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Author
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Topic: Afraid of dying
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Sirona
Knowflake Posts: 12
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 19, 2005 10:15 PM
 
I am very sick and find myself wondering if I'll make it through this time. I have always been sick and been told many times that I would die or that there is nothing that anyone can do for me other than major surgery every 4 years. I do not come back from under the anestetic as well as I used to and have refused surgery but I am being tested again to see if that is the way I must go. I cannot afford the specialist visits and must be on indigent programs so the process is slow and I am in alot of pain but no one seems to care. I had a CAT scan done Nov. 3 and the doctor hasen't even called me back. I was told that they did not find what they were looking for and wanted to do more tests and the doctor would call me in a week, also I was supposed to be refered to another specialist as well and have yet to hear from them. I am only 25 just the first of this month and can't even work. I am so far in debt I don't know how to ever get myself out. I just got married and have a wonderful husband that I feel like I burden greatly upon him. I know he doesn't feel this way at all but I cannot even do anything for myself sometimes and he is to young to have to deal with all this. He is my God send though and I would not be here without him. I am afraid I won't do well this time though and will not make it. As it is they think I am going through early menopause and that means no children. Not that I could take care of them anyway. I am loosing my faith in everything and the pain will not stop. I used to believe very strongly that I would live forever because I am not even supposed to be here in the first place and immortality did not seem that inconceivable. I don't even know if it would be worth it though unless I could live a full life. I guess I'm just venting because I can't tell my fears to anyone else and try to be strong for everyone else. I don't know what to do anymore.IP: Logged |
let ther b light
Knowflake Posts: 136
From: bombay, india
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted December 20, 2005 12:38 AM
hey sirona 
i am a lil confused....maybe i did not read too well but have the doctors told you wat it is that may case u to........i wont say the word......coz i dont wanna say sumthin negative..........n i don see how a person who has been so optimistic........abt living forever......can be told somethin lik that.............wat surgery do u have every 4 years(u don have to answer if don waqnt to)....sorry....im jus curious......you can vent all u want over here.......most ppl r more than willing to help.........i really think that maybe you shd continue believing wat u always have..........even tho it may seem impossible.....miracles do take place........n im sure once ur husband is calm in his head.......he'll help you rebuild ur faith n health......dont underestimate scorpio(u did mention scorp sumwher, right?)........all the best.....take care........n u can talk whenever u want
love
diyaIP: Logged |
lalalinda
Moderator Posts: 562
From: nevada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 20, 2005 12:59 AM
sorry to hear you are so sick  God does not give us more than we can handle, but he tests us to our limits.
When he closes a door, he opens a window. You sound like you have a wonderful marriage, full of love and support which is more than some of us have  You are very lucky. try to be strong, medicine is changing every day and your options may change and the right one may come along. I'll pray for you
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purple_scorp
Knowflake Posts: 346
From: Australia
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted December 20, 2005 04:20 PM
Dear Sirona,I'm a very positive person but I have no experience such as yours to draw advice from. So, it's a bit hard to know what to say. I'm wrapping you in love and light so that you may have extra strength to deal with your illness, whatever its outcome may be. May your spirit find peace and the doctors find some way to ease your suffering. Your marriage sounds like a divine intervention - and your husband sounds like a wonderful person to lean on (as are the members here). with love
purple_scorp IP: Logged |
Sirona
Knowflake Posts: 12
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 20, 2005 11:29 PM
My organs are fusing together and to my ribcage from scar tissue. Your organs have a natural flow to them to keep them working and healthy, if this movement were to stop, like it is doing to me, you will die. My intestines are being pinched closed by the scar tissue and I have a 90% blockage. If it becomes a complete blockage then I go in for emergency surgery. I have had these problems my whole life and live with chronic abdominal pain constantly but due to time the problem only gets worst. Surgery is only a temporary fix and actually makes this situation worst due to causing more scar tissue every time they open me up. That is why I refused the surgery years ago. My liver is severly damaged because of all the medications they used to have me on. My tyroid is not working. I have little blood circulation. My digestion is not working so no matter how much I eat or what I eat I am slowly starving to death. I think I am just getting scared and my faith is wavering. I have gone through this a long time and my endurance and optomism is wearing out. Thank you all for your support and loving thoughts I really need them right now. Please pray for my monetary issues also I am really wondering how I am to survive if something does not change soon with that.IP: Logged |
Devilfish
Knowflake Posts: 426
From:
Registered: Dec 2004
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posted December 21, 2005 09:57 AM
Sirona,
sending love and healing light.
stay strong sweetheart
please try mediating daily white light moving through your body, opening paths that are blocked, visualize healing energies swirling around you and thru you .I am praying for your recovery, peace and happiness.
 IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 2781
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted December 21, 2005 10:26 AM
Oh, I am sad that you are feeling hopeless, yet I do not feel that you are hopeless...
Grab ahold of that small faint light you see, and force it to grow. Something will change. Good things will happen. Believe in yourself, and by the way.. you are not a burden to anyone.
and healing light to you.
Is there any alternative medicine you can find? You've tried traditional, what about reiki?IP: Logged |
let ther b light
Knowflake Posts: 136
From: bombay, india
Registered: Aug 2005
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posted December 22, 2005 09:44 PM
hey sirona
i have to tell u that visualisation really works..........my case is very small compared to urs but i'll tell u abt it anyways........
my gums were in v bad shape a few months back.......my dentist scared me so badly that i cud not sleep at night......he told me i wud l**se my teeth......my dad lost his at an early age of 40.......im jus 25.........i was really scared........so every time id brush or massage my gums...id visualize all the bacteria comin out........i also used to imagine a gun shootin all the bacteria n killin it  ......n when i went to my doc after a week he was shocked at the improvement........later on (after abt 3 mths)....it got bad again.......and he tried to scare me again.......he said it wud require alot of money n patience on my part!!!!! n determination n skill on his!!!!wat a cheat.........but my mom saw thru him n asked me to stop goin to him...........she then took me to her doc, who told me that i can challenge ur prvious doc that i'll cure u! and she did cure me to QUITE an extent!!!!!!! and in just 1/24th the cost!!!.........and now im gettin an ortho treatment done which will help me further.......
so, the moral of the story is basically...when u or someone around you tries to feed in negative thoughts in ur head it definately goes against you. it makes u more sik.........on the other hand positive thinkin /visualisation and positive ppl can really make you much better....trust me....i know it has worked for me......i no u must not be in the most +ve mood right now but pleeeaaase try..
love n hugs
diyaIP: Logged |
beebuddy
Knowflake Posts: 822
From: illinois
Registered: Apr 2005
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posted December 23, 2005 01:00 AM
Sirona,Have you investigated myofascial release? It is a technique used for breaking up scar tissue and tightened fascia. If you have a serious degenerative condition you may want to speak to a doctor that knows about the technique. Sometimes the technique is called "Rolfing" and sometimes it's called "structural integration". IP: Logged |
beebuddy
Knowflake Posts: 822
From: illinois
Registered: Apr 2005
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posted December 23, 2005 01:01 AM
Also, what is the technical name of the condition you have? IP: Logged |
Sirona
Knowflake Posts: 12
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 23, 2005 09:46 PM
I was born with Gastroschisis. I've had a gastronomy, colostomy, hernia repair, and a gastronomy revise. I am seeing a naturopath that does very well with me and she is doing manipulation much like myofascial release. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I really need them right now my mood swings drastically from hope to dispair. Little things tend to set it off and I seem to have little control over my emotions at the moment. IP: Logged |
beebuddy
Knowflake Posts: 822
From: illinois
Registered: Apr 2005
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posted December 23, 2005 11:35 PM
Here...
http://www.rolf.org/find/locate_advanced.php3?nowsearch=true&city=&state=Oregon&country= BTW Don't be afraid. IP: Logged |
Sirona
Knowflake Posts: 12
From: Oregon
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 24, 2005 01:05 PM
Thank you very much for the info. I looked up what you suggested yesterday. What I am doing is really alot like it and to be honest with you I can barely afford that. I have nothing but a few bags of clothes for my husband and myself. We live with his parents and barely have money for food. He was supposed to be promoted within two weeks of day before yesterday but yesterday it got screwed up and now we don't know when it will happen. Thank you for the suggestion though I greatly appriciate your advice.IP: Logged |
lotusheartone
Knowflake Posts: 4443
From: piopolis, quebec canada
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted December 24, 2005 01:18 PM
Sirona,Have tapped into the everflowinf Source of God
the one that comes into your heart
if you can focus on the Image of
MOther and Father God
they are very bright, hehe
white robes and gold this light shall come upou you when you pray to them
as if you have already received
an answer and a healing pray, and allow the light
to come into the top of your head
and into your heart
here allow it to heal your
body
then realeaase out from your heart
into the world you can tap into this
force always
whenever you need it I will pray for you also
Sending you waves of Love and Light
and Healing
All my Love,
Stephanie IP: Logged |
ScotScorp
Knowflake Posts: 503
From: Saint Louis, Missouri
Registered: Aug 2004
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posted December 25, 2005 12:12 AM
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theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 25, 2005 12:59 PM
Sirona I am so sorry and I admire your courage completely. It makes me feel like a real jerk complaining about my brace for my spine and my bad leg. Please be strong and let the person who is working with you do their work, it might work!!!!! ------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
theREALfajita3
Knowflake Posts: 31
From: sunny south florida
Registered: Dec 2005
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posted December 26, 2005 05:12 PM
FORGET DYING_ WE GOTTCHA YA!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR WITH US ------------------
Bless you IP: Logged |
Sammy
Knowflake Posts: 1
From: England
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted January 16, 2006 03:45 AM
Hi Sirona I’m sending you lots of love, light and positive energy all the way from England. Be strong.
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SunShyne
Moderator Posts: 561
From:
Registered: May 2003
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posted January 16, 2006 06:09 AM
Dear Sirona Pix, you're just super! Words often fail me but you always know just what to say to make someone feel better. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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