posted October 06, 2015 12:04 PM            

I'm feeling very attracted to two women at the same time, it had never happen like this in my life before, yes, after Ms. Scorpio I decided to move forward as fast as I could, to not get that badly attached to someone in a relationship.

I have known these two women for a while, but in these past two weeks I developed an instant attraction for this first lady

1- The brazilian girl

I've met this woman in June, right in the time where the venus retrograte started, a nice friendship started to develop in these past months, she has 28, she was born in Brazil, but she's been in my country for a long time already, a blonde, blue eyed woman, an excellent writer, very smart and with a gentle but fun character, we had a great time these weeks in a massive protest that it's happening in my country, and in the blood moon It's when I felt that I wanted to be with her. I feel she's attracted to me, but more in a friendly, but cheeky way.

2 - Musician

I've met this woman in a journey deep in the country, where we, in an amazing night we improvised together in a jam session in the wee small hours, me on the drums and her on the bass, we played funk and it was one of the most amazing experiences I had this year.
I didn't meet her for months, but the memory of that day was present for both of us, so one day, after having a set of songs, she was the first person I contacted to form a new band, and she was interested, and we also had a time together in the massive protest happening in my country (see the internet for the student protest in Paraguay for details). 26 years old, A formally trained musician, a bass player like me, but far more technical, she has deep grey eyes and a more outgoing personality, a single mom, with a lot of struggles now in her life. Lots of common things and an instant musical chemistry, which I never had before in a way like I experienced with her. I broke up my rule of never being attracted to a mother for the very first time with her. A stupid rule, but I have many fears of being involved with a mother, but that's another story for some other day.

And now the story that triggers this thread

This past saturday, after having the first rehearsal with the musician at my home, with our new band, making 4 original songs in that session, the last one being a collaborative effort, made in a very special way, that left us, and the other members very happy, I met both ladies in a party, my plan for that day was spent that night with the brazillian, showing our new songs with the musician and enjoy the party with our friends (we're in a mutual group of people).
But that night I noticed the musician was pretty affectionate with me, touching me and wanting to dance with me, and all the people around us noticed the chemistry we have together, which both denied(at the same time) being just a musical thing, but everyone around thought we were having something more than that, unfortunately when we danced, I was very nervous cause I felt it was too much for just a day and her spirit went down fast so she sat in a corner, drinking with a friend, and I tried to bring the heat again, but It didn't work out.

Then, the brazilian girl came and the ambient was more relaxed again, and after more drinking, and seeing the girls suddenly cry for reasons unknown, we went together the three of us to a bar for the after hours, and there the musician was pretty depressed and I started to talk more with the brazilian and after a few minutes, the three of us talked of relationships and sex.
The musician was pretty down and talked that she recently broke up badly with her longtime boyfriend, another fellow musician and how she deals in taking care of her son. It was very moving, and the brazilian talked that she only had one serious boyfriend and now she's looking for adventures and sexual escapades, and after I talked about my history, no formal relationships, very little sexual experience, and my troubles making close relationships with women in general, the brazilian was more affectionate and cheered me up a lot, and at the end of the day I ended up leaving with the brazilian, the musician stayed with a friend we found in the bar, and me and the brazilian kept talking about ourselves more as she gave me a ride to my place, of course she told me she considered me like a little brother, and after 20 minutes in a corner near my home, I accidentally told the brazilian that I liked a lot the musician and that I liked another woman too, without telling her that it was her and she told me to try open relationships and offered me some help with my issues, then we parted ways

posted October 06, 2015 12:16 PM            

1.- The brazilian girl, she told me she felt like she had a mind of a 60 year old woman, so a Virgo rising it's more or less accurate, I guess.

The Synastry

The Composite

The musician

I will own you on her real TOB.

The Synastry

The Composite

I really don't know what am I doing, once again, I'm having these experiences that I know I still can't handle them well, but this is a year of learning, and I'm doing as much as I can, trying to make the best of it.

posted October 06, 2015 12:50 PM            

Bear this in mind, however. By choosing one over the other, you are committing to a particular path, meaning another road will be closed to you. And there will be pain.

I can relate to this experience deeply, actually. I was much younger when it happened to me, but I was in the same shoes as the musician. And, in the end, he chose to hang onto his youth just a little longer, even though I was 'the right one'. I was 'wife' material, and he wasn't ready to grow up just yet.

posted October 06, 2015 01:45 PM            

The main difference is with the brazilian I feel more secure and confortable in an intimate way, but less romantic, and it feels more fun to hang out with her. And with the musician, the chemistry is very powerful, that all around us saw it, and feels more serious and deep, and I sense we could be soulmates; and I don't like to use that term, much less the twinflame, cause those things are too much for me to understand it at this moment in my life, so using that term only happened once before, a long time ago when I was 18, but I was nowhere near ready for that kind of experience.

Your romantic experiences are quite amazing, I often read them when I lurk around here every once in a while, and having a husband, and a boyfriend, and your experiences learning the marvels of love, sex without the classical notions of how it should be, it really amazes me I must say.

The thing with these group of people that I met these two women is that thanks to those people, I'm finally interacting more with women, Actually, I only interact with the women and not with the guys, and that's weird for me, but it's a major step in my growing, not just with these two, but with all the other ladies that I'm relating in that group, I'm growing a lot thanks to them, and I feel like this is a turning point, the one that can make me know if I'm ready for the great experiences of love or not.

I could choose both, and try the open relationship thing, but it's really not my thing at all, but in this case I might be interested.

The only problem now it's that I sent the mixed signals to both of them, and I might lost already both roads at this point, I don't know, this year is giving me too much for me to handle, but I'm doing my best.

posted October 06, 2015 09:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LF DX:
Your romantic experiences are quite amazing, I often read them when I lurk around here every once in a while, and having a husband, and a boyfriend, and your experiences learning the marvels of love, sex without the classical notions of how it should be, it really amazes me I must say.

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Thanks; you're thoughtful to say that, and to even remotely get a sense of what it entails. It's been quite the journey for sure, and just as it seems a hurdle has been cleared, it seems it's all just beginning. Ah, well. Such is the way of it.

Relationships, to me, have always been the best means for us to reconsider and reinvent ourselves, grow, and evolve. I've only made one truly pragmatic commitment in this arena, and that's to my husband for the purpose of assisting in the parenting of his daughter. It was no longer about me then -- or even us. And all decisions since that date have been about her.

Complications and domestic joys aside, my boyfriend have contemplated how it may've been to be married. It simply wasn't in the cards for either of us; my commitments lay elsewhere, he's not the marriageable type (not exactly a bachelor, either; were it not for me, he'd likely be a monk -- no facetiousness implied) and we've all been able to maximise our growth and happiness by creating an unconventional unit of sorts -- an extended family. Though, as my stepdaughter grows, the truth will need be known. One never can know the right time, either.

I think there's a clear divide between you and these two women -- perhaps the Ghosts of Romantic Past and Future? One with whom you feel intimate but curiously not romantic, who is a mother and 'creative soulmate'; the other that's a bit exotic, carefree, luring you into her Bohemian web with the siren song of 'no strings attached'.

Ahhhh, but there are always strings. At times, we don't realise it until we've become entwined within them, tangled in a great big mess.

With a mother, the strings are more obvious and visible, as she must do what's best for her child as well as herself. But with a magical free spirit, they almost seem invisible -- a trick of the light. And you don't feel it until you're tripping over them.

posted October 07, 2015 11:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
You've got intimacy issues, don'tcha?

Why is it easier to be intimate -- but not romantic?

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Yes, it's been one of the greatest problems in my life, probably the greatest, I reppress my deepest emotions for connecting in a romantic way with a woman, and they come out late, when I can't hold it no more, normally making me explode in bad ways, making my dark side to be seen. That's the lifetime fear I have, mixed with the fear of rejection, and to show up my most vulnerable side, having a sense of being ridiculed when rejected, that women won't understand my deepest need of binding connections, a merge of souls, almost like a very codependent thing, but I know some of my notions of love are outdated and ridiculous, all of that because of seeing your parents not being very affectionate with each other, and seeing them fight, and getting violent as well, and of course, having a difficult relationship with the mother figure that still lasts to this day, which I think is the main reason that I have these problems.

But thanks to these two and other women as well, I'm finally being more intimate, because these women are very open emotionally, wise souls and of course, more developed in the ways of life, and I always wanted to meet people like that, and with the openness that I developed in my life, I can finally be more intimate with women, in a friendly way, but this thing that happened, just touched my blind spot, and created ghosts and shadows that are too powerful to me to handle.

It's already easy to be intimate, cause when there's no emotional connections, it's just two people meeting and enjoying their company, but romance, it's hard, very hard, and because of that it's that I develoved myself into a musician, because that's the only career that I can release myself completely, all my emotions and inner currents in my soul, and into my words I can express myself completely, in english which isn't my native language, but that's because of many years of practice and having an almost obsessive desire through many years of loneliness and sorrow of making songs for the sake to open myself to the world, a thing that this year has happened, and I'm making a slow, but growing noise in my town, for good.

I'm not asexual, I'm just very reppressed, cause I had sexual relationships, but only with hookers, and only when I have a deep urge of releasing my deepest needs when I liked a lot a woman, but I couldn't make em possible, for fear or for life circunstances.

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:

I think there's a clear divide between you and these two women -- perhaps the Ghosts of Romantic Past and Future? One with whom you feel intimate but curiously not romantic, who is a mother and 'creative soulmate'; the other that's a bit exotic, carefree, luring you into her Bohemian web with the siren song of 'no strings attached'.

Ahhhh, but there are always strings. At times, we don't realise it until we've become entwined within them, tangled in a great big mess.

With a mother, the strings are more obvious and visible, as she must do what's best for her child as well as herself. But with a magical free spirit, they almost seem invisible -- a trick of the light. And you don't feel it until you're tripping over them.

I bet tURA's doing some fun things in your chart right now.

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You have said it all, the thing I've found is that the brazilian just got out of a 12 YEAR RELATIONSHIP, her only one, so it's more than clear that she only wants adventure and freedom, but her charms have already taken me, but I realized to leave her be, she's now into a world of adventures and escapades that I can't really be a part of that, even if I wanted to. So i'll try to keep it friendly.

And here's my chart with transits, to try to see what's the thing that's making this historical mess

posted October 08, 2015 03:07 PM            

Meanwhile, your 7H is being bombarded by influences -- many of them of a 'soulmate' nature. So it's no wonder the Blood Eclipse would bring these souls into your path. Mind the tSUN's touched off of tEROS recently, which is now aligned with tJUNO. Instead, the solar baton's been tossed to tOSIRIS, where the essence of divine masculinity becomes the new order of the day. But of what nature? How?

tVALENTINE will be joining the tSUN with tOSIRIS very soon -- within a week, if that. How, and what, divine masculinity means in the context of 'true love' relating, and 'the things we do for it' (quincunx with the AMOR Return with ALMA) and whether or not it's truly worth it to us in the long run.

Why? Karma, my friend. tKARMA opposes this 'historical mess', as you stated. Thing is, I'm not sure it's yours, as much as you're helping them deal with certain issues. tKARMA's not hitting anything dead-on for you, and has already long since left an opposition to your VENUS.

If anything, you're playing the advocate here, with your SNODE-OSIRIS. The divine masculine issues ARE within you, with the need for sorting them coming to the fore. Given the NNODE-URANUS conjunction, it's no wonder you'd be stuck between stability and security versus freedom and adventure. But, at the end of the day, that NNODE will continue to push you to let go -- rather than hang on, and to roam as a friend to all, the gypsy guru -- rather than beholden to a single idea, or even one person.

This particular soulmate (or both of them) may be helping you to explore these lessons via their own unresolved karma.

You are a Plutonian, after all; tDESTINN topping off that SUN-PLUTO means it's time for yet another reinvention of the soul, psyche, and ego. It's regeneration time!

posted October 08, 2015 10:29 PM            

To understand it more, I want to know what means the conjunction between the SNode and Osiris, I'm more or less analyzing what you're saying. Some of the asteroids you mention I still don't understand their funcion well, and what's the power of Osiris and the divine masculine thing, I want to learn, because I know it's a big part to all of this adventure.

Yes, I feel that in these past months, my definitions of love have changed a lot, and I'm slowly opening more and more, and I feel more great with women in general, but this story just opened the pandora's box inside of me, and I know I can't run away, I must face this big challenge in my life, and I will overcome it.

And I hope that both women can be a part of my life in the long run, both are amazing people to be around, and I won't let my fears and insecurities ruin what can be something great, be it romance, friendship, whatever it may be with these two women.

And yes, in these past days, I know that to continue the growth I'm having, I must change, what exactly, I don't know, but a big change is coming, and I should be ready for it, and make it a good one.

Thank you Aubyanne, your words have helped me to understand more on what to do with this, and try to make it good, I'll really try, I have a deep fear, but thanks to these two women, the time to face my deepest fears is coming, and I'll do it good.

Thank you, that's all I have to say

posted October 16, 2015 12:17 AM            

I'm still very divided, I'm very amazed that is more or less still the same.

But I can't tell that my feelings to the brazilian are more of a platonic friendship, companions of life, and that's the road it will take, but everytime she wants to do something, I want to follow her, I have this deep urgency to be with her that I control as much as I can, even more now that she now is making a band with a common friend, and she wanted my help.

And with the musician I feel something deep and romantic, but it doesn't have that urgency, nor the spark that really makes me want to be with her that fast, I just enjoy her company and the fact that we make music together and it's going good.

I decided to let things go on their own and see where it goes with both, but I can tell that both ladies know at this point my attraction towards them, and both know that I like the other girl too; cause I told the brazilian on that drunken saturday that I liked the musician accidentally, and I think the musician feels that I like the brazilian.

So that's what made me very nervous, the fact I sent mixed signals and to make them know I liked the other girl, when it's the opposite, or it's the truth, I don't know.

I still had good times with both, and if I can keep that, with a companion of adventures and a musical partner, then it will be good enough to me, maybe I'm not that ready yet for a serious relationship, I need to learn a lot, and now I want to focus more on my life, my music, and my studies. I need that now

I'll keep you posted when something good happens, cause this story is still ongoing.

posted October 17, 2015 06:08 PM            

a chart will come up but you must add the charts you are interested in and put 3 in the small box at the left labeled persons

click the go button on the top and a tri composite will come up

posted October 19, 2015 10:11 PM            

I'm realizing, the way I'm handling things it's not what I'm really wanting, but what I think it's for the best, or that's what I think.

I feel a strong pull for the brazilian, but everytime I feel I can get close to her, she mentions the musician now, after what I did by telling her I like the musician and not her, it feels wrong, and I don't know why, I feel like the way I making things it's more unconscious than conscious, because the pull for the musician it's strong, deep, but not visceral, and that visceral thing, that makes me feel the brazilian, but not acting on it it's what is causing me the inner conflict.

The visceral pull for the girl I want, with the unconscious pull for the girl that I need, but I don't think I'm ready for her, that duality it's causing me the conflict.

posted October 20, 2015 12:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LF DX:
As a guy who has very little sexual experience, a threesome with these two would bring me a heart attack xD.

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