posted December 16, 2014 07:15 AM            

All my life I've always felt weird and left out and sad and I was always VERY EASILY irritated and distracted, MISUNDERSTOOD, so full of pain and I've struggled with it all my life and never understood it up until my early teens when I started to wonder if I was sensitive... Then I started to recognize myself as a sensitive person. It is definitely something that has affected my life, ESPECIALLY my school life. I've always felt drained, it is so ANNOYING! Every little hurtful thing anyone says to me I would just die inside but I'd never show... Or at least I wouldn't cry in front of them. Sometimes I would feel so hurt over something that I would literally get nausea and I CAN'T FUNCTION! I would go for periods with a tingly feeling in my chest, sometimes I'd lie down all day and do little to nothing. Btw I should include that I was bullied all throughout high-school EVERY DAY for having acne and soo many other things. I was also told I was ugly during prep school and I was always less preferred to another person (every one has a favourite but no one was ever discrete about it... or at least they didn't know I cared enough to be hurt about it) even by family members. I hurt over things sometimes that I KNOW I SHOULD NOT HURT ABOUT (that little rational voice in my head) but I still do. Sigh. I know that in this world people will always hurt your feelings so I've kinda accepted that so I tried to reach out to the people who I think would actually care about my feelings... My parents. I tried to talk to my parents and open up to them and I'd tell them "Mom, Dad you know I'm pretty sensitive and you should be nicer to me about my weight and my skin, it's not nice." They would say "Oh really, I didn't know... Alright! " and then forget what I told them and go back to their old ways. Also, when I was smaller and to a lesser extent even to this present day... Something as simple as the melody of a song (the words don't have to be sad) would either make me nauseous or cry. This type of music is especially played in my house and in my parents' car and it affects my ability to focus or function a lot. There's soooooooooooo much more to say but my mind is kinda OVERWHELMED right now. Just know that my parents often make me feel like an ugly monster, stupid, or a failure. I try to keep in my anger and pain by responding to them calmly (they are parents who demand respect) but I just CANNOT do it and I just fly right of the handle and next thing you know I'm shouting all over the place. Being the sensitive person that I am... I NEVER WANNA do that and it hurts me that I do but I can't control it and I know it hurts them. :'(

Also, I cut people off a lot (I'm good at cutting off people and have no problem doing it) if I have felt they've done me wrong. One time, I cut off ALL my friends and I was bitter and a loner... I actually like being alone. They all thought I was a ***** because of that and they were all confused because as far as they know, they're innocent (just to show you how sensitive I am EVERY SMALL THING added up). I will cut you off without warning too. You never know when your last straw is with me. Sucks, I know. I will either cut you off as friend/end the relationship (romantic). So immature I know.

Sigh. I've always tried to find the reason for this in my chart do I could understand it better but I'm a beginner so I need some help. My chart is placed below...

http://i60.tinypic.com/34nh6kl.gif

posted December 16, 2014 10:25 AM            

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Originally posted by barbriallen:
I don't have time to answer as thoroughly as I'd like to right now but I really identify with a lot of what you've said. The one thing I noticed straight away is that your chart ruler, Uranus, is in the twelfth. I have this as well (but I'm Taurus rising with Venus in the 12th) and I find that, in addition to all of my other planets in the twelfth, the fact that it is my chart ruler makes me especially sensitive and I tend to be on my own a lot. And your Uranus is exactly opposite your Mercury which could account for your "flying off that handle."

Sorry I can't write more but I do understand a lot of what you've said. Chart ruler in the 12th does have its advantages though (intuition, compassion, a sense of a higher purpose)

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posted December 17, 2014 01:41 AM            

Also, your moon is conjunct black moon Lilith to an exact degree. This adds further depth and intensifies emotions to a sometimes overwhelming degree. This can be good or bad depending on the way you will learn to control or channel this energy. This can also give great perception into things. I feel like this is one of the main aspects in your chart that is making you feel this way so read up and learn more about it.

Mercury in cancer and in aspect to Neptune can also make you more in touch with your creative, sensitive, and intuitive side rather than your logical side.

posted December 17, 2014 10:16 AM            

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Originally posted by AnastasiyaEnchanted:
Hi! I am not a professional astrologer but the one thing that I noticed straight away (that I also have) is an exalted moon nearly conjunct (5 degrees away) from your 4th house cusp. This makes your moon really powerful in your chart and turns up the volume on emotions, sensitivity, intuition, and empathy.

Also, your moon is conjunct black moon Lilith to an exact degree. This adds further depth and intensifies emotions to a sometimes overwhelming degree. This can be good or bad depending on the way you will learn to control or channel this energy. This can also give great perception into things. I feel like this is one of the main aspects in your chart that is making you feel this way so read up and learn more about it.

Mercury in cancer and in aspect to Neptune can also make you more in touch with your creative, sensitive, and intuitive side rather than your logical side.

There is a lot of hints in your chart that point to what you described. Including what was said previously about your 1st house ruler being in the 12th and also the ruler of your moon, venus, is in the 8th house. There is definitely a watery and psychological intensity here.

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Thank you for your feedback! Is that powerful moon thing why I feel like the Moon is my mother? Lol. Ugh! Tell me about it my Lilith drives me over the edge so much. Yea I have been described as perceptive a few times.. There's not really much on the net about it. If you know any helpful links, care to share please?

posted December 17, 2014 02:54 PM            

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Another possibility is that you're autism spectrum. A LOT of what you've described above can be attributed to ASD. And, sadly, you don't grow out of that, but you do develop better coping mechanisms over time.

My stepdaughter is a mild Aspie. The first years of her adolescence were a bit touch-and-go there, but she's incredible. Self-aware, compassionate, driven, and just an all-around awesome young teen. And I'm not being biased, either!

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posted December 17, 2014 03:00 PM            

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Another possibility is that you're autism spectrum. A LOT of what you've described above can be attributed to ASD. And, sadly, you don't grow out of that, but you do develop better coping mechanisms over time.

My stepdaughter is a mild Aspie. The first years of her adolescence were a bit touch-and-go there, but she's incredible. Self-aware, compassionate, driven, and just an all-around awesome young teen. And I'm not being biased, either!

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