posted March 03, 2007 12:01 AM         

I've been going through a hard time these past couple years (my Saturn Return was a rough one), and it is culminating in a divorce, which, while I wanted it & have decided it is best for me, has turned out to be a huge drain on me emotionally. Most days, I try to stay positive and hope for a bright future. Some days, it takes a toll on me, and I don't know if I will ever be happy again.

The person who I'd most want by my side at this time, is also suffering, due to past emotional hurts, and while I think we'd be best at helping each other heal, we have this huge gulf between us due to the emotional hurt. So we suffer separately.

From meditating on this situation, I feel that he holds the key to my healing, as I do to his, and I just know that we have to meet each other halfway to do that. I just don't know where to start. I feel so broken some days, I don't know where I'm going to get the energy/strength to heal myself & him too.

So, my dear friends, I request you to send me & this friend some good thoughts. Please send us healing thoughts to help us clear the blocks in our heart chakras, so we can live again, rather than continue on in our misery...

posted March 03, 2007 04:45 PM         

You know I have been rooting for your Pisces for, what is it? almost two years now I'm sad to hear that he's going thru a rough time too. Have you talked to him about exactly what you are feeling? If you cannot meet each other halfway it does not bode well for your future association. However, there are times in any relationship when one person must go more than 50% of the way towards the other..... perhaps you should reach out to him, no matter how low you are feeling? It would probably help you as well as him..... but *don't* take responsibility for healing him too -- he has to do that himself (with your help) . Reach out, hon -- do not fear to reach your hand towards him.....

posted March 03, 2007 07:47 PM         

I can relate to your feelings and his...
there has to be and end, for there to be
a beginning...it is time to face it...
it will be like being re-Born, a whole
new life...do you not see the Beauty
in your Future? The Wholeness? The Healing?

why put off til tomorrow and stay in pain and sorry...the energies you ex-Change, will bring you inner tranquility...

I am going to pray and send you Lots and Lots of LOve LOve LOve. ...to Heal

posted March 04, 2007 11:54 PM         

Thank you all for caring & rooting for me! What a beautiful pic, BM!

'zala, it has been 2 years now. Sigh, it has been a long 'bloody battle' to get to this place, but I've finally gotten a job and moved into my own apartment, and it happens to be the same town as the Pisces (serendipity), and I've also resumed my education part-time so I can finish up that degree I'd put on hold a year ago. And, guess what, the Pisces is in the same department, and we'll soon be working in the same room once a week or so! (It is really something how, of all the places I could've gotten a job at, it had to be here!)

I'd called him a couple weeks back, and we talked a bit, but not a whole lot about my situation. I guess I was a little scared to get into it, because I'm worried about facing rejection again. Honestly, right now, I'd be so happy to have his friendship. He was my best friend for the longest time, and his unconditional love could get me through anything. This is why it hurts so much now - he is himself in pain, and seems afraid of being hurt again.

I ran into him last week, and was surprised as he was, to find that we have the same easy rapport & chemistry as we've always had. I think it scared him, because it would be so easy for us to get involved again, and in the past, it was something neither of us could help. I'm not intending to get involved right now (not until I'm healed too), but I guess I've been too chicken to reach out & talk to him, because I just couldn't handle a rejection right now, not from him. I don't know if he's in a place where he's strong enough to be there for me, so I've not told him yet. We're both licking our wounds, too afraid to take a step.

I do like your suggestion - to reach out.. it would probably feel so much better, than to suffer in silence. At least then he'd know...

lotus, thank you for your prayers & suggestions too! The idea's growing on me more & more - why wait...?

posted March 05, 2007 07:59 AM         

dare to care and share it. ...

it always comes back

one way, or another... .

posted March 05, 2007 10:38 PM         

Yesterday had been a painful day for me, with some discussions about the divorce with my parents who've been very concerned about me and the situation. Through a strange series of events, I ended up talking to my ex-husband's sister-in-law, though I'd sworn never to talk to any of his family ever again, and was shocked to find that he's been perpetrating lies about me to them - bucketloads of slander - while he's been posing as such a gentleman with me (telling me I'm such a wonderful gal, he was lucky to have me, and if anyone were to say anything against me, he'd be the first to defend me, etc.) I talked to him too, and it was more than obvious about his lying, cheating ways, and also the pains he's taken to isolate me from his family, and anyone else really, who could've helped me these past couple years; it seems to have been an elaborate deception.

It was so FREEING to find out about it, because I'd been feeling so sad for the hurt he must've been going through, and all this guilt about whether I made the right decision to divorce, and now I suddenly find that this heavy BURDEN I was carrying around, is lifted; it's GONE!! I have never been more sure of my decision, and can't believe how much lighter I feel!! No more emotional drain; I'm not wasting another nanosecond on regrets or sadness!!

When I looked in the mirror today, I thought I caught a glimpse of the same old gal I was 3 years ago, before this mess took over my life, and it was such a happy feeling to think that I could revert to my old, happy self again soon!!!

Thank you, gals, for your positive thoughts & prayers on my behalf... please do keep me in them a while yet! I definitely am healing, and your support is so very much appreciated!!

posted March 05, 2007 10:47 PM         

and here you go...