|
Author
|
Topic: Twisted Descriptions of your Signs
|
Alma Sun
Moderator Posts: 2028
From: The East Coast
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted October 04, 2011 01:01 AM
  
quote:
Sagittarius
Sagittarians are born adventurers. They like smashing spiders with their bare hands and trying to walk to the bathroom in the middle of the night with the lights out. They would sooner sustain crippling injury than do anything the easy way. Sagittarians love to entertain their friends, family, and total strangers. This often includes transvesticism. Nearly every Sagittarian was born into the wrong gender. Sagittarians are loud and have no social graces. They seek to offend. Sagittarians usually have nicknames like Thunderpooper or Vomitus Maximus. Animals and small children love Sagittarians. This is unfortunate since adults usually hate them. However, Sagittarians make excellent circus freaks and vagrants. Sagittarians use interpretive dance to describe philosophical concepts. Buttons and bumper stickers with rude sayings on them are a trademark of the Sagittarian. They throw food at expensive restaurants and ask lots of questions in the middle of church. Don't ever bring a Sagittarius home to meet your parents. He or she will tie up your mother and pants your dad. Famous Sagittarians include the Geo Metro. The holiday during which the sun is in Sagittarius is Thanksgiving. This is highly appropriate since everyone eats until they're sick and passes out while a bunch of cross-dressers and huge inflatable things wander through the streets of New York, the most Sagittarian town in the universe. The Shriners driving around in the tiny little cars are a very Sagittarian image. Even more so if there's a ridiculously busty woman stuffed into the car as well. A Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
hilarious 
Gotta admit, Vomitus Maximus is a pretty baddass name! Shoulda thought of that before I made Alma Sun.
Click ► http://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/funny-horoscopes.php
------------------
“I stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now." ― Darynda Jones ☺
IP: Logged |
charmainec
Moderator Posts: 5745
From: Venus next to Randall
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted October 04, 2011 06:58 AM
------------------
quote:
Remember, love can conquer the influences of the planets....It can even eliminate karma.
Linda GoodmanIP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 23421
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted October 06, 2011 08:48 AM
Haha!------------------
"Fall down 100 times, get up 101...this is success." --ME IP: Logged |
Love&Light
Knowflake Posts: 367
From: India
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted October 06, 2011 11:24 AM
LOL I had a good time.IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 23421
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted October 07, 2011 12:57 PM
Very twisted.IP: Logged |
NickiG
Moderator Posts: 5625
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
|
posted October 07, 2011 08:09 PM
BWAHAHAHA!!! LOLOLOL------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate? when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 23421
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted October 08, 2011 09:51 AM
I can use it to take over the world.------------------
"Fall down 100 times, get up 101...this is success." --ME IP: Logged |
NickiG
Moderator Posts: 5625
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010
|
posted October 08, 2011 05:27 PM
and i can use halloween as an excuse to act crazy and not get arrested XD------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate? when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 23421
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted January 17, 2012 10:02 AM
*bump*IP: Logged |
AstroNewb69
Knowflake Posts: 111
From: Ft worth TX USA
Registered: Jun 2012
|
posted August 20, 2012 01:42 AM
Bump.This is great stuff ------------------
Cancer Sun
Gemini Moon
Saggitarius ASC IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38366
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted August 20, 2012 08:15 AM
Thanks AStro for finding this. Look back and see what else looks good and bump it up  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
astrofan123
Knowflake Posts: 133
From:
Registered: Oct 2012
|
posted November 10, 2012 03:41 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Alma Sun:
[QUOTE][b]Sagittarius
Sagittarius is always a better Madonna than Madonna. Men can pull off sequins, and women can pull off construction helmets. The Sagittarius is incapable of being unhip.
hilarious
Gotta admit, Vomitus Maximus is a pretty baddass name! Shoulda thought of that before I made Alma Sun.
Click ► http://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/funny-horoscopes.php [/B][/QUOTE] Madonna is past her time. I'd take any Sag over her. Leo sun here. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38366
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted November 10, 2012 08:49 AM
Love this kind of stuff ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
FieryAries9108
Knowflake Posts: 58
From: USA
Registered: May 2012
|
posted November 13, 2012 07:03 PM
thanks for posting this it was hilarious! IP: Logged |
Karmic Soul
Knowflake Posts: 45
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted November 14, 2012 04:23 AM
LMAO - funny stuffAlso, Randall, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your quote - "Fall down 100 times, get up 101...this is success." Words to live by. - KS IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 23421
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted November 14, 2012 12:02 PM
Thank you.------------------
"Never mentally imagine for another that which you would not want to experience for yourself, since the mental image you send out inevitably comes back to you." Rebecca Clark IP: Logged |
pippastrelle
Knowflake Posts: 77
From:
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted November 14, 2012 04:49 PM
LMAOIP: Logged |
Blackbird
Knowflake Posts: 28
From:
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted November 18, 2012 10:41 AM
From the same site: After-Sex Commentshttp://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/after-sex-comments.php Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets." Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Which signs/placements like to cuddle?
I have Venus and Mars in Virgo (an Earth sign), and I like to cuddle. And I have Sun in Scorpio, and Venus and Mars are conjunct, in my 8th house... so I like intense cuddling and/or making out. Hah.
------------------
My natal chart:
http://i46.tinypic.com/25kt0r8.png
IP: Logged |
Blackbird
Knowflake Posts: 28
From:
Registered: Nov 2012
|
posted November 18, 2012 10:46 AM
More: How to Change a Lightbulbhttp://www.astrologyweekly.com/humour/change-lightbulb.php Scorpio: "None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark."
------------------
My natal chart:
http://i46.tinypic.com/25kt0r8.png
IP: Logged |
indigomoon8
Knowflake Posts: 111
From: chicago
Registered: Sep 2012
|
posted November 27, 2012 09:21 AM
You are a pain in the ass. You regulate your breathing and color-coordinate the clothes in your closet. No Virgo in history has ever belched. Virgos clean every square inch of everything they own twice daily with a toothbrush. Everything has its place, and yours is on the floor scrubbing with a magnifying glass, checking for germs. Obsessive-compulsive disorder? A nice euphemism for the word "Virgo". Virgos use pointers and elaborate charts to describe philosophical concepts. You commit a lot of drive-by shootings. When you are questioned, you tell the police that it was because "the ******* had a filthy car". The police usually let you go because they are Virgos too. It is easy to freak out a Virgo. Tell them they have something between their teeth. Then watch them scrub frantically at the imaginary thing. Virgos are a hell of a lot of fun for assholes like us. Hell for a Virgo is being locked up in an elevator for eternity with a naked Aquarius. That is because in hell, Aquarians are allowed to bring beer, which they leave all over the floor. Virgos, however, have to surrender their brooms and squeegees to God. Virgos also have a hard time coping when they find out there's something under the fridge. But it's usually just a depressed Taurus. Virgos have read enough Hints from Heloise to know that the depressed Taurus can be coaxed out from under the fridge with a banana wine cooler. Virgos don't see the world in shades of black and white. They see it in shades of clean and dirty. Cat hair makes Virgos foam at the mouth. Virgos are cool because they will do your laundry for you. They'll separate everything by color and fabric until it consists of fourteen loads of three things apiece. Then they will put them in the washer in alphabetical order by name of manufacturer. Virgos are often found opening and shutting the refrigerator door, attempting to trick the light inside. Don't put cheese where it doesn't belong in a Virgo's refrigerator. He or she will go Jack Torrence on your ass. You will be stabbed with a cuticle pusher. Jack Torrence was probably a Virgo in the first half of "The Shining". After that, he went all Leo. Awww, I was disappointed at Virgos. Everyone else's was funny and not so textbook-ish, but as soon as I got here It was so textbook. They made the whole Virgo paragraph about cleaning :/ most of us virgos do not act this way. I think it would have been funnier if they talked about how demanding or how much virgos think their right. Actually I've found most Libras to have an obsessive cleaning disorder. IP: Logged |
anonymidarkness
Knowflake Posts: 364
From:
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted November 27, 2012 11:11 AM
"Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want." Haha,so true.IP: Logged |
LionFish
Knowflake Posts: 177
From: Yakima, WA, USA
Registered: Aug 2012
|
posted November 28, 2012 03:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by anonymidarkness:
"Cancerians say one thing and do another. Scorpios say one thing and do it just for spite. Pisceans say far too much and do whatever the hell they want." Haha,so true.
Ahaha I love it
------------------
Leo ASC, Pis Sun, Tau moon IP: Logged |
Gemini350z
Newflake Posts: 20
From:
Registered: Oct 2012
|
posted November 28, 2012 03:58 PM
lol ....some descriptions are always so off------------------
Sun Sign: Gemini
Ascendant is in Aquarius, and your Moon is in Gemini. IP: Logged |
anno_lucis
Knowflake Posts: 157
From: uk
Registered: Mar 2012
|
posted November 28, 2012 04:21 PM
Aries have ramlike eyebrows and smug expressions. They should not be quite so smug because they are constantly clunking themselves in the skull. Cat Stevens' "Hard Headed Woman" was probably an Aries. Aries rarely say one thing and do another. They usually do the wrong thing and don't discuss it. Never point this out to an Aries unless you want your kidneys pulled out through your sinuses. Aries folks love Pisceans because Pisces people make them feel well-grounded. Aries love to laugh at the funny moon-people who suck their thumbs at age 35. Aries use guns to describe philosophical concepts. Whether you live in a palatial estate or a cardboard tepee, you will insist until death that it is exactly what you always wanted. Most Aries were concrete parking bumpers in at least two of their past lives. Aries are never born. They skip gaily from their mothers' wombs. This may even involve rollerblades. The Aries makes life decisions as a toddler. Aries marry several times for funnies but never divorce. Their spouses have many freak accidents resulting in death or crippling injury. Being infallible, God is probably an Aries. This would make Satan an Aquarius. Aries always hold management positions. If one is assigned to clean toilets, he will form a one-man union. Then he will go and picket in the parking lot. All of you think you're Lech Walesa. People run away when an Aries comes around. They know that if they do not, the Aries will set them on fire. Aries hate listening to Scorpios talk because they take pride in being even more self-centered. In fact, much to the Scorpios' dismay, you are the biggest pricks in the zodiac. Your rams' horns are in everyone else's ***** . >>>>> IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
