posted April 22, 2014 11:51 AM            

I think one must be abused to be attracted to abusive men. I think if one were not abused, one would turn up one’s nose and leap away. Instead, some of us stay. Some of us get hooked as one gets hooked on chocolate, shopping or worse. We live to get the abusive guy. Then, we live to tame the abusive guy. It is not our fault. It was our conditioning. Our conditioning was to merge love with abuse and love with pain.

By some alchemy from Hell, we want to make our background turn out different.We stay. We bleed. We moan. We ooze out our guts. We want to make this one guy turn around. If only we could, we could redeem ourselves like the baptism in water in which the sinner comes out new. Our benediction comes from making the abusive guy love us. Then, we will have absolved our pain like the hand of the priest, making sinners into saints in the waters of renewal.

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posted April 22, 2014 05:47 PM            

The one thing all have in common is in their lives abuse is necessary as a key factor to their personal ego, their value system is built on a foundation of abuse.

Even if as adults they recognize the abuse, and say they are tired of being hurt, their core self value is still tied up in the same patterns created as a child...in other words...they only know 1 way to gain self value and it's reenacting the patterns they acted out as a child.

They need an abuser in order to work towards self value. They still need someone hurting or degrading them so they can work to prove their value..
If the only path to love you know is to be hurt and then work effortlessly to show your worthy of not being hurt and instead of being loved...it won't matter if you never win that love!
Your value isn't winning the love, your value grew into being the act of WORKING to win that love...not actually winning it.

posted April 22, 2014 06:10 PM            

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posted April 22, 2014 08:55 PM            

I enjoyed reading what both you and Gabby wrote. It explains my tendency towards wayward souls.

posted April 22, 2014 09:17 PM            

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posted April 29, 2014 08:54 PM            

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posted June 08, 2014 08:37 PM            

Do you have an interpretation for Chiron conjunct Amor exact (within 10 seconds) in the 4th house?

I recently discovered this and wonder how it impacts my ability to love and feel love.

posted June 09, 2014 05:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LuckyStar:
Thank you Ami & Gabby, very thoughtful and deep.

Do you have an interpretation for Chiron conjunct Amor exact (within 10 seconds) in the 4th house?

I recently discovered this and wonder how it impacts my ability to love and feel love.

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

---

Chiron in the 4th is pain with the mother and early home.

Sometimes, it may be the father but that is rarer. The Childhood was painful with the 4th House Chiron, at any rate.

Love associated with pain would be what I think Chiron conj Amor would be. Do you relate to this?

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posted June 09, 2014 05:45 PM            

I am sorry you went through all that and I am very glad you are here

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posted June 09, 2014 08:31 PM            

I have always felt abandoned by her even though she tells me I am her best friend. There was an expectation that I had to be absolutely perfect otherwise I was not deserving of her love. This coupled with a highly problematic brother (we learn later is severely mentally ill) who she loved no matter what. He was severely verbally and physically abusive to me since since early childhood into my late teen years. I was the "smart" one the "sensible" one I was told that I should put up and overlook his abuse. Her go to phrase when I would cry and plead to make him stop "what am I going to do, kill him?"

I just really have no respect for her because of it. However, once Dad came home from work (he worked until 8 to 9 pm every night) I was finally safe. I adore my father.

I love her very much and forgive and love my brother too it is years later but I feel that it has set me up for never finding happiness in my relationship.

It made sense how all my relationships are disappointments. Let me clarify, my friendships are awesome, my relationship with my children is absolutely the greatest blessing I feel so lucky with all that.

I just feel my husband is too overwhelming, abrasive and intrusive. He loves me very much but his typical Aries sun & mars behavior sets me up for feeling like I did when I was a child- I can't wait to leave.

I just recently made the connection. My husbands sun is 9 degrees aries this chiron/amor is 6 degrees ~ 30 minutes aries.

I feel the wound over and over. I thought about leaving but honestly I love the other parts of him just don't know how to make peace with this pain left over from childhood. Plus I want the children to be happy and I realize maybe it's not 100% him and maybe I need to learn and he is helping me with that, We have soul mate connections eros-psyche and venus north node and mars south node. So to leave just means start all over with someone else.

posted June 09, 2014 08:54 PM            

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posted June 11, 2014 04:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Welcome GeminiKarat

I am sorry you went through all that and I am very glad you are here

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The story belongs to my youth and let´s pretend that it happened only three months ago.

Perhaps Chiron retro or Jupiter retro are my personal surviver plantes?

posted June 11, 2014 07:49 AM            

You truly made my day. Thank you

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posted June 11, 2014 07:53 AM            

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posted June 11, 2014 03:54 PM            

As you can see, I am a living coincidence and in my life nothing happens without a reason. I do not have so many questions anymore, except for one: Do you know a transit that makes it impossible for me to come back on my financial feed. Every single project that I started did not make it. It is the first time in my life started in winter 2011 and lasts. I do have new projects on my mind, but I do not want them to fail. Do you have an clue?
As you do have questions on your mind that you wanted to ask somebody like me (I did not check whether I am a sociopath ) I would be honoured to answer them to you.

posted June 11, 2014 03:59 PM            

We have such a connection.

My Sun and Merc conj your ASC. Our Moons are exact sextiles

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posted June 11, 2014 05:05 PM            

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posted June 11, 2014 06:15 PM            

You are a very strong person. Your Sun conj Pluto and Mars is simply inherent strength. I admire this and wish I had it.

My closest real life friend has Mars conj Sun in the 8th house and he has this solid kind of strength about him that I really admire.

You may have to watch out for such internal power, in that your heart might have issues or even high blood pressure.

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posted June 11, 2014 06:16 PM            

When you said that you have overcome a lot from your childhood, I can see how from this chart.

You have many blessings.

What creative things do you do?

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posted June 11, 2014 06:19 PM            

I am asking to learn more about the Singleton.

Taurus Moon is a sweetie. Many Taurus Moon people are in my life.

I am attracted to this Moon because they are kind. I am a Cancer Moon and I am attracted to the warm moons like Taurus.

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posted June 11, 2014 06:21 PM            

I will have to talk about this later.

I will leave you one more question and be back.

Chiron in the 11th. Have you had pain with groups or with a pain that your dreams seem out of reach?

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posted June 12, 2014 04:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You are a very strong person. Your Sun conj Pluto and Mars is simply inherent strength.
You may have to watch out for such internal power, in that your heart might have issues or even high blood pressure.

---

It is true. I am a rock. On the one hand you can always lean on me, on the other hand I am an unbreakable wall for those I do not like. It is always funny, if I enter the room. Everybody looks at me and some fear me. Another reason for that could be that I am a Hightower of 5 feet 11 inch. Every time a situation in a group is out of control and the official manager is breaking down I take over and soothe the situation a little bit and then the manager takes over again.

One time three old dried up ladies did attack my child and that was a mistake. I tried to be gentle at first, but they did not stop and as no one attacks my family I ended up shouting at them so loud that the next village could hear me.I do have the image of a choleric personality, but I have no problem with my blood pressure.
Today I prefer to leave before I explode.

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You are a super, super creative person and you are creative in an out of the box way.
What creative things do you do?

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posted June 12, 2014 04:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Low fire, as we said, and one earth planet, the Taurus Moon. Do you feel like you have to prove that you are good with material things such as fixing things, doing work on concrete material items?
I am asking to learn more about the Singleton.
Taurus Moon is a sweetie. Many Taurus Moon people are in my life.
I am attracted to this Moon because they are kind. I am a Cancer Moon and I am attracted to the warm moons like Taurus.

---

My mother had a DPhil and was a psychotherapist. I can remember one day my mother and my uncle talked in latin and were laughing. I wanted to understand the joke as well. I tried to translate it into my mother tongue and get the joke, but I gave up after one hour. As she was very intelligent, I had to do the lower things like repair or clean up everything in the flat or tell some secrets her about money. That brought me down to earth in my youth and made me a very logical and down to earth person - sometimes. I did buy a house, plan it, did the negotiation with the bank and did things on my own. E.g. I installed all of the lights in my house, because an electrician is too expensive.

So you are absolutely right about the Singleton. Nowadays I still need something to bring me down to earth. I calculate, do statistics, astrology . Actually nature makes me fly and does not bring me down to earth.

Thanks for the Taurus Moon
To be honest I am just a big grumbler and you can have everything from me.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You have a Yod with the Moon at the Apex--Wow.
I will have to talk about this later.
I will leave you one more question and be back.
Chiron in the 11th. Have you had pain with groups or with a pain that your dreams seem out of reach?

---

Pain in a group:
In my youth I had problems. In school you are in a group and I was always the outsider or the loner. I did analyze the system of a group and adapted my behavior to be accepted in a group. Today I can make a decision and I do not need groups. In a group I go with the flow and sometimes my mind flies away and my body sits in the group. A group is not a pain in that sense anymore.

Dreams seems out of reach:
I always did what I wanted to do. I always have projects on my mind and I try them. Some of them came true, some did fail. My current project is to earn that much money that I can stay at home and take care of my children. My last fail to make that dream come true, was to be a teacher. I did go to the college again, but my ex-partner went bankrupt and I had no chance to finish that project. In that sense my dream is out of reach right now.