posted July 01, 2014 07:50 PM            

It was 1:30-ish AM and I did not expect an answer. But I got one and we chatted for ~half an hour. I had just thought, earlier in the retrograde, how funny it was that I was so crazy about him in the past and now I couldn't even find myself mildly attracted or interested in him. I thought we were galaxies away in life paths and we've both waaaay moved on.

Leave it to Mercury Rx to give me a final smack in my beehind. -_- Turns out we're on similar paths again, somehow. Nodes in sextile.

It wasn't even slightly romantic or flirtatious. But godamn it, I felt things all over again! This was not a passing fling for me. To get a picture of what I went through, when it all started I was having T-Pluto conj Moon (DC ruler), T-Neptune square Venus (I was convinced we were soul mates, twins, just friggin perfect for each other..) and T-Chiron sq Venus.

It was love at first sight, it hit me out of nowhere and left me dumbstruck. I was whipped.

I was convinced though he didn't care for me as much as I did, and overall that it was one sided, and I suffered like a dog because of that. Except it actually wasn't.. he confessed years later to have had profound feelings for me and serious intentions. I never got this part though, I guess all that Earth made him really keep stuff in. I randomly asked the I Ching what sort of feelings he had for me in the past and I got Family changing to Increase.

I blew it. I had a shot with him and didn't even know it.

Anyways, he's the reason why I joined LL, why I got so deep (too deep) into soulmate astrology and also why you never see me responding in such threads. I kept finding clues that we were meant to be, we had so many double whammies that I don't even remember now, and so many parallels between our charts and the composite

I am not sure what the point of this thread is, but now it's 3 AM, I can't sleep and I always felt the need to share my stories of him..

As a side note, I thought I should check what the transits to the composite look like because it's been years since we last talked. Check out comp Venus AND Saturn return!

(Composite Saturn is opposite my natal Venus and composite Venus is opposite his natal Saturn and both of these are almost exact) ~ also why this never went anywhere, I suppose.

posted July 01, 2014 08:30 PM            

Sorry about the grief this is causing you, but could say some more - how long did it last; what caused it to end? Did you figure out which astrological signs said it would be short? Other than cSaturn opp nVenus.

Have never seen a complementary NN conj Venus/Mars before. Wow!

Btw, how long ago did it end?

posted July 01, 2014 09:02 PM            

Nice tsquare between jupiter squaring sun/mercury on one side and pluto and moon on the other. Also I like how the NN is in the 7th conjuncting the DC along with vertex and venus. I dont like the chiron in the 7th bc I know how you feel! I have that with my ex and your story has similarities to mine. I also have an interception with him involving juno/NN/vesta in midpoint composite and we have chiron in the 7th as well but my chiron in the 7th is also part of a YOD and we too have a tsquare involving ruler of intercepted house moon in the 5th and ruler of our chart venus and neptune.

TRANSIT pluto is passing by the intercepted houses so that makes sense you guys are talking is activating the energy from the intercepted houses.

I related and truly wish you the best!

Keep things light; try to handle that chiron energy by making the choice to keep your interactions with him light; don't get lost in the energy. Let the intensity come out when intimate but otherwise keep things light and don't let insecurities make decisions when with him which can be hard when you have chiron in the 7th and an intense tsquare. I get it; I hope it works out!!!!!!!!!!!

ADD:

posted July 02, 2014 12:24 AM            

This MERC Wretch was crazy!

Who gave me the advice to DO NOTHING? Gabby? Maybe? It was sound advice!

posted July 02, 2014 03:47 AM            

"Mercury retro is known to be a time of 'fated' events -- who will you meet? What will be revealed?"

"Mercury retrograde gives us time to catch up with ourselves, and reflect. Something from the past returns in a different form. People, ideas or buried insights that are keys to moving forward, float to the surface... a chance to go over old ground again, to claim what you missed the first time."

posted July 02, 2014 04:33 AM            

Yes, I remember. I never forgot your bull.

posted July 02, 2014 12:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Astro keen:
Hi DM,

Sorry about the grief this is causing you, but could say some more - how long did it last; what caused it to end? Did you figure out which astrological signs said it would be short? Other than cSaturn opp nVenus.

Have never seen a complementary NN conj Venus/Mars before. Wow!

Btw, how long ago did it end?

Do excuse this barrage of questions.

---

Hey Astro keen! Not a problem at all! This trip down the memory lane was uncomfortable but I wouldn't say I am grieving or in pain. It has its own purpose, I am sure. I will answer your questions.

1. The time we were officially a couple was short, 6 months I think, but the most intense period was before that (for about 1 year) and there were aftermaths. All in all, I think the whole deal lasted about 4-5 years. This was long distance btw and actually started out as a romantic triangle - no, as a romantic square. :/ I was in another relationship and he was my best friend's crush..

2. What caused it to end?
-poor communication
-guilt and shame on my part for how it all started and what it took to be together (hurting 2 other people)
-the distance
-power struggles

3. Did you figure out which astrological signs said it would be short? Other than cSaturn opp nVenus.
It wasn't actually short, but it was unstable and very on/off. We made plans to be together, we wanted to take a trip together and we talked about it 3-4 times, but things always came in between. Aside from the Saturn deal (which also kept us coming back to one another for years after), I blame that composite Uranus in the 1st opposite Venus, for the whole instability thing. Having an unaspected composite Saturn was also hard, it felt like there was no structure, no base but we were still linked to one another and we still are, apparently. I am amazed that we have stayed in contact for so long, because there were bitter feelings on both sides, especially mine.
Also, Saturn in synastry made few aspects and to NO personal planet. His Saturn was conj my Jup-Uranus and mine was conj his Pluto and sextile his Mercury.. Add to that composite Saturn unaspected.. BUT conj the Asc, gluing us together, despite the lack of "structure".

quote:

---

Have never seen a complementary NN conj Venus/Mars before. Wow!

---

or
-his Mars conj my Asc, my Venus trine his Asc.

He is, to this day, still, my biggest teacher in this lifetime, even though he is some years younger than me. This experience touched me on all levels, and to the core.

quote:

---

Btw, how long ago did it end?

---

posted July 02, 2014 12:46 PM            

I have no single doubt in my mind that it was karmic. But I don't want him back.. we don't work together, even if things changed - we changed - we're not too very compatible. We have a Sun-Moon quincunx double-whammy that says it all. When we were together in the couple phase, bumping into all sorts of things like couples do, I didn't understand him at all, it felt like dating an alien.
The purpose of this reunion.. is not romantic, I think. It has to do with THIS and reminding me what was like to feel with all my being and that I need it like that. I can do light, of course I can, but it's not what gets me going. It doesn't move me.

Thank you for the interpretation and I am sorry about your painful relationship as well! If there are changes, I will update. I made a horary about it but there was some interference on my part, which makes sense. I thought about asking him for coffee or smth but changed my mind a few times. I haven't seen him in person in a long while and I am not sure if I want to stir everything up again.

posted July 02, 2014 12:48 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Oh, my God -- you, too?

This MERC Wretch was crazy!

Who gave me the advice to DO NOTHING? Gabby? Maybe? It was sound advice!

Details to come.

---

I am sorry, Indigo. I saw your other thread..

posted July 02, 2014 12:49 PM            

Welcome to Lindaland btw!

I am glad you survived Mercury Rx! It was a harsh one for sure!!

posted July 02, 2014 01:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Oh my God, you nearly got me crying there.

Yes, I remember. I never forgot your bull.

The thing is it feels like so many of us have come full cycle now.

---

No, Ceri, it's ok, I was not upset. Troubled, but not really upset. I regret handling things the way I did, but I don't regret knowing him at all.

posted July 02, 2014 01:10 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Amelia,

I have no single doubt in my mind that it was karmic. But I don't want him back.. we don't work together, even if things changed - we changed - we're not too very compatible. We have a Sun-Moon quincunx double-whammy that says it all. When we were together in the couple phase, bumping into all sorts of things like couples do, I didn't understand him at all, it felt like dating an alien.
The purpose of this reunion.. is not romantic, I think. It has to do with THIS and reminding me what was like to feel with all my being and that I need it like that. I can do light, of course I can, but it's not what gets me going. It doesn't move me.

Thank you for the interpretation and I am sorry about your painful relationship as well! If there are changes, I will update. I made a horary about it but there was some interference on my part, which makes sense. I thought about asking him for coffee or smth but changed my mind a few times. I haven't seen him in person in a long while and I am not sure if I want to stir everything up again.

---

I am the same I value intensity in relationships and been with someone that makes me feel on a very deep level..I wasn't suggesting to shut that off....I was more suggesting to know when to keep it light and when to fully let that intensity express itself in the relationship bc if you are intense all the time it can lead to feeling too much chronically which comes with problems...so I suggested to learn to handle that energy by knowing when to turn it on and off....

I completely respect you coming to the conclusion that you are no longer a good fit and seeing this as an opportunity for closure, healing and a reminder of what you want in a relationship! I totally get that.

I had let of my ex and came to the conclusion that he belongs in the past and recently bec of certain transits was forced to think very in depth of this relationship but I think the purpose of these transits is to truly finally let go and put it to rest...I had let go but perhaps a little bit was still holding on and current transits are addressing this. Our progressed composite sun and AC will turn to scorpio at 29 degrees. On dec 17 transit saturn will conjunct sun and AC in scorpio at 29 degrees in our composite. I feel once the Sun and AC turn to Sagittarius at 0 degrees that this will be a closed chapter and the karma will be paid and this sense of completely fully letting go of this bond will take place.

I almost feel that chiron in the 7th is about experiencing the loss of losing a great relationship and coming to terms with accepting that you are not suppose be together and finding a way to truly let go of the attachment you have to the idea of been together and been at peace with that.

So far you, I and Indigo all have our composite 7th house with chiron on it from what I have noticed in this site. I feel chiron affects all composite charts as it always falls in a house but I feel when it falls in the 7th the relationship itself is the wound and that healing takes place when you let go of it but that is just my theory at the moment.

posted July 02, 2014 01:35 PM            

No wonder Saturn - the key to this chart- is being triggered by transit.

Saturn rules intercepted 2nd/8th axis, so it shows longer time is needed for that axis to be activated, to become reality (and 2nd is a house of the relationship taking a tangible, stable form, also the physical part of the relationship, along with the 8th).

Saturn is connected to Neptune through an unexpected sudden move (semisquare) (another relationship to the 12th house) - maybe 12th house issues were a hindrance for this relationship? Its disp is Pluto, still in 12th, but strongly aspected and the woman plays a big role/feels a lot.

As you can see, in the 2nd you have Neptune and Jupiter/Juno, also disp by Saturn, so these are the "intercepted" things, denied until the interception is triggered and activated when the interception is activated.

I don't like the synastry too much, DM ....it has some nice aspects, but it's a bit disconnected.

posted July 02, 2014 01:44 PM            

It was very painful to hear he had feelings for me all that time and was hurt when we ended, too.
Things with him could never be light.. I think. They are, right now, because we are not face to face. He dated someone at some point, that was more serious, and for once I was genuinely happy for him (I used to be so jealous in the past! OMG.. ) I think he's single again, I could always feel when there was someone or there wasn't. I didn't ask and could be wrong, of course.. but I don't think that I am.
He can stir stuff from way deep inside me like none other! -_- I would like to go out with him, I miss talking to him sometimes.. but.. I am done losing my head. No more of that!

I have no idea if our progressed composite is showing us possibly coming together or not.. I don't see anything, but here it is (I'm the 1st chart, he's the last)

posted July 02, 2014 01:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
No, Ceri, it's ok, I was not upset. Troubled, but not really upset. I regret handling things the way I did, but I don't regret knowing him at all.

---

posted July 02, 2014 02:03 PM            

The two are actually in a close opposition, less than 1 degree (I mean my natal Venus and the composite Saturn).

Your interpretation is very spot on. Yes, it had such a big emphasis on the 12th house! Since I don't have planets there, it was like a thunderstorm for me, I imagine it wasn't as dramatic for him. Funny that we are reconnecting when both our progressed Moons are in the 12th! lol
I don't like the synastry much either. It does spell disconnect and it is very much how it happened. I don't think it would be much different now, if we were to try again - and I don't think/know if that is even a possibility! I can say though that the composite Saturn was a pivot in all of this, indeed, and combined with the Plutonian energy it made this affair a "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em" thing.
I made a horary about this, which is very similar with the love quarrel horary you posted - and why I didn't answer, because I am unsure! I have significators applying like in your chart as well, but Moon applies to one of them (me/the woman in your chart) before we apply to the quesited. So, I am unsure! In my chart I think it might mean a frustration, because Moon prevents me from contacting him, so the answer would be a no. But I am not sure and I'm too conflicted to read the other chart correctly.

posted July 02, 2014 02:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
It sounds like you have found real closure.

---

I asked if we could get a chance to finally get it right - and you left me the Page of Cups!! lmao Does this sound like real closure to you?

Ahh but no, I can't go back there! Page of Cups will turn into Devil, Tower and Death soon enough.

It will be 8 years soon and I should know better.

posted July 02, 2014 02:26 PM            

Sorry for derailing the thread a bit.

posted July 02, 2014 02:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:

I asked if we could get a chance to finally get it right - and you left me the Page of Cups!! lmao Does this sound like real closure to you?

Ahh but no, I can't go back there! Page of Cups will turn into Devil, Tower and Death soon enough.

It will be 8 years soon and I should know better.

---

On the other hand though, maybe the others never really had a chance (or you subconsciously picked those who wouldnīt take a real chance with you), BECAUSE some part of you had not found closure with Bull.

Maybe sometimes that is even asked too much, some things will remain without closure, but if there is a chance to get it right, that is truely a gift.

I think this might be a timeframe when ther eis the chance of real openness and honesty (maybe most of all because people are so tired and exhausted from the things they tell others and themselves, they want to believe, and deep inside always knew, arenīt true. Maybe we are simply too tired and exhausted to play hide-and-seek anylonger. )

I suppose if you really had found closure about him, this thread wouldnīt even exist, or not with that depth of thought and feeling.

posted July 02, 2014 02:38 PM            

Anyway, been thinking, 8 years - have I learnt nothing? Or when will I ever learn?

But the truth is if I look back in time, I have learnt a LOT, and come a long way. It is actually pretty weird that he is still on my path somehow.

Actually back then he was not even that clearly in the picture for me (Tr Neptune conjunct my Moon was happening simultanesously or pretty simultaneously with Tr Pluto on my Sun and Mercury).

I think he is only really much in the picture, or coming into the picture for the last 2 years or so.
I mean he has been always there ocasionally, but nevwer that constantly.
That has only happened since 1-2 years.

posted July 02, 2014 02:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Amelia, I am sorry if what I said came off the wrong way.. I understood what you meant but, truth be told, I am scared to even consider the possibility of a rematch! I've been down this road so many times, thinking maybe this time we'll finally have our chance to make it work. We never did and yeah, we handled things poorly in the past - *I* handled them poorly, especially.. - but I have no reason to believe we won't do it again. Getting over him was one of the hardest things I ever had to do - it took me 4 years after the relationship ended, to move on (and I'm an Aries with Sag Moon!! Show me the next pretty, shiny thing and you're all forgotten!) I am sorry if this doesn't sound too encouraging for you - but getting over something so powerful IS hard and takes a lot of time. It can be done for sure though, so keep working on that.

It was very painful to hear he had feelings for me all that time and was hurt when we ended, too.
Things with him could never be light.. I think. They are, right now, because we are not face to face. He dated someone at some point, that was more serious, and for once I was genuinely happy for him (I used to be so jealous in the past! OMG.. ) I think he's single again, I could always feel when there was someone or there wasn't. I didn't ask and could be wrong, of course.. but I don't think that I am.
He can stir stuff from way deep inside me like none other! -_- I would like to go out with him, I miss talking to him sometimes.. but.. I am done losing my head. No more of that!

I have no idea if our progressed composite is showing us possibly coming together or not.. I don't see anything, but here it is (I'm the 1st chart, he's the last)

---

I understand perfectly how you feel. I did let go of him like I said but lately have been forced to think about our past bc of transits...Things with my ex have never been light, i know when he is in pain; I feel it. I know it hurt him when we ended just like it did to me and 10 years later he confessed he regretted not having a family with me...

IT took me four years to get over him and then I met my husband but continued having feelings for him for some time..then I met someone else and that got me to get over him to the point that I lost interest in him.....yes it has taken time and when I saw him a few years ago I felt the attraction and the magnetic pull just like 10 years ago but something was different. The third guy touched me in a way that it changed something about my connection with my ex.

posted July 03, 2014 02:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Interesting. You know I know very little about horary, but I'm thinking maybe the Moon would relate to the house it rules rather than the general outcome? I mean, the part of the outcome shown by the house? Hahaha sorry, you know I don't know horary. But I'm sorry horary doesn't update itself and considers squares more like events rather than blockages. lol maybe your Moon there is just a blockage?

I agree with you, in the traditional sense a planet is unaspected when unaspected by planets. However, in a composite chart in particular, I see a planet sitting on angle (especially ASC, DSC and MC) as the "guiding star" of the chart, like an emblem or a motto of the chart. It permeates the chart and it says: "this chart is about this planet". And I've noticed in composites with planet on angle like this, especially ASC and MC, the planet is often unaspected. You know why I think it is so? Because that planet is so strong and emblematic there, that no "visible" aspects are needed, it is connected on an invisible level to every planet in that chart.

---

Yes, that is how I view planets on angles too! But I still think Saturn is unaspected - but that only makes it much stronger. Indeed, the relationship was about Saturn: karma, blockages, strictures and refranation. Quite noir.

I will give you my interp on the horary forum for your friend's question but take it with a grain of salt. Horary does consider aspects as events, but when another planet interferes horary considers this blocks the other two planets from coming together. Say we're at a crowded party and two people see each other from across the room and decide to approach one another. But as the woman crosses the room to get to the man (or the other way around) a friend of hers sees her and asks for her help with something. The woman goes to help the friend and when she returns the man is gone. This is frustration or prohibition in horary (depending on velocity and other factors). Sure it can have a different outcome - horary shows intention but it is not set in stone as anyone can change their minds.

posted July 03, 2014 02:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

On the other hand though, maybe the others never really had a chance (or you subconsciously picked those who wouldnīt take a real chance with you), BECAUSE some part of you had not found closure with Bull.

Maybe sometimes that is even asked too much, some things will remain without closure, but if there is a chance to get it right, that is truely a gift.

I think this might be a timeframe when ther eis the chance of real openness and honesty (maybe most of all because people are so tired and exhausted from the things they tell others and themselves, they want to believe, and deep inside always knew, arenīt true. Maybe we are simply too tired and exhausted to play hide-and-seek anylonger. )

I suppose if you really had found closure about him, this thread wouldnīt even exist, or not with that depth of thought and feeling.

---

There is something I would still like to know - I was jealous at some point and I guess I am wondering sometimes if it was founded or not. I asked in the past but he avoided the answer and said she is not an issue anymore (which I knew but didn't actually answer my question).

However it has no relevance for "us", there is no us anymore. And regardless of the purpose of this reunion, from my point of view the romance has run its course.

posted July 03, 2014 02:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
BTW I have been thinking the same thing: 8 years (if I count that very first year I just saw him and funnily at that time Tr Pluto was conjunct my Sun and only months after that i joined LL, too, so you see, similiar pattern for both of us. even though we did not even really talk about Mr Sag back then, because I had to first wade through the other two. ).

Anyway, been thinking, 8 years - have I learnt nothing? Or when will I ever learn?

But the truth is if I look back in time, I have learnt a LOT, and come a long way. It is actually pretty weird that he is still on my path somehow.

Actually back then he was not even that clearly in the picture for me (Tr Neptune conjunct my Moon was happening simultanesously or pretty simultaneously with Tr Pluto on my Sun and Mercury).

I think he is only really much in the picture, or coming into the picture for the last 2 years or so.
I mean he has been always there ocasionally, but nevwer that constantly.
That has only happened since 1-2 years.

---

Indigo's story is also of 8 years. 8 is the number of karma if nothing else. Perhaps some reevaluations were necessary since it seems neither of us will completely cut the chord. Not yet anyways. Bull will always be somewhere in the back of the picture, we're even FB friends! lol I told him repeatedly not to contact me in the past but he still did, or I did.. It seems things with Mr. Sag moved in a different plane as well. Who knows what tomorrow might bring?

I think you've changed a lot in these 8 years, Ceri! No question about that. So has Mr. Sag.. So have I, lol. It may seem sometimes that I am running in circles, but the plane I am now is wiser than it was then. I was 23 when I met him and only had one real relationship, what did I knew of love? Since then it's been a long and bumpy road, I was engaged twice and even had a bicurious and femdom phase lmao. I am a completely different person now.. but he was probably the biggest catalyst to this change.