posted September 23, 2015 12:26 AM            

Sometimes I wonder if it's karma; other times, if it's even in my natal. Potentially theirs. And, of course, something that's truly only activated by the synastry (or composite).

In case the title is a bit confusing, allow me to explain the psychological pattern.

The love is genuine, but then so is the fear; the overwhelming -- and, at times, even overpowering -- fear of losing one's identity in another. There's a fierce independence and a solitary nature, in most cases. They're rarely with an extensive romantic history, and are unlikely to have had many relationships at all. They also might have a deep yearning to do the very thing they most fear: abandon themselves completely to the chaos and uncertainty of passionate love.

What transpires then, is an internal war -- a powerful cognitive dissonance -- often leading to an inability to fully commit to one lifestyle or the other. The tightrope is extremely shaky, and the height quite stratospheric. Even in the presence of a legitimate commitment, there is often an emotional distance -- periods of it, at the very least -- to compensate for the 'compromise' of a relationship.

As the partner of such a man, one's emotions can run the gamut, and often do. During periods of emotional intimacy, the investment can be quite profound, establishing deep bonds of trust, strengthening the relationship. However, in the subsequent detachment and distance which tends to follow soon after, doubt can become pervasive; the previously established trust and intimacy can be shaken -- or feel so, at the very least.

Unfortunately, emotional unavailability is a common plight, and seen most in masculine psychology. Its roots are diverse, even if the mechanism tends to have similar presentation across the board.

Is there a synastric pattern? Do natal configurations and aspects become active through synastry? Are some better able to handle these periods of instability? What might indicate so?

posted September 23, 2015 12:55 AM            

My boyfriend has the MOON conjunct his BML (2º); mine is conjunct my SUN, (2º). I also have URANUS conjunct my MOON, (1º). Interestingly, his URANUS is quincunx his MOON (1º30). Then, his MOON is quincunx my MOON-URANUS (1º); his URANUS is sextile my MOON (3º).

There's a lot of Uranian energy there, along with a lunar and solar Lilith profile.

On the other side of things, there's a lot of Plutonian energy; I'm a SUN conjunct PLUTO-BML -- with BML and PLUTO (0º) conjunct. His MOON is opposite my PLUTO-BML (0º30) and overlaying my 8H, conjunct my PRIAPUS (0º).

There's also SATURN, though it's quite wide. His SUN is square my SATURN (6º), with his SATURN opposite my SUN (7º). Something also of note is how his SATURN is quincunx my 12H VENUS (2º).

posted September 23, 2015 03:26 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Not to be sexist here; it could certainly be gender-swapped. But, in my experience, I've been in relationships with a number of men with this 'issue'.

Sometimes I wonder if it's karma; other times, if it's even in my natal. Potentially theirs. And, of course, something that's truly only activated by the synastry (or composite).

In case the title is a bit confusing, allow me to explain the psychological pattern.

The love is genuine, but then so is the fear; the overwhelming -- and, at times, even overpowering -- fear of losing one's identity in another. There's a fierce independence and a solitary nature, in most cases. They're rarely with an extensive romantic history, and are unlikely to have had many relationships at all. They also might have a deep yearning to do the very thing they most fear: abandon themselves completely to the chaos and uncertainty of passionate love.

What transpires then, is an internal war -- a powerful cognitive dissonance -- often leading to an inability to fully commit to one lifestyle or the other. The tightrope is extremely shaky, and the height quite stratospheric. Even in the presence of a legitimate commitment, there is often an emotional distance -- periods of it, at the very least -- to compensate for the 'compromise' of a relationship.

As the partner of such a man, one's emotions can run the gamut, and often do. During periods of emotional intimacy, the investment can be quite profound, establishing deep bonds of trust, strengthening the relationship. However, in the subsequent detachment and distance which tends to follow soon after, doubt can become pervasive; the previously established trust and intimacy can be shaken -- or feel so, at the very least.

Unfortunately, emotional unavailability is a common plight, and seen most in masculine psychology. Its roots are diverse, even if the mechanism tends to have similar presentation across the board.

Is there a synastric pattern? Do natal configurations and aspects become active through synastry? Are some better able to handle these periods of instability? What might indicate so?

Perhaps we can all shed some light and better understand the causes. Potentially even finding some solutions.

---

WOW! Auby, reading that felt surreal. What you wrote was almost a word-for-word description of what I've gone through and am still struggling with in my situation with T. In our case, I'm the one experiencing these feelings and having almost exactly this reaction.

My situation is complicated by the fact that he and I are not in a romantic relationship with one another, but, even though I have made the choice to not act on the attraction, I can't stop it from existing. I love my husband and won't be unfaithful to him, but I struggle with the attraction I have to T.

What you said describes the inner war vividly, because I'm acutely aware of the fact that even if T and I were both single and fully free to be together, I would be incredibly afraid of it. I would be afraid of the intensity of my reactions to him. When you know that something will completely engulf you, there is a flight instinct that kicks into gear, and you are mesmerized and reluctant at the same time. The fear and trepidation is intense.

Taking it bit by bit, you wrote:
"Sometimes I wonder if it's karma"

Very likely. My Karma conj. his NN 0° and his AC 0°

"The love is genuine, but then so is the fear; the overwhelming -- and, at times, even overpowering -- fear of losing one's identity in another."

Very true. I care about him, but I know that even if I could be with him, I would be terrified because of the strength of the attraction. The desire to get closer and flee as far away from him as possible is simultaneous at times. Sometimes I feel like he'd swallow me up and I'd be lost. It all feels just too much.

I think these are some of the aspects triggering that reaction:
-There's a powerful trine happening in our synastry that consists of
-His Pluto on my IC 1° conj. my Uranus (8th ruler) trining my Saturn (7th ruler) which falls into his 8th house and conjuncts his 8th house Mars (his 7th ruler) 0°

So, there is this powerful pull and fear triggered in me that hits me at my IC and involves my 8th and 7th house rulers, and the planets Pluto, Uranus, Mars, and Saturn.

"There's a fierce independence and a solitary nature, in most cases."

I have Uranus conj. my IC in my 4th and an Aries MC, with Mars conj. my AC 0°, so I can definitely be described as fiercely independent, but I also have my Sun, Venus, Mercury, and Mars in my 12th house, so I lean strongly toward a solitary nature.

"They're rarely with an extensive romantic history, and are unlikely to have had many relationships at all."

I have only had two relationships in my life. The first was my highschool boyfriend, and the second is my husband. I have a Cap DC so relationships are extremely serious to me. I could never do light flings.

"They also might have a deep yearning to do the very thing they most fear: abandon themselves completely to the chaos and uncertainty of passionate love."

Yes, the urge to throw myself into the inferno and be engulfed and burned down to ashes is strong and I struggle fiercely within myself to keep control. His Pluto on my IC conj. my 8th ruler Uranus just feels like he would drag me to the depths and I'm terrified of it.

The same with my Saturn falling in his 8th house conj. his Mars 0°. The Saturn and Mars are my 7th ruler and his 7th ruler, being conj 0° applying creates an overwhelming pull, and it being in his 8th house trining that conj. on my IC of his Pluto-my Uranus, there's just so much fear triggered within me by it all.

"What transpires then, is an internal war -- a powerful cognitive dissonance -- often leading to an inability to fully commit to one lifestyle or the other. The tightrope is extremely shaky, and the height quite stratospheric. Even in the presence of a legitimate commitment, there is often an emotional distance -- periods of it, at the very least -- to compensate for the 'compromise' of a relationship."

... and with this you summed it up PERFECTLY. I really couldn't have described it better myself. You are spot on! Since we are not going to act on any of the attraction and reactions to each other, and the sexual energy has to be avoided at all costs, it does trigger a strong sense of cognitive dissonance. Since I do still love my husband dearly I don't want to endanger that. I don't want to be attracted to T, and I hope it will pass. I'd wish it all away if I could, but all I can control is my actions, but, yes, it feels exactly like walking on a tightrope.

T and I have a double whammy of NN conj the other's IC in each other's 4th house, so there is a strong pull there to know one another. It almost feels like my future growth is linked to him. That might be his draconic Sun sitting right on my tropical DC 0° and on my tropical NN 2° making me feel that, though. It feels like he pulls me to my future, but, again, NN conjunctions feel strange and unknown to us, so that might contribute to triggering those feelings you described.

At the very least, I can say it's one helluva learning experience. I can relate to so much of the things you posted along your journey of discovery.

The title of your post is accurate, too. I hate that I like T. There's a line in Rod Stewart's song "Maggie May" that goes:
"Maggie, I wish I'd never seen your face".

That's what it's like for the most part. I wish I could have an "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" arrangement and never know he exists.

posted September 23, 2015 03:45 AM            

I think the worst bit must be the vacillation. It's almost as if I have to consciously remind myself that I'm only feeling the intensity that I do because it's a point at which he's detaching following a period of deepened intimacy. It can almost happen in the same hour; I've been contemplating ending the relationship at the very same moment he's about to take everything to a new level. That's happened twice, actually.

In terms of our karma, this is definitely nothing new; we've each struggled with what my husband calls 'our mutual refusal to allow the other to have power over us'. He's right. He was also right about how it keeps you teetering endlessly right on that edge, never fully in or out. I'd love to believe were he truly in, that I would be, too. Instead, I find myself wishing I could abandon myself as completely as my husband's girlfriend does to her feelings for him. And yet, there's my husband, striking the balance, keeping just enough of that distance.

It's troublesome and troubling.

posted September 23, 2015 04:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Empty Spaces:
Dont know about synastry but in natal chart for me is:

North node in 7th house.
The urge to share a deep bond with someone is insane and so is the fear!(South can be a ***)Im a girl though.

---

I don't know why, but, I never even thought of that. It makes perfect sense, though.

I have it, too. My DC is 24° Cap, NN 26° Cap, so NN conj. DC 2° in 7th house.

It's like his draconic Sun sitting on that spot @ 24° Cap acted like a trip wire.

posted September 23, 2015 05:24 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
'our mutual refusal to allow the other to have power over us'.

---

That's a good way to put it. I can relate to that very well. From my end of it, it's almost like I feel resentment toward because I feel attracted to him.

Our Composite Chart shows lots of power struggles and Pluto issues for sure. The Cancer Moon conj. Mars and Venus is square Pluto and Jupiter. Gives some indication of the massive intensity and "power play" issues.

The Davison Chart has Pluto in the 8th house trine Venus in the 12th. The 8th house Pluto squares the Davison Sun-Moon midpoint 0°. It sounds like karmic issues and power issues galore.

quote:

---

I noticed something, too; your SATURN in his 8H. Have you looked into this overlay? I've found it to intensely karmic and retributive. It also owes to a definite reticence to intimacy, but, karmically speaking, it tends to involve a deep betrayal that must be resolved -- one which very likely could have ended that lifeline in which it transpired.

---

posted September 23, 2015 05:39 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wild Horses:
I don't know why, but, I never even thought of that. It makes perfect since, though.

I have it, too. My DC is 24° Cap, NN 26° Cap, so NN conj. DC 2° in 7th house.

It's like his draconic Sun sitting on that spot @ 24° Cap acted like a trip wire.

---

" Lifetimes of individual achievement and independence make it more natural for you to go it alone and value your unique identity"

"You had many incarnations as a loner. You came into this world with a pioneer spirit. This may be seen by others as a sense of embattlement"

"As you take the emphasis off you and put it on the other, the habits of kindness and understanding will develop naturally"

posted September 23, 2015 09:31 AM            

Men are like rubber bands and need to get away for a while, even if they are still looped around you.

posted September 23, 2015 02:02 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Faith:
Wasn't that a premise of the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?

Men are like rubber bands and need to get away for a while, even if they are still looped around you.

---

Ohhh, yes. John Gray made it pretty big with that one; then 'Venus and Mars Together Forever' which was really just a revision and republication of 'Men, Women, and Relationships'. I've read them all. Frankly, I've been the rubber-band needing the 'cave time' more so than my partners ever have. Until him, that is.

Not all men are this way. And, for some reason, up to my thirties, I was inundated with the needier kind. But I do wonder, if there aren't synastric patterns, and even composite clues, between my twin and karmic soulmate which could shed some light on why they are this way with me, and vice versa.

posted September 23, 2015 02:59 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wild Horses:
Yeah, I remember reading that you and your twin have this, right? Is it his Saturn in your 8th or your Saturn in his 8th? What is your take on how it works in a deeply karmic soul-bond relationship? If it indicates a karmic betrayal, then who'd be the betrayer and who'd be the one who was betrayed? Does Saturn owe the 8th house or does 8th house owe the Saturn? I've read that with Saturn on South Node, the Saturn owes the SN person. Is it similar to that?

---

Bear in mind, this is merely my experience, WH. But it has been culled from years of intense and focussed study, research, meditation, dreams, and even independent confirmation. You might say I've had many tear-filled moments of deep revelation that led to life-changing epiphanies. I can barely count them all.

The long and short of it, without going into gross detail, is that my twin, karmic soulmate and I are locked in a multidimensional cycle of violence and betrayal. iQ once gave me the advice that, should I happen to find myself back there, for any reason, in the moment that this karma was created, that the most high-minded thing I can do is surrender myself to it. To forgive my twin completely for what he had to do, and the reasons for his doing so.

Yeah. It's pretty heavy stuff. And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I allowed that seed to take root in my unconscious, helping me to open the doors that were so locked tight as to have faded from my consciousness. Thanks to tCHIRON conjunct my TARDIS with tTARDIS conjunct my CHIRON, I finally found myself travelling to these darker places, able to mourn what was lost, fight for what there is to be gained, and learn from the past so I could put it behind me -- insofar as what I contributed to it.

That can be oddly summarised as the 8H/SATURN overlay.

My twin's SATURN is in my 8H, yes. But the missing piece was my SATURN in my karmic soulmate's 8H. And what this spelled out was nothing short of chilling. It took me several weeks to fully process it.

I killed my karmic soulmate. My twin killed me.

I've never been able to type those words; not in three years. Bear with me while I allow myself the moment to fully comprehend them; their tremendous weight.

Now, the other thing prominent in all of our synastry is TISIPHONE. And it's no mystery as to why. You may immediately think it's a clear cut case; we were all involved in a torrid love triangle; I killed his lover, and he avenged their death. It's certainly logical, and has happened across time more often than I can count.

But, for whatever reason, I was meant to have crucial details -- regardless of whether or not the names are accurate -- that would tell the real story. And, so I would pay such close attention to it, I became a writer. So that one day, I could actually share the complete story with the world, given its themes are very central to a lot of what trips humanity up on its way to unconditional love, forgiveness, and the evolution of our souls.

And so it would be that, so many years later, when I was finally running the synastry with my twin, I'd see his SATURN in my 8H, and learn what that meant. Then, nearly two years later, I'd see my SATURN in my karmic soulmate's 8H, and know what that meant. And only be able to say one thing:

'I'm so sorry. I had to.'

Funny, as these are the very same words that my twin once uttered in some form, in regards to taking my life. He was genuinely sorry. But he also had to.

We were all locked in a tangled web of principles, morality, and whatever constituted for the ultimate battle of 'good and evil' as it's engaged here on Earth, between nothing more than human being saddled with more than they're capable. Pawns in a greater game with higher stakes; manipulated by everything from military forces and governments to the dictates of their own heart, minds, and moral code.

Jeff Lindsay was creating Dexter Morgan at the same time I began writing my story; his would, of course, go on to become a series of novels, and the hit Showtime series Dexter. Mine would incarnate in the form of many media before I'd finally meet my twin -- an actor; eerily -- as if tailor made to play this part -- and be able to realise it into the form it's always been. A powerful one-hour drama the likes of which have yet to be seen, and cannot be imitated -- no matter how many shows have attempted to do that since its creation in 2001. In that time, Lindsay and I corresponded; we even ended up naming characters in connexion to each other's work. As my twin says, 'Tisiphone's hour is nigh. The era of rough justice will be ushered in not with a whisper, but a bang.' I was not pleased with how Lindsay ended his series. But then, there's a definite interplay -- karmic contracts between us -- and perhaps, I'm now becoming prepared to pick up the slack.

You mentioned SNODE, too. Isn't it interesting that my karmic soulmate has a natal SNODE-SATURN? The stellium is SNODE-SATURN-KARMA conjunct my MOON-URA -- and a host of other 'nasties' which reveal our complicated, deadly karmic past.

Am I saying THIS must be the case between you and T? Of course not. I merely knew that I killed someone, and in turn, someone else killed me.

It would just take years for me to realise it was my twin who did so -- and it was because I had killed my karmic soulmate.

posted September 23, 2015 09:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Not to be sexist here; it could certainly be gender-swapped. But, in my experience, I've been in relationships with a number of men with this 'issue'.

Sometimes I wonder if it's karma; other times, if it's even in my natal. Potentially theirs. And, of course, something that's truly only activated by the synastry (or composite).

In case the title is a bit confusing, allow me to explain the psychological pattern.

The love is genuine, but then so is the fear; the overwhelming -- and, at times, even overpowering -- fear of losing one's identity in another. There's a fierce independence and a solitary nature, in most cases. They're rarely with an extensive romantic history, and are unlikely to have had many relationships at all. They also might have a deep yearning to do the very thing they most fear: abandon themselves completely to the chaos and uncertainty of passionate love.

---

The last guy I had a crush on I feel there was a lot of this; great description btw. He had Saturn-Priapus-Valentine-Southnode Stellium!

posted September 23, 2015 10:15 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wild Horses:
WOW! Auby, reading that felt surreal. What you wrote was almost a word-for-word description of what I've gone through and am still struggling with in my situation with T. In our case, I'm the one experiencing these feelings and having almost exactly this reaction.

My situation is complicated by the fact that he and I are not free to engage in a romantic relationship with one another, but, even though I have made the choice to not act on the feelings of attraction, I can't stop them from existing. I love my husband and won't be unfaithful to him, but I struggle with the EXTREME response my heart, mind, and soul have to T. There's no way I can be with him without hurting people I am not willing to hurt, but I still feel the emotions and it all causes an inner war inside me.

What you said describes the inner war vividly, because I'm acutely aware of the fact that even if T and I were both single and fully free to be together, I would be incredibly afraid of it. I would be afraid of the overwhelming power and intensity of my feelings and reactions to him. When you know that something will completely engulf you, there is a flight instinct that kicks into gear, and you are mesmerized and reluctant at the same time. The fear and trepidation is intense. You tremble inside.

Taking it bit by bit, you wrote:
[b]"Sometimes I wonder if it's karma"

Very likely. My Karma conj. his NN 0° and his AC 0°

"The love is genuine, but then so is the fear; the overwhelming -- and, at times, even overpowering -- fear of losing one's identity in another."

Very, very true. I care so much about this man, but I know that even if I could be with him freely, I would be terrified because of the strength of my reaction to him. The desire to merge with him and flee as far away from him as possible is simultaneous at times. Sometimes I feel like he'd swallow me up and I'd be lost, consumed, vaporized. It all feels just too much, so much, never enough all at once.

I think these are some of the aspects triggering that reaction:
-There's a powerful trine happening in our synastry that consists of
-His Pluto on my IC 1° conj. my Uranus (8th ruler) trining my Saturn (7th ruler) which falls into his 8th house and conjuncts his 8th house Mars (his 7th ruler) 0°

So, there is this powerful pull and fear triggered in me that hits me at my deepest levels on my IC and involves my 8th and 7th house rulers, and the planets Pluto, Uranus, Mars, and Saturn.

"There's a fierce independence and a solitary nature, in most cases."

I have Uranus conj. my IC in my 4th and an Aries MC, with Mars conj. my AC 0°, so I can definitely be described as fiercely independent, but I also have my Sun, Venus, Mercury, and Mars in my 12th house, so I lean strongly toward a solitary nature.

"They're rarely with an extensive romantic history, and are unlikely to have had many relationships at all."

I have only had two relationships in my life. The first was my highschool boyfriend, and the second is my husband. I have a Cap DC so relationships are extremely serious to me. I could never do light flings.

"They also might have a deep yearning to do the very thing they most fear: abandon themselves completely to the chaos and uncertainty of passionate love."

Like I mentioned above, yes, the deep yearning to throw myself into the inferno and just be engulfed and burned down to ashes by this man is strong and I struggle fiercely within myself to keep control of the longing. His Pluto on my IC conj. my 8th ruler Uranus just feels like he would drag me to the deepest depths and I'm terrified of his intensity, though, I still crave it.

The same with my Saturn falling in his 8th house conj. his Mars 0°. The Saturn and Mars are my 7th ruler and his 7th ruler, being conj 0° applying creates an overwhelming pull, and it being in his 8th house trining that conj. on my IC of his Pluto-my Uranus, there's just so much fear triggered within me by the intensity of it all. If I gave into the passion, my whole life and world as I know it would be turned upside down, so the struggle for control is ever-present.

"What transpires then, is an internal war -- a powerful cognitive dissonance -- often leading to an inability to fully commit to one lifestyle or the other. The tightrope is extremely shaky, and the height quite stratospheric. Even in the presence of a legitimate commitment, there is often an emotional distance -- periods of it, at the very least -- to compensate for the 'compromise' of a relationship."

... and with this you summed it up PERFECTLY. I really couldn't have described it better myself. You are spot on! Since we are not free to act on any of the attraction and reactions to each other, it only makes it harder. The caring bond is strong, but since the sexual energy has to be avoided at all costs, it does trigger a strong sense of cognitive dissonance. Since I do still love my husband dearly and love the life we have built together, I don't want to endanger that. Yet, T is very, very dear to me and I didn't ask to feel anything for him. I'd wish it all away if I could, but all I can control is my actions, but, yes, it feels exactly like walking on a tightrope.

T and I have a double whammy of NN conj the other's IC in each other's 4th house, so there is a strong pull there to know one another. It almost feels like my future growth is strongly linked to him. That might be his draconic Sun sitting right on my tropical DC 0° and on my tropical NN 2° making me feel that, though. It feels like he pulls me to my future, but, again, NN conjunctions feel strange and unknown to us, so that might contribute to triggering those feelings you described.

At the very least, I can say it's one helluva learning experience. I can relate to so much of the things you posted along your journey of discovery. The feeling of a multidimensional connection, and a paradoxical sense of feeling "out-of-time" or "somewhere in time" with the connection with this person. It's intoxicating and terrifying.

The title of your post is accurate, too. Sometimes I hate that I love T. There's a line in Rod Stewart's song "Maggie May" that goes:
"Maggie, I wish I'd never seen your face"

Another line says:
"You stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without"

That's what it's like for the most part. Sometimes I wish I could have an "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" arrangement, and I could just go back and never have seen T's face, never know him, never need him or want him. I really want his Pluto off of my IC. It just hits me too, too, too, too deep.

But other times, I know I wouldn't trade it for the world, because I've never loved like this. Even as much as I love my husband, and as deep as my love is for him, in all our years together, nothing has made me feel emotions in the deepest depths of my being with the frightening intensity that T has, except T.

I don't know if it's T's Pluto sitting right on my IC or my Saturn in his 8th trining that or something else. It's an enigma to me. I guess that's why I keep trying to solve it. Your ongoing investigations have been a treasure trove of helpful insight, and you always have intriguing things to say.

[/B]

---

Thanks for sharing, love what you had to say! Can you post your composite with him and your natal and his and include Valentine, Amor, Priapus, Atropos, Cupido (both if possible), Juno, Psyche, Eros, and Apollo.

posted September 25, 2015 02:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hypatia238:
Thanks for sharing, love what you had to say! Can you post your composite with him and your natal and his and include Valentine, Amor, Priapus, Atropos, Cupido (both if possible), Juno, Psyche, Eros, and Apollo.

I would love to see your charts and composite.

---

Sure. Here are the charts. Like I mentioned above, I'm not acting on the attraction, but the soul-bond is deep and powerful. It's all very warm and tender. He is definitely some sort of soulmate.

Synastry - Him Inside/Me Outside:

Composite:

posted September 25, 2015 06:20 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Aubyanne:

My twin's SATURN is in my 8H, yes. But the missing piece was my SATURN in my karmic soulmate's 8H. And what [b]this spelled out was nothing short of chilling. It took me several weeks to fully process it.

I killed my karmic soulmate. My twin killed me.

I've never been able to type those words; not in three years. Bear with me while I allow myself the moment to fully comprehend them; their tremendous weight.

Now, the other thing prominent in all of our synastry is TISIPHONE. And it's no mystery as to why. You may immediately think it's a clear cut case; we were all involved in a torrid love triangle; I killed his lover, and he avenged their death. It's certainly logical, and has happened across time more often than I can count.

But, for whatever reason, I was meant to have crucial details -- regardless of whether or not the names are accurate -- that would tell the real story. And, so I would pay such close attention to it, I became a writer. So that one day, I could actually share the complete story with the world, given its themes are very central to a lot of what trips humanity up on its way to unconditional love, forgiveness, and the evolution of our souls.

And so it would be that, so many years later, when I was finally running the synastry with my twin, I'd see his SATURN in my 8H, and learn what that meant. Then, nearly two years later, I'd see my SATURN in my karmic soulmate's 8H, and know what that meant. And only be able to say one thing:

'I'm so sorry. I had to.'

Funny, as these are the very same words that my twin once uttered in some form, in regards to taking my life. He was genuinely sorry. But he also had to.

We were all locked in a tangled web of principles, morality, and whatever constituted for the ultimate battle of 'good and evil' as it's engaged here on Earth, between nothing more than human being saddled with more than they're capable. Pawns in a greater game with higher stakes; manipulated by everything from military forces and governments to the dictates of their own heart, minds, and moral code.

Jeff Lindsay was creating Dexter Morgan at the same time I began writing my story; his would, of course, go on to become a series of novels, and the hit Showtime series Dexter. Mine would incarnate in the form of many media before I'd finally meet my twin -- an actor; eerily -- as if tailor made to play this part -- and be able to realise it into the form it's always been. A powerful one-hour drama the likes of which have yet to be seen, and cannot be imitated -- no matter how many shows have attempted to do that since its creation in 2001. In that time, Lindsay and I corresponded; we even ended up naming characters in connexion to each other's work. As my twin says, 'Tisiphone's hour is nigh. The era of rough justice will be ushered in not with a whisper, but a bang.' I was not pleased with how Lindsay ended his series. But then, there's a definite interplay -- karmic contracts between us -- and perhaps, I'm now becoming prepared to pick up the slack.

You mentioned SNODE, too. Isn't it interesting that my karmic soulmate has a natal SNODE-SATURN? The stellium is SNODE-SATURN-KARMA conjunct my MOON-URA -- and a host of other 'nasties' which reveal our complicated, deadly karmic past.

Am I saying THIS must be the case between you and T? Of course not. I merely knew that I killed someone, and in turn, someone else killed me.

It would just take years for me to realise it was my twin who did so -- and it was because I had killed my karmic soulmate.

Oh, what a tangled web we weave.[/B]

---

Thank you for sharing your story, Auby. It's enlightening and incredibly fascinating. I know it must all feel like an out-of-body experience at times. You gave me a ton of food for thought and sparked a new round of investigation into my charts.

I was deeply intrigued by what you said about the Saturn 8th house overlay. Since mine is on his Mars 0°, it always struck me as karmic or, I dunno... something. I had never looked at Tisiphone at all. I decided to check all three of the Furies to see what they are doing in our charts. I'm not sure what to make of the connections, but they intrigue me.

I kept the orbs tight, 0°-3°, but most were exact (between 0°-1°).

-I have Tisiphone conjunct Eros, and he also has Tisiphone conj. Eros, and our conjunctions square each other.
-My Tisiphone-Eros conj. falls in his 5th house, and his Tisiphone-Eros falls in my 5th house.
-My Tisiphone-Eros conjunction overlaying his 5th makes a tight square to my Saturn overlaying his 8th that's on his 8th house Mars.
-His Tisiphone-Eros falling in my 5th exactly trines my Chiron, which is on his DC and South Node exactly.

For Megaera, I found:
-His Megaera conj. my Juno exact 0°.
-There's a T-square of my Megaera-Psyche on his Mercury, opposite my Eros-Tisiphone, squaring my Saturn-his Mars in his 8th.

Our Draconic Charts also tied into those configurations.
-His draconic Megaera conj. my tropical Tisiphone-Eros 2°
-My draconic Tisiphone-Eros conj. his tropical Vertex 0° in his 8th house
-His draconic Tisiphone-Eros conj. my tropical Priapus 0° in his 8th house
-My draco Megaera conj. his tropical Juno 1°
-A Grand Cross is formed by his draco Tisiphone-Eros square dr.Psyche and my draco Sun-Venus square dr.Pluto

Lastly, I checked the declinations and found
-His tropical Tisiphone 30°48'S
c.parallel My draco Tisiphone 30°2'N
-His dr.Tisiphone 12°54'N dr.Pluto 13°11'N
c.parallel my dr.Juno 13°49'S
-my tr.Tisiphone 6°19'N
parallel his tr.NN 6°51'N and
parallel his tr.Megaira 6°1'N and
parallel his tr.DC 7°0'N
parallel his dr.Moon 5°17'N
parallel his dr.Ceres 5°29'N
-His tr.Megaira 6°1'N
c.parallel my tr.Eros 6°31'S
parallel my tr.Juno 5°15'N
c.parallel my dr.Megaira 6°54'S
-My tr.Megaira 16°35'N
parallel his tr.Sun 17°23'N
parallel his tr.Saturn 16°1'N
parallel his tr.Vertex 17°14'N
parallel his tr.8th cusp 16°31'N
-His dr.Megaira 3°14'N
c.parallel my tr.Moon 2°28'S
c.parallel my dr.Ceres 3°33'S
parallel my dr.Mars 2°14'N
-My dr.Megaira 6°54'S
c.parallel his dr.Ceres 5°29'N
c.parallel his dr.Moon 5°17'N
parallel his dr.Chiron 7°34'S
parallel his tr.NN 6°51'S
c.parallel his tr.Megaira 6°1'N
c.parallel his tr.DC 7°0'N

posted September 25, 2015 01:29 PM            

Be careful of looking at the Draco without a clearly established tropical pattern. Sidereal, yes. Draco, no.

For example, we have the TISIPHONE/CHIRON conjunction in tropical / sidereal, where it's my CHIRON; then, in the Draco --- it suddenly switches, and becomes his CHIRON.

Somewhere 'across time', he was able to empathise, to feel enough pain, to decide to 'be CHIRON', and to take the first step to end the cycle.

Think of the Draco as a kind of karmic checkup. Through the Draco synastry, we can evaluate what's changed as a result of what we've done. If we like what we see, then we can realise those features and bring them here, to our present lifeline; let it be here where we've made those changes.

Here's an example. There's something of a 'corrupted' Alice theme going on with us; things that are otherwise nostalgic and whimsical have been perverted and twisted to reflect misery, betrayal, and -- yes -- death. But we 'came prepared' for this dance in 10/6 time; tropically, he has that MADHATTER-VALENTINE, and I have ALICE-AMOR. But what could've made the Draco reflect such major changes -- as a total 180º?

To start, his dMADHATTER-dVALENTINE falls on my CHIRON -- and his TISIPHONE/HADES. Perhaps a remnant of the now distancing 'past' ? No longer is his TISIPHONE conjunct my CHIRON; now his dCHIRON is on my dTISIPHONE. But all we have to immediately point to is my dSATURN conjunct his dMADHATTER-dTISIPHONE.

Hm. Karma. Perhaps resolved karma?

Well, not separately; nothing in either of our sidereal charts hits this special Draco conjunction.

But -- hang on. In our sidereal composite, sTISIPHONE-sSCHRODINGER does conjoin the dSATURN-dMADHATTER-dVALENTINE, closing the loop, as it were.

Ahhhh. Together, through playing out the Tisiphonic energy across many variations -- and, potentially eigenstates and lifelines -- we are able to heal the corrupted MADHATTER with VALENTINE. Yes. This makes perfect sense.

This is just one way, mind, that the Draco can reveal major changes across the lifelines, with potential to better understand how to bring those changes here, be aware of what is here already, or, in the case of avoiding repeating bad karma -- keeping it from 'invading' the present.

You'll surely find what's your most active configuration. Don't sweat if it takes time; took me three years -- or more! Compiled from many, many sources -- not only the astrology. But it's been an incredible 'proofing' system. A way to 'check' things.

For me, it unfolded over time. I began with my skipped step (CHIRON). Then, I had a hunch. If SATURN overlaying the 8H in synastry, does mean what I fear it could, then that means he did kill me. (Took a long time to be able to just stomach that one on its own.) Then I had to know why. I suspected why, but -- hey, I could be wrong. So -- why? That's when everything got very Dead Again very, very quickly.

I added in TISIPHONE, on that logical hunch. And then everything fell like dominoes; his TISIPHONE is 0º conjunct my CHIRON, with his HADES -- and a host of other asteroids which, over time, led to the revelation of his karmic stellium.

His TISIPHONE/HADES on my CHIRON? Ohhh, that doesn't sound too good, does it? Being intricately linked to my skipped step? To the biggest karma I have to clear?

Okay, SATURN was the issue; I needed to understand more of what was going on with his SATURN -- as it's overlaying into my 8H and indicating some 'issues'. While this isn't directly linked to the karmic business with my CHIRON, it's a separate marker showing relationship to, potentially, the same thing; in any case -- to deep karma.

I found nothing less than his sNNODE conjunct it. Immediately, I thought -- hang on, what? NNODE? Why is something future-oriented the cause or influence of something in the past? Not only did it change my understanding of time (astrologically-speaking), but it led to my beginning what would become the technique of multidimensional astrology.

Hypatia helped lead me to a handful of crucial asteroids that would deepen my understanding in this regard -- chief among them being INTERKOSMOS (2365). We've found that it's an asteroid with powerful transdimensional capacity. When I saw it 0º10 conjunct his SATURN, I thought: what? There's a transdimensional link between the past and the future through the present? What am I dealing with? And why? Further, as it seems to've been 'party' to my death in some way, I really needed to get to the root of it.

Luckily, during this time, I began studying quantum physics with one of the top schools, through a distance programme. The first thing we did was learn to resolve the Schrodinger Equation -- both time-dependent and time-independent.

And I thought ... is there? Oh, yes. There is. SCHRODINGER (13092). I've become very familiar with that skyrock over time now.

It's 0º00 conjunct his NNODE.

This meant that it's also conjunct his sidereal NNODE, and right on that tropical SATURN, describing this complex situation that's breaking all barriers of time and linear space.

Okay, that's it. I'm dealing with the NNODE, and 'time' has become quite wibbly-wobbly, to say the absolute least.

If the thing which caused the past is in the future, but the future is also now the past, then the only way to understand the past through the present is by looking at the future.

Yes. I went to the Draco.

And, can you even believe it -- dTISIPHONE is conjunct his SATURN-INTERKOSMOS.

Lord, is there even a thing as a transdimensional vigilante killer? I mean, outside of my imagination?

And, suddenly, I had the strange stirrings of a confirmation; a true validation unfolding.

The reason he'd killed me was because of future actions linked to the deep past -- which were in response to future actions.

That was when I realised the cycle. My very own time loop.

posted September 25, 2015 01:34 PM            

I'd see what else links to those TISIPHONES. But only tropical. Then, once you've identified a 'Tisiphonic' pattern, look to the sidereal to see what the cause of 'enraging the Furies' was, and why someone has a taste for vengeance in the present lifeline.

In my twin's case, that's just what he did. It was a crucial feature of his character. He was an agent of vengeance. He had to choose between being himself -- and doing something unspeakable, adhering to his principles -- or changing a fundamental feature of his character, in order to go against his own principles.

posted June 20, 2017 03:33 AM            

The push pull and reticence for him to move forward and also his reluctance to completely let go is just as you all have described. I think it definitely is a signature of the Saturn 8th house overlay. My Father also has this configuration with my Mother, BTW. They've been together for 60 years since age 15 or so - they met in high school but I think it took a while to get off the ground. They married at 20.

A psychic friend read for me when he and I first met last Spring - she said it was a karmic relationship - that we'd met before.

When we connect, something so ethereal and also deep and heavy comes over me, it is really unreal - I get extremely emotional. (His moon/venus/Pluto are also loosely conj my ASC in my 12th.) His North Node is conjunct my Vertex with his stellium of planets opposite it. I felt so strongly for him but it just never moved forward and individually...his love capacity was not good.

posted June 20, 2017 07:17 AM              

A double Taurus I was obsessed with, my BML and Pluto opposed his Sun/ Moon while Saturn squared it. My Uranus and Neptune were square his Mercury, trine his Sun/ Moon (He has it in natal. Possibly shows contentment with space, hence, emotionally unavailable), opposite his mars, and conjunct his NN. He also has venus square saturn in natal in which his Saturn squared my Mercury and Venus in synastry.

In composite we had Sun square Pluto, opposite Saturn.

He persued me in the beginning. He was the perfect gentlemen, etc. THEN all that heaviness zapped in and he zapped out. He was cold our entire relationship. He would contact me every 3 days just to keep things light.

Long story short, Years later he ended up dating someone 6 years younger (He's 26) and getting treated the exact same way. They have Moon square Uranus/ Neptune in composite trine Venus. Her Pluto is quincunxes his Venus. Her Saturn squares his Venus also.

From linking the past, present.. I would say some emotionally unavailable men go for women younger than them to escape real intimacy. No doubt about it.

posted June 20, 2017 09:54 AM            

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posted August 25, 2020 07:48 PM            

Personally, I don't see anything in my natal that indicate this. Mine is more as a consequence of life events that have debilitated me, both emotionally & physically.