posted December 01, 2015 08:20 PM            

Long story short, my mom gave birth to me in a cold november morning.. and my dad, which only lives for money and pleasure, realized that a child means spending money.
A lot of it.
So.. he abandoned us.
Just left.
He didnt help my mom a bit. She was struggling to find a job so we would both survive... and hopefully she made it.

I never had a connection with my dad, obviously. I never got to see him when i was young or interact with him. Since he left me and mom, he had several relationships and marriages all filled with other children he left behind just like me. No big deal.
He was the victim of his own dad in his childhood and it broke him so hard that he became an abuser also. Just like his dad. I get that.

But.. he started showing up in my life a bit from the age of 4 or so, just because of the "money i get each month" business. Each time it was short visits... it didnt even remain in my memory properly. I wasnt actually showing interest in him, because there was no bond

Time passed and I got used to him. Ok, thats my dad. Hi nice to see you. He probably expected me to jump in his arms or something from the beginning. But there was nothing between me and him. Zero. That "relationship" with him now existed only thanks to the money he gave me. If there was any...

He couldnt see me often because I lived far away from him. In 2012 though, I ended up in his city. 2 streets away from him. What a coincidence!

I was still meh about him.. i always was. I didnt like seeing him because I knew what kind of person he was. I felt forced everytime i went to him to pick up money or just discuss about something. He never made special time for me. He works all day either way....money money money.

In 2014, he started getting very close to me. Which was weird at first. But I liked it because I actually got along well with him. I actually spent a day with him in his private unknown house hidden in the mountains. Listening to music at maximum, sharing our love for seafood and wilderness. It felt good. He showed me each plant from his garden and told me about it. Virgos...

Either way... he NEVER did this with any other child of his. Maybe because I am more mature and share a lot of spiritual knowledge, it was easier for him to connect to me. Or the fact that im the only child that looks the most like him. Who knows? but he still never spent time with his other daughter or boy.. never went to dinner on their birthdays, when they are in the same city... no contact.. nothing. Didnt even try. Odd...

His father died on his birthday which was a huge hit for him that year. Huge, because he meant a lot to him. I got to see him before he died thanks to dad...

In 2015, now, we see each other twice every week which is a lot. Concerts together and so on. I visit his cabinet after school to tell him about whats going on with my life and so on, helps me with money if i need. We go together to the secret hideout whenever we have time and take pictures... we feel good. Its okay. I always know where he leaves because he travels a lot and brings me small random things. Anyways.
1 year after his own father died there was a special ceremony, and i was invited. I cried after that phone call, seriously.. i could feel his pain from his voice. I felt so bad. In the same time i was amazed how the person that once i despised, and i still despise a bit, is now so important to me. Maybe its just my empathy...
But the invitation.. that was a big deal. His younger daughter actually spent her childhood with grandfather and she wasnt invited?!??! I was his only child from there.... which was weird. I was in car with dad and i helped with with the candles and such. Not one of his friends. & he has many. I was.

Our connection is so freaking weird. I cant explain it myself at this point.

He tries to make time for me whenever he can which is so unnatural... because he is famous for always being stuck in his work or spending time with random chicks. Not his children. But with me its different. Lately.. i denied some invitations because im honestly very busy with school. But he got hurt... i didnt know it. I felt so sad again.

I dont know why he so desperately tries to keep his bond with me. Whats up with me? Why? Why is he so attracted to me, what is the deal with me? Why doesnt he do the same with his other kids?

My birthday was a few days ago and he wasnt in my city that day but we met the next day at a private pub with amazing seafood. We discussed about some of my health problems, how is my school in general... and i got pretty drunk on wine.
& for the first time ever... i cried in front of him, i cried after a long time... because i told him about some personal things and i let go... thanks alcohol.. but he started crying also, a first also.. and it was so sad but hilarious at the same time.. i cried harder when he told me that he bought us tickets to Nightwish which is on 10 december and i sadly couldnt go but he kept hoping i will change my mind....

posted December 01, 2015 08:24 PM            

Composite

posted December 01, 2015 08:37 PM            

he sees you as a girl friend not a daughter.

I notice you have a mars/Neptune conjunction near the node... do you over indulge in alchol or other substances...

posted December 01, 2015 10:29 PM            

I think that whether there are sexual connotations or not it's important to recognize the possibility of an abusive situation which nevertheless has strong and genuine emotional currents--they often do...

Your father isn't acting like a good parent acts. A good parent does not guilt their child for having their own life. You've been more than generous with your time and your love, all things considered. My personal perspective is that his pressuring you to go to the concert although you've refused (with much remorse) is not fair or kind.

posted December 02, 2015 06:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by todd:
forgivre my abruptness
but Uranus/eros/psyche stellium opposed to the moon......Saturn conjunct nessus square to Neptune...........

he sees you as a girl friend not a daughter.

I notice you have a mars/Neptune conjunction near the node... do you over indulge in alchol or other substances...

rahu

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forgive my abruptness, personal twisted inner fantasies best to be kept inside + calling people with mars conj neptune NN all drunks and addicts is kinda lame for such an experienced astrologer

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I seem to have loved you in numberless forms...

posted December 02, 2015 07:47 AM            

I dont ignore him but I dont spend all of my time with him either. You could say that its a normal divorced father-daughter relationship, I see him once or twice every week so he can make sure Im ok and I dont need anything. That's it.
But this contact happened so suddenly that it doesnt feel right to me, at all. From sending me a card once per year when I was 5 just on my birthday to this? The person i once hated and didnt even want to think about is actively part of my life... the person i never actually got to call dad now has that role in my life.. and its okay.. but he is putting too much pressure into spending time with him and pushing me to follow his career and other things. So suddenly. I dont respond to all of this. Its to late for him to influence me either way and I am not interested. I know what kind of person he is

I still despise him, I still dont consider him what he really is, but in the same time I'm accepting all of this and I get along with him apparently, so its alright. But dont be such a weirdo...

I cant help but feel sad and feel his pain, which got worse since his father died. I cant help but get upset when I see him with a bit of hope that I will spend some more time with me. But it doesnt feel right. And I dont do it. I just sit in a corner and cant help but feel like absolute **** because he is a broken void and really wants to spend time with me. But why???? This is what I want to find out? Why now? Why so late? 16 years later he woke up and realized he has a daughter? But what about his other children? What is going on? Why me? I have 2 more years until im and adult and I am not obliged anymore to see him from time to time, there is no money which will tie me to him. Nothing. I've always dreamt of the day when I will get rid of the fact that I have to see the person who abandoned me and put up with him. But I found out that we get along very well this year so it's alright. I dont feel obliged anymore when i have to see him once a week. But when he PUSHES me into spending time with me and he gets very hurt and sad about it...I dont get it/....

I wont get into these details anymore, I'm done. I want to study the astrology behind this.

What's going on with us?.. what is there to be done between us? why is this the way it is now? why this weird bond? why do i feel so weird, why is this so deep? what is the lesson? what do you see?

posted December 02, 2015 09:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Orange:
the way you described it, it almost sounded sexual to me. And I think you like that thought.

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posted December 02, 2015 10:26 AM            

Anyways, beyond traditional astrology, even though he's your 'dad' in this life, I believe you are an older soul to him. You'll notice that both of your north nodes are in Leo so the maturity and soul growth in this life are very similar, however your moon is in the same sign as your north node of leo while his is basically conjunct his south node of aquarius. Basically, you act as a catalyst for him to learn and express certain aspects of his emotional life that he may have shied away from when he was younger, especially as a virgo sun, aquarius moon which usually operates on the mental level of feelings. He needs this for his own growth and therefore just being around you can act as a mirror for him.

posted December 02, 2015 12:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by yungang_grotto:
We need to be careful and kind as astrologers. Our words can have deep impact and all people deserve compassion and respect. Remember: is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? I believe we can manage all three but if we aren't going to take the time it may be better to leave it be... just my two cents here. A delicate subject deserves a holistic compassionate analysis. But who am I to say what karma and the universe has dictated? Perhaps this blunt abruptness is a kind of mercy. It may be important for it to be heard--chips fall as they may.

I think that whether there are sexual connotations or not it's important to recognize the possibility of an abusive situation which nevertheless has strong and genuine emotional currents--they often do...

Your father isn't acting like a good parent acts. A good parent does not guilt their child for having their own life. You've been more than generous with your time and your love, all things considered. My personal perspective is that his pressuring you to go to the concert although you've refused (with much remorse) is not fair or kind.

I'll look more deeply into the astrology of it tomorrow...

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👍👍