve for many of these incidences.

i was so surprised to hear that....i
had never considered the grieving process
a necessary component in my life. she
suggested talking to someone who could
help me unlock the grief i held inside,
and allow my self the grieving i needed.

i didn't contact anyone about facilitating
this, but the thought has stayed with me,
and i continue to ponder, at times, the
idea of grief, what it is, and how to
allow it to operate successfully in one's
life...

i'm surprised to find how little i really
understand it....and how little exposure
it has in our world.

the grieving process ~

does anyone know about grief, and how it
manifests in our lives, for healing
or otherwise?

i'm beginning to believe it's a strong
necessity, that we neglect all too often.

loving kindness to all who yearn,
Hedgewitch

posted October 24, 2005 09:05 PM         

I know a few things about grief. I know enough to know that like love, it is highly personal and defined only by she who grieves.

I am sorry if this answer seems flip; that's not my intention.

I will ponder this and see if I can find a better answer for you. However, I suspect in the Yin and Yang of life it is simply another experience for us.

posted October 25, 2005 09:18 AM         

Mmmmm....I came into this life grieving....didnt understand it until very recently...I brough in trauma and sadness from another existence......it confounded me at times...went against the lightness and joy of my personality..tis only now I understand the need to do it....

That is why I cry at lot...and wail (not of late), but I would go out look up into the heavens and scream...and not know why....

...but I do now....and it feels good.....

love to all

posted October 27, 2005 05:14 AM         

Every time someone "lets me down" I allow myself to grieve....I may only have known this person a short while, but even so it triggers "past" memory and evokes a similar feeling......I allow the hurt to surface....

Everytime someone "stabs me in the back" because of their inadequacy, as well as dealing with it by saying "its their problem , their low self esteem"......I also allow myself to grieve....

Eveytime I do this......I become a stronger person because I have allowed myself to feel so deeply and release that.....I also become healthier and happier....

Every time Ive tried to supress a feeling, I have become angry, depressed and then physically ill.....

So I suppose in short grieving is necesary for good health and a happy and free mind........

love

posted October 27, 2005 11:17 AM         

i'm just confounded by it, because
i never encountered the concept at
all growing up, and in my adult
years, moving at an ever faster
pace, there was no time for
acknowledging or understanding grief.

especially as something separate and
quite different from depression....
which i tend to dismiss in my own
life, as for me, i think it's misused
as a manipulative label. there's
absolutely nothing wrong with feeling
sad, about events, or people....or
anything, in fact i think it's rather
healthy to allow oneself to experience
sadness....but it seems that in this
culture, feelings are maniputlated for
control purposes, thus being sad is turned
into an illness.....

i do agree that depression can be
a real phenomenon, but that if we
would allow our feelings more reign
it might not manifest in the first
place.

but the idea of grief extends beyond
sadness....as something that's a
necessary component to a traumatic
experience....grief is so intense,
that i think it's accepted even less
than sadness....but if we could only
identify it, and allow ourselves to
work through it, i believe we'd be
such healthier people, physically
and spiritually.

unexpressed grief also can appear as
physical illness, which i believe
has happened in my personal experience.
we store it in our muscles and cells
and membranes, and it becomes a physical
drain. my personality is naturally
bouyant, so it doesn't remain long in
my consciousness.

i'm still trying to recognize it and
reconcile it in myself, but this is
proving rather difficult....i don't
know how! i'm trying to find information
on relating to grief in a spiritual way,
but haven't found much.

so i thank you all again for sharing...

love and blessings, Hedgewitch

posted October 27, 2005 11:44 AM         

While things like love, loss, and death are mysterious, I don't think there's anything that mysterious about grief. We need grief because it allows us to make necessarily transistions in our life by transforming us and deeping our awareness of our intimate connection with those people or things we have lost. Grief is simply a confrontation of ourselves and how we relate to others and things outside ourselves. As te cliche says "You never know what you have until its gone" fits the grief process well - grief teaches us just how significant someone or something has been to us in ways we were not able to knwo before the loss.

I have never gone through the grieving process without being transformed. I think that is also another reason people often resist it - they fear that change. Loss and death asre such powerful agents in our lives that to allow them to change us against our own desires and will often leaves us feeling extremely powerless. But surrendering to what you cannot control in part of that transformation.

I find that grief doesn't "resolve" the loss, so much as transform one into a being that can cope with it. Grief does make me feel "worn" and "warred" at times, as there's nothing easy about it, but yet healthy grieving has also always made me feel stronger, more enlightened and most importantly, more capable of loving deeply and in a genuine, pure way. I mean, how much purer can your love be if you love someone who is longer here for you to gain something from? Someone you love simply because you have known them and known their truth and beauty?

posted October 28, 2005 12:00 PM         

thank you so much for that explanation!
that helps me understand the nature
of grief so much more.

quote:

---

We need grief because it allows us to make necessarily transistions in our life by transforming us and deeping our awareness of our intimate connection with those people or things we have lost. Grief is simply a confrontation of ourselves and how we relate to others and things outside ourselves.

---

what you said about its transformative nature,
and being a component of love,
informed my understanding of grief so well.

thank you so much for sharing this here.

i love this ~

quote:

---

Ultimately grief teaches us about what it means to love and how profound and transcendant love truly is.

---

posted October 28, 2005 01:44 PM         

there was a time that i had considered
doing a 'rebirthing'. does anyone
have any experience with this?
i'm wondering if this would facilitate
the grieving process.

ms. sue ~

you seem to have an intimate knowledge
of grief and its function in your life....
that's cool how you've integrated it into
your being.

can you perhaps suggest a flower essence
for helping with feeling and processing
grief?

also, as an aside, can you suggest a flower
essence, or combination, for cultivating
patience with a wee child?
his 3 yr old ways are becoming more and
more precocious, while my mama instincts
are recognizing a need to give more time
and attention to myself and my needs.

i need to honor myself, but i need to
maintain a strong connection with him,
and above all, cultivate more loving
patience, which seems to elude me some
these days...(as a matter of fact
at this very moment....lol...)

i've read that when a child takes an
essence combination that the rest of
the family should take it also...is that
something i should consider, do you think?

thanks so much...

love, Hedgewitch

posted October 29, 2005 12:37 PM         

Such wise and moving words here by everyone and I hope Hedgewitch that you can move through and with the process of grief. I also tend to agree that society can almost suppress grief, our lifestyle almost doesn't allow us to go through something so necessary, having to 'get on with things' after a loss or change. Knowing that loss and change are a natural part of life may help cope with these losses a bit.

posted October 30, 2005 05:05 AM         

I found the homeopathic remedy ignatia excellent for grief, and I use the Back Flower remedies every day.....I use Oak, and I hear hornbeam is very good when you are exhausted and pushed and of course imaptiens for giving us patients (are you an Aries...as the impatiens is good for mars energy. You can take up to five remedies a day....just put a few drops of each in a dropper bottle and mix with spring water and then take as needed. I try and take every 3 or 4 hours.

There is another one called mustard, but that is more for depression, the black cloud, I suppose that would treat grief too.

Yes I have been told that you can give children the same remedies as the mother, for example the impatiens if he/she is that way....or for fear Aspen....Rock Rose for nightmares, Walnut for change. Hedge, if you go into google and type bach flower remedies, they will give you a list of the symptoms and which remedies help.

Please ask, if there is anything I can do to help.....its hard work girl isnt it mothering.....our son is almost 7 and I am left exhausted most of the time. I was 47 yesterday and feel having him at 40 has taken its toll on my body....but I still have that devilment and sense of fun...thanks be to God....

BlueTopaz.

So sorry to read your words....if I can help at all, please ask. Well done for being so brave and open..its a huge part of the healing path isnt it girl...God bless you..

love

Sue

posted October 30, 2005 07:54 AM         

good luck

posted October 31, 2005 01:39 PM         

thank you so much for your
answer here....
i have all those essences
and will try mixing up a
good combination.

i'll take a look at that link too...
i have some excellent books on
the essences, but i thought it would
be nice to have the personal touch
of an expert, as i don't have
that much experience with them...

i will try that homeopathic remedy too....
hoping to use more homeopathy in the future.

love and light to you dear lady

Hedgewitch

posted November 01, 2005 01:42 PM         

I give our son Rock Rose, mixed with walnut and aspen too.

Hope they help....I understand the stresses of parenthood...am feeling very pushed at the moment with this..

love to you

posted November 25, 2005 06:34 PM         

i've been looking into some of the
deeper properties of the essences...

one i'm delighted with ~ rock water...
not from a flower at all,
but water that flows over rocks...

it allows life to flow more freely through
a person, opening up the heart to the
joy that's always available,
all around us, inherent in the beauty
of life, if we but open our eyes to see.

i'll often let my boy pick an essence he wants,
let his intuition guide him to the
appropriate one. he seems to know well
which he needs too, and at times he refuses
to take any at all, although he really likes
them. his little heart knows.

love to you from salome

posted November 25, 2005 06:47 PM         

I woke up this morning thinking about grief. It’s almost Halloween, the time of year when, we say, the veil is thin between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Here in San Francisco, we’re preparing for our big, public, Spiral Dance ritual on Saturday night, busy getting all the last-minute details taken care of, dealing with the complexities of a new location and a new form for the ritual. It’s easy to get caught up in the responsibilities and the practicalities…but this morning, in that twilight space between waking and sleeping, I found myself thinking of the dead.

There are so many dead this year. So many large scale tragedies. The great wave last winter that swept tens of thousands to their death in Asia. The hurricanes and floods in the Gulf Coast and the Caribbean. The earthquake in Pakistan, the mudslides in Guatemala, the simmering volcanoes in El Salvador. Natural disasters—compounded by official neglect, intensified by global warming and the destruction of wetlands and mangrove swamps and all of nature’s protective systems.

And the dead of war. Two thousand American soldiers, tens of thousands of Iraquis. A constant attrition of Palestinians and Israelis. The countless war dead of Africa who have dropped out of the news. Each death a loss to someone, a huge well of grief.

My mother, who died thirteen years ago, was an expert on loss and grief. A psychotherapist, she wrote a book, “A Time to Grieve”, which is still a classic in the field of bereavement. She taught me that grief is not something to fear. If we let ourselves feel our pain and loss, if we truly mourn and rage, grief has a healing, transformative power.

Cindy Sheehan, the mother of one of those dead soldiers, is taking her grief to the gates of the White House, chaining herself to the fence like the suffragists who demanded votes for women, long ago. I met her earlier this year, at Crawford, Texas, where she encamped before Bush’s ranch demanding to meet him face to face, to confront him with the reality of her loss, to ask him what was the noble cause her son died for. Her vigil there was like the small waves of the sea, eating away at the buttresses of his power, a harbinger of the storm surge to come.

If compassion is the ability to feel and imagine someone else’s grief, Bush and his cabal of ultra-right advisors have long seemed lacking. Moreover, they have fed on death, used death and fear and horror to buttress their power. They used the deaths of September 11 to extend their power. They used fear and ruthlessness to stun their opposition into silence and complicity as they unleashed a brutal and criminal war. Like vampires, they have maintained their unnatural life with blood.

But the counter to this ghoulish power is real grief, real loss. True grief has the power to open the heart. It strips away lies, dissolves false differences, and reminds us that we are all vulnerable, all mortal, all clinging for our lives to those fragile cords of love that bind us to those we care about. True grief casts out fear.

“There’s nothing they can do to me,” Cindy Sheehan said to me at Camp Casey. “There’s nothing more than can take from me. I’ve already lost my son.”

Standing among the pictures of the dead, at Camp Casey, I imagined the spirits of those soldiers rising up, a tidal wave of rage and anguish turning against those who caused and misuse their deaths. I see Cindy, fearless in her grief, strong in her mother-right, bringing that spectral army to the gates of the White House itself. I see them enter in, cleansing, rooting out lies, overturning every false foundation. I feel a fresh wind blowing, awakening courage, integrity, and compassion in all of our hearts.

This is the spell I would shape this Samhain season. We are in a time of great loss, facing more before the world comes back into balance. The gifts of grief are painful, but if we open to them, allow our hearts to break and in breaking, expand, then grief and compassion may save our lives.