posted April 24, 2015 05:14 AM
Wow! What an incredible response! Today has been a strange one; I've not been on the thread until now, as I created it late Wednesday night. I feel it's important to share with you my experiences throughout this almost surreal day, however, as they're quite germane to this new exploration.
Before I share my own charts, I'm going to tell you a story.
Some of you have heard it before. For others, it'll be new. I even created an entirely new thread to cover it -- and I can still do so in greater depth. But here and now, tonight, I should share what I've discovered. It may be the most bizarrely complete experience of outstanding karma in a relationship yet. And I base this insight upon my background as an astrologer, and my experience as a writer. More than anything, on the work I've been able to do here on LL, with all of you.
So, without further ado, I'll begin.
15 years ago, I met a man -- sort of. He only existed within my mind, and sprung forth to share with me a story.
His name was Dr Penderan 'The Mad Hatter' Fauste; he was a secret schizoid, serial killer and criminologist, as well as amateur cosmologist, closet actor and singer, would be concert pianist, and former government propagandist and psychological operator. As I'd mentioned in another thread, he had golden blonde hair, blue eyes, and was clearly of Irish descent -- or, I'd reasoned, German, given his surname. He was a genius with a dry wit, highly eccentric though theatrically engaging personality, and had the rare ability of possessing knowledge of existing in multiple eigenstates.
But he hadn't come upon this aspect of his nature until he met Riley Wingate. Our story's heroine; the 'Alice' figure.
She's many things to him: the FBI crime analyst and experienced profiler tasked with interviewing him and investigating his potential involvement with homicide being committed by his copycat. In another, where he is a criminologist and Oxford don, she is his student and apprentice, soon becoming his protégé. The two constantly battle whether or not to disregard the social taboos against educators engaging in intimate fraternisation with their students and go with their instinct, or to uphold the social order at any cost -- including interpersonal harmony and any association at all. In another still, she's the operative charged with hunting him down and bringing him back into the fold of their secretive, shadow government agency.
There -- and everywhere -- they are confronted with the same complications and decisions; debating upon whether or not to break taboos and disrupt the status quo set forth by the society and cultural mores in which they operate.
Being an oddity with an acerbic genius matching his, and a prim propriety and politesse to rival it, he came to appreciate her perspective and delight in the time they spent together in any capacity. Unheard of, for a solitary loner such as himself. And yet, most begrudgingly over time, he came to value her companionship over all others, allowing her insight into the most guarded and even vulnerable parts of his own mind and heart. One could even make the bold assertion that he fell in love with her -- as far as any schizoid is capable of doing so -- and probably be right.
So you can imagine, when circumstances placed them in inexorable opposition to one another, and he had to choose to abide by the principles which had guided him for over four decades (in the present eigenstate), he was almost stunned into silence. He felt powerless to go against the ruthless ethical standard which he'd set for himself, and yet, he had never wanted to do so more.
But he couldn't. And so he acted in the only way he felt was left to him.
He killed her.
It's unclear what followed. I've strong reason to believe, however, that he suicided nearly immediately, literally unable live with it, or more importantly, without her.
And ... that, it would seem ... was that. In one iteration. In 15 years, it's seen several, each time growing, developing, even evolving, into a new version. For the first decade, it was unthinkable that he should actually manage to go through with it. In any instance, there's a long, dramatic, heart rending climactic scene in which, ultimately, he decides instead to sedate her -- and disappear from her life completely, and forever. His temptation to follow through on what he's duty-bound to fulfill would simply be too great, despite his own yearning to be with her. It's an extremely troublesome spot.
And yet, tragically, each time they do try to be with one another, eventually, circumstances erupt in which they're confronted, yet again, with the same aborted scenario of before. Despite the minor variations, the final decision is always the same. Sometimes, he kills her. At others, the intensity and shared adrenaline leads them both into an unexpected deeper intimacy. That results in his either panicking unlike he ever has and committing to killing her in retaliation for allowing himself to succumb to his desires, or, the beginning of negotiations in order to allow the burgeoning relationship to take shape.
And that leads to some very curious decision trees, all rerouting to the greater theme of: should we go against the established structure and status quo, our own principles, ethical standards, and even personal measurements of morality if it allows us to be together and love each other?
It didn't take me too long to realise, as of 2010, that had become our own actual lives, here and now in the present, two Los Angeles creatives, one an ex-profiler (me) and the other (him) a former psychological operator and government propagandist. They're an almost perfect metaphor for the thematic circumstances I kept seeing appear in nigh endless repetition across my several novels, three incarnations of an audio drama, and one developing television series.
I saw it when, November 2010, he broke my heart and his own, citing how, as a man of principle, he cannot ever go against them -- not for any reason. The society in which we live does not look kindly upon those who elect to engage in romantic relations with another's wife. Regardless of the prior negotiations allowing it, I was to become another man's wife, and he could not abide by our continued relationship, lest we both be branded with invisible letters in shades of scarlet.
I couldn't help but be reminded of Riley's internal battle as a new special agent in the BAU, the elite profiling unit of the FBI's National Centre for the Analysis of Violent Crime. Despite her falling deeply in love with Fauste, she's constantly made aware that she's a member of the law enforcement, fraternising with not only a fugitive of the law, but a murderer. Even if she's able to accept his reasons, she's still faced with the reality of the society which disapproves of her actions, attaches derogatory labels to her, and withdraws its support, and eventual acceptance.
She must make a hard choice: she can love him and be outcast by the society she's sworn to protect, (despite its growing and glaring corruption) or she can refuse to fight for love and instead uphold the principles of that society, toeing the party line of the organisation which seeks to ultimately do him the greatest harm: recapture and execute him.
In this series, all potential decisions are examined, with all consequences possible being played out in a thematic way which unifies the underlying structure as a whole. It's taken 15 years to sort out how to do that, and it's been worth it.
So the answer is 'all of the above'.
He kills her, and he doesn't.
They fight to love each other, and they don't.
She recaptures him and he's executed, and she refuses.
They risk their reputations to be together, and they don't.
My greatest mystery had been obvious to me since the beginning, slowly becoming lost in a sea of 'fact' versus fiction, and if it even matters anymore.
In the summer of 2013, when I saw his SATURN in my 8H, and conjunct his dTISIPHONE, square my nTISIPHONE conjunct my nLACHESIS and his 8H SUN -- I wondered.
When I saw his TISIPHONE-HADES exactly conjunct my CHIRON -- my skipped step -- and (widely) my PREY -- I knew. I didn't want to KNOW -- but I knew. I knew.
As we will be shooting the first 15 minutes of the pilot for investor purposes this summer, and he's my lead actor, with whom I costar, we're discussing the series much more lately. He was first cast in 2010 for the audio drama, but I knew if it ever went in the direction of being a television series, he was perfect. As of 2013, I've been determined to materialise it for us both. This story -- our story, I'm coming to fully realise -- the story of a multidimensional relationship between what iQ calls 'true lovers' -- is a story that must be told. It must.
Tonight, however, was the culmination of something longer than I can process in a single lifeline, that stretches far behind as well as before us. I asked him, the sharp and sudden realisation that I didn't actually know why -- the actual origins of Fauste's absolute, ruthless, nonnegotiable principles; why his policy was so uncompromising and ruthless. At first, he said 'I am merely along for the ride,' stating that I'd be the only one to know that. I supposed he was correct, though something about it pained me. Deeply. A part of me said that he had the answers -- and I was tempted to press him for them.
Fortunately, he was already contemplating and ruminating; the ball was rolling. He wasn't going to be able to stop it now. Nor did I want him to. I needed him to know.
He turned to me and said, simply enough, something initially cast Penderan's heart into such total darkness; something was so unconscionable that he vowed to himself to uphold his principles at any cost, as they would spare him from the agonising calculations each incident would warrant. Instead, he had become a hammer, and the world was a series of nails.
I asked, 'then why does he change course?'
It was just as simple. He said that Penderan would continue along this path, shielded by these unwavering, absolutist principles, the code to which he adhered, until something sufficiently shook him from it; a realisation so great, or so terrible, that even he could not abide by his own code of ethics.
I realised in that moment, it was the decision in which Penderan kills Riley in an act of cowardice -- not bravery -- clinging to his ethical code like a drowning man to a rope. The sea of question, of uncertainty and doubt, was too much to consider. He could only do what he'd always done -- until he realised it was wrong to do so.
Only a multidimensional being has the ability to experience the full impact of such consequences. It's only by doing, and deeply regretting, an action that we are able to completely appreciate the power of such consequences.
Only by killing her, and realising upon doing so that he, nor anyone does NOT have the ultimate right to pass such fatalistic judgement upon anyone. Period. He is merely, honestly, and truly, only a man. And he's now murdered the only woman he's ever truly loved, on principle -- with the most tragic irony being that it was their own shared principle which led her to kill in the first place! She, like him, had become a vigilante!
By processing the full weight of those emotions and the finality of its consequences, a scene now 'famously' referred to as 'The Consequences of Hunting Alice' since 2003, he is able to realise the depth of his regret -- and instil the intention to avoid doing so in the future, when, and if, they should meet again.
And, of course, they do. Again and again, circumstances changing, the theme remaining the same, their conflict repeating across time and space, faced with the same decision -- and revision -- over and over and over.
Until, presumably, they get it right.
I thanked him sincerely for that particular conversation, as it helped me realise certain crucial elements, I'd said. But the truth was deeper. Much deeper. To hear him say 'he ultimately must follow his heart and head, assessing each completely on a case by case basis rather than being so absolute, aware that sometimes he will be wrong -- that he is human -- it's worth it for the times that he's also right,' was ... it was a profound feeling.
Then he turned to me, the remnants of revelation upon his face as the epiphany lifted, and said, 'I should know this -- as his evolution is my evolution. Take us, for example. I never expected you, or this. But I made a decision; I had to. And it was the right one.'
It seems almost redundant to say that choosing love over all else is the right decision, but it can become obscured, and lost in so many politics and social barriers and taboos.
We came here to do this -- to choose to love each other -- after failing to so many times and becoming lost in a cycle of violence. I realise and understand this now, and it would seem he does, too, on some level. He has said once, after all, that he felt we were finally remedying what we'd failed to do 'in another life' (or eigenstate).
I know it's a lot. I applaud you if you managed to read through it all.
I may be wrong, but knowing the above, and seeing the D60t charts, you can't help but feel that there's no other truly rational explanation.
I appreciate your helping me with this precious research. Charts below.
Care to guess which chart belongs to whom?
Lindaland
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posted April 24, 2015 05:14 AM
...what do you think?
posted April 24, 2015 09:02 AM
I think it goes nicely with Sun conj NN.
Pel ]]