posted December 04, 2012 06:08 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 04, 2012 06:14 AM            

Moon is a hard place for Gemini. I really feel for you there, as I would not want that restless of a moon but your NN conj Moon shows that you must find a way to inch toward that. The 5th house is big, too, as our NN house is always hard. Mine is the 3nd and Saggi. The 3rd house is expression and my joy is any form of self expression, as I said. Your joy is pure fun.

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 04, 2012 08:29 AM            

@blackbird

i meant that a person who has more interest in "fun" and not in you is not a relationship meant to happen

but who knows i have scorpio venus and mars so maybe my opint of view is different

you should find what fulfills you and not the general definition of fun....i myself anjoy listening to music and helping other people and reading and thats fun for me...yes many people mock that idea but every person has its own definition

your moon might be an oddball but its YOUR moon and if it will not be tended it might lead to seroius problems...and i have a big leo moon with many problematic aspects to it

dont take the art thing as competition....instead find a group of artists that works together or brainstorms cause i really think this might be a good way for you to release tension

and thank you the test went fairly well

@ami
we study english here since 3rd grade but i have my crazy moments

i think that chirons theory at MCP that the moon latitude might effect extravertion/introvertion might be true instead of the "half chart" system as it rings true to me

posted December 04, 2012 08:31 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
ok lets get some things straight

@blackbird

i meant that a person who has more interest in "fun" and not in you is not a relationship meant to happen

but who knows i have scorpio venus and mars so maybe my opint of view is different

you should find what fulfills you and not the general definition of fun....i myself anjoy listening to music and helping other people and reading and thats fun for me...yes many people mock that idea but every person has its own definition

your moon might be an oddball but its YOUR moon and if it will not be tended it might lead to seroius problems...and i have a big leo moon with many problematic aspects to it

dont take the art thing as competition....instead find a group of artists that works together or brainstorms cause i really think this might be a good way for you to release tension

and thank you the test went fairly well

@ami
we study english here since 3rd grade but i have my crazy moments

i think that chirons theory at MCP that the moon latitude might effect extravertion/introvertion might be true instead of the "half chart" system as it rings true to me

or maybe the house the moon is in might show a tendency for that (BB moon is in 85th and mines at 6th both under the ASC DSC axis while yours is above and might explain the extravertion you have)

---

Interesting. I did not get the thing Chiron was talking about. The chart is super complex. That is for sure lol

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 05, 2012 07:31 PM            

Venus in Virgo

"I wasn't good enough for you the moment you set eyes on me. I was interesting, i was odd to you but that translated into attraction for you, which was never really attraction, it was more of an interest, and then I said things which were peculiarly formed which provoked thoughts in your head, which translated into a funny feeling, which allowed you to speak, which made you feel like you were listened to, and that feeling came close, it came very close but it never came close enough to let you let your guard down because it was never the right time, because it just wasn't perfect, because I made you nervous, which translated itself into a feeling but you weren't sure which feeling, but when you finally worked it out it was too late."

"You were so sweet with your words, you always considered and thought about me and I knew you were thinking and considering me, but I wasn't sure about what you wanted because you always kept pulling away, and I eventually gave up, but I still feel grateful for your kindness and gentleness."

(I assume this is written from the perspective of Venus in Virgo's romantic partner.)

Ouch.

This is why I keep giving up. Some part of me -- I don't know which -- wants to let go, to feel and experience, but most of me is stuck in thinking mode, analyzing. It's hopeless. I feel like I do not have the ability, the capacity, to fall in love. All I can do is observe and appreciate, like a museum visitor.

posted December 06, 2012 01:03 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Blackbird:
I was Googling (I think it's a word now...) for "Venus conjunct Mars in Virgo in 8th house" and I found this:

Venus in Virgo

"I wasn't good enough for you the moment you set eyes on me. I was interesting, i was odd to you but that translated into attraction for you, which was never really attraction, it was more of an interest, and then I said things which were peculiarly formed which provoked thoughts in your head, which translated into a funny feeling, which allowed you to speak, which made you feel like you were listened to, and that feeling came close, it came very close but it never came close enough to let you let your guard down because it was never the right time, because it just wasn't perfect, because I made you nervous, which translated itself into a feeling but you weren't sure which feeling, but when you finally worked it out it was too late."

"You were so sweet with your words, you always considered and thought about me and I knew you were thinking and considering me, but I wasn't sure about what you wanted because you always kept pulling away, and I eventually gave up, but I still feel grateful for your kindness and gentleness."

(I assume this is written from the perspective of Venus in Virgo's romantic partner.)

Ouch.

This is why I keep giving up. Some part of me -- I don't know which -- wants to let go, to feel and experience, but most of me is stuck in thinking mode, analyzing. It's hopeless. I feel like I do not have the ability, the capacity, to fall in love. All I can do is observe and appreciate, like a museum visitor.

---

you have a strong deal of isolation in the chart

sun saturn pluto stellium can make a person locked within himself untill he finds someone thats good enough to open for.....whoch is hard as it requires a certain kind of person...

cap asc by itself is reserved

mars venus conjunction in virgo in the 8th adds up to analyzing you surrounding without letting anything in...

as i said before i think you should use your sextiles as a way to pull out any problematic energy

it will take time as you need to hit the sextile just right in order for it to work

putting all that analyzing pressure of mars/venus in your job and into building a presentable public face could take the attention from analyzing other people in your life

and finding other artists or people who might be working in the caring proffessions might give you a feeling of release from all that pressure and isolation you have inside...as they would understand you....

the moon of course could be a good source to start romance from....and then slowly get into the deeper more interesting stuff ^^

posted December 06, 2012 12:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Blackbird:
I was Googling (I think it's a word now...) for "Venus conjunct Mars in Virgo in 8th house" and I found this:

Venus in Virgo

"I wasn't good enough for you the moment you set eyes on me. I was interesting, i was odd to you but that translated into attraction for you, which was never really attraction, it was more of an interest, and then I said things which were peculiarly formed which provoked thoughts in your head, which translated into a funny feeling, which allowed you to speak, which made you feel like you were listened to, and that feeling came close, it came very close but it never came close enough to let you let your guard down because it was never the right time, because it just wasn't perfect, because I made you nervous, which translated itself into a feeling but you weren't sure which feeling, but when you finally worked it out it was too late."

"You were so sweet with your words, you always considered and thought about me and I knew you were thinking and considering me, but I wasn't sure about what you wanted because you always kept pulling away, and I eventually gave up, but I still feel grateful for your kindness and gentleness."

(I assume this is written from the perspective of Venus in Virgo's romantic partner.)

Ouch.

This is why I keep giving up. Some part of me -- I don't know which -- wants to let go, to feel and experience, but most of me is stuck in thinking mode, analyzing. It's hopeless. I feel like I do not have the ability, the capacity, to fall in love. All I can do is observe and appreciate, like a museum visitor.

---

Yes, your Venus in Virgo is conj mars. I think this is more of the problem as these two important energies are merged, exactly. I think Chiron is the ruler of Virgo as Virgo is so darn painful. We have you thinking though and that is good. Do you agree?

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 06, 2012 08:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I see fun, creativity and romance as being an outlet for you, as these are very powerful tools.

---

I feel as though I haven't experienced enough fun or enough joy, and I don't have enough happy memories, to point to something and say, "that was fun, I want to do that." My memory isn't all that good, and most of my memories are unhappy. Even for the experiences that weren't bad, I have to think hard... "was I really happy then/there?" because I don't remember feeling happy; I don't remember feeling uplifted, and I don't remember having fun. I don't think I've ever lied to myself about the emotional impact of an experience, but I *do* remember putting on fake smiles, and acting happy, or at least content, so people around me wouldn't ask me uncomfortable questions.

My creativity is stifled by my perfectionism. I can think of creative projects, but I immediately get bogged down with practicalities and my own limitations. I don't know how or where to start the project; it's a lot of work, drudgery and frustrations every step of the way; I'm not all that good, so it's not going to come out very well; I don't have the patience to finish. So why bother? I give up before I even begin.

I can drum and sing because they don't take much creative effort, at least for me. I can sit down in front of a drumset, get into some kind of rhythm within a few seconds, and from there I'm on autopilot. It's 100% improvisation; I don't play from sheet music. I pay attention to the rhythm I'm playing, but I don't really think about it; I feel my way through it. I'm probably not very good at singing, but singing comes easily, too; there isn't much thinking. I know the lyrics and I know the pitches/notes so I just recite the song, recreating the words and sounds I learned.

If romance means courtship, I can do that -- I've done it once or twice before -- but in each case, I discovered that I simply didn't have any feelings for the other person. The courtship gestures I made -- taking my partner out for dinner, going for a walk, giving gifts, phone calls -- were driven by a feeling of obligation, of following "proper procedure", not out of desire. There's no love, no attraction. It's pretending, it's forced, and I know it's forced, and that's depressing.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Really uptight people will not like you

---

I know. I'm uptight, and I don't like myself... because I'm uptight. :-(

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Are you comfortable doing things in more interpersonal settings, like groups. Are you more far thinking such as interested in far away things, versus more personal kind of intimacies such as romance. You have Saggi in the 11th.

---

I don't know about groups. I've daydreamed about how to improve society, how to improve the government and the economy, but I think that's 9th house stuff. I don't know much about the 11th house. I don't belong to any clubs or groups or organizations, other than the company I work for. The last non-work organization I was a part of was the high school band... over 10 years ago.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
What is your most fun thing to do if you go have no inhibitions? What is your dream fun activity.

What really, really turns you on?

---

I don't know. I don't really have anything.

posted December 06, 2012 08:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You don't have to be perfect to give love.

---

I've acknowledge that I'm not perfect, and never will be -- no one is. But I feel like I still have to do things to prepare, to make myself worthy of a partner. I need to get out more... I should have more friends and more of a social life... I should be more involved... I need to go to the gym... my house is a wreck... etc. I look at people and think, "they're not going to want to come over to my broken-down house. They're not going to want to share any kind of physical intimacy with me because I'm not fit. They're going to laugh at me or just walk away because I don't have anything to talk about."

Give love? I know what agape love is, selfless love, helping other people, altruism. I've practiced some of that. But romantic love is foreign to me. I understand the concept, but I don't see or feel the capacity in myself. I don't think I can love.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Have you ever looked at your asteroids?

---

My Eros is in Virgo and I think my Psyche is in Sagittarius. Those are the only two I've looked up. I don't remember if there were aspects between them and anything else in my chart.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Moon is a hard place for Gemini. I really feel for you there, as I would not want that restless of a moon

---

Most of the placements and aspects in my chart seem poor / weak / bad / wrong. Venus in Virgo is bad enough... but it's at the apex of at least two T-squares. Moon in Gemini is bad enough... but it's one of the legs of those T-squares. So many squares, and so many conjunctions to Pluto. If I ever meet a professional astrologer in person, I wonder what they'll say about my appearance and the way I carry myself: do I look like a person carrying a heavy load? Do I look like I haven't slept, haven't had any inner peace in about two decades? I sure feel that way...

posted December 06, 2012 08:58 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 06, 2012 09:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
i meant that a person who has more interest in "fun" and not in you is not a relationship meant to happen

---

I know, I understand. It doesn't help me from disliking myself, though, because I'm so serious almost all of the time. "No one likes a Negative Nancy."

I try to look at my behavior objectively: I sulk around, shoulders slumped, not smiling, not outgoing, not talking, not interacting with anyone unnecessarily. No one wants to talk to a person like that. I wouldn't want to talk to a girl who's acting like that. But if I stood up straight and smiled and started chatting and joking around with everyone, it would be a huge lie -- I don't feel any of that stuff.

When I approach someone romantically -- wait a minute. Have I ever done that? It doesn't feel like it. I guess I have, because I've had two girlfriends. Okay... when I think about approaching someone romantically, the mental image I get is of a SWAT trooper with a riot shield, creeping closer to a wary person with close-combat training, brandishing the shield in fear of being attacked. Or a lonely, bitter, tired old man -- which is how I see myself sometimes -- trying to tempt a cute, furry creature to come closer by holding out a stale cracker.

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
but who knows i have scorpio venus and mars so maybe my opint of view is different

---

I'm jealous. Where is your Sun?

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
you should find what fulfills you

---

I know I should. How?

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
your moon might be an oddball but its YOUR moon and if it will not be tended it might lead to seroius problems...and i have a big leo moon with many problematic aspects to it

---

How do you integrate the energy from your moon with the energies throughout the rest of your chart?

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
and thank you the test went fairly well

---

Be cool, stay in school :-P

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
sun saturn pluto stellium can make a person locked within himself untill he finds someone thats good enough to open for.....whoch is hard as it requires a certain kind of person...

---

My friend said I'm going to end up with a girl who's looking for a challenge. I sighed and shook my head, because he's probably right.

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
you have a strong deal of isolation in the chart

cap asc by itself is reserved

mars venus conjunction in virgo in the 8th adds up to analyzing you surrounding without letting anything in...

---

Yep, yep and yep.

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
putting all that analyzing pressure of mars/venus in your job and into building a presentable public face could take the attention from analyzing other people in your life

---

My work is a blessing because it's technical, lots of gritty details that I can dig through... and it's a curse, because it's a business, and the demands of the business always outweigh any technical problems. If the software is buggy and no one can understand it and it might crash and lose important information for millions of people... so what, as long as the company makes a profit? I understand the company's perspective... I mean, I like making money too... but it wears on me. What's the point in hiring detail-oriented people if you're going to blow off all the details?

Anyway... I was just trying to say, I think I already use the Venus and Mars in Virgo stuff at work. I think.

I'm not sure what you mean about a public face. I try to act professional and businesslike... that's Capricorn Rising.

I'm not sure what to do about analyzing other people. I'm naturally detached -- Cap Rising, plus Sun in Scorpio, plus a few other things I'm sure. Being detached is kind of a natural position to observe from. If you're talking about attraction, I don't look at people and do a lot of deep thinking about who they are. I just look and listen, and I mentally (or emotionally?) reject them because I don't like the way they look, because I don't like the way they talk, I don't like their attitude.

I analyze myself most of all. I'm reluctant, maybe even scared, to talk to people, because I feel like I don't have anything to talk about. I work with computers all day, so I should be a smart guy, right...? But I worry that I'm not quick on my feet mentally, that it takes me hours to write a post or an email, that it takes me too long to interact verbally... I worry that I don't have anything witty to say. I've turned a few first dates into job interviews, without really meaning to, because I just kept asking stupid, obvious questions in an effort to keep the conversation going. I made myself miserable with worry, and later I realized how dull it must have been for my date, and I hated myself for that, too.

posted December 06, 2012 09:50 PM            

You write beautifully! You are a natural writer!

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 06, 2012 09:52 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 07, 2012 12:01 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You write beautifully! You are a natural writer!

---

Thank you again... I owe at least some of that to my mother, odd as that is. She taught me how to spell and to use proper grammar when I was in 1st grade.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You are such a baby doll. I mean that!

---

You might think otherwise if/when I share a picture of myself. Heh.

posted December 07, 2012 01:56 AM            

Im not sure what makes you see a woman as a prey or acombat zone but i think you should go with the "friends to lover" system to befriend the girl first then see if she fits you and your needs and then i think you can approach her without the SWAT attitude....just an idea

In order to find the thing that fulfills you you have to search and search hard! Or wait for it to fall on you...whatever suits you best

Hmmm since the moon is in gemini and it trines mercury....i have an idea i kinda want to throw in the air... you said you deal with all the computer softwere thingies...and you like video games....you dould try to develop artistic video games and yes those kind of things do exist

Ive read somewhere that a t square can be released by focusing on the missing leg of the square for balance...its found in the 2nd house in pisces...ever though about charity work? Donations? Trying to loosen up your values abd be more accpeting of others faults?

Maybe you might end up with a girl who wants a challange and there is nothing wrong with it...we have aries venus for this ^^

Being deatached is a obstacle but not a complrtr block
You do understand you sit here and talk to people you might hate in day to day life? Maybe you should try chatting with her online to get a look of what kind of person she is ....just an idea... like i said above i think you might need to loosen up those values to get the wheels movin

People make mistakes! It feels like crap but you go through with and become the wiser man...knowing how to talk during a date and flirt is a hard learned skill and can be mastered just like your computer science....a god suggestion by my side is to keep most of the conversation about her...it keeps the mystery keeps her satisfied and gives you some idea of what person you are facing

Use simple questions "do you travel" "what did you study in college" and stuff like that....use that gemini moon since they are gods in small talk...if you feel like asking or talking about some try and talk...even if you are not sure how well it might go...if you miss hide it with something funny

posted December 07, 2012 07:06 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Blackbird:
You might think otherwise if/when I share a picture of myself. Heh.

---

No, it is not grammar. It is an inherent thing. A good writer is born, not made. You paint evocative word pictures. You make someone feel, from your writing. Do you read a lot? Who are your favorite authors?

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 09, 2012 10:16 AM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted December 10, 2012 01:33 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You still there, BB?

---

Sort of.

Sometimes I write stuff -- pages and pages in some cases -- and then I go back and read it, decide that it's pointless, and I scrap it.

Sometimes I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything.

posted December 10, 2012 01:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
You dont have to put up a show for someone to like you.... i think you can be the same person you are just with a nicer attitude...be quiet and reflective but keep the sulking off and believe me it does wonders...from experience ;-)

Im not sure what makes you see a woman as a prey or acombat zone but i think you should go with the "friends to lover" system to befriend the girl first then see if she fits you and your needs and then i think you can approach her without the SWAT attitude....just an idea

---

The shield is preparation and anticipation for rejection, for disappointment, for embarassment, for pain. It's automatic. I don't think about it or consciously use it. It goes up whenever I have to deal with people. It goes up even when I think about interacting with people. It screws up my thinking and feeling towards other people; I can't feel any desire or attraction through the shield. All I can do is look and listen and take notes.

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
You dould try to develop artistic video games and yes those kind of things do exist

---

Yes, I have actually considered that as a career. But there is a lot of competition for those kind of jobs, and a lot of ruthless, cutthroat business practices. Many game developers get paid meager salaries and work 100+ hour weeks for months at a time in exchange for stock options and dividends that may never mature or materialize. I decided that environment wasn't for me. I don't think I have the dedication or persistence to create an entire video game on my own.

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
Ive read somewhere that a t square can be released by focusing on the missing leg of the square for balance...its found in the 2nd house in pisces...ever though about charity work? Donations? Trying to loosen up your values abd be more accpeting of others faults?

---

I've given money to friends and family because it seemed like they needed it more than I do. I don't know if that "counts".

I know that there are hundreds of places I could volunteer, but I don't know which I would like the most, or where I could help the most.

quote:

---

Originally posted by doommlord:
You do understand you sit here and talk to people you might hate in day to day life? Maybe you should try chatting with her online to get a look of what kind of person she is ....just an idea...

---

What do you mean? Are you talking about someone here on Lindaland?

posted December 10, 2012 01:49 AM            

im not saying that you should take it all out since many people all in all showed to be fairly useless disappointments but the few who are not are definetly worth it

i have actually heard of the very hard competition in that field but i was thinking you should do more as a hobby or something of the sort

about volunteering...what do you like doing? do like working with people or animals? do you think that volunteering might help you develop yourself?

posted December 10, 2012 01:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ami Anne:
No, it is not grammar. It is an inherent thing. A good writer is born, not made. You paint evocative word pictures. You make someone feel, from your writing. Do you read a lot? Who are your favorite authors?

---

I read sporadically, but when I do, I usually inhale whole books in a day or two.

J. R. R. Tolkien.
C. S. Lewis.
Ursula K. Le Guin.
Anne McCaffrey.
R. A. Salvatore.
T. H. White.
Mary Stewart.
Orson Scott Card.
Frank Herbert.
Phillip K. Dick.
William Gibson.
Neal Stephenson.
Michael Crichton.
John Grisham.
Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child.
F. Paul Wilson.
Tom Clancy.
Michael DiMercurio.
Stephen King.
Jules Verne.
H. G. Wells.
Agatha Christie.
Franklin W. Dixon (pseudonym).

I'm working my way through the NPR Top 100 Sci-Fi and Fantasy books list.

When I was younger, before internet access was widely available, I read lots and lots of non-fiction books about science, technology, computers, the military, and history (especially wars). I still read about those things a lot, but now I read non-fiction in bits and pieces, on the internet, usually starting on Wikipedia and then wandering to other sites.

posted December 10, 2012 05:39 PM            

------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal