posted January 06, 2007 12:00 AM         

I have been into acting since I was 9 years old. It is my biggest passion....and I have always wanted to be and actress, and I have been working my tail off to acheive that goal. I was a natural when I was younger, but now that it has gotten more challenging, I'm not anymore. Memorizing lines comes easy to me, and I have the ability to understand the text intellectually, but I have a hard time portraying the meaning behind it to my audience. I work so hard, if not harder than most people, and I still don't do as good of a job as they do. I don't even remember the last time I got a "congratulations." After a show, the entire cast seems to get congratulated and tons of praise, and all I get are funny stares. I never seem to interpret the characters "correctly." I especially have a hard time with Shakespeare since I can barely interpret contemporary English let alone, and I even dropped out of a competition because I was having such a difficult time with my Shakespeare pieces. I'm worried that my directors might think that I'm not trying or listening, but none of those things are true. I always seem to be their main target. I work so hard and it hasn't gotten me anything. I'm afraid that having this problem will cause me to not succeed in acting, and I want to succeed so badly. This is all I have ever wanted, I have never imagined myself doing anything else...I don't have much interest or skill in other areas.

This disability interferes with everything. It has taken over my life, and has prevented me from acheiving any success in life. I no longer have the ability to get good grades, and I have become very shy over these past few years. It's almost as if everyone just "grew up" without me, I'm never able to keep up with conversations at school. Outside of school I am very social and talkative, especially around people I've known for a long time....but I'm awkward when it comes to meeting new people. When I'm in school I'm usually not able to talk to people because I'm too angry or upset about my academic performance. Acting was the one strength I had in my life. It motivated me to work, it was the only thing I was talented at, and most importantly, it made me feel good about myself. Now I'm not even good at that. I don't have the ability to do anything anymore.

I've tried to overcome it or work around it, but nothing seems to work. I have tried [U]everything[/U]. I just want to find away to get rid of this disability.....and I want to get rid of it completely. I cry myself to sleep at night because I hate having this problem so much. And everyday after school, I'll just go home and break down. Does anybody know of any way to get rid of the entire disability....a pill or something? If it's gone, I will be able to acheive success and I'll be able to live like a normal person again.

posted January 06, 2007 04:58 PM         

I understand having a learning disability; because I am now 41 and I have been going to college for 2 years full time now. My memory is not the same as a 20 year old student, so it takes me a long time to absorb new information, & I have to study much harder and for a much longer duration than the average student. I have test anxiety and I need total silence when I take a test. I get really stressed out for tests, and when I take a test, I panic if I don't understand the question or don't know the answer.

I went to the Students with Disabilities in my college and they said I need a note from my Dr. saying that I have a learning disability, and I would need to go through weeks and weeks of testing in order to get a private, silent room to take tests in. I don't have this time, so I just told them, "forget it".

I wish you good luck. Didn't mean to drown you out with my story, just wanted to add support that I understand.

posted January 07, 2007 01:49 AM         

Did you know that Tom Cruise had a learning disability, and look where he is today, so you see don't give up on you or your dreams, they will come true, hard work always pays off, sometimes not right away, but it pays off, I know , I also had or have a learning disability, and school was a rough road traveled, but I turned out fine, and you will to, I PROMISE YOU!

posted January 07, 2007 11:41 PM         

Wow...I'm really sorry about that angry post..I just needed to get that off of my chest. I know I can't get rid of it, but does anyone know of a kind of therapy I can use to at least help it a little bit? Or something to at least make me less frusturated? It's funny I never show my frusturation in public, so everyone just thinks I'm quiet and shy. At home I let it all out though.

posted January 08, 2007 11:10 AM         

I have a lot experience with anger. I'm a very angry person on certain levels. I'm actually mellow compared to when I was a teen. But most of the times I can channel that anger - I have had a lot of practice at that. But some days, it's harder. That's life, though. You just have to do your best, even on teh crappy days.

I understand completely about others' patronizing attitudes. No they don't get it. They can't get it. And they shouldn't presume they do. But you're going to have to learn with live the ignorance and foolishness of others, AND learn that what they say and do doesn't define your own happiness and self-respect. Just see this as an opportunity for growth - yeah,, it sucks, but when life gives you lemons, right? You can't let them get to you so much - this will definitely be something you have to work through, and it'll take practice. You won't get it down in one week, or one month. But I have found that moving past the anger I feel about people's patronizing has helps me not only be stronger and more focused on my goals, but also more compassionate and aware of just how difference each or our experiences can be. This can be a real lesson in empathy - one your teachers haven't exactly learned yet. You may not get the genuine empathy and respect (instead of pity and patronizing) from these particular people you may want right now, but in time you can be an example to teach other these things, because you'll learn to embody them yourself.