posted June 03, 2015 04:24 PM            

This question has come up after studying the chart of the Relationship That Drives Me Up The Wall, but also I'm just interested.

In your experience, is one more significant than the other? Do relationships happen when one is good but the other isn't? Which would you look at first?

posted June 03, 2015 07:03 PM            

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posted June 03, 2015 07:50 PM            

I wonder how much house overlays provide a context to put the other person into. I remember job-interview training at school, when they would say (portentously) "A person's opinion of you is formed in the first THREE SECONDS of meeting you" and, whilst I hope this isn't true (bad news for me if it is, on so many levels...!) I wonder if house overlays function in the same way - you make a decision, put someone in a 'box' and interact with them accordingly from then on.

I also love the idea of the seventh being a projection of your own qualities onto your ideas for a relationship. In the whole of my 5th, 7th and 8th I only have Neptune, and I really haven't ever had a 'type' - I quite like moody mysterious independent men (Scorpio/Aquarius cusps) but you couldn't apply any of those adjectives to most of the men that I've been involved with. On the other hand, I was wondering whether someone with a lot of personal planets in their relationship houses would be more likely to stick closely to their projection of the 'perfect' partner.

So I wonder if house overlays could undermine an otherwise brilliant synastry, or compensate for a poor one (if the person was sufficiently in love with the idea of themself as a partner of x).

posted June 03, 2015 08:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Liliya:
I think it really depends on your chart, where your natal planets are, and overall dynamic of your chart. For example, I've an empty 5th house in Capricorn, and I really don't give a rats a** about 5th house overlays.

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I love it when someone answers a question just before I ask it

posted June 03, 2015 11:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireandSpiritandDew:
...house overlays or planetary aspects in affecting the course/nature of a relationship?

This question has come up after studying the chart of the Relationship That Drives Me Up The Wall, but also I'm just interested.

In your experience, is one more significant than the other? Do relationships happen when one is good but the other isn't? Which would you look at first?

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posted June 04, 2015 05:44 AM            

The planets aspecting each other show the type of energy exchange we are having with others. If there isn’t much energy exchange (aspects) going on with the other person, we may barely notice them. If there are many aspects shared with another person they stand out to us. We feel them. Aspects show how people respond to each other.

We can flow easily with others (trine). Polarize and contrast with others (opposition), challenge, motivate, and also irritate others (square). Be supportive and helpful to others (sextile). Or intrigue and disconcert others (quincunx). Aspects shows the way our energy mixes with another person’s energy.

Houses show the context with which we view people, like looking at someone though a colored lens. We could look at someone though a 6th house lens or an 11th house lens. Houses effect the way we categorize others in our lives…. But there’s a trick to this. You see, how we categorize others doesn’t just depend on what houses the other person’s planets fall into in our chart. When we look at houses we also have to take the house rulers into account. For example, if somebody has no planets in your 5th house, but their planets make a lot of strong aspects to your 5th house ruler, that person will still have a 5th house vibe to you. Even if all of their planets fall in your 3rd house. This is called house ruler synasty.

House ruler synastry is how the different house rulers in your chart aspect the planets in another person’s chart, and vice versa. So looking at how another person impacts your houses is actually a lot more complicated then looking at house overlays. If you have Aries rising then the planet Mars rules your 1st house. If you want to look at how people impact your personality and appearance you’d look at how they aspect your Mars, and not just at what planets (if any) they put in your 1st house.

So yes, while we do use our houses to categorize people in our lives, we look at way more then just house overlays. Each relationship we have has many facets to it in this way because of house ruler synastry. You may fall in love with someone who puts no planets in your 5th, 7th, or 8th houses. However, that person is likely to aspect the rulers of these houses if there’s a strong attraction. This is the hidden secret to romantic chemistry. A partner even having planets in the same sign as you 7th house ruler can attract you if they aspect important parts of your chart with that planet. For example, if you have the 7th house ruler in Leo, it means you are attracted to Leo energy in others. If you meet a person with Sun or Moon in Leo aspecting your own Sun or Moon, or Venus or Mars, you can be attracted even if that person does to specifically aspect your 7th house ruler. So the signs of our 5th, 7th, and 8th houses rulers offer clues to what we like as well. If this Leo planet does conjunct the 7th house ruler there is often a strong chemistry with that person.

posted June 04, 2015 07:24 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by midnightvenus:
I think there has to be balance, but aspects are more telling.
I knew this couple, the girl's personal planets fell in all the *right* places of the guy's chart, but there wasn't much action between their planets.
Don't need to say they didn't last long.

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Yes, you need both. Without aspects we don't really have much of a reaction to the person.

But it's also true that the right house overlays and house ruler aspects enhance attraction greatly. Overlays to the 5th, 7th or 8th houses, or alternately aspects to the 5th, 7th, and 8th house rulers, cause us to see someone in more of a romantic context, for example. Our friendship and family relationships can also be seen and understood through house overlays and house ruler synastry. If we had a parent that influenced our 6th house they may have made us do a lot of chores, taught us the about the importance of a work ethic, or insisted we have an exercise regime and eat healthy. This would be so if they strongly aspected our 6th house ruler, or put planets in our 6th house.

posted June 04, 2015 07:51 AM            

At the minute I'm trying to use astrology to work backwards with a long-standing relationship and figure out why it functions in the way that it does.

This one (I'm on the outside):

I accidentally became pregnant by this bloke in 2010, in case you're wondering why I haven't packed up and moved to Australia to get away from it (tempting as it may be some days). These days he's a lovely father, a big support to me, a great friend and we both really love our son.

But (and I'm seriously condensing this very long and dramatic saga), the pattern of our relationship has always gone that we get on really well, then he pursues me, we have a lovely time for a while, and then he turns round out of the blue and says "I'm sorry but I just don't feel the right way about you". At first I was fine with this (que sera sera etc), then upset, then convinced that I was obscurely hideous and repulsive.

These days I say (paraphrasing) "In that case you'd want to leave me alone. But please don't tell me that you haven't enjoyed the time we've spent together because I know that you have".

My theory (and I held this before I looked at the synastry) is that he doesn't see me as someone that he could be with. His relationships have shown that he has a very clearly defined 'type' and I am not it.

So far as I can see in my astrology-beginnerness, we have a very nice synastry, lots of DWs and in particular a Sun-Moon trine/sextile DW that is within 0.10. But at first glance the house overlays are absolutely disastrous - I don't really put anything at all into his fifth, seventh or eighth.

On second glance, the house rulers are actually all aspected (although his 7H ruler seems to be having a bit of a hard time), and I do have my Venus, Mars and Mercury in his secondary fifth and seventh, so I would've thought that that would be surmountable.

I wonder, though, if it's something to do with his having his Sun, Venus and Mercury in his fifth and his moon in his seventh. So far, of the 'official' relationships (one of which I've had the pleasure*** of observing second-hand), they have seemed to be with high-status arm-candy high-maintenance girls (Cap 5H) who've had various emotional issues (Pisces 7H) and, oddly, quite important and powerful fathers (Cap 5H again?).

So I tend to wonder if he only gets into relationships that will give him a short-cut to realising his own high-achievey, and emotional/intuitive qualities, instead of working on them himself. Which seems a bit sad.

Whew! Saga! Thanks for reading, if you managed it (it was very cathartic!). He's actually much nicer than I've made him sound, but he's miserable when we're not together and miserable when we are, so I'm at my wits-end at how to advise him about it. Also it's not helped by the fact that, despite my best efforts, I haven't really been able to summon up any interest in anyone else since we met.

Anyway, if you have any thoughts (on this or on house systems/synastry in general) then I'd be dead interested to know what you think.

posted June 05, 2015 04:49 PM            

It isn't so much the dramatic events that bother me though (cardinal transits. eesch.), more that it's a peculiar status quo. I've had my fair share of experiencing what it is to not-feel-the-right-way-about-someone, but usually when it happens to me I'm compelled to stay right away from that person! Obviously I have strong feelings for him, but I really don't initiate any of this.

Also I know for a fact that he's very conscientious about me and Son in general, and wouldn't carelessly or thoughtlessly mess me/us about. And I don't think he chases me out of guilt either, unless he's the world's best actor...