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Author
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Topic: sexual attraction but no sexual compatibility
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Enneline
Knowflake Posts: 1414
From:
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted November 07, 2014 09:18 AM
  
Have you ever experienced that? You feel sexually attracted to someone but when you try....you know  Could Mars conjunct Chiron be a responsible aspect? IP: Logged |
twinky
Knowflake Posts: 57
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted November 07, 2014 10:23 AM
I had it with a guy. There was attraction at first sight, kissing was hot, cuddling etc. But no sparkles in the bedroom. To be precise, we just couldn't do it. It was not working between us.
Our synastry was good.
Mars conjunct ascendant
Pluto square Venus
Mars Mercury DW
Venus Moon DW
Our Chirons are conjunct but I have the same aspect with all my peers.Then I looked at our composite: unaspected Mars (ruler of the 8th) IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 07, 2014 12:05 PM
my friend was saying the same about the one affair she once had.
Only time she ever gone mad about a boy, attraction was intense, but well they couldn`t do it either (not for the lack of trying) and he turned out to be a bit of a psychopath.
Here is their synastry: she is inside, him is outside.
I think it is easy to see why it did not work sexually
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LucieLemonade
Knowflake Posts: 1221
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted November 07, 2014 01:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Here is their synastry: she is inside, him is outside.
I think it is easy to see why it did not work sexually
Because his, um..., err.... 8th house was too big? :blush: LOL  IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 07, 2014 01:07 PM
no.
Actually I think that was not the problem. lolIP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 1202
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted November 07, 2014 01:15 PM
Hey, a big 8H is a significant problem!Curiously, what are we talking about when we say 'didn't work' or 'couldn't do it'? Is this a physical thing, or just can't quite get around to it, and what exactly? Because, OH GOODNESS, do I have experience in THAT area! IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 1202
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted November 07, 2014 01:17 PM
This is now, hands-down, the best sexual relationship I've ever had, Ceri. Just thought I'd say that.  I feel really hopeful for the future, too. Like I've REALLY achieved something, and I can go on to improve my individual sexual relationship with my husband when ... the time is right. It's not right yet. But it will be. I know that now. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 07, 2014 01:48 PM
Auby, I am happy you are having the best sexual relationship. Sounds awesome!
In the case of my friend and her ex it was actually case of not working in very mechanical terms. lol
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Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 1202
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted November 07, 2014 02:19 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Auby, I am happy you are having the best sexual relationship. Sounds awesome!
In the case of my friend and her ex it was actually case of not working in very mechanical terms. lol
See, that's fascinating to me. Sex is physical intimacy; coitus is intimacy plus intercourse. If a couple is having no issues with kissing, cuddling, and other 'less invasive' forms of intimacy, then the mechanical problems are just that. They can be easily resolved with work, honesty, and time. I'm very curious as to what the actual issues were; both with the OP, and your friend. I used to believe that sexual attraction can absolutely be an illusion of sexual compatibility. That's not so. I was selling myself (and him) very, VERY short -- and almost missed out on one of the most transformative and incredible relationships of my life, by abiding by that fallacy. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 07, 2014 02:43 PM
I wasn`t there with them, but to me it sounded like he was having erectile disfunction, which he blamed on her. But as I said the guy had a lot of issues anyway, and that was just one manifestion of them.
My friend was apparently attracted to him, and he SEEMED to be as well. But I am not sure he really was. He was also quite abusive towards her.
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Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 1202
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted November 07, 2014 03:39 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I wasn`t there with them, but to me it sounded like he was having erectile disfunction, which he blamed on her. But as I said the guy had a lot of issues anyway, and that was just one manifestion of them.
My friend was apparently attracted to him, and he SEEMED to be as well. But I am not sure he really was. He was also quite abusive towards her.
Oooooooh. No, you CANNOT blame any kind of ED or 'malfunction' on your partner. EV-ER. Death of intimacy right there. If he was blaming it on her, it sounds secondary. This can be confusing for a man. He figures, if all goes well in private, then the partnered experience should be a go. Not so. Most ED is secondary type, and stems from psychological issues. Again, somehow, my partner and I have had a bizarre panoply of issues with which to contend in these areas, and have overcome them with gentility, authenticity and perseverance. The guy sounds like, well, an abusive arse. Sorry to hear that, Ceri. I've certainly been THERE before. Hope your friend recovered all right. Nothing can be resolved without work and willingness to refrain from blaming and shaming. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 08, 2014 05:07 AM
yes he was an abusive arse with many psychological issues.
It was hard for my friend, as she had been breaking up with her longterm boyfriend (who wasn`t all that wonderful either ); the only time she totally went nuts about a guy, and it was really nasty, especially in the end. She was suffering a lot in that period. But it has been long ago. And she has been happily married to her husband for 9 years now, so it all led to some sort of a good thing (her now-husband was actually already in the picture back then, when all that chaos happened, but, despite being already totally in love with her - which she wasn`t aware of and I promised him I wouldn`t tell her. lol- and so he was just being in the background as her friend).IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 7530
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted November 08, 2014 09:59 AM
I have one too.The sweetest, most romantic kiss. A very dear friend until today. Weird unrepeatable bunga bunga. (at least for me)   ------------------ I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... IP: Logged |
Dancing Maenad
Moderator Posts: 2402
From: The Harvest
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted November 08, 2014 10:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
no.
Actually I think that was not the problem. lol
Holy unaspected planets! Esp Mars. And Venus.. On his side. Death of relationships, IME. ------------------
~the raving one dancing in the nude~ IP: Logged |
Enneline
Knowflake Posts: 1414
From:
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted November 08, 2014 10:37 AM
LeeLoo, he was/is too similar, like a brother I had sexual incompatibility with 2 of my exes. We had sun/venus and venus/asc stuff and IC stuff that lead to feelings of familiarity and affection but there was no sexual WOWOWOW in bed  the mars of one of them did not do anything in my chart. Could be one of the reasons IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Moderator Posts: 7530
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted November 08, 2014 11:17 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Enneline:
LeeLoo, he was/is too similar, like a brother
Exactly. He is like a brother to me  But I love him. ------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... IP: Logged |
Aubyanne
Moderator Posts: 1202
From: Tinseltown, Hollyweird, The Multiverse
Registered: Sep 2014
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posted November 08, 2014 08:57 PM
Wow. This is ... fascinating to me. Maybe I have different expectations for sex (I probably do, actually) but I'm really, really grateful that we persevered for this past year. Something just really happened, and changed EVERYTHING right around the eclipse. Maybe it's not objectively amazing, but for me, it's ... mind-bogglingly mind-blowing. Heh. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 09, 2014 07:49 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Holy unaspected planets! Esp Mars. And Venus.. On his side. Death of relationships, IME.
I hope not!
Mr Sag`s Venus is unaspected, too. well except for the antiscion to my Mars, the widish square to my Uranus at 5-6 degrees, which seems to pop up in progressions again and again, the Venus-Uranus-combo; and it is on the exact focal point of my Jupiter-Neptune and Jupiter-NN square, (exact semisquares to his Venus). of course that is just minor stuff. However interestingly my Sun-Mercury conjuncts his 5th house ruler within 3 degrees, and my Mars-ASC-Neptune-NN conjuncts his primary 7th house ruler. Anyway back to the disastrous affair of my friend. Here both sexual planets were unaspected.
Plus
Venus ruled his 5th house so a double strike against sexual relations.
His 8th house ruler was conjunct her IC; which is tremendously intense and emotionally loaded. But the 8th house is not always sexual. I find it is more likely to become sexual if there is a 8th/ 5th overlay or interaspect, or the 8th is connected to Venus, Mars, sometimes even the 1st or 2nd house ruler.
In this case here neither the sexual planets (Venus, Mars) nor the relevant romance house rulers (5th, 7th especially, 8th, possibly) were aspecting her identity or relationship planets (Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars, ASC, ruler 1, 2 especially, and possilby ruler 7, 8).
Interestingly in the synastry with her longterm boyfriend, the guy`s Venus and Mars, and ruler of 5th, 7th and 8th house were totally unaspected either.
They were together for other reasons (strong connective Moon-synastry, with Moon ruling her ASC and his MC I think - well status and how they looked in public played a big role for him, but also the comfort).
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Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 09, 2014 07:57 AM
oh she married a guy with whose Sun-ASC conjunction falls right onto her DESC. his 5th house ruler squares her Uranus-NN and trines her Jupiter, but is not really aspecting her personal planets either. Their 7th rulers are opposite. his 7th ruler on her DESC.
his other 7th ruler sextile her 1st ruler. They also have the 8th/ 5th overlay. Her 5th house stellium of Mercury-Venus-Mars-Pluto-Juno falls onto his 8th house Pluto, opposing his Jupiter exactly on her Moon (some good vibes. lol) His Venus is at least not unaspected, being opposite her Jupiter and widely sextile her MErcury (4-5). His Mars exactly sextiles her Moon, squqres her Sun and widely trines her Venus-Mars conjunction (5 degrees).
Well might not be a wonderful to die for combination, but considering both boyfriends before had a completely unaspected Venus and Mars in their synastry chart along with the 5th and 7th house rulers unaspected, well this one definitely was a keeper for her.
And with ther 7th house connection, it is really strong, even if the sexual compatibility might have its ups and downs. IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Moderator Posts: 16280
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted November 09, 2014 08:04 AM
btw maybe it is just my personal preference, but I find it worse if the guy`s Mars is unaspected.
I noticed that in these instanced, no matter how much I like the guy, I can`t quite see him as "masculine".IP: Logged |
Enneline
Knowflake Posts: 1414
From:
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted November 09, 2014 10:48 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
btw maybe it is just my personal preference, but I find it worse if the guy`s Mars is unaspected.
I noticed that in these instanced, no matter how much I like the guy, I can`t quite see him as "masculine".
I once saw that aspect (guy's mars is unaspected) in a synastry of a friend of mine. The guy loved having sex with her, but was unable to court her. No animal spirit from his side IP: Logged |
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