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Author Topic:   PSYCHOLOGY: How To Break Down Defense Mechanisms
Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted November 19, 2012 01:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is dedicated to one of my dearest clients. She knows who she is. We have a synastry in which our Gemini planets touch each others, so it is a pure delight to talk to her, as we understand each other very easily.

I have made my own program to break down defense mechanisms. Traditional means failed me. I was sent to a psychiatrist when I was 12. My mother is a therapist . I have been in therapy my whole life until I had a light bulb moment in which I realized it was making me worse.

Actually, I was pretty emotionally stable before I started therapy. After the many years of therapy, I was a mess. I knew that I needed to find my own program if I had any hope of emotionally healthy living. Second to God, it is my life’s passion.

I want to be the girl who was in good shape before she started therapy. I write this for all the other people who feel like the traditional methods failed them.

After I quit therapy, I knew my thinking was very messed up. I was a “walking head”. I was cut off from my feelings. I was, actually, divorced from my feelings. My mother had gotten into my head, as a child, and criticized my thoughts and feelings so badly that I was afraid of them. I was afraid of any negative feeling or thought. Thank Goodness, I still had enough sanity to realize this was crazy, but I still did not know how to break it.

I realized that if I could hold on to my small amount of sanity, no doctor or shrink could put me away, so I held onto this sanity for dear life. I never took any psych meds, as I did not want to mess with this small level of sanity I had. I did not trust myself to any shrink. It is funny that I tried a few Christian counselors and they were much worse than the nonreligious counselors.

I wrote the last pastor a letter that he had no business counseling anyone and I left the church, forever.

All I had was my small amount of sanity and it was more precious than the Hope Diamond.

I realized that I had to reconnect with my feelings. It has been very, very slow but is working. I will tell you my plan, for anyone who is interested.

The most important goal is to reconnect with your feelings. Your feelings are your inner child. If you were abused, you were told that this child is bad. You punish her. You put her in the attic. You chain her up. You hurt her( or him). This is the most important thing that has to change. The doing of it is very,very, very hard, though.

You have to put yourself into situations in which you are called upon to use your true feelings. You can do it in an internet group, as I did. I was too afraid to do it in my real life, in which I was a wimp and a people pleaser.

As you do this, you will be put down, humiliated and hated. You need to go through this, in order to heal. Without it, you will stay locked into your defense mechanisms.

The pain is the healer. However, you must have a few people who will support you in this. God will send them, if you ask. I have a few. They have been on my side. They did not throw me away, although I had fights and differences with them. These people are God sent angels. One is a Christian. The other two are not.

Don’t get locked into the idea that all your friends have to be Christians. Some people do this and they live in a small world. God will guide you to people. The closer I get to God, the more I can venture into out of the way places places.

If you express your true self, you will be hated. You will stir up the people who are hiding, which is most everyone. If people do not want to face themselves, they will try to stuff you back into your box. This is not a bad thing, even though it feels terrible. It is the sand paper you need to grow.

In time, you will be able to laugh at these people and walk away. However, this takes a lot of time and can never be done perfectly.

Now, I am at the point where I do this in my real life. I talk and act according to my feelings.I, still, have a lot of shame . I feel afraid to show people who I am because I feel I am bad.This hurts but without the pain, there is no healing.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted November 19, 2012 01:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Please share any and all thoughts, experiences and questions.


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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted November 19, 2012 06:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
“Until you're ready to look foolish, you'll never have the possibility of being great.”
― Cher

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Ami Anne
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posted November 19, 2012 07:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
There is no coming to consciousness without pain.
Carl Jung

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted November 19, 2012 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.
Carl Jung

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted November 19, 2012 07:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.
Carl Jung

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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sweet-scorpion
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posted November 24, 2012 11:40 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sweet-scorpion     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is lovely and very touching Ami... thanks for sharing this. I especially liked this part:

"The most important goal is to reconnect with your feelings. Your feelings are your inner child. If you were abused, you were told that this child is bad. You punish her. You put her in the attic. You chain her up. You hurt her( or him). This is the most important thing that has to change. The doing of it is very,very, very hard, though."

I have always been hard on myself. I think it would be good to reconnect to my inner child, the version of myself whom I feel is innocent and better than the adult me. I wish I could get back some of my childhood qualities.

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Ami Anne
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posted November 25, 2012 09:57 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
This is lovely and very touching Ami... thanks for sharing this. I especially liked this part:

"The most important goal is to reconnect with your feelings. Your feelings are your inner child. If you were abused, you were told that this child is bad. You punish her. You put her in the attic. You chain her up. You hurt her( or him). This is the most important thing that has to change. The doing of it is very,very, very hard, though."

I have always been hard on myself. I think it would be good to reconnect to my inner child, the version of myself whom I feel is innocent and better than the adult me. I wish I could get back some of my childhood qualities.


Thank you for those kind words, SS. Hating ourselves is a habit and can be broken through great attention to it. For me, I needed God to do it, too.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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posted December 03, 2012 03:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bump as I would love your opinions on this!

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Suntiger
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posted December 05, 2012 10:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Suntiger     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Divorced from your feelings

I understand that. When I was younger, I was taught that crying got you nowhere and that emotions were rather pointless since they’re irrational (i.e. Women are irrational because they’re too emotional). I was in therapy for a while because the only emotion I did project was anger since that emotion was seen as a sign of strength.

Oh boy lol.

I’ve been taking small steps to allow myself to feel rather than rationalize everything, but I still have a lot of moments where the conflict is between what the heart wants vs. what the brain think is right, and I chose the brain. I might be unhappy about the decision later, but I think I keep my sanity that way.

....well, slightly untrue on the sanity part. I just end up confused about how I feel in the end because I don't know what I'm feeling.


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Leo Sun, Gemini Moon, Scorpio Rising.

I will create happiness rather than pursue it.

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JLyn ~
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posted December 06, 2012 01:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for JLyn ~     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
It's true about hiding your inner child, your unconscious.

It's like your afraid to get hurt again so u put the poker face on and ice your emotionals to random people, but to grow you have to 'feel' the pain to grow and ascendant. That's why people who numb the hurt with drugs stay in pain, because it's not being released naturally

I'm still working on it, but learned alot through street expereince.

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Ami Anne
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posted December 06, 2012 07:42 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Suntiger:
Divorced from your feelings

I understand that. When I was younger, I was taught that crying got you nowhere and that emotions were rather pointless since they’re irrational (i.e. Women are irrational because they’re too emotional). I was in therapy for a while because the only emotion I did project was anger since that emotion was seen as a sign of strength.

Oh boy lol.

I’ve been taking small steps to allow myself to feel rather than rationalize everything, but I still have a lot of moments where the conflict is between what the heart wants vs. what the brain think is right, and I chose the brain. I might be unhappy about the decision later, but I think I keep my sanity that way.

....well, slightly untrue on the sanity part. I just end up confused about how I feel in the end because I don't know what I'm feeling.



Yes, there is an awful confusion when you can't feel your feelings. I am coming out of it very, very slowly. Did you have bad childhood abuse, too?

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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posted December 06, 2012 07:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by JLyn ~:
It's true about hiding your inner child, your unconscious.

It's like your afraid to get hurt again so u put the poker face on and ice your emotionals to random people, but to grow you have to 'feel' the pain to grow and ascendant. That's why people who numb the hurt with drugs stay in pain, because it's not being released naturally

I'm still working on it, but learned alot through street expereince.


Yes, thank you for responding, dear one

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Suntiger
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posted December 08, 2012 02:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Suntiger     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Child abuse...I don't think so. I was never beaten or anything like that. Maybe emotional abuse?

I was just constantly striving to prove people wrong--- that women weren't inferior just because they were emotional, but I did that by not being emotional and relying heavily on logic.

That's gone though. I don't feel like I have to prove anything. I am who I am lol. It's just the aftermath that I'm dealing with. How's your process going? How are you taking steps to change that?

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ShyVirgo1979
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posted December 08, 2012 03:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ShyVirgo1979     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
We cannot change anything until we accept it.
Carl Jung


This. Right there. Yep. I don't what was worse, diving head first into the pain or accepting it all. Anyways this phrase resonated with me. Just wanted to say that.

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ShyVirgo1979
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posted December 08, 2012 03:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for ShyVirgo1979     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Oh and the part about being humiliated when your dealing with the pain, yeah. I noticed ppl stick a label on you when you're suffering. ?? Why is that? That's so not fair. Earlier this yr I finally dealt with some childhood abuse from my father and pretty much put myself in voluntary seclusion and shut everyone out including men and I had a male "friend" tell me he didn't know I was so messed up and then completely disregarded my feelings when I said I couldn't handle being close to anyone. I wasn't even in therapy or on meds....you know who your friends are when your suffering thru pain lol ami have you went thru this too?

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Ami Anne
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posted December 08, 2012 06:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ShyVirgo1979:
Oh and the part about being humiliated when your dealing with the pain, yeah. I noticed ppl stick a label on you when you're suffering. ?? Why is that? That's so not fair. Earlier this yr I finally dealt with some childhood abuse from my father and pretty much put myself in voluntary seclusion and shut everyone out including men and I had a male "friend" tell me he didn't know I was so messed up and then completely disregarded my feelings when I said I couldn't handle being close to anyone. I wasn't even in therapy or on meds....you know who your friends are when your suffering thru pain lol ami have you went thru this too?

Have *I* gone through this

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Ami Anne
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posted December 08, 2012 07:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep, people who are hiding are threatened when you refuse to hide. It is some kind of natural law

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Randall
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posted December 10, 2012 12:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

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"Fall down 100 times, get up 101...this is success." --ME

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Ami Anne
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posted December 14, 2012 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Randall

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Randall
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posted May 19, 2013 10:54 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Good stuff.

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Twirl
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posted May 19, 2013 01:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Twirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Wow. Yes, good stuff & so good you are (or already have) reconnected to your inner child and emotions
Not sure if you know this exercise, but it is where you specifically make time for your inner child. The exercise comes from the book the Artist's Way which I think is filled with valuable information. So it's called 'inner artist' instead of inner child, but similar energy wise. One of the first exercises is to agree you spend time with your 'inner child/artist' and take it on a 'shopping trip'. During that trip you buy whatever materials you (your inner child) feels drawn to. Doesn't have to cost much (you can set a budget), but think pencils or sticker books or whatever you wish. At home you can just try it out, doodle away, play old games, whatever it is your inner child wanted to buy & just tell it internally to go ahead and express.
Well, just a suggestion of course, but I absolutely loved exercises like these and it spun my creativity into a completely different level. Also there's no right or wrong, it's just play

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Ami Anne
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posted May 19, 2013 06:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Twirl:
Wow. Yes, good stuff & so good you are (or already have) reconnected to your inner child and emotions
Not sure if you know this exercise, but it is where you specifically make time for your inner child. The exercise comes from the book the Artist's Way which I think is filled with valuable information. So it's called 'inner artist' instead of inner child, but similar energy wise. One of the first exercises is to agree you spend time with your 'inner child/artist' and take it on a 'shopping trip'. During that trip you buy whatever materials you (your inner child) feels drawn to. Doesn't have to cost much (you can set a budget), but think pencils or sticker books or whatever you wish. At home you can just try it out, doodle away, play old games, whatever it is your inner child wanted to buy & just tell it internally to go ahead and express.
Well, just a suggestion of course, but I absolutely loved exercises like these and it spun my creativity into a completely different level. Also there's no right or wrong, it's just play



Thank you Twirl. How sweet. I think I am getting there. For me, realizing how much God loves me is the key. How can I argue with him

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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Twirl
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posted May 22, 2013 05:24 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Twirl     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That is so great, that you are getting there & good that realising you are loved ( ) helps you with that!

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Ami Anne
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posted May 22, 2013 09:30 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Twirl:
That is so great, that you are getting there & good that realising you are loved ( ) helps you with that!

Thank you Twirl. I really am. I think about the house of Chiron. Mine is in the 4th--the house of the mother. This has been my biggest wound as most LL people know, as I talk about it a lot lol

However, now I have clients for counseling and I help them from my wound. I got wisdom from my wound which is Chiron's story.

Everyone has a Chiron, too. It is just in a different house( Sign is not as important)

What is your Chiron's house, Twirl dear?

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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