posted March 14, 2007 08:32 PM         

My partner is pregnant with our first child and I need some help to improve my lifestyle.

posted March 14, 2007 08:45 PM         

Honey, I'm going to send you to boot camp.

posted March 14, 2007 11:19 PM         

Your partner is a sensitive, learned, intelligent and well-read lady whose advice everyone around here respects

But I think the boot camp would be best.

12 years ago I quit smoking and quit the heavy drinking. I used the patch for smoking, and I went to AA for the alcohol. Both those behavior modifications are some of the hardest things you will ever attempt in life. But you will soon have a little one who needs to depend on Daddy, and Daddy needs to be healthy.

You'll need to come up with something to replace the carbohydrates you used to get from alcohol. And you'll need to embark on a project or hobby to keep your mind off cigarettes.

posted March 14, 2007 11:57 PM         

That's incredible that you were able to give up both of those, a testament to your willpower and fortitude

posted March 15, 2007 12:49 AM         

i was browsing in a bookstore the other day and happened upon a very large book written by Osho. i began skimming through it and found the most interesting section on quitting addictions. the example he wrote of was on smoking....and though i don't smoke, i was fascinated with his method.

it seemed so natural and self-healing. you don't force anything on yourself with his method, but it appears that this method vanquishes addictions permanently.

if i could describe it adequately i would. but i really would suggest reading his words, as his voice and direction are quite compelling.

honestly....i would try his ideas, if i were trying to quit a habit or addiction -- before anything else. it isn't complicated; the description in the book is only a few pages....

but it's one of the most powerful and life affirming approaches that i've seen.

please take a look at Osho's thoughts on this.

posted March 15, 2007 12:59 AM         

Smoking Meditation

Ninety-out-of-Hundred smokers want to quit smoking but are unable to do so. Pharmaceutical companies regularly roll out products that promise to help you kick the habit but none seem to work. Because all the medications and techniques do not penetrate to the psychological level where the addictions are deeply rooted. WHO observes 31 May as the No Tobacco Day. In this discourse Osho discusses the habit of smoking inside out and suggests a practical and effective way to leave smoking.

A man came to me. He had been suffering from chain-smoking for thirty years; he was ill and the doctors said, "You will never be healthy if you don't stop smoking. " But he was a chronic smoker; he could not help it. He had tried -- not that he had not tried -- he had tried hard, and he had suffered much in trying, but one day or two days, and then again the urge would come so tremendously, it would simply take him away. Again he would fall into the same pattern.

Because of this smoking he had lost all self-confidence: he knows he cannot do a small thing; he cannot stop smoking. He had become worthless in his own eyes; he thought himself just the most worthless person in the world. He had no respect for himself.

He came to me; he said, "What can I do? How can I stop smoking?" I said, "Nobody can stop smoking. You have to understand. Smoking is not only a question of your decision now. It has entered into your world of habits, it has taken roots. Thirty years is a long time. It has taken roots in your body, in your chemistry, it has spread all over. It is not just a question of your head deciding; your head cannot do anything. The head is impotent; it can start things, but it cannot stop so easily. Once you have started and once you have practiced so long, you are a great yogi -- thirty years' practicing smoking. It has become autonomous; you will have to de-automatize it. " He said, "What do you mean by 'de-automatization'?"

And that's what meditation is all about: de-automatization.
I said, "You do one thing: forget about stopping. There is no need either. For thirty years you have smoked and lived; of course it was a suffering, but you have become accustomed to that too. And what does it matter if you die a few hours earlier than you would have died without smoking? What are you going to do here? What have you done? So what is the point -- whether you die Monday or Tuesday or Sunday, this year, that year -- what does it matter?"

He said, "Yes, that is true, it doesn't matter." Then I said, "Forget about it; we are not going to stop it at all. Rather, we are going to understand it. So next time, you make it a meditation. "

He said, "Meditation out of smoking?" I said, "Yes. If Zen people can make meditation out of drinking tea, and can make it a ceremony, why not? Smoking can be as beautiful a meditation. "

He looked thrilled. He said, "What are you saying?" He became alive! He said, "Meditation? Just tell me -- I cannot wait! "

I gave him the meditation. I said, "Do one thing. When you take the packet out of your pocket, for a moment go slowly. When you are taking the packet of cigarettes out of your pocket move slowly. Enjoy it, there is no hurry. Be conscious, alert, aware; take it out slowly, with full awareness. Then take the cigarette out of the packet with full awareness, slowly -- not in the old hurried way, unconscious way, mechanical way. Then start tapping the cigarette on your packet -- but very alertly. Listen to the sound, just as Zen people do when the samovar starts singing and the tea starts boiling, and the aroma. Then smell the cigarette and the beauty of it.... "

He said, "What are you saying? The beauty?" "Yes, it is beautiful. Tobacco is as divine as anything. Even Morarji Desai is divine, so why not tobacco? Smell it; it is God's smell."

He looked a little surprised. He said, "What, are you joking?" "No, I am not joking."
Even when I joke, I don't joke. I am very serious.
"Then put it in your mouth, with full awareness, light it with full awareness. Enjoy every act, small act, and divide it into as many small acts as possible, so you can become more and more aware.

"Then have the first puff: God in the form of smoke. Hindus say,'annam brahm' -- ' Food is God.' Why not smoke? All is God. Fill your lungs deeply -- this is a pranayam. I am giving you the new yoga for the new age! Then release the smoke, relax, another puff... and go very slowly.

"If you can do it, you will be surprised, soon you will see the whole stupidity of it. Not because others have said that it is stupid, not because others have said that it is bad: you will see it. And the seeing will not be just intellectual. It will be from your total being, it will be a vision of your totality. And then, one day, if it drops, it drops; if it continues, it continues. You need not worry about it. "

After three months he came, and he said, "But it dropped."

"Now, " I said, "try it on other things too. "

This is the secret, the secret: de-automatize. Walking, walk slowly, watchfully. Looking, look watchfully, and you will see trees are greener than they have ever been and roses are rosier than they have ever been. Listen. Somebody is talking, gossiping: listen, listen attentively. When you are talking, talk attentively. Let your whole waking activity become de-automatized, and then you will be surprised, the moment it happens, your dream activity will have a new perspective. You will start becoming aware in your dream.

Osho
The Secret

http://www.oshoworld.com/onlinemag/may2002/htm/meditation.asp

posted March 15, 2007 01:39 PM         

That was a wonderful little meditation!!

Sir H ~

But this part is so true:

quote:

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all the medications and techniques do not penetrate to the psychological level where the addictions are deeply rooted

---

I like not being out of breath at the top of a flight of stairs! I like being able to really taste my food I like not having that ashtray-taste in my mouth. Or that yucky smell of stale tobacco smoke permeating the house, the car, my clothes, my hair. I like not getting bronchitis every winter! And I like having that extra cash!

blue ~

Have you ever been to an Alanon meeting??
I have a brother who is still living in the disease (as far as I know). I had to cease contact with my brother. There is absolutely nothing you can do, or tell an alcoholic, that will wake them up to the realities of their addiction. THEY have to "hit bottom" before there is any hope of change. For me, admitting I was powerless against the disease (Step 1 of the 12) was the hardest part -- 2-12 were easy after #1. My brother still believes he can drink to excess and not have any consequences in his life. He is 51 years old and has nothing. He camps out at his girlfriend's apartment when he's not out fishing. He scrounges for aluminum cans or bottles to return. He steals food from grocery stores. He is a very talented tile-setter and does beautiful work, had his own business, but it went nowhere because drinking is the most important thing in his life. So he takes jobs under the table and somehow manages to scrape by, his potential wasted (imho).....
I wish I had a suggestion for your situation

posted March 15, 2007 02:46 PM         

I'll consider going to an alanon meeting, I assume they'll just tell me to let him do whatever he's going to do, trying to change or advise an alcoholic is pointless.

posted March 15, 2007 04:19 PM         

quote:

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It's amazing how alcohol takes over the brain, distoring and changing the person you once knew.

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**edited** PS blue:

quote:

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I'll consider going to an alanon meeting, I assume they'll just tell me to let him do whatever he's going to do, trying to change or advise an alcoholic is pointless.

---

posted March 15, 2007 09:52 PM         

It all sounds very familiar. The lack of accountability, blaming everyone else for their problems, complete selfishness, lying, breaking into family members houses. Alcoholism is a lot like alzheimer's disease, the persons body is still there, but in many ways the person you once knew is gone. I feel that its so easy to be angry and resent this person, but then I realize, is it really their fault? To blame the addict implies that they have some sort of control, and maybe they just don't?

posted March 15, 2007 10:04 PM         

Sorry about going off on this tangent, which isn't answering your question..... I just hope you never reach the place where blue's brother (that sounds funny ) and my brother are right now.....

BR ~

quote:

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maybe they should just cut him off financially. We all feel that he probably wont' survive if that happens.

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posted March 15, 2007 11:00 PM         

guess you could call me Heartless, but I think that's exactly what they should do. It's my belief that many addicts survive because others enable them to continue living in their disease. What motivation is there for them to change?? How old is your brother -- ie, he is an Adult, correct??

-He's late 20s, hes never had a job in his life, he has a GED, and starting training for a tech job but never finished. He claims hes still in school (lie).

I don't know what he's collecting Disability for -- is he unable to work??

-Supposedly he has some sort of a mental problem, panic/anxiety. His real problem is substance abuse. But yes hes on disability after my dad badgered the state for years. He also has another injury which is somewhat disabling, but certainly not to the extent to keep him from almost any job. Just probably coudln't do heavy lifting.

If he's less than able-bodied, then I could understand your parents wanting to help and support him. But how long should parents support a child??

-Its a good quesetion, they've been doing it for years.

Does their job never end of preparing him to function as a contributing member of society and this planet?? When should the Tough Love start for a full-grown bird who won't leave the safety of the nest?? When should an Adult be expected to take care of themselves and their own needs??

-Exactly, which is why I was urging my mom to nurture herself on this issue, and not let it ruin her golden years.

Hard questions, when there is a disability or disease in the equation. Have you studied this yet?? Why do you and your parents feel your brother won't survive if he's cut off financially??

I don't know theres something about him......this dark energy, hes different than your brother. His plutonic energy has consumed his soul I feel. His will to live is so weak, he doens't really move or leave his apartment. Just watches TV and drinks all day. There is no spark there. I feel that if he were to go to the street he may just kill himself or not survive. Perhaps he could. I think if something did happen the guilt would eat my parents apart.

What made your parents decide to finally let him go?

posted March 16, 2007 02:52 PM         

I have more thoughts to share but I don't want to hog Sir Humphrey's thread anymore -- if you feel like it, please write me -- my e's at Profile.....

posted March 19, 2007 09:22 AM         

He'll reply soon he's just working so hard and has hardly any time to go on the net.

Thanks for all the great advice, and thanks for the OSHO parts Naiad ... I'll print them out for him, I once quit smoking through his teachings, I hope my dh can do the same.

posted March 19, 2007 11:27 AM         

If family members worry to the point of sickness, you need to remember the same thing the addict will be told when he/she seeks treatment...
"Let go and let God."

They will tell the addict in treatment that they need to get clean for themselves, not family or any other reason. Their spirit will surface when it has had enough. It's healthy to support them when they seek help, but not to enable them. (giving them money etc,) Without you or family members enabling them, the will reach rock bottom quicker and get help sooner. It may take more than one attempt.