posted April 27, 2013 05:07 AM            

A blonde walks into a bank in NYC and says she needs to borrow $5,000 for a 2 week business trip in Europe. The bank officer says they'll need some kind of security so she hands over the keys and title to her Rolls Royce parked outside, and after it checks out they approve the loan and an employee parks her Rolls Royce in the underground parking lot of the bank, only to return to join in the laughing at the blonde for using a $250,000 car as collateral for a $5,000 loan.

Two weeks later the blonde returns and pays back the loan with the $15.41 interest. The bank officer thanks her but says, "Miss, we're very happy to have your business and the transaction worked out nicely, but we're puzzled. We checked you out and found you're a multimillionaire, so we were wondering why you needed a loan for $5,000?"

posted May 06, 2013 12:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Was thinking of you today Yin. Hope all is well on your end and I am at least still giving you things to cringe and laugh about.

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OK today. Just annoyed with myself.

Nice to see you're keeping up with the funnies! Glad to see you and charm getting along so splendidly after she questioned my integrity and loyalty to her because I like you.
Tired of pretending it didn't bother me, but also tired of the intrigue. Thought you should know. You have my respect.

posted May 06, 2013 02:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Yin:
I probably shouldn't blame our rift on one thing only. It's all for the best. I can't worry what people say about me or anyone offline, especially people who have no bearing on my real life. All I want is peace, but not at any price. The truth needs to be told and known.
I am glad that there are more friendships on LL now than there were before.
Drama is exhausting.

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I could not have said it better.

That's what it came down to for me too. You have to find the humor in it all and remember that while these people you are conversing with are real people.....in your own life, they do not have that much bearing. They only know a small part of you. And what they choose to see or believe or whatever, is really up to them.

That is why I didnt fight for myself when I knew what was going on. I know me and that's all that matters. It's nice to come to a place in your life where that is all you need. I don't need to defend myself to anyone or prove anything. And the reason I didnt was because I wanted out of that "web" and not to get emeshed in the nastieness any further.

Anyway, I hope you and charmaine can be friendly again.

Drama is exhausting. Kindness and understanding is much better.

*hugs*

posted May 30, 2013 10:26 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Three tomatoes are walking down the street: Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato, and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind and Papa Tomato becomes really angry, goes back, squishes him, and says "Ketchup."

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posted June 27, 2013 09:13 AM            

In spite of the pilot's best efforts, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot yelled out to his passengers that they'd better jump, grabbed a parachute and bailed out.

Unfortunately, that left only three remaining parachutes.

Grabbing one, the doctor said, "I am a doctor and I save lives, so I must live," and he jumped.

The lawyer then grabbed a parachute and said, "I am the smartest man in the world. I definitely deserve to live." Then he jumped.

Looking at the young boy, the priest said, "Son, I have been fortunate to have lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

posted July 03, 2013 11:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
"Don't worry, Father. The smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack."

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posted July 27, 2013 08:26 PM            

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."

"Test of Three?"

"That's correct," Socrates continued.

"Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really..."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

posted August 29, 2013 08:34 PM            

Alice was to bake a cake for the Methodist Church Ladies' Group in Tyler, Texas, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp. When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!" So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tyler, Texas. But having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south, and to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."