posted October 11, 2015 06:48 PM            

Here's the current situation with my boyfriend:
We had a serious argument that made me scared we won't make it. For now, I am safe, but on October 22nd, my boyfriend will expect me to follow through on a promise I made. Last Thursday on October 8th, I told him to give me two weeks to follow through with something he wants me to do. It's really simple for people who have the mental clarity to answer. He wants me to tell him why I love him and most people in love can probably do this with ease. I can't though. My mental state is not the best and the reason I gave myself 2 weeks to tell him why I love him is to be sure I have the time to get help with my problem - professionally.

I want to keep my promise to him. I want to really badly, but...is that something I can do for him right now? If I were to say that I can't figure out how I love him, he'd think I'm making excuses to get out of keeping my promise to him. He'd get upset and I don't want that. I just want him to believe that I truly love him. I just don't know how to achieve this end.

What about him am I attracted to? Why DO I love him so much? Where is the attachment stemming from? If someone pointed it out to me, I'm sure that I would be able to confirm with accuracy if I was just told how I love him. I can recognize things about myself when other people say them, but sometimes that's what it takes for me to know anything about how I feel.

I just really need some help. I'm not expecting anyone to look into my mind and be like, "Oh, that's the answer you want." I hope something about my feelings is written in the charts I provide in Post 3 of this thread. That is what I pray holds the answer to my problem.

And more importantly, even if I manage to tell him how I love him, does it look like we have a promising future ahead of us or is it likely we will fall to pieces? Based on our composite and synastry, what do you think? I provided a composite and synastry chart for "good" asteroids and one for "bad" asteroids.

Scroll down to the 3rd post to see them.

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For reference, here is my original first post:
Is it true that the composite South Node in 7th house represents a past life marriage connection?

I'm not sure if I believe this, but I am concerned about the nature of this composite.

The composite has a 12th house Pluto.

In synastry, my North Node conjuncts his ascendant. He puts Mars and Jupiter in my 12th house.

Is it possible that astrology is saying my relationship might not last?

I can't tell what these placements mean for my relationship.

posted October 11, 2015 07:04 PM            

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

AstroMandala

posted October 11, 2015 08:47 PM            

I'm on the inside and my boyfriend is on the outside.

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Synastry - Bad Asteroids:

Composite - Bad Asteroids:

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Synastry - Good Asteroids:

posted October 12, 2015 05:34 AM            

You honestly don't have something which springs immediately to mind? Something that you know in your heart?

If not, all of the astrological interpretation in the world won't help you. That's something that only you know, and, honestly? If you don't -- are you sure that you do -- and wouldn't just like to?

posted October 12, 2015 07:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Unless ... you're alexithymic? And that's the real issue?
http://www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexithymia

Also, if you are, I can help you with this.

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I do not have that. However, I do relate to this part of the condition: "inability to identify and describe emotions in the self." If you ask me to describe my emotions, I'm just, "Uh..."

I do as a whole agree with your concern. It concerns me too, because I believe I should be able to do this and yet I can't seem to form words for my feelings. I know the feelings are there, because the tears I have shed over him indicate that. I don't know if it's possible for a person to suffer the way that I have and not have strong feelings.

posted October 12, 2015 07:43 AM            

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

AstroMandala

posted October 12, 2015 08:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
I'm sorry, I don't use equal
There's no problem with you, BTW. The synastry has a bunch of bog holes, that's why.

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posted October 12, 2015 09:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Big, I'm sorry I mean it seems there are many unaspected planets in there. If you put up the Placidus charts, please no aspect lines to all, just the standard astro planetary aspects.

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However, I decided to make a chart that doesn't reduce the orbs. If I don't make things so tight, we do have more connections. I can't say if they'll be tight enough for people to consider, but I don't feel like there are a bunch of holes in our synastry or our composite.

Synastry:

posted October 12, 2015 09:36 AM            

These charts look very good for a long-term relationship. Excellent composite. Although I would have liked to see the Sun and Moon receive some soft influence too. But Venus Mercury (5th and DSC ruler) connected to Saturn by mdp and to chart ruler too, Venus conj DSC, Moon conj IC may compensate for the lack of softness here. And I think you have a Moon/Venus Quintile, which would be particularly nice. The Sun opp in the comp is on his ASC/DSC axis, in the sign of his Moon stellium, and Mercury DSC ruler conj your Moon, pretty nice Yin/Yang and lunar touch.

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

AstroMandala

posted October 12, 2015 10:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Much better, no holes anymore, that's why we should use Placidus Apart from his Mars a bit lonely, nevertheless dragged by Jupiter inside the synastry, and there is a nice Sun Venus Mars interplay with this Mars dispositor.

These charts look very good for a long-term relationship. Excellent composite. Although I would have liked to see the Sun and Moon receive some soft influence too. But Venus Mercury (5th and DSC ruler) connected to Saturn by mdp and to chart ruler too, Venus conj DSC, Moon conj IC may compensate for the lack of softness here. And I think you have a Moon/Venus Quintile, which would be particularly nice. The Sun opp in the comp is on his ASC/DSC axis, in the sign of his Moon stellium, and Mercury DSC ruler conj your Moon, pretty nice Yin/Yang and lunar touch.

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I'm not sure what his unaspected Mars means for the relationship.

In fact, I'm trying to figure out which interpretation to give it.

He's definitely attracted to me on a physical level. And I'm attracted to him on a physical level.

posted October 12, 2015 01:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lerena:
I do not have that. However, I do relate to this part of the condition: "inability to identify and describe emotions in the self." If you ask me to describe my emotions, I'm just, "Uh..."

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That's essentially alexithymia, however. THAT part of the condition or state.

Is it JUST this way with your boyfriend? Or has it been difficult to articulate your emotions before?

Tears shed do NOT mean you love a person; it only means you're afraid to be alone. If you can articulate -- or know WHY -- you love a person, AND you cry at the thought of losing them -- that could be love. But only crying over the thought of losing them without knowing why you love them? That sounds like fear and anxiety over being alone.

posted October 12, 2015 04:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Is it JUST this way with your boyfriend? Or has it been difficult to articulate your emotions before?

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posted October 12, 2015 05:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lerena:
Is this a condition you can develop over time or do you have to have this problem since birth in order to have it?

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Well, here's the tough question. But please be honest with me, or we can't get anywhere.

Are you a survivor of any sort of abuse? And has your boyfriend ever been abusive? And by that, I mean emotionally or verbally, as well as sexually or physically?

posted October 12, 2015 06:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Well, here's the tough question. But please be honest with me, or we can't get anywhere.

Are you a survivor of any sort of abuse? And has your boyfriend ever been abusive? And by that, I mean emotionally or verbally, as well as sexually or physically?

Also, are you on the autism spectrum? Asperger's, namely? Or, if not diagnosed, have you ever suspected that you might be?

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I am a survivor of abuse. I was raped at 8 years old. My memory of the event is vague now, but as a child I had a much clearer memory of it. At 13, I reported to my therapist that I had been sexually violated. This was after learning what rape is. I am unsure how I learned the word that young. The person that raped me was a 13-year old male. I'm not sure how he was able to sexually assault me. I can't remember what my parents were doing at the time either.

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I do not feel like my boyfriend has ever abused me in any shape or form. I've had people tell me he is emotionally abusive, but doesn't an emotionally abusive person manipulate someone into feeling bad about themselves? He doesn't do that. He hates when I talk negatively about myself. He wants me to be healthy and happy. He also does not verbally insult me or hit me. He does not guilt me into sex. My boyfriend does have his flaws, but I accept him as he is.

As for the emotional abuse that he has been accused of, he is just extremely clingy and somewhat controlling. He isn't controlling to the extent I'm concerned.

Although we can make a case that he COULD be emotionally abusing me, I do not feel drained around him or particularly victimized. I am not a victim in my relationship. The main thing people get concerned about when they hear about my relationship issues is how much he's scared of losing me. I can see the logic in saying he's emotionally abusive, because he does threaten suicide if he thinks he's about to lose me. This is why people call him abusive, but otherwise, he's not that bad.

In the past, I have felt like he ignores my problems, but I've changed my mind about this. He does listen to me and consider what I'm saying in our arguments. I told him one of my needs and he argued with me over it. I probably just escalated the issue by getting angry that he didn't agree to fulfilling it immediately. A day later he's actually doing what I asked him to do even though I thought he wasn't going to. I'm not sure if he has any ulterior motives, but I appreciate his effort regardless. I'm starting to think that he views me as emotionally distant. It's hard for me to be vulnerable with him though and it isn't just him specifically. I hate being vulnerable around ANYONE. I'm scared of getting hurt and he's just as scared of vulnerability. He'd rather I opened up about myself more. I want the same from him. We are both at odds since we refuse to be vulnerable until the other person is. So, I'm not really sure how to break out of my stubbornness in order to get closer to him.

I think most of our "relationship drama" ties into my difficulty expressing my emotional needs and how I feel about him. He wants to feel like he's important to me and for some reason he doesn't get the feeling he is. I'm not sure if I can learn how to express my emotions in more detail, but if there is a way, I want to learn.

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posted October 12, 2015 06:31 PM            

Being Aspie, you're definitely a 'candidate', we'd say, for alexithymia as a trait. You may also have issues with empathy, I'm guessing? As in, you know how to feel, but it's more of a conscious decision rather than a spontaneous emotion?

I've been on this complicated journey myself, learning how to truly articulate my emotions -- and, first, actually allowing myself to have them. Yes. You may not even realise how much of your emotional self you're suppressing. I didn't for a very long time.

posted October 12, 2015 06:50 PM            

venus is conjunct thesouth node which is a sign of a extremely strong emotional/sexual attraction , but the south node energy canoberwhelmand if other aspects show discord, this love canturn to hate. the node is on your composite ascendant, this is a sign that your minds are psychically in sync. this means you know each other thoughts and can have direct psychic communication if the love is constructive. but as good as this sounds, what very often happens in with the node on the ascendant is that one of the partner's tries to control the others thoughts and actions. very often this aspect turns out ill as a mental power trip develops instead of a cohesive emotional growth.

the venus/sun midpoint is conjunct to mercury. this aspect shows a very strong emotional attraction as well as optimistic mental connection. this pattern shows that when things are going well, you time is spent in laughter and open communication.

but i amnot sure these positive aspects can cope with his negativity.
satrun us sqyuare to pluto and the midpoint is conjunct to mars. this marks him as having a harsh,cold, maniuoualtive side. this isa pattern of emotional abuse as he willnever compromise but only demand your submission to his will. to make matters more difficult mars is opposed to the sun ans square to themoon.as the sun and moon represent a large part of the energies in a chart, his domineering personality will always affect the relationship in a constrictive way.
this pattern as i said is abusive and with your history of rape, you may unconsciously be attracted to him as victims sometimes are to their abuser.
his threat of suicide if he loses you is in fact that bad. this is an ultimate attempt to force you to stay with him. anyone who threatens suicide is a threat.
my opinion is that you ""inner victim" personality is afraid to break up. but remember RELATIONSHIP BUILT ON THREATS OF SUICIDE IS NO RELATIONSHIP AT ALL.

posted October 12, 2015 08:37 PM            

He's the Virgo, right? Such overanalyzers Geez

That said, just hope you be happy whatever you do.

posted October 12, 2015 10:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Soltze:
I'm not alexi-something and I would be offended by your boyfriend's question! Love has no reason, it is felt. It's a powerful force of nature.
That's what he must understand. Love is shown not talked about.
Words are cheap, actions speak loud.

He's the Virgo, right? Such overanalyzers Geez

That said, just hope you be happy whatever you do.

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I think I do get her boyfriend's position, but only because I've been through it with my husband. When you can't articulate your emotions, or you have a difficult time being demonstrative, those who don't, or are emotionally insecure, need that kind of reassurance. I'm just guessing here, but I suspect her boyfriend is a bit the same way, and that's what's prompting him to demand it.

posted October 13, 2015 11:45 AM            

I am still interested in whatever input that others can give me and I will continue to respond, but for the most part I am no longer worried about ruining my relationship with my difficulty articulating emotions.

quote:

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Originally posted by Aubyanne:
Thank you for telling me all of that.

Being Aspie, you're definitely a 'candidate', we'd say, for alexithymia as a trait. You may also have issues with empathy, I'm guessing? As in, you know how to feel, but it's more of a conscious decision rather than a spontaneous emotion?

I've been on this complicated journey myself, learning how to truly articulate my emotions -- and, first, actually allowing myself to have them. Yes. You may not even realise how much of your emotional self you're suppressing. I didn't for a very long time.

You've mentioned therapy, so that's excellent. Have you discussed these particular concerns with your therapist? I don't think you need to be placing a time limit, or have an ultimatum, on how quickly you can learn to articulate your emotions, or express them. Your boyfriend should understand this isn't about him, and not personalise it -- number one, which, I'm sure, is quite a feat for him. Instead, he needs to support you in your efforts to learn how to connect yourself more completely with your emotions.

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I actually have not, but she does know I have a problem expressing my emotions. Her effort to help me get in tune with my emotions on certain occasions has not been very helpful. However, I do think that to an extent I have been ignorant that I have a problem. When I see my therapist next, I will discuss with her what we have talked about here.

Although I'm uncertain that my honesty with him will not produce more drama, I have decided to give him what I have. I'll at least give it my best and hope he doesn't take offense to what my best is.

I think my honest problem is I'm not sure what goes into describing my romantic feelings. What kind of information should be mentioned? How do I know I've described my feelings in proper detail? How would I know that my answer describes love and not just something else?

quote:

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Originally posted by todd:
his threat of suicide if he loses you is in fact that bad. this is an ultimate attempt to force you to stay with him. anyone who threatens suicide is a threat.
my opinion is that you ""inner victim" personality is afraid to break up.

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Of course, if I'm wrong and he truly is an abuser, he would never end his life because of me. It's just impossible to confirm that he's lying about it, because that's the only "abuse" I seem to be getting from him. I do not feel like he is trying to sabotage my self-worth or severely destroy me. If I talk badly about myself, he doesn't approve of my negativity and he tells me to stop insulting myself. Abusers would contribute to the cycle of negative self-worth for their victims, wouldn't they? Why is he not doing that with me if he's abusive?

These questions are important to understanding how I am a victim under his "submission."

All of this said, his threats would not do much if I wanted to leave. A break-up between us would be brutal, but ultimately I am not controlled by guilt. I am remaining with him by choice. Is this early victim mentality? I would like to know if this is the way a victim feels before they're broken by abuse becoming worse.

quote:

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Originally posted by Soltze:
He's the Virgo, right? Such overanalyzers Geez

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posted October 13, 2015 03:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aunt Anomalia:
Has he ever told you why he loves you?

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